I’m Always Gonna Want You Back - Calum Hood
Anonymous: I was thinking of Want you back and the currently bassist in that band? whats the name? oh yes, 5 seconds of summer, please and thank you!
A/N: tried my best! Hope you like it! :D
Wordcount: 1107
Calum’s POV
Seventy-four days. That’s how long it’s been since Y/N and I broke up. I blame my job for that as in the last half year, me and the band have been working non-stop. Tour here, tour there, tour everywhere. Interviews left, right and centre. And all because of our new album we needed to promote. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I love touring and making music and seeing the world, meeting new people from everywhere. But there have been plenty of disadvantages to the job too. Like the jetlag, the lack of privacy, the missing home. When Y/N and I met, everything was cool. The band was on a hiatus at the time, writing songs here and there, trying to find our new sound. But we mostly stayed in Los Angeles. We met during that time, thanks to Sierra. They’ve been friends for a while, so Sierra introduced her to me as she thought I’d like her. And I did. I fell head over heels in love with her. I don’t even think I would want anyone but her. I could never fall in love with anyone else after her.
The last months of our relationship have been pretty hectic. We were separated most of the time as I was on tour and she was busy doing her job. The times we did get to spend together were either really awkward or we fought constantly. The fatal fight was over something stupid and I regret saying stuff. I’d come home earlier from tour than I said I would be, so Y/N didn’t expect me to be home that night. When she came downstairs in tight, pleather trousers and a sheer top, embroidered with roses, I knew she was going out with her friends. I had sighed a little too loudly. “What, Calum?” she had asked annoyed as she put on her heels. “I just got home, I want to cuddle and spend time with my girl,” I’d told her, giving her a pout. I didn’t even think this would turn into a fight until she started yelling at me. “Well, yeah, if someone wouldn’t have come home earlier, we would’ve been able to do that. But I want to go out with my girl friends and have a good time. We’ve had this planned for a week, I’m not going to cancel it just because you decided to come home earlier,” she had yelled, louder than I’ve ever hear her yell. To say I was scared is an understatement. “Well, I’m sorry, Princess, I thought you would’ve liked the surprise!” I yell back, walking towards her. The ‘princess’ wasn’t even meant to be endearing, it sounded kind of passive-aggressive. “Well, I clearly don’t! You think it’s okay to just kind of mess up my whole plan? You’ll never change, will you?” she shouted, coming closer to me too. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I was scared to say the wrong thing and hurt her feelings. I don’t trust my brain anymore. I haven’t done in a long time. We stared at each other for a while, panting a little from all the yelling. Her y/e/c eyes were darker than usual and lacked the happy sparkle they used to have. The sparkle I fell in love with. The girl in front of me suddenly didn’t look like the girl I fell in love with over a year ago. “Calum…” she then started, a lot calmer. Her muscles relaxed, and her expression softened. “I don’t think this is ever going to work. With you being away constantly and us both being busy and stuff… I just don’t think I can handle it anymore. It’s exhausting waiting for you to call when you’re awake or when you’re not on stage. It’s exhausting reading all that stuff about you while you’re on the other side of the world. It’s exhausting getting those fans on my back because we’re together and they don’t like that. I just don’t think I can do this anymore, I don’t think it’s going to work,” she told me calmly. I think I can actually feel my heart break in a thousand pieces right then and there. As if she ripped my heart out with just those words. I don’t think I could ever be the same.
And I wasn’t. Even months after our breakup, I’m still thinking about her. Every morning I wake up, I still reach my hand out to feel her. Only to have my hand plop down on the empty mattress. I still remember every freckle on her face and her back, the ones she hated so much. I can’t get the roses on her shirt out of my head when she walked out on me. When she let go of us. “Are you okay, buddy?” Ash asks me when we’re sat in the dressing room before the show. I look up at him, only to see the worry in his eyes. “Yeah, I’m okay,” I lie, giving him a smile, hoping it’s convincing enough. “You have to get over her, man. This isn’t healthy. It’s been what? Almost three months?” I take a deep breath when he says that. I know it’s been almost three months, and I know I have to get over her, but I don’t think I can. Y/N has made me see so many things. She made me see how an amazing bassist I actually am and how things don’t always have to be bad. You could just turn something bad around with the smallest things. She made me feel less insecure about myself and encouraged me to do stuff I normally would never do. “I am over her,” I tell him, hoping he’d believe me. He gives me a look, but then just shuts up about it. I think he just doesn’t want to annoy me with his stupid questions about Y/N and how I haven’t moved on from her yet. It’s just, no matter where I go or what I do, I keep thinking about her. I took a couple girls home from a bar a couple times, but they never helped into forgetting her. I know she’s gone, but I can’t stop trying to figure out where I went wrong. Maybe I didn’t call her enough while I was on tour. Maybe I should’ve called her when I came home earlier so she didn’t set those plans with her girlfriends. I could’ve done a lot of things, but I didn’t. All I can do now is still dream of her, and think about how badly I want her back.












