Wow. I had no idea this would be such an emotional topic to write about. Staring at this blank page whilst scrolling through Tumblr and contemplating what word to start with, ‘Wow’ seems very fitting. So, finally I decided to write this piece dedicated to the ones battling with severe acne and may identify themselves with someone who’ve actually been in their shoes. I know exactly how it feels to suffer from severe acne, and it feels, to put it simply, unbelievably UNFAIR. Here I was, eating a billion times healthier than all of my friends, working out, getting my daily intake of water, going to bed early, and living extremely healthier than my friends. So question being was; why was their skin great and mine awful? My acne showed up at the tender age of 19 and quickly escalated for the next 4 years of my life. My skin would turn red and irritated. Every pore was a zit-in-waiting. The most frustrating part was that the people who would put literal garbage into their bodies - drank alcohol every weekend, didn’t exercise, they had the most glowing skin. Why was I the one cursed with the never-ending spiral of acne? If that wasn’t frustrating enough, another thing to put on the list was when people would actively be offering me advice that I wasn’t one bit asking for – and it was usually the ones with flawless skin who assumed I must be doing something wrong, that maybe I was too dirty. Had I tried giving up chocolate? Allergy testing? Ehm, yes, excuséz moi, I’ve tried it all, thank you very much. Now looking back, I recognize that all they were doing was genuinely trying to help me. Living with acne is a real deal breaker; it affects your life both physically and emotionally. I couldn’t go out not wearing any make-up for the last 4 years; one good thing did though come out of it, my make-up game improved tremendously, so hallelujah to that. Doctors, Google everyone says stress plays a major part, as it releases cortisol - the inflammatory stress hormone, which causes an over production of sebum and inflammation. To put it short, the more stressed you are the worse it gets, well f*** that right?! How do you reduce stress when you face is doing its absolute best to sabotage every social occasion and your life? Acne dictated my every mood. I was always self-conscious and uncomfortable, avoiding mirrors, feeling embarrassed and disgusted about myself, and it made me feel like a complete monster, even though I deep down knew that it was out of my hands, because I’ve tried literally EVERYTHING in my power. If I gained weight, I knew how to lose it. If I had dark circles under my eyes I knew I should sleep more. But my skin? It had a mind of its own, it was PMSing 365 days a year. Today, my skin is finally clear not ‘photoshop pitch perfect’ but nonetheless, I have clear skin with very few scars left and an occasional pimple here and there. Yet, I still battle with trying to regain the self-confidence I have lost during those last four years of my life of feeling ugly. I slowly started wearing less makeup and feeling beautiful again. If celebrities like Kendall Jenner, and Bella Thorne can go out facing paparazzi, then I can face the world too. Throughout this very bumpy ride (bumpy because of the pimples, get it?), I’ve come to realize a lot of things. Firstly, acne doesn’t define me as a person. I have way more to offer this world than what’s on my face. Secondly, not everyone is staring at my blemishes. I mean, realistically, do you stare at other people’s blemishes? This is called the ‘spotlight effect’. It’s this excruciating phenomenon that makes you believe that everyone is paying more attention to something about you than they actually are. People are more worried about their own ‘spotlight effect’. Thirdly, and most importantly, I swear that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. And I swear, it’s radiant. My best hopeless advice is to be calm, look at yourself in the mirror and keep telling yourself that you’re beautiful with or without acne until you start believing it.
