A connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before.
As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever loved anyone before.
Figured in celebration of it being a Friday, I'd share another one of the random Hotchniss edits I made on my cellphone.
I was going for a 'just moved into the home we built together' Hotchniss vibe. Let me know what you think, and if you want to see more edits or have any requests.
For me the biggest injustice in Criminal Minds beside never seeing Hotchniss come into fruition, is getting to see Emily become a mom. Whether it was through adoption (Declan), pregnancy, or being Jack's stepmom.
Emily just had so much love to give a child, it broke my heart the scenes of her longing for that. I think she never truly forgave herself for Rome, and thought it was her penance to pay.
It haunts me that she never got the family and home she truly deserved. She would have been the most empathetic, supportive, caring, accepting, and amazing parent to some lucky kid.
Probably some of the most sickeningly sweet, tooth rotting fluff I have written for Hotchniss.
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"Thomas Kempis wrote, Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of its trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility; for it thinks all things lawful for itself, and all things possible.”
~ Aaron Hotchner 6x06 ~
Aaron never fully understood the sentiment of what Thomas Kempis had written. Until he opened himself up, letting her love in freely. It wasn't hard once he consciously realized all the little ways she had been showing him for years, reminders he wasn't alone.
For far too long he just hadn't been ready, to see what she was offering, too afraid to risk his heart after Haley. She made him finally see life could be filled with more than the mundane monotony he had settled for.
Once he realised the truth, it became a distraction he couldn't put it out of his mind. Aaron was just glad she could see him and naturally read the change in his demeanor. And, that she had the courage to break their stalemate and approach him, before he went completely insane.
Emily had been and honest with him, letting him know, he wasn't alone, her feelings for him had been building for years. That she never intended to act on them so directly, until she realised they weren't quite so unrequited. He would never forget the shy smile and hint of blush that animating her face, as she admitted she had been waiting for him.
She told him she didn't want to live with anymore regret in her life. That she already had too many and was done making excuses or waiting for later to come. Too tired of just playing by the rules, Emily didn't want to risk waking up one more day knowing life wasn't guaranteed, especially in their line of work.
She expressed how she didn't want to hold herself back, being with someone else, when he was who she wanted. Emily passionately pleaded her case, when he found himself struck frozen and at a loss for words. Saying how even if their relationship was the biggest failure of her life, or even the worst mistake she made, it beat the hell out of never giving them a chance.
Not that she had believed the odds were stacked against them, nor that they would likely fail. Just that she was done hiding and waiting for happiness. That she would rather know his love and touch, than wonder if she would ever get receive it. That she would rather wake up next to him everyday, than fall asleep and dream about him next to anyone else.
But above all, that she honestly and truly believed they couldn't be anything but extraordinary together. And Emily would rather risk them having a chance at being glorious together, than lonely and lost apart, knowing the longed for them just as much.
Accepting her genuine feelings and voluntary choice to start a relationship together despite the possiblity it might not work out. The fratranization rules they could circumvent, putting her under Rossi's direct supervision. Knowing the team's opinion and dynamics would be their biggest hurdle, they could jump together when they were on more solid footing.
Aaron thought it was going to be difficult and require restraint and patience on his part. But he learned that the only thing easier than receiving what she had to offer, was giving and expressing his own thoughts, feelings, and desires in return.
It felt like breathing, it came as a second nature to him, when he finally allowed himself to consider the possibility of being who she wanted. It's not that he doubted her authentic words and acts of love and affection. Aaron just had a difficult time believing he was worthy of what she continued to offer him so freely.
Seeing her with Jack, was just icing on the cake, the two together were adorably sweet, sharing a special bond, he wasn't sure he would ever fully comprehend. He knew it wasn't just the result of a son missing his mother, and a woman who longed for children of her own.
It was the way the two people he loved most just understood each other's souls. They loved to play practical jokes, and have their own little games he could never keep up with. They were instantly thick as thieves and fed off each other's ridiculous antics driving him nuts.
Yet he saw the little ways, she kept the memory of Haley alive, for both him and his son. Making sure Jessica always felt involved and included in their plans and family. Consulting her for stories and traditions so Jack would never forget the woman who gave him life. But above all, knowing Emily was inadvertently helping him keep Haley's dying wish for their son.
Emily's unconditional love for his son, was the cherry on top of the cake. The final ingredient that perfected the completed sugary confection, that he hadn't known he needed. But now he had it, had gotten a taste of what life with Emily was like, Aaron knew she was it for him.
He was terrified one day he would say or do something that would hurt her. Or not say, or not do something, she needed from him. Aaron knew Emily was the most empathetic and self-sacrificing person he had ever known, but he never wanted to test the extent of her saint-like patience and understanding. He never wanted to give her a single reason to question his feelings or begin to think about ever giving up on him.
Aaron knew he sometimes let issues build, ignoring them when they seemed trivial. He had no doubt, he eventually would screw up, majorly. He was worried, when that happened, he would not see the obvious signals in her, and respond accordingly, to what she needed most from him. He didn't want to take her for granted in any way, shape, or form, as she had grown used to from everyone who came before him.
Aaron hoped Emily could continue to read all his insecurities, even the ones between the lines, he couldn't verbally share, or didn't even know he had. He just didn't want something, as ridiculous or pointless as a miscommunication, to ever come between them. He knew things could spiral from that point and end in a conclusion he didn't want or expect.
That's why he tried to be more open, put an effort into sharing thoughts and feelings, even if he felt silly doing it. He knew it made her deliriously happy whenever he acted like a sappy lovesick fool in her presence.
How sometimes she heard him, but only felt uncomfortable accepting his compliments, not used to the words being so genuine from others. That she would naturally grow quiet and bite her lip, in attempts to distract him from the natural reaction of blush forming in her complexion.
His favourite response though, was how sometimes she would try to look away, and hide her face, as if she should be embarrassed. As if she was worried she would scare him off with the full extent of her unconditionally selfless love for him.
But he knew the second she opened his arms or he brushed against her on invitation, she would immediately embrace him. Latch onto him and try to disappear into the crook of his neck. Almost as if she was attempting to meld into one with him, forever attached. Aaron knew as much as she desired physical contact as did he, they were connected on the deepest emotional and intrinsic level humanly possible.
And that's simply why they had always worked so seamlessly together, even before they knew they could be more.
He had never known such a level of faith, loyalty, and devotion was possible until her. She made him believe in the impossible, made him want every dream he had of her to come true. Emily made him want to set fire to every doubt and disappointed he ever felt.
Loving her was the easiest thing he had ever done in his life. Making her happy, showing her his love, being her rock, shoulder, and person when she felt weak and worthless, was his purpose in life.
Loving Emily felt like weightless or freeing in its mass. Easy and carefree upon his heart and soul. With her, he could bear any weight or disarm any challenge he faced. For she gave him strength he didn't know he had, and made him believe in everything he doubted before.
Emily made Aaron see the truth and reality inside of Thomas Kempis's words. "Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of its trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility; for it thinks all things lawful for itself, and all things possible.”
Aaron knew one day soon he would be an uncharacteristically emotionally blubbering mess, when he uttered those exact words, as part of his vows to publicly convey his undying devotion to the woman he wanted to spend forever with. He just had to find a way to finally pop the question that would make all his dreams a permanent reality.
Even though she was a constant source of surprise to him, Aaron should have known, he was a fool for waiting and Emily would beat him to it.
Jack had snuck into their bedroom when Aaron was cooking Emily breakfast in bed for Mother's Day. He had repeatedly asked Jack to wait just ten more minutes and he could carry the tray into surprise her. Aaron should have known the second his back was turned and he was momentarily distracted, that his son would make a move. He just hoped Jack didn't manage to disturb Emily's slumber.
Jack carefully opened the door, peeking his head through the crack. When he noticed Emily awake whispering to his little sister he wanted to join in. He tiptoed over to the bed using the comforter as leverage to pull himself up. Quietly inching his way over, not intending to disturb his covert observations.
Yet, Emily had known the second he scampered up the stairs, no doubt sneaking away from his father. When he didn't interrupt, she carried on her musings talking to the life growing inside her. When she noticed Jack's eyebrows furrow with a faint sad look appearing on his face she knew she had to cheer him up.
"Baby girl I can't wait for you to get here so you can cuddle and play with your big brother. If only my big and strong 'Jack Attack' was here to give me one of his super duper hugs. They always make me happy, especially first thing in the morning."
Jack giggled seeing her eyes focused on him, knowing he had been caught. He slowly rolled a full turn sideways to land in the perfect hugging distance, only slightly squished by the belly where his little sister currently lived.
"Morning Emmy. I been thinking since you told me a secret, can I tell you one too. But it's not really a secret cause I already asked daddy and Auntie Jess awhile ago. Plus I also talked to mommy about it with my candle last week."
Emily grinned at Jack rambling about what constitutes a secret in his mind. "Good morning sweet boy. My ears are wide open, I am always willing to listen to my favourite not so little man. What's the secret buddy?"
Jack shyly looked into her eyes as he whispered his next statement. "I asked them if it was ok to call you mom sometimes, and daddy told me I had to be sure, because it was a big boy decision. Auntie Jess looked sad but told me mommy would be ok with it, cause she knows you love me like a mommy would and take care of me too. And, she said mommy would be happy, daddy and I have both you and my little sister in our lives."
Jack quickly replied to his own reveal, not wanting Emily to worry, thinking he wasn't sure about his decision. "But, I promise I'm not gonna change my mind. I know you're not my mommy, cause I didn't grow in your tummy, like my little sister, but you make me happy like mommy always did."
He started to worry when Emily didn't immediately reply to what he said, so he tried to explain why he wanted to call her mom too.
"When I miss mommy, you help my heart hurt less. I know daddy is also sad about mommy and work makes him grumpy, but you cheer my daddy up too, and make him smile, just like you always do for me Emmy."
Emily didn't realise tears had started spill out of her eyes, too busy trying to process what Jack was saying. Jack was afraid he had done something wrong and kept talking, hoping to cheer her up.
"When we were gone, Mommy told me, you and her were friends and you would take care of daddy even if we were gone for a long time. She said that you make daddy happy and she was glad he found you, because you're so nice and special. But, I think daddy likes you, cause your smart and pretty like a princess. Mommy laughed when I told her that, but it's true Emmy."
"Plus you help daddy fight the bad guys. And you read me stories, and help scare away the monsters at night. You always play my games with me, bake cookies, watch my Disney movies, and listen to me when I talk."
Emily wanted to respond, but could see he wasn't done speaking. "When I'm with you Emmy, I feel warm and happy like I did with mommy. I know she liked you and would be glad you are taking care of me and daddy."
At that Emily couldn't contain the waterfall of tears that exploded, pulling Jack in even closer, for the tightest hug she could manage with her stomach in the way. She hadn't even considered the possibility of Jack ever bestowing her with that cherished title. She didn't even realise how much she unconsciously wanted him to call her mom one day.
His next reply made her laugh boisterously out loud, knowing he got the wrong impression from her reaction. "I didn't mean to make you cry Emmy. I'm sorry, I don't hafta call you mom if it's gonna make you sad."
With that Emily couldn't stop herself from pulling back to smother his little face in kisses. "Oh my sweet boy, you didn't make me sad. That's the nicest, bestest, most favouritest secret anyone has ever told me. I think the best part of loving your father is that I got you too. I'd be honoured if you want to call me mom sometimes Jack. I love you so freaking much buddy. And I will always love you and your little sister exactly the same. "
Emily couldn't imagine a more wonderful gift for her first Mother's Day. It constantly surprised her, how amazing and loving Jack was, despite all he had been through in his short life. He was the most sweet, kind, adorable, and resilient human being. She couldn't wait to see him thrive as a big brother, knowing her daughter was already the luckiest little girl. Emily just hoped she could be the kind of mother they both deserved, and nothing like her own.
New or old, Emily aspired to be half as good a mother as Jennifer Jareau, Haley Brooks and Fran Morgan. In her eyes, after seeing the love they had for their children, they were three of the best examples of what a caring, supportive, and loving mother should be. Emily yearned to have a bond like they did with children, with both Jack and their little girl.
Emily knew her emotions were a little off kilter, she had been feeling out of sorts since Friday. She just never expected her first Mother's Day, barely 40 hours since she cut ties with her mother to feel so heartbreaking and yet freeing. But, she knew the core memory of Jack's request, she could never forget. The moment forever marked as a day of bittersweet sentiment, she would always hold in her heart.
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Aaron was surprised neither Emily nor Jack heard him approach, until he heard his son's whispered confession to the woman he planned to one day marry. It warmed his heart knowing Emily's love for his son did rival his own.
Somedays he wanted to be jealous of this fact, of the way they so openly accepted and loved each other. But, knowing if anything ever happened to him, that they would still have each other, eased any envy he felt.
He was beyond proud of Jack and hoped his son's honest words had been a healing balm to both of them. Hoping it would ultimately put a rest or at least help settle some of Emily's worries and insecurities about motherhood.
She had been giving Jack all the love and attention he craved, putting on a strong and brave face for his son, but Aaron knew Emily had been struggling. Wondering if she truly had made the right decision about her mother, doubting what that meant about her own abilities parenting their children. Aaron wanted to scoff at such a ridiculous notion, but he knew it was something Emily genuinely worried about.
He hadn't minded her clingy and dependent demeanor the last two nights when they were alone. Aaron knew she craved his touch and comfort as she worked through the guilt, hurt, sadness, and the plethora of other thoughts and feelings bogging her down.
Aaron knew Emily truly might be better off without Elizabeth in her life, that it had been her choice to decide to cut ties with her mother. But he knew how difficult it had been for her knowing she couldn't take back the words she had written.
It was out there now, Aaron just hoped however Elizabeth chose to respond, even if she ignored her fault in things, that Emily got the closure she deserved. Even if Elizabeth tried to apologise or mend things, Aaron was well aware it wouldn't magically fix things. Elizabeth couldn't repair the deep seated damage she had caused. Emily would always carry that hurt and pain and feeling of never being enough.
Aaron just wished someone as supportive, strong, selfless, and kind as Emily could see the effect of her contributions and her worth to everyone else. That she hadn't formed such insecurities from her upbringing, experienced so much heartbreak, dissapointment, and pain in her life. But, Aaron also knew, it was because of those aspects, that she became the most amazing person he had ever known.
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The two had been all smiles since breakfast, and Aaron knew Elizabeth was one of the last things on Emily's mind. She was choosing to focus on the little boy who had already given her a better gift than anything they could have bought at a store. Aaron knew Emily hadn't wanted them to make a fuss, she was just happy to have the weekend off to relax.
Yet, his son had been an endless ball of excitement since he revealed his secret to Emily. At almost 7 1/2 months pregnant, he was baffled that she somehow found the energy to keep up with Jack. It was like they were somehow feeding off each other and nothing could burst their bubble.
Emily had always had his son enchanted by her words and bewitched by her presence alone. But, it amazed him, how even with her physical limitations during her pregnancy, she always found endless ways to keep Jack entertained and having fun. She could always coax a smile or laugh from his son, yet today, Aaron was sure their faces would hurt from the constant and infectious joy.
But he was glad, he could tell Emily's grin was just as wide and genuine as the constant smile Jack was sporting. It made him happy to see the two people he loved most in the world, both enjoying themselves. Aaron almost wished the day would never end, wanting this state of peaceful bliss to last forever.
He luckily convinced the two to settle long enough to snap a picture of them, knowing Emily treasured photographs to commemorate special memories and occasions. Aaron knew she especially adored any photo containing Jack or that showcased the progression of the bump that currently housed their daughter.
He planned to have I printed as soon as possible, Aaron knew it was the perfect picture for the frame Jack had picked for his Mother's Day present. Emily would want to hang or display the frame as soon as it was filled with a photograph.
He had no doubt a copy of the photo he had just taken, would also end up in a frame on his desk, or in the middle pocket of his go bag. Aaron equally wanted to display it in his office, showcased with pride, and hide it away to keep for himself to cherish when he was away on cases.
Aaron knew their life together was just as much a dream for Emily, one she wasn't sure she would ever have. He was just glad she had never given up on him, and he was certain she never would. Because she saw him, Jack, and now their daughter as her true family and home. It constantly surprised him her capacity to love others and himself so wholly.
Aaron was truly grateful for all the family/friends, and their endless support in his life. He couldn't believe all the happiness and love he had been shown in such a tumultuous year. He counted his blessings, knowing in a few months, there would be only good reasons to laugh and cry together.
Aaron hated knowing Haley too wasn't here, to see firsthand the endless happiness and love bestowed upon Jack. He knew, he would never be able to make everything up to Haley, like he had planned when he sent them into WITSEC. But it was days like this, he knew he had at least managed to fulfill her dying wish.
Aaron silently wished Haley a Happy Mother's Day, knowing she would take great joy knowing and watching Emily and Jack both literally and metaphorically run circles around him. He knew she was laughing at him in heaven, as he wondered his odds of convincing Emily and Jack to take a nap together, before they wore themselves out completely.
If he was lucky, it would give him enough time to track down where Emily kept her photo paper, so he could print the picture he's taken after lunch. Aaron knew both Jack and Emily would secretly appreciate that extra little special touch of sentiment, for when she unwrapped her Mother's Day presents after dinner.
Decided to share one of my favourite Emily Prentiss edits I made a few years ago on my cellphone. The colouring is much better in person. And the font only looks blurry from the photo.
Since then, I've gotten a canvas version for my wall and it's even more magnificent 😍😍😍.
