From Heaven to Hell, it’s assumed that Castiel is in a relationship with the Winchesters. Everybody knows but Sam and Dean. That doesn’t stop the other angels from making an example of Cas for them to find.
Rated E, Eventual Requited Unrequited WinCasWin (Destiel and Sastiel), Heavy Angst, Castiel Whump, Hurt Cas, Wings, Rape/Non-con, Rape Recovery, Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Protective Sam and Dean, Blood and Injury, Touchy-Feely, Crying, Original Angel Characters
Castiel never thought he would see Dean ever again. Telling him that he loved him right before he died for good had felt safe, safer than any other time he had just wanted to blurt it out, but his voice betrayed his overflowing heart.
This time is different, though. None of them is dying. Well, Dean managed to get himself killed and the irony isn't lost on Castiel. Everything he touches somehow goes south from there, no matter how good his intentions are.
But no, he mustn't think about it that way. If not for him neither the world would still exist nor Dean would be in the heaven the righteous man truly deserves. And even if Castiel had wanted him to live a long, free, and happy life, with someone he loved, maybe kids (his own or just some he took under his wing), a dog, more pie than was ever good for him, and without the shackles of saving the world around his feet, he is proud of what Jack and he managed in the short time until his arrival.
Castiel looks at him like he has so many times before, his blue eyes scanning Dean's face. But there is something different now. He can't hold Dean's gaze as he once could. Castiel's eyes flicker away again and again, the weight of his confession an obstacle between them.
Castiel always knew that Dean loved him. Well, maybe not always and to what extent, but in the end he was sure about it. That's why he pushed him aside, literally. More than once Dean had tried to protect him, put himself physically between Castiel and an aggressor, even though Dean had been the more vulnerable person in most cases. Castiel wouldn't have put it past him to jump between him and the Empty and there was no way that he would ever let this happen.
But that's all in the past now and despite his best attempt, Castiel can't bring himself to look at Dean long enough to read him properly. The green of his eyes is just too intense, the crow's feet around them somehow wrinkling deeper than ever before.
Dean looks tired, more tired than he has ever seen him, and Castiel wonders what happened in the few days since he let the Empty take him. All he ever focused on was Dean, to protect him and the people he loved. It hits Castiel like an ice-cold shower that he never thought about how Dean would feel after his sacrifice.
Castiel always wind forwards to Dean's apple pie life, leapfrogging the phase leading up to it. Too painful was the thought of Dean mourning him, no matter if as a brother or something else.
Castiel hoped that Dean would just leave their memories behind, that he would be part of the "stuff" Dean would let just go, forget about for his own good. But even with Dean's great talent in compartmentalisation, his grief might have already caught up on him.
He's always drinking himself into oblivion when you die or are gone too long, Sam once told him, pretty wasted himself at that time, and Castiel wants to punch something, maybe himself. Not really taking this possibility into account was rather stupid.
He should have known that his parting words wouldn't be enough to counter Dean's emotions that were always so much more intense than the man allowed to show on the outside. He most likely kept everything inside, grinned and bore it to lull Sam and all the others into a false sense of security.
Why the heck did he put John into Dean's heaven, the man who made Dean push away his own feelings starting the day his mother died?
The silence between them grows and Castiel wishes he just stayed away from Dean's heaven. He obviously doesn't belong here. They have nothing left to say to each other. Castiel put everything out in the open and Dean has no words to voice whatever he is feeling. Just another gift his old man left him.
"I shouldn't have come," Castiel says, casting down his eyes. When there is no answer he looks up, filing away to memory Dean's grown older, but still beautiful features as best as he can, ready to fly away for the very last time.
"Don't you dare!" comes Dean's rumbling voice. "Don't you dare ever leave me again!"
Castiel isn't sure if it's the words themselves or the sound of Dean's voice saying them that let him crumble in his resolve. Maybe it's the tears in Dean's eyes or the angry way he clenches his jaws and his hands into fists.
"You never asked me to stay," Castiel says, his voice so much higher than usual. Maybe he sounds pathetic, but he can't find it in himself to care.
Dean looks bashfully at the ground, jaw still working as if he had to keep a stream of words inside. He inhales sharply. "I do now. Stay. I want you to stay, Cass."
If he still needed to breathe, these words would have knocked the air out of Castiel's lungs, but instead a needy sound, nearly a whimper, comes out of his mouth. How much he had longed for Dean to say it. How many times didn't he and Castiel left him, walked away heart-broken?
"Why?" Castiel barely whispers.
Dean looks at him, really looks at him, and this time Castiel holds his gaze.
"Because I am not as selfless as you think me to be. I can be a selfish bastard. I want you. Damn it, I wanted you for such a long time." Dean swallows hard and runs a hand nervously through his hair. "I love you. Not because you're family, which you are, or because you are a self-sacrificing bitch, about which we still have to talk about ... but because it's you, Cass, ever since we met it's always been you. I really tried not to love you the way I do, to convince myself I didn't, to make my feelings for you ... safe, to keep you on arm's lenght and push you away whenever I just wanted you to choose me."
Castiel's heart threatens to beat out of his chest and he's sure if there was any kind of electricity around them, his grace would spread sparks all around them, like the very first time they stood face to face.
Castiel chuckles. "We're really both a couple of dumbasses, aren't we?"
Dean's mouth twitches into a lopsided smile. He looks at Castiel through his eyelashes, the way he used to look at the women he picked up in bars too many times Castiel could or wanted to count.
The angel's treacherous heart thumbs even harder, his grace thrumming under his skin, ready to explode. This is simultaneously worse and so much better than the constant pining over all those years. Dean has the power to destroy him, a millions year old celestial being and Castiel gave the weapon away freely. But maybe that's what love is all about. Vulnerability.
"I prefer the word 'trusting'. Less dumb. Less ass," Dean smirks.
For the first time since he was taken, Castiel feels a smile growing on his face, relaxing the lines of worry on his forehead. He nods in agreement.
And then there are lips on his own, not comparable with Meg's in any way. They are chapped and still soft, careful and as if they were asking a million questions. Maybe they do.
It's only an innocent brush and still Castiel knows that if heaven was still like it used to be and he died as a human this would be the moment repeating itself for all eternity.
He had been so wrong. True happiness is not in just saying it. True happiness is in the having, in the kissing, in the holding, in the keeping. True happiness is Dean Winchester loving him back.
It was the first fic I ever wrote and I know I shouldn't have but I’m in the process of writing it.
A small token for you:
“You don’t deserve her, she’s better than you.” Castiel snarled.
He looked at Cas, a wicked smile twisting his lips.
“I was doing what I had to. An Omega unable to heat is useless for any Alpha.”
Castiel growled.
“You treated her like one of your experiments.”
“I’m her father, I was helping her. Just like I helped all those others.”
“You captured and enslaved them, experimenting upon them like they were nothing.”
“They were nothing, and they all needed my help. Just like Y/N.”
Y/N wasn’t nothing. She was his whole world. He snarled at her father.
“I warned you, and you didn’t listen.”
The angel blade slipped from his sleeve and he gripped the handle.
“Cas, no!” he whirled round, seeing Y/N run out.
He hadn’t known she was here, he had thought he was going crazy the light scent of her in the air.
“Sam!” He called out.
He didn’t want to have to do this. He knew she would never forgive him for it. But it had to be done. For the good of all those Omegas and Alphas. In the background he could hear her struggle with Sam.
“She will never love you now.”
Castiel slammed the blade into her fathers heart. He gurgled and the breath of life left him. Heaven and hell could fight over him.
Behind, her screams tore at his heart. It wasn’t supposed to be him. He had thought it would have been Sam. He stepped back as she dropped to her knees and mourned the loss of her father. He understood why she was sad. He had been her only guardian for years. Sam stood beside him giving her a moment before, kneeling and closing her fathers eyes. He lifted her and she protested. She didn’t want to leave him this way.
He didn’t know how to feel, but he knew he must honour his death.
“Dean will deal with it.”
He hadn’t expected the next thing to happen. She turned round full of rage. It happened quickly. She struck him hard on the cheek, crying out in her efforts. That was the first time Y/N had ever hit him. And it would be her last.
He looked at her, his little wildcat. She breathed hard as Sam struggled to contain her.
“My little Omega. So tough. Yet so fragile,” he brushed a finger down her face and she kicked out. He wagged a finger at her like she was a naughty child and tutted. “dean will build a pyre and he will be cremated.”
He walked away. He had to be like this. If she knew his real feelings, they would both drown.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 4/4
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Castiel & Sam Winchester & Dean Winchester
Characters: Castiel, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Crowley, Bobby Singer
Additional Tags: Case Fic, Season 7 AU, winged! Cas, Castiel Whump, hurt cas, sam and dean to the rescue, Crowley is evil in this one, some torture but mostly off screen, Wing Care, angel wings headcanon, demon headcanon, Family Feels, Hurt/Comfort, No Slash
Series: Part 5 of Through Flame and Fire
Summary:
A routine case brings Castiel face to face with Crowley for the first time since the Purgatory debacle. Needless to say the demon is not exactly happy to see the angel again. It's up to Sam and Dean to find Cas before it's too late. (Katabasis Verse #5)
This is my latest story and the 5th installment of a S7AU series I’ve been working on for a while. If you like lots of Team Free Will family feels and Cas whump check it out ^_^
Pairings: Castiel/Dean Winchester ; Castiel x Jack
Summary:
Castiel begins having strange and very vivid dreams. He doesn’t think anything of it at first until certain consequences end up affecting both his waking world and his dream world. As the world’s begin to blur, he begins to realize he no longer knows which is a dream and which is real. The closer he gets to his answer the more clear things become, but will he like what he discovers?
Author's Notes:
Thanks for the kudos and comments on Chapter 1! This is very slow moving, this chapter also being slow. Bare with me as we diver further into the plot. Until then, have some Castiel and Jack!
Chapter 2
The sounds of the brothers eating breakfast as they talked about a possible hunt echoed down the halls. It was a typical beginning of the day, only Castiel was usually in the library or in the kitchen with them, not sleeping. There was still an eerie feeling in his gut, the phantom taste of coffee still on his tongue as he made way towards the kitchen. A part of him didn't want to bother them; didn't want to ruin their breakfast and, from the sounds of Dean's humming and Sam's slow typing, their happy moods. Why did he always feel like he was ruining something for them? Had he always felt that way?
“Castiel!”
He paused, a shiver crawling up his vessels spine as he turned towards the nephilim running up behind him. Shock hit him as he realized Jack was alive. Hadn't Jack died? How could he be here smiling right in front of him?
No. That wasn't right. Jack had survived. So had all of heaven. A rush of his grace washed over him reminding him that that was true. He was a fully powered angel again, thanks to Jack. Memories of their last battle flashed through his mind; it must have been a lapse of memory from his dream. A dream he shouldn't have had.
Jack stopped in front of him, a big smile still on his face. Castiel gave his own forced smile in return. “Hello, Jack.”
“Were you headed somewhere?”
“I was just heading towards the kitchen to speak with Sam and Dean. Did you sleep well?”
Ever since the battle with Lucifer, Jack had been having a hard time sleeping. Most nights he found himself perched next to the young nephilims bed at night, ready to block out any nightmares that may pop up. Jack never mentioned not being okay with it, so he continued to do so. Well, that was when he wasn't sleeping himself, apparently.
The nephilims face faltered for a beat, looking away and shuffling his feet before meeting his gaze again. “I managed to get a few hours.” Sensing his discomfort, Castiel didn't pry. “I was actually wondering, if you were going on a mission, if I could join you?” Jack looked up at him through his lashes, hope and nerves seeping through his gaze.
“Morning guys!” Castiel turned to see Sam standing in the doorway of the kitchen. “You going somewhere Cas?”
“Good morning, Sam.” Jack greeted.
“Well, actually that's what I wanted to talk to you all about.”
“Cas is leaving?” He heard Dean ask from behind Sam.
Castiel couldn't help but freeze at the sound of Dean's voice. The memories of Dean's moans echoing in his head as he awkwardly looked away and at Dean's feet. Remembering watching Dean get ready for work just before he had his panic attack. The feel of Dean's hands on his face, arms, back. He hoped no one noticed as he swallowed in discomfort. It was just a dream, nothing more.
“Yes, and I'm hoping he'll take me on his missions with him!” Jack stated with glee.
“You want to take Jack on your missions?” Dean asked as he finally stepped around Sam and joined the rest of them in the hallway. His tone already laced with disagreement and Castiel sighed, rolling his eyes. This clearly wasn't going to go as he had hoped.
Turning his head and meeting the gaze of all three in his company, he made sure no one else had any more questions before continuing. “With heaven back in working order, alternate universe Michael dealt with, and Lucifer finally…” he paused, cautious of Jack's reaction, “...not a threat, I was planning on taking Jack to finish rounding up the lost souls from heaven.”
“What?!” Came Dean's not surprising reaction. He did seem far more upset than usual, causing Castiel to tilt his head in frustrated confusion. It was normal for Dean to argue with his decisions, but this was different. Strange even. Then again, he was still comparing real Dean to dream Dean, so maybe he was just being overly judgemental for no reason?
Sam sighed at his brother. “I thought with Heaven back in order the souls would just go back?”
“So did I, and so did heaven. As it turns out, not all of the souls have returned like they were supposed to.”
Dean huffed. “That's your problem how?”
“Dean, these are human souls that don't belong on Earth. If they don't travel back into heaven they'll simply become ghosts and we don't want that.”
Dean rolled his eyes in forced agreement. “Yea, well, haven't you done enough? I mean if it wasn't for you, Heaven wouldn't even exist right now.”
Castiel huffed. “It's my duty to…”
“Yea yea yea, protect humanity and crap we know.” Castiel glared at Dean as the hunter waved his hands in defeat.
“Cas, look…” Sam started, stepping in front of his brother to grab Castiel's attention, “If you feel like you need to help the angels and heaven or whatever then we're cool with that.”
“We are?”
“But why do you wanna take Jack too? No offense Jack, but, your powers are still spotty and while you've come a long way the past year, you're still a little... unpredictable.”
Jack nodded in understanding, taking a step forward again. “I know, that's why I was hoping to work with Castiel. He could help me and teach me about my powers.”
Castiel gave a small shrug towards the nephilim. “I wouldn't be able to teach you a lot about your powers, since we still don't know the full extent of your capabilities, and you're the only nephilim I've ever spent extensive time with, but I could help with other things. Is angel radio still bugging you?”
Jack nodded.
Castiel turned back to Sam, Dean still pouting behind him. “I was briefed on a case in Wisconsin. I'll take Jack and if…” Castiel raised his voice as Dean attempted to protest, “ AND IF something goes wrong then we'll come back here and find a different way to help Jack.” Jack smiled at Castiel while the brothers both just stared at him. Sam eventually sighed with a shrug while Dean rolled his eyes and nodded.
“Fine, we have a potential hunt in Nebraska anyways.” Dean and Sam share a look before he continues. “If anything goes wrong Cas, anything at all, you call us and we'll deal with it.”
Cas narrowed his eyes at Dean, a witty retort sitting on the tip of his tongue. Deciding to just accept what he got, he turned towards Jack and nodded for him to follow back down the hallway. “I'll keep in touch.”
He didn't need the Winchester's permission, he just liked keeping them informed. Tracking down human souls that had fallen from heaven was imperative to repairing heaven permanently. It wouldn't be too hard, what could go wrong?
The world passed around them as Castiel maneuvered them down the old side roads. He remembered when driving used to infuriate him, taking much longer than flight. Now, after so many years, he'd grown to enjoy it. There was something comforting about taking his time, letting the world move slowly past him instead of in the blink of an eye. Of course they could have just teleported since, with Jacks help, all the angels were able to recover their wings. A smile grew on his face as he remembered that day, stretching his newly healed wings, taking off across the world and back in the blink of an eye. The brothers jumping when he popped into the library, something he hadn't seen in far too long. Laughing at them just before flying off again. It was a day to never forget.
The memories did remind him of his dream, though. Dream him had been human, powerless and maybe even scared. Heaven had been gone and the angels were all extinct. A shiver ran through him at the thought. To be the only angel on Earth, and to then also be human? It was a good thing it was just a dream.
“Castiel, why do you always avoid speaking about my father in front of me?”
Castiel shifted in his seat as he was pulled back from his thoughts. The nephilim was always very blunt and, at times, he appreciated that. This time he had wished there was a little more warning.
Glancing over a Jack, he gripped the steering and cleared his throat; something he didn't actually need to do but did anyways. “It can be hard to lose a parent, no matter the circumstances.” He looked away as Jack made eye contact and was now watching him closely now. “Losing two must be very hard. I don't wish to upset you unnecessarily.”
“I don't feel upset. My mother didn't trust him, you didn't trust him, Sam and Dean never trusted him. He was…. bad.”
Castiel nodded, eyes back on the road again. “Yes, he was.”
“And I killed him.” Castiel held his breath as he waited for Jack to continue. “I didn't know him, not like I know Sam or Dean, or you. He hurt people, and angels, and I stopped him.”
“You saved many many people, and angels.” Castiel added.
“Does it make me a bad person to not be sad about his death…”Jack's voice quieted, as if he was ashamed of his question, “that I killed him?”
He took a deep breath. “No, Jack. It doesn't make you a bad person.” Castiel's mouth moved as he tried to keep going but couldn't find the right words to say. His own bias wanted to praise Jack on having saved the world by killing the devil, but no matter what, Lucifer had been Jack's father, present or not. Jack continued to watch as Castiel struggled to find words.
“Sometimes, our own actions can surprise us. So long as you remember that you saved the world, then there's no shame in not feeling regret.”
“I understand.” Jack looked away from him, eyes now straight ahead as well.
Castiel frowned, feeling as if the conversation had been disappointing to the nephilim. As if he had missed something Jack had been asking. “Your mother would be proud of you.” Jack looked down into lap before looking away through his window.
Castiel reached over to turn the radio. Music filled the car as they continued on their journey. Jack may be parent-less, but he wasn't without family. Hopefully a few saved souls would help the nephilim feel more accomplished.
Night time in Wisconsin wasn't much different than Kansas. The bugs still sang along with the trees as they swayed in the evening breeze, the air smelling slightly of rain to hopefully come in the early morning. Every few minutes the sound of a passing car on the county road would filter through the window drowning out Jack's soft snores.
The nephilim had wanted to jump right into their mission but Castiel had refused his pleas. He had noticed how Jack would periodically rest against the car door and knew the nephilim must have lied about sleeping well the night before. Souls were unpredictable and he didn't want Jack getting hurt because he was too tired to focus. Since the motel was only a few miles away from the soul sighting, they stopped, Jack only surrendering after Castiel mentioned wanting to do research before hand anyways.
There wasn't much to research. All he was doing at the moment was re reading the news articles for the 10th time.
DNR rescue woman stuck in rocks. Davichou claims she was chased by a glowing orb down the railroad tracks before slipping and falling down into the rocks below. This is the third claim of a glowing orb hanging around WI-113 between the ferry and County V.
Man jumps from ferry after claiming to have been chased by a glowing light. Three other riders claimed to have also seen the light and 24 year old Koviet jumping after seeming to have been chased around the vehicles on board.
The souls he had helped round up the past few weeks were not as active as this one seemed. Hopefully Lailah would have some ideas when they meet in the morning.
“Mom?”
The sound of Jack shuffling in his bed caused Castiel to turn towards him. The nephilim's eyes were squeezed shut as his head moved side to side in distress. He was having another nightmare.
“Mom! I'm coming!”
Castiel stood from the table and headed over towards Jack. Gently, he placed his hand over Jack's forehead sending grace out to help him sleep. After a few seconds the nephilim relaxed, his breathing pattern returning back to normal.
Castiel sighed, sitting down on the bed across from the nephilims. He wished he could do more for Jack than just ease his nightmares. He'd been through enough as a new soul, with losing his mother, being trapped in another world with strangers, then being tasked with killing his father. He was only a year old. Castiel didn't remember his first year very well, but he knew he never had come close to dealing with the things Jack had.
Lying back, he decided to give his own vessel some rest. Of course he didn't require sleep, but he'd learned that allowing his vessel rest did make missions slightly easier. Closing his eyes, he sighed, hoping morning would come a little bit faster.
Castiel opened his eyes with a squint, the afternoon sun beating down on his face. He groaned, shoving his face down into the pillow.
"Mom?"
Castiel squeezed his eyes shut willing that voice to go away. Today was going to be and had already been, hard enough. Dreaming about and hearing his voice? That was something he could do without.
"Castiel!"
"JACK!"
He gasped as the unwanted memories flashed behind his closed eyes. Lifting his arms from under the pillow, he draped them over his head in an attempt to hide beneath them. His fingers scraped his scalp as he searched for something, anything to grab and hold onto. Before he knew what was happening, his knees were curling up underneath him towards his chest. This was another panic attack. Great.
“Mrowr”
The feeling of Milo laying on his back pulled him out a little bit. Forcing the panic down, he focused on the weight on his back as the cat climbed up and laid down. Milo started purring, the vibrations acting as a sooting massage, melting away his panic as the cat purred in his ear. Everything felt like too much and yet not enough but the purring ball of fur was helping.
After a few moments Milo stood up, his little paws shaking as he stretched himself.
“Thank You.” Castiel muttered into his pillow.
“Mrowr.” Turning his head, he met the blueish green eyes of the cat he had adopted. Something in the cats eyes told him that everything was going to be okay; if only he could allow himself to believe it.
Milo jumped off him and the bed, Castiel watching as the black and white cat wandered over towards the bedroom door possibly unaware of what he had just done for this new-ish human. Sitting up on his elbows, pillow crushed between his arms, Castiel watched the cat with interest. Milo looked back at him and moewed again.
“What?”
“Mrowwwr!”
“Use your words.”
Milo sat and stared at him, displeasure evident in the tiny cats black and white face. Amused, Castiel chuckled and reached over to grab his cell off the nightstand, the now lit up screen revealing it was 12:34pm. The lock screen photo caught his eye and he couldn't help but smile. It was a photo of Dean and Sam in the backyard. He couldn't remember when the photo was taken and he frowned at the lack of memory, but what he did know was it had been far too long since Sam had been over. So long that he didn't even remember the last time he'd seen Sam. It was unfortunate that tonight would be the one to break the pattern.
Sighing one more time at the clock, he turned back to his distressed cat. “Well, it's after noon, are you hungry? Is that what you're complaining about?” With a final meow, Milo stalked out of the bedroom and, by the sound of it, down the stairs.
That would be a yes.
Thanks for reading chapter 2! Curious as to what’s going on? Let me know! I’m excited to get the next chapter finished and posted next week. It’ll be a chapter of Human!Cas with more Dean and finally Sam. Which Castiel do you think is the real one? Angel!Cas or Human!Cas?
Hi please go read this coda by @monarchmish. It is beautiful and exactly how season 13 should start. Go give it some kudos, comments, and love. :)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/11479773
"Gimme Shelter" is a Cas-centric episode or so I heard. I can just imagine how happy Cas will be here being all domestic again. Misha did say 15x15 is the last... Happy episode *sobs*
If Cas talks about the "deal" here meant he either starts to feel happy or he realized how he's doing the Winchesters wrong by not telling them the truth.
Or that he's so worried they'd mess up once he's gone 🥺 this episode is that *ugly sobs*
