#caras thoughts

[caramelizedcreampuff]

“So I had thought… that maybe there might have been love…” - Jeremy von Neuschwanstein

***

Holy crap so Ive read all the A Stepmother Volumes I could find (5) and I have to say volume 3 and 4 HIT ME SO HARD. Especially Jeremy’s portions of internal thoughts. My poor Jer. He’s probably my favourite character in all of ASM in spite of all his flaws.

What I’m talking about is of course whenhe’s at the trial and they’re debating the legitimacy of Shuri’s marriage. And then one of those crusty old men just shouts “WELL? THEN WHY WERE YOU MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE?”

OF COURSE it’s Elias-lookalike Herman who knows the true true motive surrounding Ludovica, but Jer doesn’t know that.

For him it all clicks. That resentment he’s always carried for Shuri, that Johannes chose her over him, it should have been directed towards himself all along. He was incompetent, he could not have been trusted to carry on the family.

And all because of him, Shuri became a ‘ruined woman’.

Of course we know that Shuri doesn’t think this of her marriage (partly because she’s been conditioned into this accepting role. She carries with her an air of denial), but in that moment Jer has no way of knowing.

And it’s just so tragic when he realises that all this time he’s been living in his own ‘fairytale’ of sorts. One where Johannes married Shuri out of pure love, and stole him away from Jeremy. Where Jeremy was the victim. And the guilt he felt when he remembered not once did he consider Shuri’s feelings. How terrified she was when she had to shoulder this great responsibility, go out to be ridiculed by the nobles and returned to a house that carried nothing but vitriol for her.

And yet despite all his mistakes, she was doing everything she could to save him when he really did not even want to save himself.

It was definitely a necessary realisation in order for him to grow, but it just doesn’t diminish how heavy it feels to have it all fall on you in one moment. It made me feel awful for both Shuri and Jeremy.

***

One thing I have to say is that I think Shuri has to address these demons from her first life. She’s moved on, but it feels to me like she’s moving on for the sake of staying strong for the family, not because she had acknowledged everything that’s happened to her. She seems to have some repressed trauma.

Aint no way Johannes was that nice. No one who marries a 14 year old who looks like their deceased crush is. Or maybe I’m just cynical, I don’t know.

[canaryskitten]

High and horny is how im supposed to be 🩷

[caramelizedcreampuff]

To Paint is To Live - Love Through A Prism

Love Through A Prism was a gorgeous series I binged in under one day (admittedly that’s not very healthy but I digress) and it was worth every minute it took out of my sleep schedule. I won’t go into details of the intricacies of the plot and the artistic choices as I’m far too sleep deprived to do so, but more about one of the fundamental desires I feel as an artist that was expressed so well in this series.

The compulsion to paint.

Even as Lili tries to move on . And once you start there’s no stopping,

Because behind every painting that an onlooker spends 15 seconds admiring is an artist painstakingly scrutinising every detail of the color, lines, and composition so it tells the story the artist wants it to tell. The emotional attachment of an artist of their craft, and maybe I’m just getting sentimental again, but it feels like once I finish an artwork, it’s woven into my skin like scar tissue which loses its definite over time, but never its special property as scar.

I am currently on break for three weeks due to Lunar/Chinese New Year (I frankly don’t care for the controversy; use the term you find fitting), and this entire break I’ve just been drawing. Completely glued to my iPad, I’ve been putting in the hours for art, almost as though I was making up for all the art I could have made during the busy exam seasons when I didn’t have time to. It’s like all that desire to create has been bottled up so long that I have to paint for every free second I have now, and it can almost feel maddening.

Because our current society has such a strong focus on efficiency and productivity, I often feel really guilty for this desire to paint. For every minute I spend on art, maybe I could spend it instead on school or maths, something practical that would actually earn me a career in the future. And through Lili I can almost see myself, how mundane her world is when she’s given up on painting and how colourful it all becomes once she restarts. It’s like for me, I don’t feel real if I don’t paint or create, just like she feels in the series.

And I love the way she and Kit communicate through their paintings what the can’t seem to communicate in real life, such as the multiple lily paintings he makes towards the end.

I’m just really glad to see this artist’s dilemma presented on media. The desire to create conflicting with obligations steeped in reality. I like how it’s treated as valid and worthy of discussion in the series. Because even though I’m not an art God like Lili or Kit, I feel the same at times.

It’s such a great series!!!

[caramelizedcreampuff]

SPOILERS FOR BABEL!!!! And TW for mentions of Child abuse, Racism and Colonialism

Was anyone else devastated when professor llovel died?

Funny thing is this Llovel guy would have discriminated the hell out of me because I’m an Asian girl. Like he would absolutely be offended by my existence (or capitalise off of me who knows)

I think it was the lack of closure? He’s so utterly bad at being a father that he should not even have the right to be referred to as one. He abuses his kid, teaches him to hate his own race. And in the end he never acknowledges his parentage in the slightest.

Yet I can’t help it when my heart grows soft at that scene where he takes Robin to Babel but isn’t sure how to leave him be. He’s cared for him for 19ish years. There’s got to be at least a sliver of emotional attachment, right?

All the sources I’ve read say definitively that Professor Llovel never cared for Robin in the slightest beyond his potential has an asset, and I agree. I think I’m reading too deeply into it. But just the thought of them being able to mend their relationship excited me, and made me want to turn the page. Of course, a part of me knew that it would never happen, and yet I desperately hoped for it.

And when he died, it felt like that hope was snatched away from me.

If he had lived longer, would he wound up maybe not exactly loving Robin, but caring for him? Would his heart soften? Would he protect him?

I just need Robin to have one positive parent role in his life. It makes me so unbearably sad, the tragic life he’s been handed.

So yeah, Professor Llovel is an asshole, but I’m sad he died anyway.

[canaryskitten]

Ohmigod guys! Clicker training!

Train me to get horny when you click it. Tie me up naked and helpless and unable to move. Make me watch hours of porn without touching me, unable to touch myself for any relief. Click pierodically, tying the feeling of being mindlessly, desperately horny to the sound.

Eventually the sound of the clicker will be enough to make my nipples hard and my cunt throb.

Play with me. Click when we're out in public, and watch me become increasingly desperate, begging you in to use me with no concern to where we are out who could see.

Click it while you make me watch porn I don't like, so that it starts to turn me on now.

Dress me like a cock tease them send me on errands with the clicker and iinstructions. Click it any time I see someone stare at my tits. Anytime I see another girl dressed like a slut. Click if I hear any degrading or humiliating comments. Watch me come home with soaked legs and my hard nipples poking through my top. I'll do anything as Iong you fuck me.

Send me to your professor friends univerity class on advanced quantum physics. Tell me to click it every time I feel confused. Of course after every class your friend gets to bend me over his desk and use my holes.

Use the clicker to make me a dumb and desperate whore that thinks with her cunt 🩷

(I'm kinda high and might come back this later)

[canaryskitten]

Cockwarming 🥺

I wanna sit on your lap with your cock deep inside me while you sit at your desk, gaming. Whichever hole you want. If your cock is in my cunt, you push an almost painfully large plug into my ass. If you choose my ass, my cunt stays empty. You tell me to stay still and quiet so I don't distract you.

But I get needier every time you correct me for moving. Every hip grab or thigh spank for my wayward hips moving desperately seeking more. All I can do now is feel your thick cock stretching my hole.

When your game is going well, you reach your hand up to play with my tits, gently kneading them and rubbing my nipples, and you feel holes clench around you. Kiss my neck and whisper in my ear what a good girl I am. How wet my cunt feels. Tell me how pretty the sounds I'm trying to keep quiet are. You call me the perfect cum slut, a dumb little bimbo cow. Say you're going breed me and watch my udders grow and fill with milk. You rub my throbbing clit a little and even let me bounce on your cock for a few precious moments.

When you're frustrated and lose you punish my tits, slapping and squeezing my whore tits hard, pulling and twisting my nipples. You put tight clamps on my sore nipples and yank the chain or attach them to a collar so the weight of my massive tits pulls on them. Crying makes my holes squeeze you just as much. Wrap your hands around my throat and tell me how hard I make you when I cry. Call me your Fleshlight. Threaten to breed my greedy cunt. Tease me for being such a filthy distracting slut, because only a whore would get so wet being used like this. Tell me I deserve this for having such big udders. You spank my clit. You bend me over your desk and fuck me hard and make me scream.

Of course, you're in a call room with your friends this whole time, and you never mute your mic. They can hear what a slut I am the whole time. Sometimes they even make you gag me because I'm too loud.

Eventually your control snaps and fuck me until can You cum as much as you want. I only cum when you tell me to, if you're feeling generous.

And of course, I clean up my mess after and suck you clean 💖

[canaryskitten]

I'm syp r high but I'm having this fantasy where im owned by a really important professor at a prestigious university.

I want him to make me schedule full of classes way too hard for me like quantum physics and astronautical engineering taught by their friends. Then tell me he expects me to pass all my classes, whatever it takes

He sends me to each classy dressed like a slut and makes me sit in the front row where everyone can see me

The other students all look at me condescendingly.

Each professor has a remote to toys stuffed inside my holes

There's more but my edible is hitting kinda hard so I'll write this later

[canaryskitten]

I wonder if I can fit 3 doldos in my pussy