#cec rants

[exjwthings]

Hello! Just wanted to brag about my accomplishments a little! I recently officially became a nationally certified paramedic! Working somewhere in the medical field is something I always wanted to do, but never thought I’d be able to. Considering I was raised in a cult that told me not to go to college, and frankly having untreated ADHD made me feel like I would never be able to do well enough in school for anything like that anyway. Also I thought I’d be too empathetic to do what’s necessary (turns out I am not). Here I am though, starting my new job next month!

[latenightpanic]

Okay so I've taken some time and thought about it and so far season 2 is worse right??? I feel like some of the later episodes of season 1 too??? Like I hope it gets better but as of right now I feel like malcolm needs to take a nap, Ainsley needs to also take a nap, and Gil, Dani, and JT need more screen time that involves them having actual personalities??? Maybe I'm wrong but these are my thoughts.

[exjwthings]

I'm just saying one of my favorite songs growing up was called "losing my religion" like they should have seen this coming.

[exjwthings]

I still think its hilarious that I tried to fade out of the kingdom hall, but this lady was trying to be my mentor and kept trying to give me rides to meetings

and so she asked me if I needed a ride one day and I said "no I'm not going tonight" and she said "why?" and I took a long time to respond so she called me and asked me "why?"

And I said "I (full minute pause) don't think (30 second pause) I want to go (another minute) to meetings...anymore." and she's on the other side of the line completely silent, and next to me, my sister (who was sure I'd chicken out) is dying in the background listening to me talk in 1 words per minute. And I was so embarrassed and stressed that when she said "you know you can/can't call me if you need anything" I couldn't tell if she said can or can't but I could see it going either way so I said "yeah" and hung up.

[exjwthings]

Its just so surreal to me that for 18 years of my life I was brainwashed and believed so many things whole heartedly, and didn't allow myself to enjoy so many amazing parts of life, and believed with my whole being that life would just be that way forever and now it just isn't? I'm just blown away by the reality that I escaped that nightmare, but also by the fact I was there in the first place?

[exjwthings]

Anybody else have a really hard time when people are like casually religious. Like I'm not saying this is the right way to think about it, I realize this isn't a fair thought process and I realize that everyone needs their own stuff and sometimes that's faith and it's awesome that they found a way to do that without being brainwashed and letting it consume their lives!

But like sometimes it just feels like when a friend tells me their religion is chill though so it's fine (especially if they try to convince me to go or something). It's like somebody is friends with my ex who abused me physically, mentally, and emotionally and then they're like "yeah but like they're pretty chill to hang out with once in a while."

Once again I realize that's not what it actually is, but does anybody else feel like that sometimes?

[exjwthings]

So recently started thinking about my past as a JW again and I feel like I'm suddenly just so mad. I don't even know what I'm mad about exactly, everything I guess. I'm just irrationally angry whenever I think about it. I feel like I've gone a long time being able to just think of it as a weird dream or something and suddenly it just hit me again that it was real and everything I lost to it was real.

Plus today I found out one of my coworkers is an elder. I don't know if bad is the right word, just off center? Anyway I just needed to rant about this somewhere...

[latenightpanic]

I think its wild when I'm on a scene and somebody takes a swing at a cop and everyone is like "oh well now you're going to jail forever!" But in EMS I don't know a single person that hasn't been kicked in the head at least a couple times by a pt and it's always "what could you have done differently to prevent that in the future?" Like I don't want people to go to jail, most of them are either on way too many stimulants, or having a mental health crisis, usually both, but I'm sick of the double standard. You don't have to go after them, but don't fucking blame us for being assaulted when you purposely put us in dangerous situations so that you can save money.