For @eatyourdinnerjoseph and @dreamnovak
https://archiveofourown.org/works/27573535
A 15x19 coda. Rating: GA
Words. 1.3k
Rain
“The only journey is the one within.”
―Rainer Maria Rilke
Even in the moments where life refuses to slow down, where it rushes forward in a whirlwind of salt-and-burns, home-cooked meals, and endless grocery shopping, Dean still takes time to pause and marvel.
Cas loves him.
It's been months since they beat Chuck, since Earth was saved (again). Months since Cas came back to him.
Dean smiles and trails his fingers down Cas' arm. He's seen the movie a hundred times but each time he watches it with Cas, he discovers something new. Not about the movie, but about Cas.
He loves the feel of Cas' warm skin against his own. It reminds him of all the times when he longed with his entire being to touch Cas but couldn't. Now he can't get enough.
Cas shifts and leans back against Dean's chest. It's a heaviness that brings comfort to Dean. Not the kind of heavy that leaves the heart dull and aching, shattered. Where words crumble somewhere between chest and lips. This is a heaviness that holds and wraps Dean with loving wings. It reminds him of what is his.
Dean squeezes Cas' arm and senses more than sees the smile that graces Cas' lips. He plays with Cas' hair, fingers combing through gently, just because he can.
Cas loves him.
Sometimes Dean thinks about before. It's already something intangible, not because Dean doesn't remember but because that's not who he is anymore. The snake doesn't reminisce of its old, dried up skin. No, it lets go and revels in the new, because it's larger now. The same but different.
“Hey, Cas?”
Cas hums and looks up.
Dean looks down at Cas' blue eyes. They never changed throughout it all but now they shine with love. Or maybe it's that Dean recognizes it for what it was all along. “I love you.” He plants a kiss on Cas' forehead.
“I love you too.” Cas pauses. “You haven't been paying attention, have you?”
Dean shrugs. “I have. That's the guy that's supposed to find the girl, uh, his daughter?”
“Yes, his daughter. I was under the impression that you've seen this movie many times?”
“It's hard to pay attention when you're doing the thing.”
“What thing?”
“You know, just being you.” He continues to play with Cas' hair. He chuckles when he hears Cas sigh from pleasure. “You're like a cat, you know that? Turning into putty at the slightest touch.”
“The human skin is full of nerve endings so this is a perfectly normal response.”
Dean digs his fingers in harder and Cas practically melts against him. “Uh-huh. There is nothing normal about you, Cas. You're quite extraordinary.” He turns Cas' head to the side and kisses him softly.
“This still feels... amazing,” Cas mumbles.
“Mm, good. Perks of being human. You feel amazing too, Cas. All of this is amazing.”
“Urination is still quite the chore.”
Dean chuckles. “Such a romantic Cas.”
Cas squeezes his hand once. “Just the spot, Dean.”
Dean's fingers work their magic with Cas' scalp, kneading and pressing in all the right places.
“I think, this is one of my favorite experiences as a human so far,” Cas muses.
“Me stroking your hair as if you're a chinchilla?”
Cas turns and kisses him. “No, Dean. Just sitting here and enjoying your hands on me. It's remarkable how the body responds to touch, like it craves it from the deepest corners of primal memory. It's a universal longing.”
Dean strokes a finger down Cas' neck. “Yeah, I dreamed of touching you for years.”
“Now you have me.”
Dean opens his eyes with a start. The TV is still on, but the sound is muted. The heat of Cas on his chest has dissipated.
Dean yawns and gets up. It's not that late but suddenly Dean feels tired to his very bones. He turns the TV off. Cas has probably gone to bed. The thought pulls a smile from Dean.
In everything that Dean has taken for granted, that he's written off as just life, Cas takes notice. Sure, Dean still marvels at life with Cas but Cas sees everything as something to revere, even the most mundane things. One time Dean caught Cas staring at him when he was making a sandwich. He said something about Dean looking peaceful and present. Dean had written it off – there was nothing divine about making a PB&J sandwich but Cas had kept looking at him like he was responsible for the stars shining in the night sky.
The harsh lights in the Bunker do chase away some of Dean's fatigue but bed is the best option. Cas wakes up early no matter how hard Dean has tried to convince him that sleeping in is awesome.
It's soft at first, so subtle that Dean dismisses it as noise from the old pipes. It changes, a soft whisper turning into a drumming song. Thunder cracks above him.
Dean turns around and walks towards the Bunker exit.
The raindrops fall on Dean's flannel, momentary beads that shine before they flatten and are absorbed into his shirt. The moon hangs fat and yellow in the sky. Thunder rumbles again but Dean has his sight on Cas.
He sits crossed-legged in the field with his face towards the stars and galaxies but to Dean, Cas is the brightest star. The sight makes Dean's heart constrict.
Cas doesn't move as Dean sits down beside him.
Dean closes his eyes for a few seconds, inhales and exhales softly.
“Sometimes I can hear him, “ Cas says.
“Jack?”
Cas nods and smiles. “Yes. In the rain, in the thunder right now as it crashes around us. In the woods when we're out walking with Miracle. A faint whisper in the halls of the Bunker. In the nudge to eat some nougat.”
Dean clears his throat and takes Cas' hand. He intertwines their hands. “Jack urges you to eat nougat?”
“Well, Sam is the one that buys the nougat but Jack inspires me to eat it. I do it in his memory.”
“I hear him too sometimes. Mostly in my dreams.” Cas opens his eyes and looks at him, his brows drawn down in concern. “They're good dreams, Cas.” He wipes away water from Cas' cheek. “You're all wet.”
“Happens when it rains.” Cas plays with the wet grass and sighs heavily. “I miss him.” Those simple words pierce Dean's heart; they're spoken with such vulnerability. “Sometimes so much that I feel this lump in my chest, an actual ache.”
“Yeah.” Dean doesn't mention the times he has felt that. For Jack, for Cas, for Sam. Every time they died. “That's just your body trying to process. You miss him. You're supposed to feel that. We humans, we feel things all over.”
Cas huffs. “It's amazing but inconvenient at times. It makes me think of you.”
Dean shudders. The rain is seeping into his clothes. “Are you trying to say that I'm amazing and inconvenient? You sure know how to flirt. Why pick one side when you can go for both a compliment and an insult?”
“We were lucky to know him.”
Dean puts an arm across Cas' shoulder. “We are. And he's not gone.”
“He isn't.” Cas gets up stiffly. “I should move. My legs are falling asleep.”
Dean gives him a hand. “Not easy being an old man.” He kisses the back of Cas' hand and suppresses the shivers going through him. “How about a nice warm shower and then bed? Don't want you catching a cold. That's a human experience we can put off as long as possible.”
“I don't know. It seems nice to be pampered. Someone to bring you cakes and hot soup. I can watch movies all day.”
Dean laughs. “I'll make you soup tomorrow, Cas.” He pauses because he doesn't want to put a damper on the mood.
A sudden wind hurls towards him, peppering him with misty raindrops. Dean sputters and wipes at his face. Jack is anything but subtle when he wants Dean to understand something. Dean figures he needs that bluntness. “You know, it was worth it. Everything was worth this. Worth being free. Worth having you. Love you, Cas.”
“Love you too, Dean.”
Above them, the thunder quiets and the drizzle of rain dies down.
Dean laughs.
