#burpo

[wonderwomanart]

Wonder Woman by Burpo

[theweightofmypride]

Reminder

The kid from that Heaven is for Real book is literally named Colton Burpo

[mariopowertennis]

every once in a while I remember that Brumpo Tungus’ real name is actually Colton Burpo and I lose it

[hagsploitation420]

u kno watchful remade as waakzaam-entiteit right

yall need to keep me updated better than this, do you know how much eye-rolling i’ve missed

[hagsploitation420]

7, 30, 43,78,87

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?

My mom is very cautious about bears, so I’ve picked up a fair amount of bear safety. I think I could handle it fine. If we’re assuming the animals are vicious, though…bees can fuck you up. I dunno. Probably the bees, then.

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

I did a lot of thank-you notes for graduation gifts. Whenever we had to do Valentine’s Day cards for our class in elementary school, my mother made me and my sister write out all of ours by hand. Once or twice, we did the ransom-collage thing where you cut out the individual letters from magazines, and we had to find apostrophes for “Valentine’s.” That was a pain in the ass, and though I understand her point about putting some thought and effort into them rather than just buying some prepackaged cards with cartoon characters on them, I honestly think it wouldn’t have really impacted my current personality if I hadn’t had to spend hours on a bunch of shitty cards.

43: Are you stubborn?

fuck you

78: Who would you like to see in concert?

I go to very few concerts. I think it’d be nice to see Janelle Monáe, though, because she’s wonderful. She played at—one of the colleges I visited last year. Hamilton. But since that was in the past tense it wouldn’t have made much difference if I’d actually gone there or not. Not—not that I’d choose my college based on the chance of seeing Janelle. That’s………….not something I’d do at all.

87: Ever won a contest?

I won a glass chess set in a raffle in fifth grade, which was nice. I also got some Scholastics awards, but nothing beyond the regional level. I can’t think of many contests that I seriously applied to. I’ve never done sweepstakes or anything like that, because there’s not much point.

[hagsploitation420]

You'd better pray that there are no angry spirits in your dorm... They can to a lot of harm to ignorant non-believers.

I will say that imagining what would happen were one’s body incorporeal is an old boredom-staving standby of mine. Like, do you conserve momentum? Because then you’d go flying off in a tangent line to the Earth’s rotation (to say nothing of the orbit). Or if you don’t, then you’ll get left behind as the Earth, the solar system, and the galaxy all whoosh away.

And then assuming you do magically stay bound to the Earth’s revolutions, there are all sorts of logistical problems. Can you see? How do you propel yourself? What if you could make parts of your body corporeal so you can push off of things? what would happen if your toe was solid and you tried to pass through a wall? How much time would you save by traveling in a straight line from your origin to your destination?

After some vigorous Googling, it turns out the title of the book that inspired most of these questions is Everlost. I guess it stuck in my head for whatever reason.

[hagsploitation420]

21, 57, 70, 93

21:Whats your least favorite movie?

I think I’ve shit on it enough that Prisoners gets that slot. It’s boring, weirdly pro-torture, overemotional, and I hate the characters, the director, the writer, and every pompous, muddled, melodramatic second of it. If it were an hour and a half, it’d just be bad, but apparently we needed a hundred and fifty excruciating minutes of Hugh Jackman breaking federal laws and probably a couple international treaties to literally torture the truth out of a mentally disabled man who Must Have Done It because he fucking owns an RV. Then there’s some weird priest-molestation subplot that doesn’t go anywhere, and in what is the unlikely winner of “least worst Worst Part,” Jake Gyllenhaal has a hideous neck tattoo for the whole thing. I get angry whenever I think about it, which is fueled in part because it was generally well-received.

There have also just been a lot of long, noncompelling movies this year. Noah was at least forty minutes longer than it should have been (provided that one assumes that it “should have been” at all), for example.

Oh, Lone Survivor’s up there too. It’s not too heinous given that I didn’t expect great things out of “Marky Mark shoots brown people for two hours,” but I think one of the basic requirements of a movie should be “make sure the audience can tell the characters apart,” because there were between three and ten people who were not Marky Mark and that is the most specific I can get. Like, not only were they a bunch of generic White American Males, they had protective gear on the whole time. Again, not terrible if you’re just going for a shoot-em-up where the personalities don’t matter, but Lone Survivor was trying to make me empathize with these guys. I don’t fucking know how many there are, I’m not going to give a shit when Man #4 gets shot. And, again, it was too long.

I actually just rewatched Rubber, which is nice because it’s exactly as long as it needs to be. When it started, I was like “Now that I know it’s a movie about a tire that kills people with telekinetic powers, is it really going to hold my interest?” and it turns out the answer is yes, and it can be interesting for exactly eighty-four minutes. It’s on Netflix, and I suggest that everyone watch it, because hey, it’s only eighty-four minutes and is quite the trip. It’s not often that you’ll get a movie willing to acknowledge that it deserves to be edited. 

70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

I haven’t thought about it. Something respectable, at the least.

93:If married, how long have you been married?

married (in triplicate) to rosemaryandsapphire for three(?) years now

[hagsploitation420]

10, 27, 28, 40 ;), 57, 77, 94, 96, 97, 98

10:What is your biggest pet peeve?

I have so, so many. One of the bigger ones is that I can never remember any when I’m asked. I started trying to keep track of them, and then the file got deleted, and the only one I remember is when people pronounce “Monday” as “Mundy” and so on.

I also hate the sound of chewing. This kid in my econ class pulled out an apple and started eating it with his mouth open. I’ve chewed with my mouth closed ever since I was at daycare when I was four and one of the kids there said, “Hey, you chew way faster if you keep your mouth closed!” That’s a true story, and one of the few memories I can recall from before we moved to France. One of the other is learning the word “cough,” because I couldn’t remember having any before I knew the word. That’s one of those fun language/memory things.

Oh, also that fucking “blood thicker than water” bullshit. FUCK that.

27:Last person you kissed/kissed you?

Yeah, no change here. Oh, wait, I kissed a pug on Wednesday. His name was Vinnie, he had a bad leg, and he likes tomatoes.

28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

Yeah. I was a cub scout in elementary school, which was pretty fun, but then in middle school I really didn’t like the Boy Scouts nearly as much. Part of it was that the guy who was in charge of training new Scouts wasn’t all that great at it and I didn’t want to go to the summer camp, and also I don’t like actual wilderness survival as much as I think I do. Also I hate Red-Blooded American Males a lot, because I’m just a sensitive queer.

40:Are you horny?

No, not particularly. I’ve really lessened the frequency of my masturbation, because I can only really do it in the shower (I don’t want some nasty-ass sock or rag or whatever in my room), and I shower in the mornings, and wake up too late on Tuesday and Thursday to do anything other than jump in and out. I actually can’t remember the last time. Sunday? I think Sunday. This was a long weekend, so I’m kind of off.

I should note that “keep up with my porn blog” does not actually equal “masturbate,” because it’s too awkward to hold my iPod with one hand and touch all the finicky little buttons. It has made buying the XKit app worth it, though, because now I don’t have to switch in and out when I’m on my iPod. That’s worth three bucks to me.

57:Do you believe in ghosts?

Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? Get this disrespectful shit out of my face.

77:Ever been in love?

No. I’m very skeevy around romantic attachments in general for a variety of reasons, which has led to the fact that I’m functionally asexual, which is not something I’m super into in general.

94:Who was your HS crush?

I’ve had a couple. There’s not a whole lot to say, since it’s mostly “I thought he was very attractive and didn’t talk to him ever,” but there is one guy from my church who’s notable mostly for being ahead of the curve when it comes to ironic humor. He introduced me to Lil B in, like, 2010. He’s very funny, and also doesn’t curse all that much, which makes me feel kind of dumb when I’m around him, but he’s nice.

96:Do you have kids?

I have a huge fanbase, which is basically the same thing.

97:Do you want kids?

I think so, or at least I’m warming up to it. My parents are awesome enough that I feel like it’d be unfair to not have progeny myself. If I do have kids, they’ll be the smartest little fuckers around, I’ll tell you that.

98:Whats your favorite color?

I’d say “tyrian purple” but I only know the name because of Homestuck, so I’ll just go with “warm purple.”

I’m very skeptical of a lot of those “colors that affect ancient instincts!” articles, like how red is exciting!! and blue is calming!! mostly because they don’t (and can’t) separate any actual physiological effects from how we subconsciously register their uses. Red is used in very exciting contexts, for example, so we probably associate it with energy because it’s so used, rather than using it because it has some hardwired evolutionary impact on us.

The most convincing counterargument is that everyone generally agrees that purple is a “luxurious” color, which makes fuck-all sense without the context of rich Romans. Nothing about it is at all indicative of wealth, other than the fact that two thousand years ago a bunch of rich people liked it.

I mean, the overall effect is probably the same, but it’s not entirely true to say that they’re born rather than learned associations.