Qifrey never allowing himself to love Olruggio fully because that literally means death. He will never let it go any further than it has because he knows that would mean giving himself up to the tree. He probably wipes his memory weekly, far more than we thought if that is the way he is keeping it at bay for 10+ years. Not to mention his relationship with the kids? Loving them and taking on apprentices has probably helped a little, what with how troublesome they are, but also made it worse. They go on picnics, and explore, and drink tea by the fire falling asleep on each other. He loves them like they are his own kids and yet he has had to keep them at arms length and constantly wipe his best friends memory because that's the price of not being suspicious, of fitting in. Smiling and acting like everything is okay, because adults trust you more.
