You're at the gym doing your thing and you see a girl who is exactly your type, in astounding shape, and her form on all these machines is exquisite. You keep sneaking glances at her. And you both keep making eye contact in the mirrors and as you walk around and even when you have to turn your head visibly and wildly. And you know why you're staring at her. Don't you? In the full room length mirrors, between reps and machines, as you walk around? And if she's not also checking you out then why have you made eye contact with her every other minute for the last hour?
You're done with your last exercise and she's on a machine between you and the most natural path to the exit. You walk past her and give her an incredibly shy and timid wave but don't say anything. She very swiftly takes both her ear buds out and looks up at you curiously with pale blue eyes like frost.
You stammer out that "I didn't say anything. I was just waving. But I thought your form on your over head pull downs was quite excellant."
She giggles softly but it doesn't feel like she's laughing at you. You think women love the way they cross men's brains up so easily and can read your mind.
She accepts your compliment quietly "thanks, I've never had a personal trainer but I try pretty hard."
Then she looks at you expectantly with those eyes.
Now you're staring into a darker blue set of eyes, closer to a deep water blue.
You're in elementary school and your friend just outed you in front of your crush by informing her that you've read all the twilight books. You're staring into your first crush's face and trying to scrutinize her reaction with every atom in your body so you are blown away by what happens next. With as much energy as a black hole merger in ring down - only in the visible spectrum and you're looking right at the event, her whole face, every corner of it, starting from those eyes lights up.
She starts to talk with energy and passion about the plot and asking what you think about this that and the other thing. You thought she was going to laugh at you for reading the trashiest and girliest of romance novels but she completely surprises you. This event filled you with such pure terror and profound wonder that you had no other point of comparison until you read Nightfall by Isaac Asimov when you were fifteen.
Now you're back in front of the girl in the gym. She's looking at you with patience, expectation, and a glimmer of hope. You could not tell how much time had passed in that moment if the continued metaphysical existence of the grand canonical ensemble depended on it.
You could introduce yourself. You could ask her for her name and number. But you don't. You tell her to have a nice day and enjoy her work out.
That flicker of laughter in her eyes from when she graced you with a taste of her giggle is annihilated. Her face falls and you cannot bear to watch. You look away and barely hear her say: "Oh... you too."
And your mind is already whirling on the emotion in that 'oh'. And you don't quite run away from her but it is quite close. Because you are a coward and your brain is broken.
Context provided. Here's the poll.
Am I mentally ill?????
Staggeringly.
No. That happens to people.
