hey yall this is a bit of a mess but hello! it is here! yeah remember when carlos astral projected into cecil's studio in "antiques"? we love that its one of my favourite episodes
“Cecil…” a voice whispers.
Cecil gasps. The tear that had been forming in his eye splashes down onto his knee. He would know that voice anywhere.
Cecil looks out into the darkness. Nothing. He rubs his eyes with balled up fists. He opens his eyes. Nothing. No one is there. The room is still, the air stagnant. He hears the wind blowing outside. It is silent.
“You're hearing things, Cecil,” he tells himself. “Carlos isn't here. Carlos is… Well, not here.”
Cecil jumps again at the sound. It sounds so real. Almost as if it were right behind him. He goes to turn around, pausing to hang on to the suspense for a moment, to the idea that his missing boyfriend will be right behind him, surprising him with the greatest gift of all time: being home.
He turns, and Carlos is not there. Of course he's not. It's been months now and he hasn't been able to come home, and he doesn’t know when he will be able to. He's not here.
Cecil sighs. He stares into the empty corners of the room for a hopeful second, then he flops face down on the bed.
He hears the voice again.
It sounds to be right in front of him this time.
I must be going crazy, he thinks to himself. He berates himself for a moment for being all the things he denies being, selfish, codependent, useless… But he hears it again and it's definitely too real to all be in his head. Someone is doing this … if not Carlos, then who? Who would pretend to be Carlos? Is someone trying to mock him? Scare him? Too frustrated to deal with this, he doesn't even look up.
“Who are you?” he groans. “You can't be Carlos. He isn't here. Why do you taunt me with his voice? Well, whoever you are, I honestly don't care. Just leave me alone.”
“Faceless Old Woman, are you doing this? It isn't funny. I'm sorry about reorganizing the shelf you organized. I didn't like it in reverse alphabetical order, it was hard to find things.”
A laugh. An adorable, perfect laugh. Cecil's heart melts, and he can't help but look.
Without his glasses on, it’s admittedly a little hard to verify the reality of the apparition before him, but it's…
“Cecil!” he exclaims. “You can see me?”
“I...I can see you, yes.” Cecil squints. Could Carlos really be here? Is this an illusion? “How…”
“I'm not really here. I'm still in the desert otherworld. But I think I've figured out how to exploit the breaks in reality to my advantage. Sometimes… this happens? Often I can see and hear into Night Vale, but it seems like no one can see or hear me… But you can see and hear me! So… Hi Cecil! This is pretty cool, right?”
Cecil sits up on the bed, staring at Carlos. “You…”
Before Carlos can respond, Cecil is leaping from the bed, practically throwing himself at him. Carlos puts his arms out to receive him, nervous but still hopeful.
When Cecil's body passes through Carlos' like it's a cloud of haze, Carlos is disappointed, but not surprised. Cecil is very surprised.
He catches himself before he can fall over, and he turns to frown at Carlos.
“But…. you're right here. Why are you not… here?”
“I'm not here because… I'm not here. I'm kinda here, but not really here. To be honest, I'm unable to find a scientific explanation for this. Which, in a way, is exciting! There is so much research to be done here! My best guess would be that this world is a subsidiary universe of Night Vale in some way, making them connected somehow. There are several portals, like the dog park, and the house that does not exist. I don't know how I did this, though. There are certain spots which seem to be pocket portals, some of which take you entirely to Night Vale, and some just connect you to its audio or visual stream. It's taken me awhile to get to you. I was in someone's bathroom for a little while earlier, I'm not sure where. I don't know how long I'll be able to maintain this. So while you cannot hug me, you can still enjoy this small pocket of time that we are able to share together.”
Cecil reaches out, passing his hand through Carlos's arm. There is a soft sadness in his eyes.
“Here.” Carlos holds out his arm, placing his ghost hand tenderly inside of Cecil's. It almost looks like they're holding hands now, but neither can feel anything. He can see the texture of Carlos’ rich skin, but he cannot feel it. Cecil grasps at the air that is Carlos’ nonexistent hand, looking up at him with teary eyes.
“Hey, Ceec, it's gonna be okay. I'm here. Well, I'm-- You get the point.”
Cecil takes a short breath. There is no point in blubbering, he decides. He does not know how long Carlos will be able to speak to him for.
“You don’t have to miss me,” Carlos laughs. “I'm right here.”
“Hey, hey… Don't make that face, bunny. What's wrong?”
“It’s… Nothing,” Cecil decides. “I've just missed you. It's been weird waking up without you, coming home from work without you. I know we call every single day, but… It's not the same as … feeling the warmth of your radiant presence.”
“Aww, I understand. But you don't need to cry, okay? Don't cry…”
“I'm not crying,” Cecil sniffles.
Carlos smiles. He mimes brushing the hair from Cecil's face, and Cecil finds himself giggling. He pushes his hair back out of his eyes.
“I think it might be time for a haircut, huh?”
Cecil leans in closer to Carlos. “Maybe, now that I've got someone to impress again.”
Carlos grins, leaning in even closer. Cecil studies every part of his beautiful face, not wanting to have to stop looking at it ever again. He is overcome with an overwhelming urge to kiss him. Carlos must feel the same, because he leans forward, just enough that his lips are touching Cecil's -- or would be, if he had a corporeal form. Cecil closes his eyes, and he can't feel anything. He wishes he could say that he felt something, but he didn't. There was no physical sensation. To anyone witnessing this, Carlos is here, kissing him, but… he isn't. With his eyes closed, Cecil feels totally alone.
Cecil opens his eyes again, and he meets Carlos’ gaze. It’s strange to be close enough together, but to not even feel Carlos’ breath on his lips. But he can feel his gaze on him, and see the twinkle of love in his eyes as he meets it. He studies every inch of his face. He normally doesn't get to look at Carlos from this close up. It's strange. And beautiful. Seeing that face so close to his …. despite the lack of touch, despite the lack of a real kiss, he feels warm and bubbly on the inside. It's intimate in a wholly different way. It's almost like a first kiss all over again.
Then Carlos starts to flicker.
“Cecil! I'm sorry! I don't know what's--”
Carlos disappears. He had been right there a millisecond ago, but now he's completely gone, without a single trace.
Then, he reappears. “C-Cecil, I can't control--”
And reappears. “I'll call you!!”
Then Carlos blinks out of existence once more, and he is gone. Cecil frowns. He does not feel concern, knowing that Carlos is surely alive and well in his desert otherworld, but he feels sadness. He feels absence. He feels like a hole is boring into his heart.
Cecil takes a seat on the edge of his bed, sighing. He picks up his phone. There is a text from Carlos.
‘Hi baby!!!! I'm sorry I randomly appeared and then ceased to exist in your bedroom like that, I don't wanna scare you or anything. I'm ok!!! It was really really nice to see you in person again. I'll be hard at work to figure out how to do this again so I can visit, and also figuring out how you can come visit me! Love love love’
Cecil smiles. He takes a screenshot of the text. A small piece of duct tape over the hole in his heart.
‘I love you!’ he texts back.
The phone starts ringing, and he puts it to his ear.
“Yes, I responded to it.”
“Oh. I didn't see it. Hi, Cecil. I'm okay! It was cool to see you. And also, quite scientific! I'm very excited to get to personally investigate astral projection…”
Cecil listens to Carlos talk on, feeling bubbly with love for him. He may be far away from home, and Cecil may not get to be with him all the time, but he is still always here with him, in some way or another. Cecil smiles. He doesn't miss him, because he is right here.
