#cdd tag

[castleofravens]

i wish there was more good cdd representation in media, like i headcanon characters as having some cdd but i want actual representation that isn't just.. demonized or romanticized/mysticized

[lichfucker]

for all that I wholeheartedly believe silver's "wife" is max and not madi, I am going to continue to write fic with madi in that role because I love tragedy. and I want everyone to be miserable forever

[lichfucker]

this time last year was WILD for me writing-wise. may was hagfic chapter two and june was BOTH fraught and cdd. and parrotfic was september but I had already started working on it in june; that's why the last couple sections of cdd sound Like That

[lichfucker]

friday is the anniversary of cdd... insane that it's been a year since I committed an atrocity in the bs fandom

[lichfucker]

silver compares himself to a golem in one of my fics counter: 2

[lichfucker]

reread cdd. whoever wrote that thing is fucked in the head

[lichfucker]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

oh this is adorable. I love this so much.

five is an interesting number because-- discounting the four wips I consider active and the fan music I've written-- I've only published seven fics. so this'll be less a question of which ones I include and more a question of which I don't.

all right. let's get into it.

in no particular order:

Through His Stomach - Black Sails - E - 24k - ongoing this is my dark fairytale au. when I refer to "hagfic" I'm talking about this piece. Thomas is dying, and Flint strikes a deal with a mysterious magical entity known as the Cook to save his life. this fic is full of hunger and magic and psychosexual fixation and devotion and desperation and cannibalism and some of the most gorgeous prose I've ever written in my life. I learned how to write smut for this fic. it's my pride and joy. it has my heart in a way no other fic ever will.

Ner Tamid - Black Sails - M - 3k - complete if Through His Stomach has my heart, Ner Tamid has my soul. this is a character study about Silver and judaism and grief, masquerading as canon divergence wherein he cannibalizes Muldoon's corpse in the doldrums. I had a fun little mental health episode the night before my mom's birthday and wrote this whole thing in one ten-hour sitting. it's a pesach story-- the doldrums the plagues, Muldoon Nachshon, the dairy goat the paschal lamb, and Silver the prophet. Silver Moses. it's about the burden of responsibility and the burden of survival. it's about seeing how far you'd go just to keep shouldering that weight.

Sanguine - Ted Lasso - M - 19k - complete my Trent/Ted vampire au featuring Trent as the vampire (I got nearly 30k into my Trent/Ted vampire au featuring Ted as the vampire, but I honestly don't know if I'll ever finish that one). Sanguine is an s2 canon divergence wherein Trent goes into a frenzy after Ted lies about his panic attack and kills someone. it's about want and monstrosity, about seeing the grotesque and loving it anyway. I'm especially proud of how the narrative voice shifts between the scenes from Trent's pov and Ted's. it's just… a good story. Ted Lasso is the biggest fandom I've written for, so it makes sense that this is my most popular fic, but it very much deserves to be my most popular fic regardless. it's just a good story. it's a good story.

Cold, Dark, Depraved - Black Sails - E - 10k - complete my latest crime, extremely heavy on the angst. I nicknamed this fic "anti-comfort fic" on purpose. a canon-compliant look at s3 and s4 wherein Silver and Flint had been sleeping together for a long while, then broke up when they got to Maroon Island. it's about grief and cruelty and saying, "there can be no happiness in the world, and to prove it I will go out of my way to eradicate any shred of happiness I can find." this is a fic about beating yourself half to death and digging your fingers into every bruise. it's about love and denial and care and grief. grief is my favorite subject.

Five Girls Annie Almost Kissed and One She Did - Community - T - 11k - complete this is the earliest fic on my ao3 (I had a different account I used in high school; it's still out there somewhere but it's not worth finding). a canon-compliant character study of Annie from middle school all the way through the first few seasons of the show, chronicling her journey towards discovering lesbianism. I'm sure if I rewrote it today, six years later, it would look very different, but it's precious to me as it is. this is a fic about Annie, and it's a fic about me in equal measure.

there it is. that's my five. shout-out to the two I didn't include (Fraught, 15k of fucked-up smut for a book series three people have read, and Crawl 'Til Dawn, the Annie/Britta vampire au I left unfinished for four and a half years but finally got me back into writing, another piece I'd do very differently if I wrote it today).

thanks for letting me gush about my work. it makes me so very happy to do.

[lichfucker]

turns out I can recite all the dialogue in cdd word for word. cool because until yesterday I hadn't touched it at all in three weeks. uncool because the dialogue in this fic is um horrible. not horrible as in poorly written but horrible as in "holy shit why would you ever say that to another human being"