Roomies 2 《1》
HC and HX begin the ultimate prank war and YY becomes the accidental victim of it 75% of the time.
After being smacked with flour, splattered with paint, attacked with a nerf gun (nipple & crotch shots), etc, it’s clear YY will never know peace again as long as he lives with these two bird-brained fools.
Paranoid in his own damn home…what a shame. For compensation, YY pays a little less than the other two when it comes to the rent. It’s the least HC and HX could do.
But now, as YY stands in front of the toilet with piss all over the floor, he briefly wonders if it’s best to move out entirely.
See, HX is an incredibly light sleeper. A noise as subtle as a floorboard creaking WILL wake him up, which is why he looks like death 24/7. (HC’s words, not YY’s, though YY doesn’t disagree.)
The thing that irks HX the most is stoopid HC going pee at fucking 3 AM and interrupting his beauty sleep! Cut to HX discreetly putting plastic wrap on the toilet seat at midnight, thinking it’ll be a good lesson for HC to think twice before pissing in the middle of the night.
Who would've thought that instead of HC, YY - who had had too much water before bed that day - would end up playing watersports with the godforsaken, plastic-covered toilet.
That night, YY made sure to wake both HX and HC up by yelling at them for involving him in their childish rivalry.
Still, the pranks continue.
Once, Hualian came back to an apartment with the lights turned off. Before either of them could reach for the light switch, a loud battlecry followed by the lights blasting on revealed a man dressed in all black, donning a white mask and a nerf gun as he charges at the couple-
Except XL is in the front. And he shrieks bloody mary while socking the mysterious intruder in the jaw!!
The man instantly drops the nerf gun and groans, sounding suspiciously like HX…
“Fuck. That fucking hurt,” indeed HX scowls, backing away. XL gasps in realization.
“Ah! He Xuan, it’s you?”
Standing behind XL, HC’s eye is the size of a whole ass saucer for a split second. Then, the dude just bursts out laughing. While XL steps forward to remove the mask and inspect the damage, HC makes eye contact with an exacerbated YY and begins choking on his spit.
However, in the middle of his giggle fit, HC is berated by a smol boyfriend.
“San Lang, don’t just stand there. Get me a wet washcloth!” XL demands with serious eyes.
HC: 👄👁
HC, still trying to catch his breath from cackling at HX’s misfortune, takes his sweet time with that washcloth. But a pressed “San Laaang!” coming from XL is enough to get him moving.
Meanwhile, XL gently holds HX’s face in his hands, apologizing for punching him. HX is more than aware that this was a consequence of his own actions, and tells XL as such. And shit, yeah, XL trained in martial arts growing up. That explains the dark, purplish bruise already beginning to form on HX’s jaw.
“Gege can let go of the dumbass now. I can take it from here,” HC’s saccharine voice chirps.
HX suddenly becomes hyper-aware of XL’s hands still cradling his jaw and a certain someone’s glare burning a hole through his head.
***
XL is naturally a very touchy person. After getting permission from them each time, he often hugs HX and YY upon greeting and leaving. All three residents of that apartment are touch-deprived. Plus, it’s not like they go around hugging each other so casually before.
But the way XL tucks so easily under their arms, arms wrapping around their middle and squeezing…how can they not love it? So every time XL opens his arms in invitation, every one of them swoops in for a warm hug.
HC is proud on XL’s behalf. He can tell by his roommate’s fidgeting hands that they secretly cherish XL’s hugs. Which they should! HC knows his boyfriend gives the best hugs! And the best kisses. And-
Not that those fools will ever get the chance to confirm.
***
XL often stays the night at their apartment because he ALWAYS FALLS ASLEEP. On the couch watching a movie while tucked into HC’s side. At the dining room table working on his laptop. Or he simply makes a beeline for HC’s bed as soon as he enters their apartment.
He’s a tired bby.
Whenever XL falls asleep, HC carries him to bed while HX walks behind holding XL’s backpack and YY brings the cup of tea XL was drinking. A group effort!
Once XL is settled into HC’s comfy bed, everyone lingers for a second to admire how cute and peaceful XL looks while asleep. A content whimper from XL breaks HC out of his trance, forcing him to do a double take upon realizing his roommates are in the same predicament.
Smack!
HC slaps their chests and pushes them away, all while HX and YY whisper-shout their complaints.
(XL sneakily smothers his smile into HC’s pillow.)
Sometimes, hours later, XL will wake up but HC still isn’t in bed with him! No boyfriend to cuddle him and provide warmth! >:(
Thus, burrito-blanket-XL wanders out of the room and demands HC come to bed soon.
Everyone once again coos at how adorable he is.
***
There’s no Hualian without Hualian PDA.
HC will be walking around shirtless with sweats hanging dangerously low on his hips, and XL will stop everything he’s doing and just stare. Shamelessly.
HX and YY are DONE.
(YY: *passes a napkin to XL*
XL: “thanks! but what for?”
HX: “for the drool”
XL stammers out an excuse of “I DO NOT DROOL” and HC simply chuckles as he hugs XL from behind.
HC, kissing XL’s cheek: “I don’t mind if it’s Gege.”)
If the roomie trio is out in public and someone attempts to flirt with or ask HC out, HX and YY are fully prepared to step in and weaponize the harsh reality.
“There’s absolutely no way you stand a chance, not against Gege,” HX whispers through a cough.
“You’re trying to ask out an anchored man,” YY deadpans.
***
HX jokingly to HC: “If you and Xie Lian ever break up, I’m picking him.”
HC slugs HX’s on the shoulder for that one.
HC on the outside: “fuck you”
HC on the inside: “if Gege and I ever break up?” 😭
Later, in HC’s room...
HC testing out how much XL loves him cause that left him feeling insecure: “Gege, would you still love me if I was a worm? 🥺🥺🥺”
XL: “San La- what in- you-“
HC, borderline crying: “ANSWER ME 😭😭😭”
XL: “I- you know I don’t particularly like worms-“
HC: “IM JUST CHOPPED MEAT ARENT I??”
XL: “WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT?”
HC: “PLEASE DONT BREAK UP WITH ME IM BEGGING YOU”
XL: 😧
XL: 🥺🥺 “YOU THINK WE’LL BREAK UP!?!?”
HC IN A PANIC: “GEGE MARRY ME”
XL: “SAN LANG!”
And with a firm slap to the chest - courtesy of a panicked XL - HC’s forced to calm down and actually THINK before he speaks.
HC: “OUCH NOT THE TITS”
YY AND HX IN THEIR ROOMS: 😶🌫️😶🌫️
***
Sometimes, XL arrives at the apartment before HC. He has a key and everything - the unofficial fourth roommate.
And at this moment, another mouth competing for food.
YY and XL are currently staring at the lone piece of pepperoni pizza. XL turns to give YY the full puppy eyes. YY clenches his teeth and purposefully avoids XL’s face.
YY on the inside: “I GOTTA PUT ME FIRST 😭 I GOTTA PUT ME FIRST”
HX, just passing by: “why are you both staring at a piece of pizza…gimme” *snatches it and walks away*
XL and YY sharing a look, nodding at each other.
XL catapults himself onto HX’s back while shouting to YY: “GET THE PIZZA”
HX BEING STRANGLED BY XL: “WHAT THE FCUK”
YY jabbing HX’s stomach for good measure: “GOT IT”
When HC and his comedic timing pushes the front door open, everyone freezes. XL has a foot on HX’s back -who is dying on the floor - and YY clutches the single pizza slice in triumph.
HC: 🤨
HC: “is that my leftover pizza?”
All eyes turn towards the pizza slice, which already has one bite missing.
XL: “San Lang, you always tell me ‘Gege, what’s mine is yours.’ This holds true, yes?”
HC: “yes, of course”
XL snatching the pizza away from YY: “give it here, sucker”
HC: “what on earth goes on”
Everyone’s stomach growls.
HC: “why didn’t you just order food then?”
YY and HX: *mental facepalm*
XL: “nom nom pizza 🥰”
***
w/ @no-one-says-hi