21:Whats your least favorite movie?
I think I’ve shit on it enough that Prisoners gets that slot. It’s boring, weirdly pro-torture, overemotional, and I hate the characters, the director, the writer, and every pompous, muddled, melodramatic second of it. If it were an hour and a half, it’d just be bad, but apparently we needed a hundred and fifty excruciating minutes of Hugh Jackman breaking federal laws and probably a couple international treaties to literally torture the truth out of a mentally disabled man who Must Have Done It because he fucking owns an RV. Then there’s some weird priest-molestation subplot that doesn’t go anywhere, and in what is the unlikely winner of “least worst Worst Part,” Jake Gyllenhaal has a hideous neck tattoo for the whole thing. I get angry whenever I think about it, which is fueled in part because it was generally well-received.
There have also just been a lot of long, noncompelling movies this year. Noah was at least forty minutes longer than it should have been (provided that one assumes that it “should have been” at all), for example.
Oh, Lone Survivor’s up there too. It’s not too heinous given that I didn’t expect great things out of “Marky Mark shoots brown people for two hours,” but I think one of the basic requirements of a movie should be “make sure the audience can tell the characters apart,” because there were between three and ten people who were not Marky Mark and that is the most specific I can get. Like, not only were they a bunch of generic White American Males, they had protective gear on the whole time. Again, not terrible if you’re just going for a shoot-em-up where the personalities don’t matter, but Lone Survivor was trying to make me empathize with these guys. I don’t fucking know how many there are, I’m not going to give a shit when Man #4 gets shot. And, again, it was too long.
I actually just rewatched Rubber, which is nice because it’s exactly as long as it needs to be. When it started, I was like “Now that I know it’s a movie about a tire that kills people with telekinetic powers, is it really going to hold my interest?” and it turns out the answer is yes, and it can be interesting for exactly eighty-four minutes. It’s on Netflix, and I suggest that everyone watch it, because hey, it’s only eighty-four minutes and is quite the trip. It’s not often that you’ll get a movie willing to acknowledge that it deserves to be edited.
70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
I haven’t thought about it. Something respectable, at the least.
93:If married, how long have you been married?
married (in triplicate) to rosemaryandsapphire for three(?) years now
