Summary: Joonhwi prided himself in being calm and collected. Always logical, never emotional. Which is why his friends teasing took him by surprise, because he wasn’t obvious at all with his feelings for Kang Sol, or was he?
Or: Joonhwi being a jealous mess and Bokgi and Yebeom being a comedic duo that doesn’t know how or when to shut up.
A/N:this is a 1.3k fic of pure self indulgence, born from a conversation between @ohcoolnice, @sxfik and I, in which we called Joonhwi "Han Joon Whipped". So kudos to you besties for giving me the idea.
Also, if you want to make this 10x better, I'd recommend you listen to No Way! from the Law School OST (here) and have a laugh just like I did while writing.
Part 2 | Masterlist | AO3
-------------------------
It had all started when Joonhwi made the mistake of teasing Sol in front of Bokgi, that one morning when he was being relentless with her about the sunbae incident.
“What’s up with you two?” he had asked. And maybe not giving him an answer was the worst decision Joonhwi had made, because the younger boy wasn’t the brightest, but his persistence would take him places.
And of course, if Bokgi was after something, Yebeom was right beside him.
Which inevitably takes us to the fatidic moment where Joonhwi not only found out the horrific news that Sol was skipping lunch because she was on a date, but also first heard how his friends had been calling him behind his back for a while now: Han Joon Whipped.
* * * * * * *
Joonhwi could hear his friends talking in hushed voices as he entered the copy room. Weird, he thought. When they met up for lunch you could usually hear the group’s voices – mostly Bokgi, Yebeom and Sol’s bickering – from the corridor outside of the office.
So, he tried to make as little noise as possible as he closed the door behind him. He wanted to listen in to their conversation and maybe give them a scare when he turned around the corner.
“Ya! What do you mean Sol noona is on a date?!” Bokgi’s voice sounded as incredulous as he felt hearing him.
His Kang Sol was on a date?! But how did she find time to go on a date? Didn’t they all have to study for an upcoming exam? Well, maybe it was Kang Sol B- Joonhwi froze in his place as his mind started whirling with questions.
“I mean, it’s not an actual date, but yes. He’s the guy who sits right behind us in our class- I can’t remember his name but unnie said he’s cute” he frowned at Yeseul’s answer.
It was most definitely his Kang Sol, on a “date”, with someone else. But since when did she find someone cute? He had never heard Sol referring to someone as being cute other than her sister Byeol…
“She even asked if she could borrow one of my blazers last night, she seemed excited…” SolB’s addition made everyone stay momentarily silent.
“Oh! I remember who he is now!” Bokgi exclaimed “he’s the guy that’s always keeping noona behind when we’ve waited for you after class, isn’t he?”
“Him?” Yebeom added with mirth in his voice “the one who’s scared of our Joon Whipped hyung?”
He’s scared of- wait, what did Yebeom say? Joonhwi perked up his head at the nickname for him and right away what sounded like a precedent book smacking against something resounded through the copy room. And then-
“Ya! Seo Jiho!” Yebeom’s pained whine reached his ears “What’s with you hitting people?!”
“We’ve told you not to call hyung that aloud” Jiho scolded “what if he hears you?”
And Joonhwi took that as his cue to turn the corner and appear in front of his friends. There was a chorus of yelps and gasps – minus SolB who just gave him her signature piercing stare – and everyone looked at him like kids caught stealing candy. And they stood frozen like that for what seem like an eternity.
“How much did you hear, oppa?” “You heard everything, didn’t you?” Yeseul and SolB’s questions overlapped.
He avoided their questions and tried to appear as nonchalant as possible when he asked, “Is Sol coming to study later on? Her date isn’t taking her whole afternoon, is it?”
His answer were five pairs of eyes fixated on him and suddenly he felt very small as he sat down at his usual spot by the end of the table. Bokgi and Yebeom were grinning from ear to ear, Yeseul was smiling and Jiho threw his head back as he sighed. SolB’s eyes somehow said you deserve what’s coming your way.
“What?”
Jiho turned his head to look at him “Hyung, please don’t embarrass yourself by talking any further”
“I don’t know what you mean” he kept trying to maintain a cool demeanor as he reached across the table to pick some pickles to put on his plate.
“Hyung, stop trying to fool us” Yebeom kept eerily grinning at him “we all know you’re whipped for Sol noona and you just proved it to us”
Joonhwi dropped his chopsticks, splashing his soup everywhere as he half sputtered/half choked with the noodles he had just put in his mouth. Jiho sympathetically patted his back as he tried to regain his composure.
Once he was able to breathe again, he pondered his options: he could try to play dumb and get teased or he could admit the truth… and still get teased. And since the first option sounded too much like lying and he was no liar, he was left with no choice but to confess.
“Am I that obvi- yeah, okay, wrong question” he backtracked when he saw SolB’s looking at him with an arched eyebrow “since when do you know?”
“Wait, Joonhwi-ah, you’re not denying you have feelings for her?” Yebeom gaped at him, honorifics forgotten.
“Are you answering my question?”
“I’ve known something was up since you were teasing noona that one morning about her remembering something” Bokgi shrugged “I just silently observed you afterwards… but do tell, hyung, did something happen between you two around that time?”
Yeseul smacked his arm and Jiho tskedat him. Joonhwi cleared his throat and ignored Bokgi’s question.
“So, uh- who is… who is Sol-ah on a date with?” he could feel his ears go warm.
“Why, are you jealous hyung?” Jiho pushed his glasses up his nose with the corner of his mouth turned slightly upwards.
Joonhwi fully smirked at him, mischievousness present of his face “out of all people, you’re the one I have more leverage against roomie… are you sure you want to tease me?”
“Is that a threat?” Jiho arched an eyebrow.
“No no, just merely stating facts over here” Joonhwi gave him an innocent smile “you talk an awful lot while you sleep”
“That makes two of us, hyung”
“Ya! Don’t you know it’s disrespectful to talk about something secret in front of other people if you don’t share?” Yebeom whined.
Joonhwi scoffed although he wasn’t angry “it is equally disrespectful to talk about someone and give them nicknames behind their back”
“Touché”
They finished what was left of their lunch in silence. After that they divided what they needed to revise for their upcoming exam and diligently got to work in small groups, purposefully leaving Joonhwi on his own so he could work with Sol once she decided to show up to their study session.
A few hours went by and Joonhwi couldn’t focus on what he had to do anymore. Sol hadn’t show up and his mind started running wild with thoughts about his Kang Sol doing… things, with another guy. Get a grip, he thought, it is none of your business if she- if she…
He had sighed for the umpteenth time when Yeseul addressed him “Oppa, it wasn’t an actual date- not a romantic one anyways. He’s unnie’s partner for our class project, the professor randomly paired us up. Sol unnie agreed to grab something to eat with him so they could discuss the project after”
“Besides, he’s scared of you, hyung” Bokgi added “you have nothing to worry about”
“Scared of me?” his eyebrows shot up in surprise “Why would he fear me?”
“Hyung, Sol noona is the only one who hasn’t realised-”
“Ya! Jo Yebeom!” Sol’s sudden appearance next to Joonhwi made everyone jump on their seats “haven’t I told you it’s rude to talk about people behind their backs?”
Hi B! I love your blog 🤗💞 I was wondering if you're still doing ships? Bc I'd like to request one! 🥺 I currently look like my profile picture (except my fringe is now by my brows lol), I'm 5'6" and a bit chubby atm bc I've been baking a lot lately (which is something I love to do). I'm about to get my psychology degree, thinking about getting another tattoo, I adore dogs, rainy days and Harry Potter and I'm very happy with how my life is going 💖
ship: | calum | michael | ashton | luke |
(x)
Ashton walked into the house, already drooling over the smell that was flowing from the kitchen. “What’d you make?” He asked, turning the corner to see a fresh batch of cookies on the counter. He quickly snatched one up and shoved it in his mouth before you could notice. What he didn’t realize is they were literally fresh out of the oven and still hot.
You laughed as he tried to chew through the steaming cookie, inhaling cool air to try to soothe the burn. “Careful, those are hot,” you teased. Ashton rolled his eyes, but smiled at you.
“They’re delisious though.” He complimented. “I think these have been your best batch yet.”
You’d been doing a lot of baking lately, trying to perfect all your recipies. Ashton had become a professional taste tester during this time.
“You think so?” You asked.
Ashton nodded. “But, I wouldn’t say no to you continuing to perfect them even more.”
best friend: | calum | michael | ashton | luke |
CALM lyric: “can i have another dance”
Compliment: You’re such a cutie! Also, I can’t believe I wasn’t following you before but I am now. I can’t wait to check out your writings!
Imma be even louder Laura and I'M NOT SORRY AT ALL!! Imagine that exact same facial expression of utter concentration but after he ordered you to strip for him 😝
oh my god i want to die fuck u
honestly though, you’d be briefly surprised when you heard the “strip for me, doll.” and when you look at ash and the way he’s looking at you, with that intensity? your insides just turn to mush as you slowly take off your clothes and his eyes don’t leave you at all but you can see his breathing change slightly and so you’d saunter over to him now that you were left in nothing but your underwear and you watch as his hands twitch before he brings them to rest on your waist, pulling you onto his lap. “who allowed you to look so fucking good for me?” and of course you’re melting but then his lips are on your skin, soft open mouthed kisses first before he starts leaving marks and he can’t help himself as he’s getting his trousers and boxers off and you’re tugging the shirt over his head. and he’d pull the last bits of your underwear off before pulling you back onto his lap, having you sink down on him and just kiss lazily before his hips begin to move a bit and his eyes would watch you as you tilt your head back, letting off a loud moan and he just can’t get over how beautiful you look like that, especially when you’re riding him like that. it’d be a loft slower than how frenzied the kisses were but it felt much more intimate and when you both cum, he cant bring himself to move yet. he just wants to take in how good you look in that post sex afterglow.
So, I hesitate, if I can act the same for you (And my darlin', I'll be rooting for you) - pt. 2
Summary: what Joonhwi ponders about after receiving Kang Sol's support. This was inspired by London Grammar's Rooting For You (you can hear the song by clicking the name).
A/N: here's the awaited second part. Thanks to all my lovely mutuals and their support. Part one is here
Masterlist | AO3
* * * *
"Are you thinking about your uncle?"
Joonhwi's heart skipped a beat as he glanced at Sol's solemn face. He scoffed inwardly while shifting his weight from one leg to another. For someone who could read him so well, she was very oblivious to his obvious feelings for her.
"I'll be rooting for you in your uncle's place" the smile she surely had on her face as she said those meaningful words had his insides feeling warm all of the sudden.
How did I get so lucky? Joonhwi thought. He raised his head to look at her and smiled. "I'll do the same"
Because how could I not? You've given me unconditional support even when I had the world against me and for that I'll be forever grateful, Kang Sol - he had to bite his tongue to stop his thoughts from tumbling out of his mouth.
After their brief interaction, they ate their bowls of ramyeon in a comfortable silence and then headed off to their dorms earlier than usual, both of them too tired to keep practicing their argument for the competition.
But sleep never came for Joonhwi, the events of the day leaving him too shaken up to close his eyes. The realisation he'd had of desperately wanting to kiss Sol while they were practicing in the mock court still too fresh on his mind. Because even though he didn't show it outwardly, he had felt moved both by the passion and tenacity Sol had shown while reciting their main argument and by the way she made eye contact with him for reassurance.
Joonwhi often thought, if someone were to ask, he would never be able to pinpoint when did his feelings began to shift from friendly care to loving adoration. But he certainly knew he never wanted to stop feeling like he did.
That's why, as time went on, his heart went from mere fluttering to full stop every time Sol did something small but meaningful towards him, like that one time he had overslept and she had prepared him a bowl of ramyeon just how he liked it. Because this could mean she felt the same way too...
And because he wanted to test Sol's feelings, he started to tease her more in a flirty way rather than his usual cheeky remarks. Like the time she attempted to tease him about parting his hair to the side and he gave her his signature smirk combined with a flirty comeback, and marveled at how Sol's cheek were tinged a bright shade of pink as he rendered her speechless. But also he started wearing his hair parted to the side more because he knew she liked it.
Finally, the confirmation of Kang Sol's feelings towards him came in the form of Yeseul's advice after a night drinking in celebration of them passing a particularly difficult exam, while he helped her carry an exhausted, asleep Sol back to her dorm.
"You know, oppa, you should tell unnie how you feel" she said as he gave her a pointed look "don't look at me like that, oppa! she likes you... unnie has liked you for a while now but you and I both know how oblivious she is".
And maybe Joonhwi would follow Yeseul's advice. He just had to find the perfect timing to confess his feelings.
So, I hesitate, if I can act the same for you (And my darlin', I'll be rooting for you)
Summary: when Kang Sol starts to see Joon Hwi in a different light. Inspired by London Grammar's Rooting For You (you can listen to the song by clicking on its name).
A/N: this is the first time in nearly 3 years I've written something, so it's on the shorter side. Also, please bare with me if there are any grammar mistakes, I mostly wrote this typing in absolute darkness at 4am. It has a part two (found here).
Masterlist | AO3
* * * *
"I'll be rooting for you in your uncle's place"
When those words left Sol's mouth she immediately regretted it. Not because she didn't meant what she said, but because she didn't know if she would be able to live up to her promise.
"I'll do the same"
Of course you will, you always do - Sol thought. And for a moment she felt frustrated, because when she said those words of encouragement she wasn't just talking about cheering on him for the competition, no.
What Sol meant to say was that she would stand by him no matter what, being his unconditional support until he didn't want her anymore.
Because she felt indebted to Joon Hwi.
And as she tossed and turned in her bed later that night, unable to fall asleep, she started to recall every memory she had from their first year at law school... And in every sigle one of them he was there by her side, protecting her from evil when he could and being her lifesaver when she felt like she would drown.
Sol realised that after Dan's sudden departure, she had felt lonely and had learnt, the hard way, how difficult it was for her to fend for herself - and her family - without any support. That's why she fought with all her might to stay in school, why she constantly overexerted herself studying. Because being a lawyer meant giving them - or rather, little Byeol - a better future.
And she truly appreciated Joon Hwi for seeing how hard she tried and encouraging her, instead of telling her to just quit already like her classmates did from time to time via sticky notes left on her desk at the library.
That's why, when she received a text from him the next morning asking her to have breakfast together, she beamed and quickly scrambled up and away from her bed, running down the stairs to meet up with him.
And that's also why Sol kept telling herself that picking up on more tiny details and mannerisms about him as time went on, like exactly how he liked his ramyeon to surprise him with it that one time she got up before him or teasing him for changing his hair to a side part when they participated on mock trials which backfired terribly when he teased her back with a flirty comeback and she was left flustered and gaping like a fish out of water to their friends utter amusement, was just a way of making sure she was paying as much attention to him as he always payed her.
Yep, that's definitely it, it absolutely doesn't have anything to do with a change of heart - she thought. Because thinking about her possible feelings for him made her heart ache... There was no way he would ever return them. Because he was the great Joon Hwi and she was just Sol. And she definitely felt satisfied she did not with being his unconditionally supportive best friend and nothing more.
Summary: Joonhwi receives a call from a distressed Byeol about Sol being sick, and as the whipped man he his, he goes running to her aid. What he doesn’t expect is Sol’s feverish admittance.
A/N: thanks to the lovely @confusedsoulsramblings for giving me ideas for this chapter, I was feeling stuck and she came through.
TW: sickness, mentions of throwing up, curse words.
Part 2 | Masterlist | AO3
-----------
“… and then hyung goes “I’ll save you some pickles for tonight” as he fixed Sol-noona’s hair” Bokgi and Yebeom’s reenactment of the situation for Jiho and Solb made Joonhwi wish the earth would split in half and swallow him whole.
They were taking a break from studying and his friends had decided to tease him as entertainment.
“Bokgi-ah, I think that’s enough” Yeseul pulled the boy’s sleeve to catch his attention and gave him an apologetic smile “we’ve laugh too much at Joonhwi-oppa’s expense for today”
“Huh? Oh, sure” Bokgi gave him a sheepish smile “sorry, hyung”
Joonhwi made a dismissive gesture with his hand, but he was glad Yeseul had decided to show some mercy on him. “But oppa” she added “Je Siwoo seems to have a serious intention of sweeping Sol-unnie off her feet”
He threw his head back and sighed. That bastard! he had wanted to throw a punch at him for daring to touch his Sol without her consent. He could almost hear Sol telling him she could defend herself just fine, but he wanted to defend and protect her nonetheless.
“Kang Sol-unnie also seems to be making an effort with her appearance, she asked if she could borrow one of my blazers again” Solb added “it seems like she’s trying”
Aish…
“Oppa, are you going to do something about it?” Yeseul’s concern tinted her voice.
Joonhwi looked at the girl he had somewhat started to regard as a younger sister, who had a worrisome expression on her face, and his frown softened. After her trial, Yeseul had profusely apologized to him for dragging him into her mess of a situation, the remnants of guilt she still felt eating her up. He had told her she didn’t need to apologize, that he would’ve done the same for any of their friends and that he was at peace knowing she was safe now. He also knew he had surprised her with his honest answer, because he usually didn’t let his guard down or express his true feelings with anyone other than Sol.
“I- I don’t know” he stammered.
“Oppa, you’ve been pining after Sol-unnie since our first year and we’re about to graduate”
“You should do something about it” Jiho pushed his glasses back “otherwise you might end up regretting it”
“We can help you” Bokgi and Yebeom said in unison and Solb almost imperceptibly nodded along.
Joonhwi chuckled as he looked at his friends’ expectant faces. “Were you planning this all along? It sounds like an intervention”
“We had plans to talk to you about it, but weren’t sure about it” to his surprise, it was Solb who answered his question.
“Although after your blatant display of jealousy, we have no other choice hyung”
“Ya! Seo Jiho!” he exclaimed
“Would you even entertain the idea of doing something about your crush if you hadn’t overheard us talking about you, hyung?” Jiho seemed unphased by him, and at his lack of response he added “I don’t think so”
And Joonhwi hated to admit to himself that he would’ve probably keep finding poor excuses not to confess to Sol. But what if she doesn’t feel the same? I don’t want to make things awkward between us…
Luck seemed to be on their side, because just as they fell silent, Sol turned around the corner with a big smile on her face – which made Joonwhi’s insides turn and twist in jealousy as he discovered it was because of her date – and ready to study the evening and night away. The study session was cut short when Sol had to go home in a rush to take care of Byeol. Her mother had yet again to work through the night and there had been some attempted burglaries around their neighborhood, so she didn’t want to leave the younger girl alone.
Which is why when he got a frantic Byeol calling through Sol’s phone he nearly had a heart attack.
* * * * * * *
Joonhwi had been feeling off the rest of the evening after Sol left campus. He had picked up on the fact that she looked a little pale and the dark circles under her eyes were noticeable even though she had been so cheery. But he hadn’t had the time to question her about it before she left.
It was nighttime now, he had just come out of the shower and was in the process of drying his hair when he noticed his phone was buzzing on his desk, Sol’s name flashing across his screen. He had turned off the blow dryer and picked up the phone with a teasing phrase on the tip of his tongue as to why was she calling so late, which died down quickly when the voice he heard was not his friend’s.
“Hi, is this Joonhwi-oppa?” Byeol’s voice sounded full of worry.
“Hello? Kang Byeol is that you?” he heard background shuffling noises from the girl’s end of the line and his stomach sank “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“I’m okay, but my unnie isn’t” she breathed out, her voice still panicky “I think she has a stomach bug… she has thrown up a few times now and I don’t know what to do! she says she’ll be fine, but it doesn’t look like it and she won’t let me help-”
“Okay Byeol, calm down, try to breathe” Joonhwi put the phone on speaker mode on his desk as he put a hoodie on “I’m coming over, is that okay?”
“Yes!! Please come, oppa!”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can” he haphazardly wrote a note to Jiho to let him know about his whereabouts and placed it on his pillow “keep the phone with you and text me if anything else happens, okay?”
“Okay, thank you oppa!”
Joonhwi took a taxi to Sol’s house, deeming the bus as too slow for an emergency. He knew the fare would be high but could not care less at this given moment. He stopped at a pharmacy on his way and bought some medicine, then jogged through the alleyways until he arrived at Sol’s house. He had to lean forward on his knees to take a breath as he knocked on the door.
“Oppa?” Byeol asked from the other side of the door.
“Yes, it’s me”
He heard the door unlocking and when he looked up, he stared straight into Byeol’s worried eyes, who was beckoning him to get inside. He waited for Byeol to lock the door again and they quickly descended the stairs together, stopping at the entrance of the small apartment to take of his shoes and coat.
“Sol-unnie is still in the bathroom, she’s too heavy for me”
“Byeol-ah, who are you talking to?” Sol whined from the bathroom.
Joonhwi walked in the direction of Sol’s voice. When he stood at the door’s threshold and saw her slumped form, half hugging the toilet bowl and leaning her head against her arm with her eyes closed, his heart clenched.
“Sol-ah, what happened to you?”
She opened one eye and looked up at him in confusion.
“Joonhwi-ah? Is that you?” she croaked “No, it can’t be, I’m probably seeing things…”
Joonhwi chuckled at her and bent down to pry her away from the toilet. He then closed the lid, flushed the toilet, and carefully hoisted Sol up to seat her on top of it. He placed his hand on her warm forehead and she leaned against his touch.
“It is you!” Sol opened her eyes in surprise and leaned back to look up at him “what are you doing here?”
“You know how terrifying it was to receive a call from your scared sister? After you mentioned there were attempted burglaries happening in your neighborhood?” he didn’t mean for his voice to sound harsh, but he had been truly scared her situation was worse “why didn’t you mentioned you felt sick before leaving campus?”
“How did you know- I had to rush home! I didn’t have time to explain, besides it is nothing to worry about! It must’ve been something I ate” she whined “It will go away now that I’ve thrown up, I’m fine!”
So, it was something she ate on her date with Je Siwoo. I hope he’s fucking sick too and that he feels far worse than Sol.
“How can you blatantly lie like that Kang Sol-ah” he frowned at her “I’m sure if you were to be just fine Byeol wouldn’t have called”
“Aish! Stop scolding me” Sol extended her arms towards him “help me get up, I want to rinse my mouth”
Joonhwi grabbed Sol by her forearms and she staggered forward, groaning as she landed onto his chest with an oomph. Sol quickly moved away from him and leaned her hip against the sink, but he didn’t let go of her arms. She grabbed her toothbrush from the cup that sat next to the faucet and meticulously brushed her teeth and rinsed her mouth.
When she was finished, he helped her move to lay down on the living room couch, where Byeol had placed a pillow and a comforter for a makeshift bed. Sol would be closer to the bathroom that way. As soon as she was settled, he made her take some medicine and made sure she was comfortably tucked in the comforter.
“Will my unnie be okay now, Joonhwi-oppa?” Byeol yawned as soon as she finished the sentence, exhaustion visible in her face.
“It seems like she will” he smiled fondly at her “you can go to bed if you like, I promise I will let you know if anything happens”
Byeol surprised him by embracing him in a tight hug “thank you, oppa”
She then gave him a toothy smile and trudged away to the only other room the house had. Joonhwi sat on the ground at Sol’s feet, a tired sigh leaving his lips as he leaned his back against the furniture and turned his head to look at her.
“Joonhwi-ah” she turned her head to the side and barely opened her eyes to look at him “thanks for coming, I owe you”
“It is what friends do for each other” he wanted to slap himself as soon as those words left his mouth. I want to be more than a friend to her and here I am sabotaging myself… great move Han Joon Hwi, just great.
“But Joonhwi-ah” Sol spoke softly, sleep lacing her voice “stop looking at me like that, it makes me want to be the Kang Sol you care about more”
Joonhwi froze as soon as he heard her words. He was surprised she still remembered what he had said on the stand all that time ago, when prosecutor Jin had pressed him for an answer. And of course, Sol being herself, had assumed it was the other Kang Sol he was talking about. But why hadn’t she said anything? Did this mean she felt something for him? Or was she just feverish?
“You are the only Kang Sol I care about” he whispered, and he was somewhat glad that the only answer he got from the girl he loved was a snore.
You were the better part (Of every bit of beating heart that I had)
Summary:Kang Sol had always prided herself in being a good friend. Utterly loyal and selfless, always putting the needs of those she cared about above her own, going above and beyond to be their ever-present support and beam of light through dark times.
But sometimes, just sometimes, she wished she could be more selfish. In various previous occasions, the abnegation of her own needs and wishes led to heartbreak… and this time, she didn’t know if she would be able to survive it.
A/N:I nearly made myself cry with this at least five times while I wrote it and then a few more while I proofread it, so I'd kindly suggest to have some tissues with you.
This fic was inspired by the song "Somebody Else" by The 1975, yet the title are lyrics from the song "You're Somebody Else" by Flora Cash. Both songs evoke the same sad/nostalgic feeling and I'd recommend you listen to either of them while reading to enhance your experience (although they might make you tear up).
Events of the past are written in italics.
TW: Pure angst.
Masterlist | AO3
--------------------------
Sol sighed as she laid down on the grass on the furthest side of the football field. She figured she would be alone for a while before someone noticed she was missing and decided to look for her. She was getting tired of being strong and having to pretend everything was fine in front of her friends, when she just wanted to crumble and cry until her eyes were dry.
The warmth of the sun that washed her skin did nothing to soothe the cold emptiness she felt inside. Feeling sad and guilty annoyed her to no end, because she should be happy for both her best friends; she should be happy Yeseul had found the love she craved and needed in someone like Joonhwi.
But she felt sad nonetheless, because the care and (albeit platonic) love she had once received from Joonhwi, had dwindled down to almost nothing. He still worried over her unhealthy eating and sleeping habits and berated her about it when he felt it was needed, but it was no longer the same. She felt he did it mostly out of habit now and with no real sentiment behind it.
Sol felt the prickle of fresh tears forming in her eyes and she shut her eyes tight, taking a deep breath to try and stop them from falling, but it was useless. A pained sob escaped her lips and her body trembled as flashbacks of memories appeared behind her closed eyelids.
The first one was from after the trial, when she invited Yeseul to stay with her in her dorm because the other Sol had gone home. She was in the middle of brushing her friend’s long locks when the conversation arose.
“Unnie, I feel so grateful” Yeseul’s voice sounded muffled against the pillow she was hugging.
“About what?”
“About having you all as my friends, without your support I don’t think I would have been able to survive this trial… let alone win it” the girl’s voice trembled “but I’m even more grateful of you and Joonhwi-oppa”
“Yeseul-ah” Sol stopped brushing her friend’s hair and gave her a hug, not knowing how to comfort her with words.
“If Joonhwi-oppa and you hadn’t intervened when you did I-”
Sol tightened her arms around Yeseul as she cried on her shoulder, trying not to get emotional herself. She had been so scared for her friend after seeing the signs of abuse… after all she was no stranger to them herself, with seeing what his stepfather had done to her mother several times all those years ago.
“I feel both guilty and grateful, unnie” Yeseul said in between sobs “because he got involved knowing the consequences… and he didn’t mind being called a two-timer and having to testify in court”
Sol rubbed circles on her friend’s back, not daring to say anything so Yeseul could say the things she had kept to herself throughout the trial.
“I owe him now, unnie” she sighed “how do you repay something like this?”
“I think you should ask him”
The second memory to appear was a far sadder one and Sol felt her chest tightening in pain, making it harder for her to breathe. It was of the conversation that catalyzed the situation she was currently in, that had her feeling a heartache as painful as the one she experienced when Dan had left for the States.
Joonhwi had surprised Sol by asking her to go out for ice cream with him after a particularly hard week and she had agreed – albeit reluctantly – because she didn’t want him berating her over her time management and health once again. Their 2L midterms had just passed and while they were waiting for the results, the legal clinic was flooded with new cases, making it impossible for them to catch a breath and relax. Hence why they were currently sitting side by side on a bench in a nearby park, enjoying the rare sunny day in the middle of winter.
If Sol was honest with herself, she was glad he had invited her out because they hadn’t spent much quality time together lately. She thought this was mostly due to the fact that she had started their second year far steadier than their first one, trying to ask more questions in class and optimizing her studying time so she wouldn’t have to cram as much before exams. She still struggled and needed Joonhwi’s help, but not nearly as much as before. Besides, she also had Dan supporting her now.
It was because of her efforts to be a better student, that Sol had enough time to notice a shift in both their relationship and the amount of time they spent alone together. She had also realized him and Yeseul had gotten closer, going as far as him changing seats in class to be besides her sometimes and including her in their – no longer one on one – study sessions.
Sol felt so happy Yeseul was slowly getting back to being her usual more bubbly and confident self around Joonhwi, and him being more comfortable and cheekier around someone other than herself, that she locked away her own worries about her relationship with him in the very back of her head. Because they both deserved happiness… and who was she to deny them of that.
Truth is, as much as Sol tried to deny it and not think about it, this shift in her relationship with Joonhwi was hurting her. Towards the end of their 1L, after the mock trial competition, she had started thinking that maybe there could be a bit more to their friendship. That maybe there was the slightest hope that it could turn into more… she still had engraved in her mind how intensely Joonhwi had been looking at her as they rehearsed their argument, how that had sent butterflies fluttering through her stomach and had made her look at her best friend in a whole new light.
“Sol-ah, you must be really tired” Joonhwi’s voice brought her back from her reverie “your ice cream is melting, and you’ve barely eaten anything”
“Hmm? Oh!” Sol looked down at her cup and moved the melting scoop around with her spoon “yeah, I- I’m really tired”
“Are you sure it is just that?” her friend frowned “you seemed lost in your thoughts a moment ago”
“Yeah, I was just thinking about the case we just took at the clinic” Sol lied, hoping he wouldn’t notice “sorry Joonhwi-ah, I know this was supposed to be a relaxing evening out… but you know how my brain works”
Joonhwi scoffed playfully as he nudged her ribs with his elbow “your brain continuously works in overdrive, that’s why I’m always so concerned with your poor self-care habits”
“Ya! Give me some credit! I’ve gotten better at taking care of myself this year” Sol nudged him back with her shoulder and he laughed.
She noticed out of the corner of her eye Joonhwi scratched his neck for the nth time, then opened and closed his mouth as if he wanted to say something but could not find the right words. She had been aware of his nervous antics ever since they had sat down at the park, but she didn’t want to push him into telling her something before he was ready.
“Sol-ah, I must admit I invited you out with ulterior motives” he cleared his throat “I uh- I wanted to ask you something”
Sol’s heart skipped a bit and she turned to look at him.
“What is it?”
“I don’t even know where to start” he sighed “I haven’t felt like this in a while”
“Felt like what?” her heart was racing by now.
“I think- I think I might like someone” she had never seen Joonhwi being this hesitant before “and I want to ask them out but I’m afraid about how it might go”
Sol was certain this someone he wanted to ask out was not her and she felt her throat closing.
“Who is it? Who do you want to ask out?” her voice came out a bit strangled, but he didn’t seem to notice.
“Yeseul”
Sol felt her stomach plummet to the ground and her mouth go dry. “Yeseul? Jeon Yeseul?”
“Who else?” he chuckled nervously “I- this is as unexpected for me as it is for you, Sol-ah… I didn’t expect to develop feelings for her”
“Mm hm” was all the response Sol could muster, she didn’t dare talk in case her voice betrayed her.
“Do you think I should ask her?” Joonhwi looked at her and she immediately looked away, she didn’t think she could look into his eyes without giving away her emotions.
“I think- I think Yeseul would like that because-” Sol’s voice almost broke, and she hated herself for it “she’s grateful you and I helped her last year, so I don’t think she’ll reject you… but Han Joonhwi…”
“What?”
Sol faked a frown, stood up and turned around to point an accusatory finger towards him “If you hurt her, I’m killing you”
“I won’t, you can trust me on that Kang Sol” he smiled at her, and Sol could feel her heart breaking apart.
The third memory was a bitter one. It was the memory that made Sol wish she could have been more selfish, that she for once had put herself and her desires on top of everyone elses, even if it meant hurting someone she loved. But she was too selfless, and it had proved once again to be a curse. This event had occurred a few days after her conversation with Joonhwi on their ice cream outing.
It was a Friday night and Sol was spending the night at Yeseul’s dorm for a change. They were huddled under the covers of Yeseul’s bed watching a movie, when Sol noticed that her friend was absentmindedly playing with a strand of her hair and not paying attention to the computer screen.
“Yeseul-ah” Sol softly elbowed the other girl whilst she paused the movie “you’re not paying attention”
She snapped her head up and turned to look at Sol “sorry unnie, I just have a lot in my mind”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Unnie, I talked to Joonhwi-oppa this morning…”
Sol’s stomach churned as she felt a wave of apprehension wash her body “And?”
“He asked me out” Yeseul looked away from her “on a date”
“That’s… good!” Sol tried as hard as she could to make her voice sound cheery “what did you tell him?”
“He took me by surprise, to be honest” her friend was fidgeting with a strand of her hair “I told him that I needed time to think about an answer”
“Why?”
Yeseul turned around and looked at Sol and gave her a small smile “Unnie, maybe I’m wrong but, I always thought you had a special relationship with him… and I’d feel horrible to meddle into that”
“Yeseul-ah, we have nothing special, he’s just my best friend!” Sol exclaimed in a high-pitched voice, trying to appear nonchalant “it would be weird for us to be anything else, don’t be silly!”
“Unnie” her friend frowned, her voice indicating disbelief.
“Yeseul-ah, I’ve seen how comfortable and happy you look around Joonhwi” Sol smiled even though her heart was in pain “you’re slowly going back to being the bubbly and cheerful girl I befriended in our 1L… and I’ve seen how Joonhwi has played an important role in that”
Sol raised her hand to stop her friend from interrumpting her.
“And Joonhwi doesn’t open up with anyone, so he either trust you or really likes you, to put his guard down around you and show how he truly is” Sol’s vision got blurry with tears “but most importantly, he’s a good, caring man… and you deserve to be loved and cherished by someone”
“Unnie!” Yeseul gave Sol a tight hug, a sob escaping her lips.
“Go on the date” Sol whispered as she spilled a few tears of her own “you deserve to be happy, Yeseul-ah”
The Sol from the present panicked when someone stopped near her, shading her face from the sun. She feared opening her eyes and look up at whoever had found her in her miserable state and having to explain why she looked a mess and had a tear-streaked face.
“Noona, if you wanted to hide, this is a bad place to do so” Bokgi’s voice made her ease up the tension of her body “it didn’t take me that long to find you”
She opened her eyes and found the boy staring down at her with a sad smile on his face. She lifted one corner of her mouth in an attempt to reciprocate the gesture and then chuckled mirthlessly.
“Do you mind if I join you, noona?” he asked “I get that you probably wanted to be alone but-”
“It’s fine, lay down with me” Sol patted the empty spot beside her “I could use some company”
Bogki rummaged through his bag for a few seconds, passing her a handful of paper napkins, before laying down. Sol silently accepted them, dried her face, and then clutched them to her chest. They spent a few minutes in silence before Sol spoke.
“You’re not going to ask me?”
“Ask what, noona?”
“Why was I crying when you found me”
“I think I know why” Bokgi sighed “because I think we’re sad about the same thing”
“Oh?” Sol turned her head sideways and saw a tear rolling down Bokgi’s cheek.
“I think we’re both sad about Yeseul-noona and Joonhwi-hyung’s recent announcement” he turned to look at her too.
“Mm hm” she extended a handful of the paper napkins towards him and Bokgi half smiled.
The reason why Sol had been in the field all along had been because at their lunch break in the copy room, Joonhwi and Yeseul, after months of dating, had announced that they were officially in a relationship. Joonhwi had kissed Yeseul’s forehead afterwards and that had been the last straw for her. She made a poor excuse of needing to call Dan – which made absolutely no sense given the different timezones – and had ran as far away from the copy room as her legs would take her.
“Back in our 1L, you liked Joonhwi-hyung, didn’t you noona?” Bokgi’s question sounded like a statement to her.
“I think you know the answer to that question” Sol sighed.
“I always though Yeseul-noona was out of my league” the boy sniggered “but still I had the smallest sliver of hope that she would reciprocate my feelings one day”
“You would’ve been cute together” she gave his upper arm a reassuring squeeze.
“You would’ve made a cute couple with hyung too, we all thought that back in 1L” Bokgi pat the hand she had placed on his arm “but I guess there’s no use in thinking about it now”
“Nope” Sol felt her eyes brimming with tears again.
“All we have left is to be happy and supportive of them, right?” Bokgi whispered.
