Serious question time: if Crowley and Aziraphale ever tried BDSM, what would happen?
“Why are we doing this again?” “It adds to the thrill.”
“Well, of course it doesn’t work if you keep unlocking the handcuffs.” “I can’t help it! It’s instinct!”
“Oh, I know how that thing works! I’ve seen rodeos. Let me try.” “No, wait! You’ll --” *crash* “That was my favorite plant! SO THE REST OF YOU HAVE TO PICK UP THE SLACK!”
“Sorry, this goes WHERE?” “Don’t look at me, angel. Humans thought this up.”
“I feel awfully underdressed. Doesn’t this come in a more flattering colour?” “You get used to it.” “What about the chafing?” “You didn’t miracle yours away? I did.”
“... Wait. Wait just a minute... You didn’t get this idea from THOSE AWFUL BOOKS!”
“What books? Told you, I don’t read books.”
“They made -- well, I shudder to even lump them in with true classics, but there are... ‘movie’ versions, too.”
“Did you just ‘air quote’ at me?”
“I won’t dignify that with a response.”
“Bet this is why the humans all use handcuffs for this sort of thing.”
“What’s your objection to ‘air quotes’?”
“Now you’re doing it deliberately.”
“Stop that! I know your lot invented them --”
“We did not! Clearly they are demonic in origin. Or, should I say, ‘demonic’.“
“Right. Handcuffs aren’t working, and I’m not letting you take out any more of my plants. Want to go ice skating instead?”
“Ice skating? It’s the middle of summer!”
“Yeah, but the road to Hell is paved with door-to-door salesmen. A lot of the younger demons use it for ice skating practice.”
“You think they’re gonna tell us we’re not welcome?”
“Oh, all right. But I’m not wearing this. Let’s stop back at my shop so I can get my coat.”
“No need. I have the perfect coat.”
“Is that... leather? What are all those zippers for?”
“Trust me. And here. You’ll need sunglasses to complete the look.”
“Hmm... Well. I suppose this will do. I do rather like this look, though if this becomes a regular thing, I’ll have to speak to my barber. I’m not certain this haircut works, and one should always dress for the occasion.”
“Glad you learned something in France.”
“Oh! Can we stop there afterwards? For the --”
“Crepes. I know. Anything you want, angel.”