Capturing a Dream
Chapter 12 – That Holds In the Pain
Chapter 1 Chapter 11
“Is that… IS THAT ONE USING A YO-YO!” Marinette whisper screamed to Adrien. Her head was just visible around the corner of the warehouse they were hidden behind, observing the robotic henchmen that the Toyman had fashioned into marionette looking dolls.
Adrien poked his head around the corner just above hers and grimaced. “Yes, I believe he is.”
“That little… that… How dare he!” she seethed, glaring at the robotic marionette. “You can’t just… you can’t just steal someone’s shtick like that.”
“Apparently you can,” Adrien commented, turning back to the rest of the Team.
“I feel like this is a personal attack. Using marionette dolls, using a yoyo… what did I ever do to this guy? I’ve never even been to Metropolis before,” she groused. “Usually I’ve at least met someone before they decide to harass me.”
Adrien scoffed. “No you haven’t. With villains, I’d say it’s about half and half.”
“You get harassed a lot?” Conner asked.
“It’s not uncommon. Paris will do that to you,” she shrugged.
“What the hell is up with Paris?” Wally asked in confusion.
“Nothing… anymore. You know, doesn’t really matter right now. How’s it going?” Adrien asked Robin.
“I’ve almost hacked into the security cameras,” Robin answered quickly. “And done.” He moved slightly so the others could gather around him to look at his phone, which was precariously linked to the security camera wires running outside the warehouse. He flipped through a few screens before stopping on one with a view of the marionette henchmen waiting in the main section of the warehouse. He angled the phone for them all to see it.
“Oh, that's...” Marinette started.
“That's a lot,” Conner finished for her. It was definitely more than they could handle without using superpowers or super suits, although if they could distract Marinette and Adrien, they might be able to get away with it.
Robin noted an estimate of how many there were in the warehouse and continued flipping through cameras. After a few more he stopped again. “That your friend?” He tilted the phone toward Marinette and Adrien.
Adrien nodded. “That’s her.”
Marinette grabbed the phone, almost dislodging the wires connecting it to the security system. “Is that a play pen? Are you kidding me? What the hell is this guy’s problem? I kind of get the toy inspired henchmen, I mean, if you’re called the Toyman, it makes sense, but a play pen? Really?”
“Mentally disturbed is kind of a prerequisite for most villains,” Wally pointed out.
“Hey, can we get a still of that, please?” Adrien asked as politely as he could. “For… scientific purposes?” He gave Robin a huge grin.
Wally chuckled and shook his head, but Robin gave him a cold stare. “Oh come on, you’d do it if it were one of your best friends,” Marinette rolled her eyes. “How are we going to make fun of her for the rest of her life about this if we don’t have pictures?”
“Pictures or it didn’t happen,” Adrien nodded sagely.
Robin huffed. “Can we focus please? We’re supposed to be trying to save your friend.”
“Right,” Adrien nodded, letting him change the subject but pouting internally. “Anyone have any ideas?”
Marinette turned back to the marionette sentries. “They're all robots, right? Being controlled by one guy, we think?” Her voice was distant, as if she was still in thought.
Conner did a quick scan of the area. There were only two heat signatures. From the security cameras, those had to be the Toyman and their friend. “Yes,” he confirmed.
“Electronic, right?” she continued, more quickly this time. She turned to them with a glint in her eyes that Adrien immediately recognized. Conner stared at her for a few seconds. He’d seen that look before. It was familiar. He knew it meant something good. He just wasn’t sure why he knew that.
“Everything he has must be digital or electronic. Which is great for ensuring that everyone working for you is of like mind, more specifically, his mind. But terrible when things like an EMP goes off. Because then, it’s just the Toyman, all by himself.” She looked over toward the Team with a grin. “I don’t suppose any of you boys would know how to make an EMP, would you?” She was already well aware of the answer, having seen Wally and Robin both do different versions in the field with parts they found around them at the time, but she had to play dumb.
Wally nodded excitedly. “I can, if I can find the parts.”
Adrien nodded toward the warehouse across from them. “I bet there’s parts in there.”
“We just need to figure out how to get in without drawing attention to ourselves,” Robin observed staring at it.
“There’s a window up there,” Marinette noted, pointing to a tiny window way at the top of the warehouse. “If I can get up there, I can fit through. Open the door from the inside.”
“And how are you planning on getting up there?” Conner asked.
“Well… I was thinking… climbing might be an option,” she drawled out, pointing to a pile of boxes leaning up against the side of the warehouse.
“That’s not going to get you in,” he pointed out.
“No, but lucky for me, I have a rather tall conspirator who looks like he works out quite a bit.” She was still staring at the window, trying to figure out the logistics and missed the way his cheeks darkened slightly. Robin did not miss it. He narrowed his eyes at Conner and smacked his shoulder. Conner glared back at him.
“Think you can lift me up? Maybe even throw me a little?” she asked excitedly, turning back to him.
Conner straightened up and looked back between the window and her. “You sure? It could be dangerous if I miss or if you can’t get a grip.”
“I trust you.” Her voice was heartfelt and her eyes shone with confidence, like there was something more there, but whatever it was Conner couldn’t figure out.
He nodded. “Let’s go then.”
Working with Marinette was significantly easier than he had anticipated working with a stranger would be. They worked like a well-oiled machined, seemingly able to anticipate what the other was going to do and react accordingly. Instead of awkward fumbling to get her into position, it was a graceful act. She was crawling through the tiny window within a matter of minutes.
A few minutes later Adrien’s phone pinged. “She says that she’s at a door at the southwest corner of the warehouse.” They headed to the corner of the warehouse hidden from the marionette sentries.
As soon as he was through the door, Wally started running around, trying very hard to keep his speed to a reasonable level. Marinette slapped Adrien’s shoulder to get his attention. “Hey, Alya texted. Here look,” she said a little louder than necessary and pointedly turned away from the rest of the warehouse to look at the text. Wally looked over to Robin uncertainly, but Robin nodded at him. Wally instantly zoomed around the warehouse, cataloging and locating all the items they would need for the EMP.
He was back by Robin’s side in an instant. “Right, I think we’re good to go. All the parts are here, just a bit scattered. The only issue is one of the parts is going to take a bit of effort and noise to get out.”
“How much noise?” Conner asked cautiously.
“A lot. They’re going to notice.”
“We’ll need a distraction to cover him so he can work,” Robin stated, looking around them to see if there was some distraction he could use.
“How big of a distraction are you looking for?” Adrien asked hesitantly looking over to Marinette. He nervously fiddled with his ring.
“Large enough they can’t ignore it, but not enough to cause too much damage,” Robin answered.
Marinette put her hand on Adrien’s shoulder, and subtly shook her head. She looked around the warehouse. “It’s a baking supply warehouse…” she noted examining the bags on the shelf. Rows and rows of different sized bags of flour in a variety of flour types.
“Going to bake something for them, Mari?” Adrien grinned at her.
Marinette’s eyes narrowed at an industrial sized fan. Her eyes quickly flicked to the flour and a lighter propped on an exposed bracer by the door, left there for employees to grab as they left to smoke. “Depends on your definition of bake.” She looked back at him with a determined glint. “Did you know flour is flammable?”
“We are not setting the warehouse on fire,” Conner exclaimed.
Marinette looked at him shocked. “Of course we’re not. Do you know how huge that explosion would be? And how many baked goods we’d be denying people from that amount of destruction?” she exclaimed in horror. “We only need one bag to make a point.”
“I’ll go with you,” Conner volunteered.
Marinette nodded as Robin set his mouth in a frown. “Grab the fan, please?” she requested as she grabbed a small bag of flour. “Give us eight minutes. I’ll text Adrien when we’re ready then within a few seconds you should hear a big bang.”
Wally groaned and dragged his hand down his face. Robin came up next to him staring at the mechanism Wally was working on with a concerned frown. “What’s wrong? Is it not going to work?”
Wally looked at him confused for a second. “Huh?” His face suddenly smoothed out in realization. “Oh, no. Of course it’s going to work. I just realized, I’m definitely not getting new cupcakes everyday next week.”
Marinette laughed and made her way through the door. “Good luck, guys. See you on the other side.”
Adrien nodded to her and turned back to Robin and Wally. “Let’s get the rest as ready as we can then. What can I do?”
Marinette and Conner snuck around the far side of the warehouses, moving quickly but quietly. When Marinette seemed to slow down and examine an area with interest, Conner finally spoke up. “Okay, what are we doing here?”
“I need this,” she patted the industrial sized fan, “to blow this,” she held up the small bag of flour in her hands, “into the air. Then we need to light it on fire and take cover right quick.”
“Shouldn’t we have brought a larger bag if that’s what we were going for?” he asked looking at the small bag in her hand skeptically. “I could have carried the fan and one of the large bags.”
She smiled at him and glanced quickly down at his arms. “I have no doubt,” she said almost absentmindedly. She flicked her eyes back up to his, her cheeks reddening slightly. “But this is enough. Anything larger and we’d be looking at taking out the entire complex.”
“Flour is that explosive?” He looked at the bag in her hands in awe.
“Extremely. Lucky for us.” She stopped and looked around. “This should be good. Far enough from the warehouses, it won’t blow them up, but close enough to get their attention.”
Conner nodded and started looking for an outlet. “I can plug it in here and we should be able to hide behind that.” He nodded toward a concrete half wall.
Marinette nodded. “We should probably move further away from that then. I don’t think you understand just how big this explosion is going to get.”
Conner nodded but stared at her for a few seconds. “You’re sure about this? With flour?”
Marinette smiled at him. “I grew up in a bakery. Trust me. You learn the most interesting things.” She ripped the top off of the bag of flour. “Okay start up the fan and point it up and out.”
Conner nodded and turned on the fan, still standing slightly in front of the fan. Marinette moved behind the fan and grinned at him as she dumped just a little bit into the fan. She laughed as the flour flew right into Conner’s face. “Things like don’t stand next to flour when a fan is on.”
Conner narrowed his eyes at her but started chuckling too. Chimera already taught him a lesson about how easily flour spreads. He should have remembered it. “At least it wasn’t the whole bag,” he acknowledged, starting to dust himself off.
Marinette’s laugh calmed down into a sweet smile. “Trying to set the air on fire. Not you. Come on, get behind me.” She slowly emptied the bag into the fan’s current. After a few seconds the air in front of the fan was thick with particles of flour hanging in the air. There was more flour on the ground than in the air, but there was enough for what they needed. “Ready?”
Conner bunched up a piece of paper into a ball and nodded. They moved behind the half wall and prepared themselves. Conner took a deep breath. This was the moment of truth. He lit the ball on fire and threw it into the flour cloud.
The explosion seemed to happen in slow motion at first then all at once as one particle ignited the next, which ignited the particles next to it, escalating at an expediential rate until the entire cloud was lit up and pushing out. Conner’s eyes widened in surprise as the blow back came for them. He dived on top of Marinette, forcing her between the ground, concrete wall, and himself, protecting her from all sides.
When he finally looked up, his ears were ringing from the explosion. He definitely had not been properly prepared. Thank god they didn’t use a larger bag. He looked down to check on Marinette, but stopped when he saw her wide, blue eyes. It was mesmerizing and confusing. Just seeing her eyes shouldn’t make him feel this way and he couldn’t figure out why it did. She was mouthing something worriedly at him. He furrowed his brow trying to make out what she was saying. He finally figured out she was asking if he was okay when he felt her push him back to sitting and crawl around him to check his back for any signs of injury.
He felt his skin tingle where she ran her hands over his shoulders and upper back, before working their way into his hair at the back of his head. It felt brilliant and like a betrayal at the same time. He moved out of her reach and gave her a weak smile. It felt nice to have her fret over him and touch him, but not as nice as it did when Chimera did it. They stood up just in time to see an army of marionettes descending upon them. “We may not have thought this through,” he whispered to her, or at least thought he whispered. He’d actually screamed it at her.
She nodded, keeping her eyes on the robots in front of her. She held her hands up in surrender. She slowly unwrapped the white ribbon in her hair and waved it around. “Parlay?” she requested with an unrepentant grin.
Conner gave her a flat look. “Really?”
“You want to take on that many? By ourselves? We just have to keep them distracted and ourselves alive for another few seconds.”
Conner sighed and turned back to the marionettes, raising his hands grudgingly as he did. Before the marionettes could advance on them, they all froze for a second before falling to the ground. Marinette and Conner looked at each other uncertainly for a second, waiting for them to do something. When they didn’t, Marinette grinned at Conner.
“Now it’s just the Toyman,” Conner said.
Marinette nodded at him. “Let’s go get him.”
“Should we wait for the others?”
Marinette shook her head. “They’ll catch up.” They reached the door to the warehouse at the same time as Wally, Robin, and Adrien. They found and tied up the Toyman easily. Without his army of robots behind him, he surrendered without a fight. Finding Chloe only took a matter of minutes after that.
“Finally! It took you long enough. Do you know how long I’ve had to sit here in this? It’s been ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. Who are those losers?” Chloe scoffed, glaring at the Team members.
Wally crossed his arms and leaned toward Conner. “Can we give her back?” he asked, not trying to be quiet.
“Yes,” Marinette nodded.
“No,” Robin answered.
“Eh,” Adrien shrugged.
“Hey!” Chloe yelled. “Now get me out of this!”
“If you don’t like who’s rescuing you, you’re welcome to stay in there,” Adrien threatened.
“Fine, fine, whatever. At least they’re cute. What happened to the things?” she asked. She flicked her hands in the general direction of somewhere else.
“The marionettes were taken out by an EMP these guys created on the fly, and the ‘mastermind’,” Marinette spat the word out sarcastically, “is bound and gagged outside.”
“Rather lackluster fight, really,” Adrien mused. “Turns out the Toyman isn’t much of a threat once his toys are taken away. August was more of a threat.”
“What do you say, Chloe?” Marinette prompted her as she held the door open for Chloe.
Chloe scowled at her and flicked her ponytail over her shoulder, heading through the door. “Let’s get out of here before something bad happens?”
“Chloe…” Marinette started in a warning tone.
Chloe scoffed at her. “We’re thanking each other every time we save one another now?”
“Yes! Yes, that’s what we do,” Marinette’s exasperation was clear. Conner chuckled at her expression. Marinette’s eyes flitted over to him for a second, her cheeks turning slightly pink before focusing back on Chloe.
“Every time?” Chloe gasped.
“Yes, every time!” Marinette groaned.
“That seems excessive,” Chloe shook her head. “Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. What a waste of time.” She continued toward the warehouse exit, not bothering to look back at them.
“So… she’s like this all the time, huh?” Robin asked Adrien quietly as they followed her out.
“What? No… She’s being nice right now,” he answered seriously.
“That’s why her kidnap count is so high,” Wally nodded knowingly.
“Definitely a contributing factor,” Marinette agreed.
“I heard that,” Chloe announced loudly.
“You were meant to,” Marinette yelled back. Conner looked over to her with an amused smile, but quickly schooled his face when Robin raised an eyebrow at him.
“I’ll make sure to get that picture to you,” Robin whispered to Adrien as they made their way through the exit and into the flashing blue and red lights waiting for them outside.
Just before she made it through the door, Conner grabbed Marinette’s elbow. “Hey, I just wanted to say sorry for earlier. Telling you guys not to come. You did great for a civilian.”
Marinette beamed up at him. “Thank you. But… whoever said I was a civilian?” She winked at him and twirled with a cheeky grin back toward Adrien and Chloe as they were loading her into an ambulance so a doctor could check her out.
<><><><><>
“Try not to get kidnapped… until you get back to Paris at least,” Marinette instructed Chloe in mock seriousness as she gave her a hug goodbye.
Chloe scoffed, but returned the hug, pretending to do so halfheartedly. “Of course. Getting kidnapped in America is so boring. Who has time for that?”
Marinette rolled her eyes. “Come on. There were boring akumas too. And not all of our villains are that…”
“Pathetic?” Nino offered, slinging his arm over her shoulders.
Marinette quirked her head to the side contemplatively. “Not the word I was thinking but… I’ll go with it.”
“Hey, I got to meet Batman. I’m counting it as a win!” Alya gushed. “I got a picture of him! And the Batmobile. How awesome is that?”
Marinette grinned at her as she hugged her. “Maybe next time I can introduce you properly.”
“Yeah?” Alya’s eyes brightened with an excited glint. “That would be amazing! Think you can get me an interview?”
“I don’t know… nobody else knows my identity, other than Black Canary, so it would have to look like something he did on his own. You figure out a plausible excuse for that, and I can probably make it happen,” Marinette agreed.
“Yay!” Alya cheered, pulling her in for a long tight hug. “See, this is why you’re my favorite person. You always look out for me.”
“Hey! What am I?” Nino protested.
“The love of my life,” Alya reassured him, wrapping an arm around his neck and planting a kiss on his cheek. “But she’s still my favorite person.”
Nino rolled his eyes and groaned. “I guess I get that. As long as you two don’t start kissing behind my back.”
“So you want them to do it in front of you?” Chloe asked, looking up from her phone.
Nino sputtered, his cheeks turning red as the rest of the group laughed at him. Marinette moved over and wrapped him in a hug. “Don’t worry, Nino. We won’t start kissing behind your back.”
Nino gave her a deadpan look. “I’m not going to miss you, Dudette.”
“I will,” Alya pledged, jumping onto Marinette, knocking her over with a hug. “So much. You stay safe. Love you, girl.”
Marinette grinned back at her. “Love you too.” She turned to Nino. “And you too, even if you won’t miss me. Have a good trip and keep them safe.” She gave him a meaningful look with her last sentence.
Nino nodded in understanding. “You stay safe too. Love you, Dudette. And of course I’m going to miss you,” he said seriously, ushering Alya and Chloe onto the train back to New York so they could catch their flight home.
Marinette turned to face Adrien with a watery smile. “I think I’ll miss you most of all, Scarecrow.”
Adrien chuckled and looked down. “It was nice working with you again. As a team. I’ve missed it.”
“You know, you could probably join the Team… if you really wanted,” she offered.
There was a smile on her face, but Adrien could see it was strained. He offered her a soft, unstrained smile back. “Not remotely interested. My superhero days are behind me.” He looked down as he shook his head gently. “Don’t get me wrong,” he continued, looking back up to meet her eyes, “I loved every second of it, but I think now I need to focus on healing. After everything we went through…”
Marinette looked down guiltily and nodded in understanding. Adrien hooked his finger under her chin to encourage her to look up. “Because of what my dad… Gabriel did. Not because of anything you did. You aren’t responsible for my struggling, no matter what you think. And I’ll keep repeating that until you finally believe me. If it wasn’t for you… I don’t know what I would have become. I would probably still be fighting him, in and out of the costume. He’d still be making me miserable.”
He moved his hands so they were firmly on her shoulders, offering support and encouraging her to keep facing him. “Don’t ever think for even a second that any of what we went through, any of what we’re still going through, is your fault.”
“I’m sorry I left. I left you to heal alone,” she said quietly to the floor.
“Oh, Mari,” he pulled her into a hug. “You didn’t leave me alone. I have people there for me. I have people I can talk to. You made sure of it. You still do. I have people helping me. You’re one of them, even if you don’t think so. I’ve always been surrounded by people, but for the first time, I’m not alone. You made sure I was going to be taken care of. You check on me constantly. You did not abandon me.
“I’m getting the help I need. I needed to stay in Paris. I needed familiarity to heal. You needed a complete break. You needed to be away from all the reminders. A fresh start. And you needed it just as badly as I did. Don’t feel guilty for seeking the help you needed, too.”
He took a breath and squeezed her closer for a second. “Can you do something for me?” he asked quietly. He waited a beat before he continued. “I need you to try to let go of the guilt. Which isn’t easy, I know,” he rushed to assure her. “I was wearing mine like armor, but I think it was more of a barricade, holding in the pain. I thought it was protecting me from getting hurt. I still kind of do. But I think it was really just isolating me, preventing me from seeing the world as it really is.”
He pulled away to look her in the eyes, studying the eyes he knew better than his own, eyes filled with strength but also self-doubt. “We learned so many lessons as heroes, but… but I think I’m starting to realize not all of them were real.” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly with a mirthless chuckle. “Guess therapy is doing some good after all.” He shook his head lightly and looked back at her with a concerned gaze.
“I’m slowly realizing a lot of the lessons we were taught, lessons we thought the universe was teaching us; about how the world was for us, that we needed to suffer to be heroes, they weren’t... it was just my… Gabriel. They weren’t universal lessons or miraculous lessons. They weren’t real. It was Gabriel punishing us, not the universe. Gabriel manipulating the way we saw the world. But he’s gone and we can make our own rules now. I’m still coming to terms with that. It’s still hard and uncomfortable and I hate it… but I also don’t?”
He shook his head again, his eyes settled back on her. “I’m still working on it. And I just wanted to let you know because… I just… you… you seemed to internalize the lessons even more than I did and…” he looked away and pursed his lips, trying to think of the words he wanted to say, the message he wanted her to take away. He looked back at her with compassionate determination. “I won’t let him dictate my future or how I see the world anymore. And you shouldn’t let him do it for you either. We defeated him. You defeated him. Don’t let him win this. He made us suffer, not the universe. Don’t let him make you think we can’t be happy, that you can’t be happy. I’m happy, mostly. And I just… the thing is you’re amazing at giving advice, but you’re shit at taking your own advice so… I just thought maybe if you promised to do it for me…”
A whistle sounded, cutting off the rest of his sentence. Adrien looked back at her for a few moments, studying her carefully again, looking for any sign that his words finally made it through to her. After a few seconds he gave a defeated sigh and kissed her temple before he hugged her again. “That’s my cue. I love you, Marinette. I’ll see you in a few weeks, okay? But if you want to talk before then, don’t hesitate. You have a phone, a laptop, a tablet, a Zeta tube, who the hell knows what else in your base, and a Kaalki. Do. Not. Hesitate.”
She nodded and squeezed him back. She pulled away and gave him a kiss on his cheek. “Have a safe flight. Love you.”
She watched him as he walked onto the train and disappeared with a final wave. Her eyes stayed focused on the door he disappeared through long after he was gone. They continued their focus long after the door had closed and the train had started moving. She didn’t notice the change in scenery until someone accidentally knocked into her with an apology and guilty smile. She waved them off with a kind smile and turned toward the exit, stumbling slightly in a daze.
She walked another block before her breath started getting uneven. She stopped to lean against a building, her brow furrowing in confusion. What was going on with her? Why did her chest feel so tight all of a sudden? She looked around her, hoping to figure it out, but there was nothing there. It was just her. Just her and her thoughts. She gasped again and leaned harder against the building. She shook her head. She needed to get home. She looked around again, this time to confirm nobody was watching her and ducked into a hidden alcove. She put on Kaalki’s glasses and Trixx’s necklace, whispering the transformation words.
She stepped through the portal and breathed in the familiar air. She took another step and let her head rest against Conner’s doorframe, her bag dropped to the floor with a thud loud enough she was sure he had heard it. After a few seconds, she collected herself enough to knock lightly on his door. She barely had time to take a bracing breath before his door swung open and Conner appeared in his pajamas. “Chi! I wasn’t expecting you to be back tonight!” He pulled her into a tight hug. He let his arms linger around her, keeping her close as he pulled away slightly, just enough to look at her so he could ask her about the visit.
He hesitated momentarily when it seemed like she clung to him tighter as he tried to pull away. But just as soon as he noticed, she loosened her grip. “Yeah, my friends just left.”
His bright smile quickly gave way to a concerned frown. The smile she offered him didn’t reach her eyes and her voice was a bit too happy to be real. “How was it?” he asked carefully.
Although her smile got bigger, it didn’t get any brighter. “It was great. We had a lot of fun.”
He nodded cautiously. “That’s… good…”
“Yeah… good,” she agreed, looking away. She tapped her fingers together nervously.
“Chi?” She didn’t look up, but she did stop tapping her fingers. “Chi, are you okay?”
She looked back up at him with a heartbreaking smile and nodded, her eyes shining with uncertainty. “Yeah, I think I… don’t know.”
He pulled her back in for a tight, protective hug. “Did something happen this weekend?” he asked darkly. He was working incredibly hard to keep his anger tempered and his body relaxed so she wouldn’t be able to sense how angry he was at whoever caused her to react like this. He knew, he knew, seeing her friends was going to end badly and now she was just barely keeping in the tears. These were supposed to be her friends and yet every time she saw them, she came back a little more threadbare, a little more broken. Whatever they were doing to her, it had to stop.
She curled into his hug, taking some time to let his presence calm her before she spoke up, her voice so quiet, even with super-hearing he had to strain to hear her. “I’m… I’m really not sure. I didn’t think so but…”
“Do you want to talk about it?” She shook her head after a few seconds, just holding him tighter. “Chi, whatever happened, whatever your friends said…”
She shook her head stronger this time. “It’s not like that. It’s… I don’t know. Everything was great and then… I couldn’t breathe. I… I don’t know what happened.” She shook her head again, more gently this time as if to clear her head. “I think I need to talk to Black Canary, but first I just… I needed this.” She stopped herself before she said what she meant, she needed him.
His anger melted away and turned to concern. She didn’t talk to Black Canary, not for therapy. Batman and Black Canary had encouraged her to go. Batman made vague references that talking with her might help her after different emotional outbursts in battle. He shuddered slightly remembering the video of her fighting the mind-controlled Superman. His comments were subtle and deceptively casual, meant to encourage her to decide it for herself without putting pressure on her.
Black Canary was much less subtle in her encouragement, going as far as to threaten her position on the team if she didn’t seriously consider it. She was stopped each time by Batman from enacting it, but it didn’t stop her from pushing it whenever she could. Each time, Chimera closed off more, backed away further, as if the idea of opening up was a physical threat to her. It had always confused Conner.
If anyone was going to have an issue discussing emotions, he would have bet on him over Chimera. She always seemed so open with her emotions, but the more he thought about it, the only emotions she seemed to share freely were positive ones. The negative emotions she kept a tight grip on, as though she thought they would cause physical and psychological torment if they ever escaped. And from the few times she did discuss them, when consoling one of the Team about something they were feeling, it didn’t seem too far from the truth for her. If she was actually planning on talking with Black Canary, even if she was just seriously considering it and didn’t actually go… this weekend must have hit her hard. And honestly, he didn’t know if that was a bad thing after all.
He looked back in his room. They really needed somewhere to sit down so she could calm down and relax. But there was just a chair and a bed in his room. There was no way she'd be okay with that. That left the common room. “Why don't we move this to the couch? We can put on a movie and ignore it,” he offered. She didn’t respond. The silence was broken by a beep that sounded like it was coming from her glasses. “That means you’re going to lose one of your magics, right?” he whispered into her ear.
She was motionless in his arms for another beat before nodding. The couch was out then. She’d want to keep her identity and the fact that her appearance changed, a secret. He looked back at his bed. There wasn’t really a choice then. “How about my room instead? I don’t have to look at you while you recharge, if you don’t want me to,” he offered. He looked between the bed and the rug on the floor. He grimaced slightly. He really had no idea which she would prefer. “You want to sit on the floor or the bed? I can throw some pillows down for us.”
She looked between the two a few times. “Bed would be more comfortable,” she finally decided.
He nodded unseen by her, his heartrate picking up at the words. They might have woken up cuddling on the couch a few times, but they’d never done it intentionally and he wasn’t sure what this meant. Had anything changed? Were they still just teammates? Is this what teammates did? It definitely wasn’t something he did with Robin or Wally.
He piled up some pillows for them to lean against and nervously got onto the bed, positioning himself so Chimera would be able to lean on him comfortably. He fought to relax is body from the tension that instantly took over, unsure if he was allowed to enjoy this or not, afraid he might enjoy it too much if it didn’t mean anything, afraid he wouldn’t enjoy it enough if it was the last time.
Chimera crawled in after him, laying her head on his chest and wrapping her arm around his waist, squeezing him as if afraid he might leave her alone. He tightened his grip around her, reassuring her that he was still there for her. He wasn’t going anywhere. He never would. He fought the urge to nuzzle into her hair. That was definitely going further than supportive teammating.
He scrolled through a few shows and movies until he found one he knew she liked. “This okay?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah, good choice,” she answered just as quietly. She knew teammates don't watch a movie like this. But right now she didn’t care. She needed this. She needed his steady heartbeat and his rhythmic breathing. She needed his scent and his touch. She needed him. She suddenly felt incredibly unsafe and unsure, like the world was getting upset around her and she wasn’t even sure where the hell that came from. She just knew she needed to feel safe and there was nowhere in the world she felt safer than with him, in his arms. She had no idea when that happened, hell, she didn’t even know she felt that way until just then, she just knew it was true.
He smiled gently at her. “Told you I had good taste,” he teased lightly.
His smile widened at her playful scoff and small smile. “Can you… can you close your eyes?” she asked quietly. Conner immediately closed his eyes. Even with his eyes closed, he could still see a bright, teal light flash quickly. Chimera moved a little bit before resting back against his chest. “Okay. You can open your eyes.”
He obliged, focusing on the movie, but let himself shoot quick glances at her new costume. “Is it… is it okay for me to…” He motioned to her costume.
Chimera chuckled lightly and buried her head in his chest a little. Conner could just catch a dusting of pink on her cheeks. “Yeah, it’s okay. As long as I don’t have to move.”
Conner smiled at her and nodded. “Understood.” He took in as much of her costume as he could. Orange this time with black boots and gloves, but most importantly, he could see her eyes. An incredible shade of blue that seemed more familiar than it should… He blinked a few times and focused back on the movie, her eyes were making his heart rate speed up again and he really needed to calm down.
They watched the movie for a little while before she finally spoke again. “You were right. There was an explosion. Nobody was hurt, but there was an explosion,” she admitted. This game was dangerous, she knew it was. She was daring him to figure out who she was. But at this point she wasn’t sure she cared anymore. “And we… I destroyed some… things.”
Conner chuckled and rested his chin on her head. “Yeah, us too. Does that mean we all win? Or we all lose?”
She shook her head. “I’m not sure.”
“The explosion helped save someone, so I’m calling it a win. We protected someone and, you know, sometimes you need to destroy a little in order to fix something.” He looked down at her fondly. He picked up her hand with his free hand and started playing with her fingers until he realized what he was doing and let them drop. “And sometimes you have to cause a little damage to prevent more, like firefighters, you know? Set a small fire to prevent one that would destroy the entire forest. You told me that. I think you were right.”
He looked down at her expectantly. Any second now she should chuckle, at least crack a smile, tell him he should never doubt her, that she’s always right, but instead she sat up and blinked at him a few times, her face completely devoid of any emotion. She looked away absently, seeming to stare at nothing. “I’m going to lay down,” she finally said woodenly.
Conner stared at her in disbelief. His brow furrowed in surprise at the unexpected reaction. “What? Why?” What the hell just happened? She was smiling. Why was she upset again and why couldn’t he say the right things? Why did she keep hanging out with her friends if they kept doing this to her?
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She scooted to the edge of the bed and stood up.
Conner lurched forward and grabbed her wrist. “Chi, no. Just…” he paused at her reaction. She seemed to curl further away from him, like she thought his anger was directed at her. He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down again, forcing his body to relax and his face to smooth out. “Just, wait… please. Stay. We don’t have to talk anymore. We’ll just watch the movie, no talking, no thinking. I’m terrible at both anyway.”
He knew he convinced her when she let out a barely audible huff. She turned back toward him. Her eyes flitted up to him for a fraction of a second and returned back to the bed next to him. She wet her lips and gave the tiniest of nods before crawling back over to him and laying her head back on his chest. Conner cautiously settled his arm around her shoulders again. He was pretty sure she needed comfort, but wasn’t sure if it was welcome from him.
She nestled further into his chest almost imperceptibly, but enough for him to notice in his hyper vigilant state. He took that as a sign he made the right call and relaxed further. He wrapped around her more, cocooning her, protecting her from whatever was going on in her head.
After a few minutes he leaned his head closer to her ear and whispered, “I really want to say what a complete idiot that guy is but I promised I wouldn’t talk.” He smiled proudly at the giggles he could feel more than hear from her.
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