Notes on Happily Ever After
(Reading Happily Ever After: The Romance Story in Popular Culture by Catherine Roach)
Roach talks about romance as the cultural imperative for women, the be-all end-all (she also argues the point, mind you, she’s not going Second Wave on it), and it is giving me a thought.
It sort of comes back to people who say Pride and Prejudice is about getting married. Which it is not, not really. And by extension, I’d say in lots of romances that’s not the end goal for the heroines (unless there’s a trope in use, or they want something other than the hero and the marriage provides it, see marriage of convenience).
The thing is, I would call a romance where the whole story concentrates on the heroine wanting to get married and where the remains unchanged a very bad one. To me at least, it’s about the heroine’s journey and self-discovery and finding out who she is and accepting herself. Yeah, she has a relationship with the hero and she wants her and they get a HEA or at least a HFN, but it seems... accidental, you know? Because it wouldn’t happen if the heroine (and hero) didn’t overcome the external and internal barriers, and that can’t happen without some sort of personal growth and reflection. My absolute favourite romances are where the heroine grows into herself with some support from the hero – the less he has to help out the better, but he’s there if she needs a hand occasionally – and he loves her for the growth she’s getting through and the potential she has in her. Do you know what I mean? And she’s not going to end up with him just because she needs someone to hold her hand and walk her through life. She falls for him because he, too, does some growing (and this is a thing I think is vital, see Darcy) and fully supports her growth and who she is.
Elizabeth Bennet would have married Mr Collins if she just wanted to get married. If she just wanted a hot rich guy, she would have married Darcy when he first proposed. But she wants respect, and she wants affectionate companionship, and she needed to do some self-realising and growing (as, again, did he) before they could be well matched and actually enter into a strong, loving, equal marriage that the readers can have faith in.