Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is...
Deciding to leave your hair in braids for four days because you are too exhausted to wash your hair. Getting a hose to attach to the tap in the bath so you can have an Epsom salt soak for your pain and wash your hair at the same time. Seeing the sadness in your husband's eyes as you stumble but continue to push yourself. Not realising you have a common cold virus until you are very ill because pain and malaise is your normal. Not being able to express yourself clearly with words and resorting to semi mime. Mental health declining as you feel a glass case slowly separate you from the world. Being unable to sort through the auditory noise of everyday life and becoming frozen in place. Not wanting to be different and pushing yourself far further than you should. Carrying guilt for wanting to just pause the world for a few days. Curling up in a ball watching the world around you, because your body is sleeping but your brain is awake. Not being able to sleep from the pain of your body pressing into the mattress. Heartbreak at believing you could be so much more than what you are if your body would just cooperate. Present to short term memory transference issues, so you can't even remember if you are wearing underwear, what you were just doing, if you've eaten, what you just said. Brain fog so thick you can't remember how to spell the most basic words or understand the most basic concepts. Often forgetting how to spell your own name or your own phone number, and losing focus mid conversation. Losing some friendships, but strengthening others on the basis of those who "get it" and those who don't, and won't. Learning to be ok with your own company. Learning to trust fall into acceptance, without totally giving over to the beast. Refusing to become incapacitated, despite how much you want to just lay down forever. Learning that even the bravest warrior takes time off. Two steps forward, two steps back... And a nap.
