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I’ve been called in as a casual at a new school today. I haven’t done a casual day since November, and it’s been more than 6 months since I did one at an unfamiliar school. I’m not sure I actually remember how this works.

#I mean I remember how the teaching part works #But not the rest of it #I THINK I have all the paperwork I need #And I know I need to find out where the bathrooms and the tea making facilities are #But that's about it #Casual teaching #Substitute teachig #Casual teacher #Substitute teacher #Baby first year teacher #first year teacher #educhums

From the school that brought you Window Puncher, Scissor Thrower and Because of Reasons Choker comes “Apropos of nothing behaves in such a way that we’ve had to explain the process for pressing criminal charges, if they so wish, to another child’s parents”.

In the middle of my maths class. Without me noticing because I was helping another child with his work. I can’t help but feel that this one is at least a little bit my fault.

#baby first year teacher #first year teacher #casual teaching #casual teacher #substitute teaching #substitute teacher #educhums #what the fuck is wrong with these kids #And why do I continue to accept work with kids above year 3 at this school?

A conversation with year 3/4 kidlets today

Kidlets: Miss R, shouldn't there be an i in Miss?

Me: Sorry?

K: *points to the board where I've written my name*

Me: Oh, no. So Miss would have an i and and extra s, but I'm not a Miss, I'm a Ms.

K: But can't you only be a Miss or a Mrs?

Me: No, you can also be a Ms.

K: What's a Ms?

Me: It's sort of like Miss or Mrs, only a bit different. Is Miss H [their teacher] married?

K: No.

Me: Is Mrs R [next door] married?

K: Yes

Me: Is Mr C married?

K: Yes.

Me: No, he's not.

K: YES HE IS!

Me: He's not.

K: Then he's at least engaged

Me: Nope.

K: BUT HE IS!

Me: I promise, he's not. And this is my point. If we don't know if Mr C is married, why should we be able to tell if Miss H and Mrs R are married?

K: Ooooh....so are you married?

Me: No.

Kidlet who originally started the conversation: But why not? You're so nice and lovely and beautiful!

#Look you clearly missed the point here #But thank you for saying such wonderful things about me #shit my kids say #casual teaching #substitute teaching #educhums

I’ve agreed to teach 3 days in the last week of term at THAT school in town. You know, the one where other teachers hear that you’ve got your name on their casual list and go “You’ll develop some good behaviour management skills there.” And two of those days are on a year 6 class, which means that there’s a good chance they’re obnoxious little shits who think they rule the world because they’re the oldest in the school. WTF was I thinking when I said yes to that?

#I mean obviously I was thinking a guaranteed $900 going into my bank on the first day of the holidays #Which will mean I probably won't have to dip into savings over the holidays #But seriously what was I thinking?#casual teaching #substitute teaching #baby first year teacher #first year teacher #educhums

Educhums, help a baby teacher out

I’m doing casual/substitute work at the moment, which means that some days, I don’t know that I’m working until I get a phone call at 7 am. This means that by the time I’ve eaten, showered and put on clothes, I have about 2 minutes to grab any resources I might need and head out the door. I need ideas for lunch that I can just chuck straight in my bag and go, and which can be eaten cold if necessary, because the school I was at this week had 1 microwave for about 15 staff to share. I’m happy to prepare a batch of something on the weekend and just grab it on my way out the door, but I have no idea what to make that will still be edible on Friday without being frozen (and therefore needing defrosting at lunch time).

#baby first year teacher #first year teacher #casual teaching #substitute teaching #educhums #education #help #This would be so much easier if I could just bring peanut butter sandwiches to school with me #stupid anaphylactic kids

I was super proud of myself for waiting until it was so late to get into my jammies

And then I looked at the clock, and it was only 5:57. Which means that not only did I fail at staying dressed til late in the evening, but it’s also about 3 hours until I can reasonably go to bed. This teaching thing is exhausting.

#For realisies I thought it was nearly 8 #So tired #baby first year teacher #first year teacher #casual teaching #substitute teaching #educhums

Things I actually said to kidlets this morning while teaching

“Uh, excuse me, class time is NOT dabbing time.”

“Don’t try the ‘Let’s switch names to mess with the teacher’s head’ trick. I INVENTED that trick.”

“There will be no black market gummibearchen trading in my class!”

“Much like Hermione, I expect you to follow the rules. Don’t make me go all cruciatus curse on you.”

“Why, yes, I am savage. Thank you for noticing.”

“Chairs are not a parkour course!”

#Baby first year teacher #first year teacher #casual teaching #substitute teaching #This was all in the space of 2 hours #I'd forgotten how much more fun classroom management is when the kids are in year 5/6 #You just can't effectively threaten the little ones with unforgivable curses

Busy week ahead

Next week I am pre-booked for 4.5 days at my favourite school! I have a variety of classes, ranging from Year 2 through to Year 5. I'm thinking this will be the week that I will test out my Elephant's Toothpaste science lesson, I think the kids will really enjoy it.

#teaching #education #casual teaching #substitute teaching #science