Dear High School Best Friend
Before all else, I hope you are doing well. I hope you have found happiness and are safe and loved and finding your way in this crazy, huge, sometimes amazing, sometimes fucked up, world.
I don't know why we parted, even now years down the road I try my hardest to think back on what happened, try to find the why in the memories, but I always come up empty handed. Maybe because you moved. Maybe because our plans to go to vidcon and marry dan and phil failed. Maybe high school ending meant that our friendship was doomed to end as well. It's probably the Dan and Phil thing.
Speaking of Dan and Phil, they're officially out and their gaming channel has been brought back from the dead. I've been watching their new videos and it makes my heart warm but hurt at the same time. There is so much nostalgia in their content, so many happy memories that they bring up (remember our text message fan fiction we wrote? Where I died tragically in a car crash and my husband phil was left to care for our twins and he called them his buggies? My brain remembers the oddest little details I swear...)
Anyway, watching them again had me thinking of you again. I thought about messaging you directly, but that felt like a sad ex-girlfriend reaching out to her lover who has clearly moved on. So instead I throw this letter out into the void of tumblr- which I'm surprised still exists- and wonder if you will ever see it. If you will ever scroll and see it and recognize that it's you I am talking to. Or maybe you read this and have no idea, you probably haven't thought of me in years! Or maybe, either the best or the worst option, you simply scroll by without sparing a second glance.
I don't even know why I'm writing this anymore honestly. Maybe I should try a private journal instead. But I guess I might as well throw this crumpled up piece of paper out into the void of the internet. Let it float around out there forever and maybe, just maybe, it will land on your dashboard one day and a small spark of memory will light within you and you'll remember that tall awkward girl in black boots and a My Chemical Romance jacket- a girl who would draw on her left arm with sharpie everyday, a girl who was your uber to and from school, the girl who you bought chocolate therapy Ben & Jerry's for after she broke up with her first kinda sorta boyfriend.
This has gone on for far too long so I'm going to cut my sleep deprived brain off and spare anyone out there reading this.
Goodbye old friend, but maybe also hello?
