Sep 12, 2017
Deadpool in Spiderman/Deadpool #21
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Deadpool in Spiderman/Deadpool #21
"i was just taking a little nap!!" deadpool
"why don't you do me a fuckin' favor and take a permanent one."
imprisoned - from DP
it seemed like Wanda’s nightmare had come true yet again. Just when she thought she was free, that no one was going to come after her, they had locked her up and made sure she had no way of escaping. The straight jacket and shock collar had been a cruel punishment, causing her to shrink back in herself ever so slightly. How could she not when they were treating her like an animal, a monster?
She had been trying to get some rest when she had heard footsteps approach her cell. Flicking her gaze towards the door, she didn’t recognise whoever it was and so she called out.
“What do you want?”
Deadpool meeting Jon Snow and his ideas for killing Ramsay. Or better Deadpool goes to Arya and stop her from being so dehumanized but encourages murder xD
Considering that deadpool is actually FUCKING CONSIDERATE TOWARDS CHILDREN - have yall read the comic where he finds out about his daughter??? - I’m fairly sure that if he mentored arya she’d turn out to be a way more adjusted adult than it looks like she might become rn lol also oh god he’d totally go give jon creative ideas about offing ramsay while hitting on him all the time tbh
PUNTATA DUE DELLE ITALIAN!STYLE AUS: steve/bucky vs deadpool sulla corriera
prompt numero due, con tanti ringraziamenti a firefliesinajarx: la corriera è vuota tranne che per l’otp e il pazzo del paese!au, featuring steve/bucky negli anni venti e deadpool più comparsata di nick fury - co-tagging sereppu perché sì
[english translation: the coach is empty except for your otp and the village weirdo!AU, featuring steve/bucky as the otp, deadpool as the village weirdo and nick fury as the driver in the twenties - I know, I pushed it up in time but never mind it's an AU]
“Has anyone told you how disgustingly adorable you two are? Because if no one has, well, they’re dumb. Really.”
“Uh, mister Wilson, thanks, but –”
“Mr. Wilson. Kid, really, no, okay? I’m not your teacher. Good thing I’m not. My name is Wade, not Mr. Anything. And don’t but me, anyone can see it!”
Well, shit, if that’s the case they’re fucked.
Bucky honestly hopes that it’s not.
And he has no clue of how Steve has managed to actually have a conversation with Wilson in the first place, never mind that of course it’s their luck that they decide to go to New York taking the first coach because he figured that they’d be alone and maybe if they sat in the last row they’d sneak a few kisses here and there. Nothing more, it was already a risk, but it’s already hard enough to sneak by at home. And that’s why he’s dragging Steve to Brooklyn for his birthday in the first place.
‘Course, who knew that the only other person in the coach would’ve been Wade Wilson? Yeah. Just their luck.
Then again, Bucky shouldn’t really think like that – his ma raised him better than it. It’s not like it’s Wilson’s fault if he got drafted during WWI, a grenade exploded in his face and he came back home with his face scarred all over and a few screws missing. And the thing is that Wharton is small and no one’s wanted much to do with him since he was back, which is why he spends a lot of time in the city doing fuck knows what – no one but a few people, among which Bucky figures he can be counted. Mostly because Steve is pretty much the only one in town who treats the guy like he would any other person even if no one gets what he even means most of the time, and by proxy Bucky does the same because – well. Steve. Should be enough of an explanation. Other than that, there’s that Parker kid who lives next door and checks up on the guy once every two days to make sure he hasn’t starved himself to death since he forgets to eat. And there’s some guy named Logan-something who was in his unit who does the same once a month or so. And that’s it. So – yeah, Bucky really shouldn’t be angry or anything.
The point is that Wilson is loudly saying that he and Steve make an adorable couple and fuck, it’s not just the three of them here. There’s the driver as well, and while Nick Fury ain’t a gossip, it’s not like they can risk him knowing. Bucky wouldn’t even give a shit if Wilson knew that in the first place, it’s not like people even listen to him in that sense, but now trying to deny it in front of someone who won’t stop complimenting them is becoming downright ridiculous. Bucky doesn’t need the entire fucking state of New Jersey to know they’re a thing.
“I should hope not,” Bucky mutters, unable to stop himself.
Wilson stares at him and Bucky stares back, and for a terrible moment nothing happens.
Then Wilson breaks out in a laugh.
“Right, right, of course, these are the roaring twenties, how could I forget that. How careless of me. Fine, there’s going to be no mentioning of it again, but hey, nothing bad in stating the obvious.”
“The –”
“Barnes, you two are so made for each other it’s frankly almost revolting. The good kind of revolting, though. And it’s entirely too bad these are the twenties, because if not? Half of our happy little town would ship the hell out of you.”
Steve’s eyes go wide as saucers. “… Ship?”
“Yeah, ship. Never mind, kid, that’s not your problem. That said, it’s too bad. Peter totally ships you, by the way.”
“Peter Parker does what?” Bucky feels so out of his depth it’s not even funny. And it’s another hour until New York appears on the horizon line.
“Ship you. Oh. Right, right, the twenties. I mean, he supports you two being a thing, which only shows that he’s a smart kid. Only someone completely dumb or blind would not.”
“Okay, but we’re not –”
“You don’t have to lie about that, Barnes. Do you think that I’d out you if I ship you?”
“Mr. –” Steve starts, then clears his throat. “Right, but even if that was true, ain’t one of us driving, right?”
“Oh. Well. Yeah, you have a point there. Hey, Nick!”
“Oh, shit,” Bucky sighs.
“What, Wilson?”
“With the premise that of course Barnes and Rogers here ain’t a thing, would you have a problem if they were?”
“ Wilson, they’ve been practically married since they were nine and half of the state of fucking New Jersey knows that, you think I give a fuck out of what they do in their spare time? Let me just drive in peace and annoy them, not me.”
“Great, you’re the best! See, he doesn’t even care!”
… this takes the cake. Bucky has no clue of what he should do with this, but it’s not like he’s going to tell Wilson to fuck off and leave them be – it’s obvious that he’s genuine in his, er, interest, and every time Bucky looks at the still red blisters covering his face he feels a pang of guilt because this guy went to war for a country that wasn’t even his (he thinks he was Canadian) and all the thanks he got in return were some crappy veteran pension and the entire town pretending he doesn’t exist, never mind that he’s stuck in fucking New Jersey. Hell, Bucky would pay to live anywhere else and he was born there.
“Well, uh, that’s… nice to know? But –”
“Buck, I think we might as well –”
“Steve, we’re not –”
“Come on, what’s the harm? I mean, he knows anyway. Nick is probably just tuning us out.”
Damn it. If only Steve didn’t have a point.
“You might as well what?”
“Well, seems like you figured us out,” Steve sighs, his mouth curling up in a tired smile, his fingers threading with Bucky’s, and Bucky figures there’s really no reason to pretend otherwise, so he gives Steve’s hand a squeeze. “Just, let’s keep that between ourselves?”
Wilson looks at them, then at their joined hands, then back up at them.
Then – okay, he grins wide enough that it would make any other person look radiant – on him, it looks rather deranged, but he can work with that.
“I told Peter that you were canon already.”
“Uh, what?” Steve sounds like he absolutely has no clue.
Not that Bucky has either. The fuck is canon?
“Nah, that’s okay, he just owes me money. And of course, you think I’d go spill your business to the entire town? Who do you take me for? I have a moral code, you know. The very loose kind of, but why should I do anything that might break you up when just looking at how perfect you are for each other fills my heart with the joy of the captain of a ship that’s just heading into port without a problem? Damn, this moment would need music, but clearly you can’t do music in coaches in the damned twenties. There’s not even fucking Springsteen to make this dump of a state a more civilized place. Ah well, that’d be a pity. With that, I guess you might want some alone time?”
And then he winks.
Bucky goes red in the face while wondering, who the fuck is Springsteen. “I – not really, it’s –”
“We could do with some alone time,” Steve interrupts, and thank God someone is taking the reins of this conversation here or Bucky will go insane. “’Course, if you wanna talk before we reach New York, we’re here.”
And then he goes and calmly drops his head over Bucky’s shoulders, their hands still linked, and Bucky really hopes that being in the last row hides them from Fury’s eyes. The rearview mirror is far enough. He hopes.
“But of course. Have fun, you lovebirds. Ah, being this young and in love, isn’t that marvelous. By the way, did I ever tell you about that time I met Mark Twain? You think Huck Finn dressing up as a girl was his idea?”
Bucky tunes that out because yeah, like hell he’s going to buy that, but it’s nice to have Steve cuddle against him this openly, and he could do worse than have a background noise until they reach New York.
He’d still like to know what the hell it means that he and Steve are canon, though.
go get 'em, tiger.
Of Malls, Mentors, and Madmen || Buffy, Giles, and Deadpool
In which a Slayer and a Watcher are reunited and discuss the world they left behind and the world they find themselves in. They find out about a new type of hydra, discuss what happens when computers are left to their own devices, and discover that clowns won't be tolerated.
Giles was rather proud of himself for the detective work he'd done after his abrupt departure from the borrowed flat. He hadn't the slightest clue which of the buildings in the neighborhood Hecate had sent him to might be housing his wayward Slayer, but if there was anything in this world he did know, it was Buffy. And among the first things he'd learned about Buffy was that there had yet to be a mall built that she wouldn't eventually shop in. A bit of playing the confused tourist -- not a difficult act, especially with his hand-drawn map -- ended in a hassled-looking woman directing him to the nearest shopping center. He paced slowly down the hall, glancing at the stores around him as he attempted to decide which of them were the most likely to have seen a certain blonde shopper.
Buffy needed to get some shopping done and it wasn’t just her usual shoe addiction rearing its ugly head. She drew the line at wearing underclothes that had been worn by other people. She thought about asking the other girls, but figured it would be better to just find a good place and direct them there on their own. There were things she just didn’t want to know about her friends. She knew she didn’t need to ask Spike about underthings, but planned on getting him a couple of pairs of jeans when he gave her money for shopping. She got out of the apartment building without too much of a problem and was making a short list in her head based on how much cash she had. She found the nearest shopping venue that she could afford on the computer and it wasn’t a long hike. The smell of the shopping place reminded her of home and she smiled a little as she walked around.
Giles narrowed down his list of likely candidates for places that might recognize a description of Buffy, and began circling back toward the first of them, intent on going about this in as time-consuming a fashion as possible to avoid whatever was going on in the flat. There were a few things left in his life that he wished to remain blissfully ignorant about, and the...canoodling...of his temporary flatmate was one of those. He was nearing one of the stores that he'd identified as seeming to more or less look like it had things that Buffy might wear when a familiar, and welcome, face came into view. He halted in his tracks, staring for a long moment to be certain it was her, then cleared his throat. Once he was certain that he wouldn't embarrass himself by showing any of his sudden swell of relief in his voice, he called "Buffy?
Buffy was really trying to keep to her mental list, but she saw a rack of super cute tops and thought it wouldn’t hurt to look at them. She knew she was going to buy one, but she could pretend. After selecting a nice bright top she heard her name. That was weird, she thought. Everyone who knew her name was at the apartment. She looked around and saw the familiar face of Giles. She dropped the top and her hands flew to her mouth. Was this a weird dream involving shopping? "Giles?" she asked pulling her hands away then taking a few steps toward him. He looked real enough. "Oh my god!" she squealed and ran toward him to envelop the stuff British Watcher in a warm hug.
Giles spared a moment for fond exasperation at the fact that, of course, Buffy was looking at the sort of clothing that made every fiber of his being itch to act like the old fuddy-duddy he was frequently taken for. He certainly had no intention to voice that thought, however. Instead, he spread his arms slightly while Buffy crossed the space between them, returning the embrace with relief. "Thank god," he murmured under his breath. "Thank god, Buffy, you're all right." His plan had been a good one, but she could just as easily have been incapacitated, or held somewhere, or incarcerated, or any number of other dire fates that he had been carefully not thinking about. He wasn't normally the most tactile of people, but the reassurance that none of those fates had befallen his Slayer was welcome.
Buffy wasn’t at all surprised that she started crying a little when Giles hugged her back. They’d been through lots of things together, several ends of the world and the smaller bad guys that cause lots of havoc. He’d worn lots of hats over the years and having him here made things better. She pulled back and wiped at her eyes. “Yeah,” she said taking a moment to find her voice. “I’m okay. So, is everyone else. I got knocked back when the spell kind of exploded and cracked my head pretty good.” She tried for a smile. “Good thing it didn’t injure me anywhere important.”
Giles would never admit to getting slightly misty-eyed when he realized that Buffy was crying. He blinked his eyes rapidly to clear them of any excess moisture before it could be observed and commented upon. Stiff upper lip, Rupert. "Yes, well. Thankfully the hardness of your head is legendary," he said gently. He had to disagree on the importance of the head in question, but that was a comment to save for somewhere slightly less...mall-like. "Everyone? My sources told me that you were with Serah and Spike," and he was rather proud of himself for keeping the distaste for the vampire in question out of his voice, "but I couldn't place the other two descriptions."
Buffy couldn’t help a smile at Giles’s quip. She new he used that to cover the notion that there were any possible feelings at all, probably because her was British. Buffy nodded. “Wow, you already have sources here? Did you cross reference yet?” she teased. Buffy knew the history between Spike and Giles, she was proud of him for not saying much more than his name. “Ok, well, when we got the information we were with a girl named Fred Burkle. She used to work with Angel’s group in L.A. and she came with us. There’s a whole thing there that I’m kinda confused about, but she helped out or the other person in her body did,” Buffy kind of frowned trying to explain a bit. “Anyway, she’s with us and when we landed here,” she looked around then said in a low voice. “Anya made the trip with us. Which makes me think whatever happened is double plus ungood.”
Giles rolled his eyes, though not without a slight smile on his face. "Sadly, I neglected to pack my library. I wasn't planning on an extended sojourn in an alternate universe," he replied, pitching his voice low so that they wouldn't be overheard. He listened patiently as Buffy explained the additional company. Fred Burkle's name sounded familiar, and when Buffy provided context, he nodded slightly. "Willow's friend, yes?" He didn't recall any mention of her sharing her body with anyone else, but perhaps he'd missed something. He was frankly stunned by the identification of the second woman. "Anya? Really? That is very concerning, you're entirely right." If whatever this was had begun pulling people out of their respective afterlives, it was far more severe than he had realized.
Buffy smiled at the sarcastic comment. “Yep,” she said confirming Fred’s identity. “I think the whole body sublet happened at the evil law firm.” Buffy felt a little proud that Giles agreed that something really bad could be happening. “It’s not that I’m not happy to see her,” she said. She wasn’t great friends with Anya, but she never wanted the girl dead. “So, how did you get here? Were you guys grabbed too or did you call in a favor from another guy you introduced to his wife?” She knew Giles had several connections in the supernatural world and she had never come close to figuring out how many. “Should we go somewhere a little less public?”
Giles nodded when Buffy elaborated on Miss Burkle's state of body-sharing. "That does sound rather expected for a law firm so horrid it has to be specifically designated as evil," he commented dryly. "No, I understand entirely. Good though it may be to have her back, resurrections don't bode particularly well," he agreed. "More of the second than the first." Under his breath, he added "Though I sincerely hope he doesn't have a wife." That would be the icing on a particularly uncomfortable cake. The suggestion of getting out of the public eye, and more importantly, away from the public ears, was a good one. "Yes, that wouldn't be a bad idea."
Buffy nodded. “Most lawyers are bad, but I think they offend lawyers.” She turned a bit to start out of the store. She had a small bag of her needed stuff that she’d gotten another place, she’d moved on to the more fun shopping. She raised an eyebrow when she heard him mutter and shut down her imagination trying to figure out what he meant. She didn’t want to know. “We’re staying in a rundown apartment building for right now. It was mostly empty,” she said. “There were just two guys staying there. It’ll make more sense after I explain Deadpool,” she assured him. “You’re not living on the streets are you?” she asked a bit worried that he’d been living on the streets of New York. Not that he couldn’t handle himself, but it would be a huge thing that he’d done that to find her.
Giles nodded slightly. That sounded rather like the sort of place he wouldn't be surprised to find Angel in, if he was being perfectly frank. He followed her towards the exit rather than saying so. "Deadpool. Yes, that doesn't sound at all like an ominous sort of name," he deadpanned, beginning to become genuinely concerned again. It wasn't as if he had the space to invite all of them to stay in Hecate's flat, however, even if it wouldn't have been incredibly rude of him to do so without clearing it with her. "No, I am assuredly not living on the streets. We were taken in by an...overly friendly jogger," he said quickly. He really didn't want to try to explain that series of events. "Although I resent the implication that I couldn't survive perfectly adequately on the street."
Buffy smiled. “Yeah, and he wears black and red spandex.” She shrugged. “He’s a bit on the crazy side, meaning kind of violent and talks to himself, but he hasn’t tried to hurt anyone. I dunno I think he might have a kind of friendship with Fred. He’s going to give you a nickname if and when you meet him, it’s his thing. He made pancakes for us. He made enough for about 40 people, but they were good,” she said. Again her imagination shut down in self-defense not wanting to think about what he meant by ‘overly friendly’. She smiled at him. “I know you could survive very well. You’d have a very tidy and organized cardboard box to live in. I’m sure you’d have tea. It was more that’d be a lot to do to come find me.”
Giles looked appropriately horrified by the prospect. "Please remind me to strongly reconsider the next time I feel the need to question your fashion choices while patrolling," he murmured. Spandex. Really. Some things were simply not to be borne. Her explanations of this Deadpool character weren't precisely reassuring, but he reminded himself that he trusted her judgement. And if all that had befallen her thus far was an overabundance of flapjacks, he apparently didn't need to have reservations. He couldn't let her last statement lie, however, though he did pointedly ignore her quip about his survival skills. "Yes, well. In all fairness, that wasn't precisely my intent. I had rather hoped to bring you back home instead. I'm afraid I underestimated the strength of these portals," he confessed.
Buffy laughed at Giles’s look of horror and his comment. They were both so very him. She wasn’t surprised that he ignore her statements about his street skills. She knew he was very capable, but she liked to tease him rather than be serious about it. Buffy nodded. “Fred or her other half might be able to explain the spell. I know they’ll do better than I can.” She looked down at her hands for a moment. “Um, Giles, Drusilla was there when the spell was cast. I don’t know if she’s back home or if she’s here too. I know that Spike won’t be able to help if we have to go after her, but I don’t think he will stop us.”
Giles muttered "Yes, yes, go right on ahead, laugh at the notion of propriety." The only reason he voiced the complaint was that he knew Buffy would be expecting it. Besides that, it helped to restore a sense of familiarity and normalcy to the situation. Alternate dimensions weren't such a common problem as to be old news for either of them. "This other half. What exactly is it?" He would greatly prefer to have all the facts on this situation." When Buffy brought up Drusilla, he removed his glasses so that he could momentarily pinch at the bridge of his nose. "Yes, of course. Because this situation wasn't quite unpleasant enough."
Buffy smiled at the familiar exasperation from Giles it was kind of a part of things and the familiarity was very comforting. “I’m not completely sure why he chose spandex, but he has a bad skin problem and he said he didn’t have any mirrors so I think that might be why. He also heals crazy fast.” Buffy thought about how to explain Illyria. “Well, she’s kind of demony sort of not exactly good, but I think she and Fred have a deal. Oh, Illyria is her name and she’s kind of blue like color not sad.” Buffy watched Giles pinch the bridge of his nose. “I know. I’m not totally sure she’s here, but the way our luck goes, probably. I swear she has 9 lives.”
Giles nodded slightly. That made about as much sense as any of the other things he'd learned about this world so far. Hecate's information hadn't come with anything about a man with a skin condition in red spandex, but then, he hadn't known he'd need to ask about one. "He sounds like fascinating company," he replied diplomatically. When Buffy finally got to the name of the being in question, he froze for a moment. "Illyria? Are you quite certain?" And a being like that was peacefully inhabiting Willow's scientist friend? Now there was a story worth hearing. He knew very little about the Old Ones, but enough to know exactly how improbable that was. "Yes, and each life wilier and less sane than the last," he agreed resignedly.
Buffy gave him a look. “Never a dull moment. It was funny when he put together that Spike was a vampire. He seemed kind of shocked that he was right.” Buffy’s eyes widened at Giles’s expression of shock and she stopped walking for a moment until he resumed. “Um, yeah. I actually remembered her name right, I think. She’s really strong and kind of awesome in a fight. Do you know something about her?” She nodded about Drusilla. She knew what the strange vampire had gone through, but that didn’t change what she was. “I just wanted to make sure to tell you. I might have forgotten with all the other assorted weirdness.”
Giles raised an eyebrow. "So they have vampires in this dimension, then?" It seemed like a reasonable assumption, if this Deadpool was able to identify them. If so, did they have a Slayer? Somehow he doubted it, or if she did exist, she wasn't supported by Watchers, who would have detected the arrival of two more Slayers. "Very little," he confessed as he caught back up to Buffy. "And what I do know seems to be directly contradicted by the fact that you survived meeting her." He was quite certain that the Old Ones were not supposed to be particularly interested in cooperation and camaraderie. "Well, at least it doesn't appear to be another apocalypse just yet," he said philosophically. In the grand scheme of things, Drusilla was a manageable evil.
Buffy shrugged. “I don’t really know for sure being that he’s kind of crazy. He said something about zombies so maybe. He just put it together with pale and only breathing to talk. The he asked Spike if he’d had any mirrors would Spike have a reflection.” Buffy was a bit surprised that Giles didn’t know lots more about Illyria just because he always seemed to know things. “Maybe it has to do with her and Fred sharing a body.” Buffy gave him a glare. “You don’t just say something like that. You’re asking fate to prove you wrong!”
Giles sighed. "Yes, you mentioned. And yet, apparently capable of rationality." That was somewhat reassuring. At least he wasn't the sort of madman that was completely unable to be reasoned with. At that moment, he was desperately missing the library that the former Council had amassed. His own library, while formidable enough, wouldn't even have sufficed when it came to the task of researching primordial horrors. "Perhaps," he replied thoughtfully. That was another point of divergence from what he remembered. He was reasonably certain that an Old One was supposed to kill its host. "I should greatly like to sit down with the both of them." He gave Buffy a mostly mirthless smile. "I'll be certain to knock on wood the next time we encounter some."
Buffy smiled at the Giles sigh. “He probably lives in his own reality.” Buffy looked up at him. “Well, as I said there are loads of open apartments in the building. I think he scared people away. He’s letting us stay there for no rent and he said we could grab whatever we could use from what people left behind. We could probably ask if you could stay too.” She thought for a second. “Unless you prefer where you’re staying now.” She didn’t think he did, but she didn’t want it to seem like she was going to force him. “Fred is really friendly and way smart. I’m sure she’d be happy to chat. I’m not sure about Illyria.” Buffy grinned at his sarcasm. She kind of loved when he did that.
Giles wasn't really surprised by Buffy's comment. It seemed likely. "If only that was an option for the rest of us. I should rather like to make some alterations to the current state of my reality." To begin with, it could use a much larger library. 'Scared people away' wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear about the person giving Buffy a living space, but she was significantly more durable than the average human. "We'll see. I didn't arrive alone, so it rather depends on him." He didn't trust Hecate nearly enough to leave Jay alone in her apartment, no matter how preferable that situation might otherwise be. "No, I wouldn't expect Illyria to be particularly fond of us mere mortals. But if Fred is amenable to conversation, that would be most welcome."
Buffy smiled. “More books, more tweed, more tea, and less sun?” she guessed. She nodded. “I understand. Then her eyes kind of widened a bit. “Um, has he been friendly with the jogger? Wait! I don’t want to know. I really don’t want to know.” She blushed a little. "Oh, yeah, I’m pretty sure Fred would be happy to talk. I don’t think the whole body sharing thing was a good situation, but you are the master of tact.” She thought for a second and remembered something. “Oh, she was really good friends with Wesley and I’m getting maybe more than friends so try to be careful there. From what she said he did become a decent guy so keep that in mind. I kind of walked into that blind, so just a heads up.”
Giles replied blandly "No, I was going to say a warm beach with drinks with colorful umbrellas." Everything she'd listed off sounded perfectly practical to him, though he'd never had any particular objection to the sun as an abstract concept. It was simply that most of the things they dealt with tended to prefer midnight to high noon, and he'd adjusted accordingly. "Allow me to remind you that we old people are occasionally permitted private lives." Not that this was in any way related to his own. It was a principle sort of thing. "Comparatively speaking, perhaps," he agreed. Somehow, tact didn't seem to be a common Slayer trait. His eyes narrowed slightly at the mention of Wesley. "Yes, thank you, I shall endeavor not to bring him up."
Buffy grinned at the dry reply. “I know you prefer your books and tea which is good because you’re great with the knowledge part,” she said meaning it as a compliment. His research skills had saved her more than once. She was taken a bit aback by his comment. She held up her hands in a surrender gesture. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business and I shouldn’t have said anything about it. It’s just…” she tried to think of what to say because her thoughts were jumbled a bit with this stuff. “It’s a little like when mom was dating. It’s kind of weird for me is all.” Giles had become a caring parent figure for her and as she got older he still had an adult role in her head even though she was an adult now. She gave him a nudge with her shoulder. “You’ll always be my favorite,” she said giving him a smile.
Giles shook his head. "Yes, well. 'The knowledge part' is rather my job. If I wasn't good at it, there would be more than a few problems." It was rather gratifying to be appreciated for it, however, rather than having it be taken as a given. "As entertaining as it could be to watch you continue to labor under a misconception, I should perhaps point out at this juncture that this is in no way related to myprivate life." In spite of any efforts that might have been made to the contrary, he didn't add. There were some things Buffy didn't need to know. In fact, there were some things that he himself would have been happier not knowing. "That is gratifying to hear. If there had been any danger of you choosing that....sycophantic toadying lizard, I might have had to do something drastic." He returned her smile with a fond one of his own.
Buffy nodded in agreement. “Several, considering I have trouble keeping funny names straight.” She gave him a look of gratitude when he took pity on her and said it wasn’t his private life he was talking about. Not that she wanted him to be unhappy and alone, but it would have been awkward. She rolled her eyes. “As if. Though after meeting the old Council I did kind of wonder how you managed to come out of it as adaptable as you are.”
Giles replied "You do have a positive gift for mangling the more esoteric words." It wasn't something he'd ever held against her, at least not since the very beginning of their partnership. When she started musing about his adaptability, he shrugged casually. "I had a fair amount of assistance from a rather good influence in the form of a certain young Slayer who rather forced me to stay on my toes," he replied fondly. Of course, having a history of rebellious youth certainly hadn't hurt.
Buffy gave him a confused look. “Um, thanks?” she guessed. She smiled at his fond comment. “I think you decided to adapt when cheer leading happened,” she said. She looked up and saw they were approaching the rundown apartment building she was now staying in. “That’s where we all are now. I know it doesn’t look great, but there isn’t much good for less than an arm and a leg in New York.” She paused for a moment. “As far as I know that figurative.”
Giles gave one shake of his head when it became clear that Buffy hadn't understood a word of what he'd said. "Rather like what you said, only with more creative use of the dictionary." He had nearly managed to forget the cheer leading phase Buffy had gone through. "What makes you think it took me that long?" He gave the building she was indicating a rather skeptical look. "I'll take your word for it. Although if this version of New York is anything like ours, that could very well be true in the literal sense as well."
Buffy grinned when he repeated himself with a simpler explanation. That was one of their common things as well. “Oh,” she shrugged. “That’s why you get the books and I get the weapons.” She laughed. “Mostly because you were dead set against me joining ‘the cult’. You happened to be right that there was something wrong with them.” She gave him a look of agreement. “I did some looking at this place and there is weirdness aplenty. Oh, how do gods choose what they get to be gods of? Is it a lottery or really random or do they pick?”
Giles had to agree with Buffy's simplification of their division of labor. "Whenever you wish to expand your circle of expertise, I'd be happy to instruct you in the finer points of the Dewey Decimal System," he offered, half-seriously. He didn't really expect Buffy to take him up on it, but he couldn't very well let the opportunity go past unremarked. "I beg your pardon, did I just hear you say that I was right? Is there any chance that I could get that admission in writing?" Her next question was entirely unexpected, and he frowned for a moment while he considered it. "I suppose that rather depends on how the god in question came into being."
Buffy laughed at the idea of Giles showing her how to file books in the library. She smiled at him when he asked her to put the admission he was right in writing. “Would you put it in your wallet and pull it out every so often and smile?” Buffy bit her lip. “I don’t actually know. Ok. So Deadpool told us about these guys and we looked them up on the internet and there was a mention of Thor,” she said the name as a question. “Spike said he was a god of thunder. I thought that was weird and wondered how they picked. A loud noise sounds like a lame thing to be a god of.”
Giles shook his head slightly, quirking one corner of his mouth into a wry grin. "No, I rather thought I'd frame it and put it on my desk. Far more convenient that way." He wouldn't actually gloat that much, but it would be somewhat gratifying. When Buffy explained the context of her question, things became a great deal clearer. "Well Thor isn't exclusively a god of Thunder. He's more properly a sky and storm god, and, thanks to his association with the goddess Sif, also known as a god of fertility. It's not really clear in the mythology where his powers are derived from, however."
Buffy grinned. “You know, I might actually write that then,” she said. “I’ll get some fun paper and a cool ink color. Just for a splash of funky colors in your office.” Buffy nodded at the explanation. “So, where does the hammer come in? It’s kind of a big one. Ok, the guy was tall and really built so it probably didn’t bother him swinging it around…” Buffy trailed off when she realized she was rambling. “Then there was the robot looking guy and a big green maybe demon it didn’t look familiar.”
Giles deadpanned "I shall highly anticipate that great gift." He'd reached the point of sarcasm where he wasn't entirely sure if he'd come around to complete seriousness again, but it was completely possible that he had. "Well, as tradition has it, Mjölnir was forged by dwarves for Thor, and is capable of smiting anything the god turns his hand to, while never missing its target. As a god, I would presume he has very little difficulty wielding it." He frowned at the mention of the other two beings. "Well, robots I have very little experience with, but a demon, working with the God of Thunder? By all accounts he's meant to be...well, not malignant towards humanity."
Buffy smiled wider. She wasn’t sure if he’d like it or not, it was hard to tell sometimes. “There was some kind of huge fight against these large demon like creatures that came out of a portal. That’s what the news stories were all about. It called them the heroes of New York. So, they must be the good guys.” She looked down. “I was kind of hoping that Deadpool had imagined it or it was something more normal that got mangled by his mental problems.” She looked back up at Giles and gave him a shrug.
Giles shook his head slightly. "In this case I'm afraid I have to dash those hopes. I've also heard tell of this demonic incursion. Although I believe in this realm they're calling them aliens." He rolled his eyes. In his opinion, a demon was a demon, and if it looked like a demon, calling it anything else seemed rather absurd. "So, this dimension has heroic demons? How..." He realized once he'd begun the sentence that there wasn't really an appropriate adjective to end it with. There was absolutely no describing this situation.
Buffy gave him a nod of agreement. “Right there with you. I’m also a bit thrown by a god going toe to toe with the demons to protect humanity. I’m used to the big, powerful immortal types trying to tell me what to do and keep my trap shut.” She shook her head. “It’s like home with a few major changes. There’s lots of the same stuff. I haven’t seen any vampires yet, but I didn’t really get a good chance to look either.” She looked at him. “I’m glad you’re here. I mean, yeah, I want to go home. I just think that… I’m glad you’re here.”
Giles had to agree with her there. "Yes, quite. Although I suppose it's high time we started running into the decent sort. One keeps hearing rumors about them." If it took travel to another dimension to produce that result, well, that wasn't entirely outside the realm of possibility. Buffy's summary of the current situation was wholly accurate, and he nodded. "It is rather familiar, all things considered." He smiled fondly for a moment. "Alternate dimensions, gods, friendly demons? Where else would I possibly be?" Not to mention the fact that his Slayer was here. He didn't think that needed mentioning.
Buffy smiled. “I know there’s all this hype and we get nothing but grief.” She thought for a moment. “You think maybe we could take one of the friendly gods home for a few minutes and have them whip ours into shape?” she doubted it, but it was a nice thought. “And the green demon he was huge, like taller than a bus. He could knock some sense into some of our demons,” she said with a short laugh. “You’re pretty much usually close to the same place I am. Knee deep in trouble. Just usually a little behind doing the book thing. I think you’ve reached your quote on head injuries for the rest of your life.”
Giles shrugged one shoulder. "I suppose the sorts of gods that tend to frequent Hellmouths are statistically unlikely to be the friendly, humanity-loving sort." The picture she painted of bringing this god and demon home with them was a tempting one, to be sure. And a rather delightful one. "I'd certainly be in favor of it, but I'm certain there's some way it could go horribly wrong," he replied. In their world, if it could go wrong, it would. Gods and demons especially included. "I reached my head injury quota long before I met you, Buffy. Though I can say our association hasn't improved that situation."
Buffy nodded. “True. Hellmouth isn’t exactly a term that makes you think of kittens.” She frowned. “Do you think they have one here? I mean, not that I really want to live on one again, but just asking.” She smiled. “We always seem to be the living examples of Murphy’s Law.” Buffy raised an eyebrow. “Do I want to know how you got head injuries before I was around?” She knew about Giles’s younger days even if he didn’t talk about them much. She never pried.
Giles agreed with a brief nod. "It really isn't intended to be." One of those times when the name of a thing reflected its purpose rather well. The question she posed was an interesting one. "Well, if they have demons here, I suppose they must have Hellmouths as well." He rather hoped he was wrong, however. No universe deserved to come with that menace. "Oh, you know, rebellious youth, rigorous training, the usual."
Buffy expected him to say that this world probably has a Hellmouth, not that she liked the answer. It was kind of how her life had gone. She gave Giles a smile. “At least that wasn’t something completely new then.” She looked around and could see they were coming closer to the apartment building she was staying in. “I’m not really sure who is available right now, but if you want to talk to Deadpool, I know where his place is. He did say that he gets mad when people don’t knock before coming in. Not that you’d ever do that cause it’s rude and you are never rude.”
Giles rather wished he could have given Buffy better news in regards to this dimension. "It could be that they're far less active here than they are in our world, however," he added in an attempt to be reassuring. It did seem that there were far fewer demons here than in their own dimension. He hadn't encountered any yet, and in a city like this, that was unusual. He considered her suggestion, then nodded. "I suppose that might be prudent." He wanted to know what, exactly, Buffy had landed herself in here. "And I would like to politely resent the implication that I am never rude. Still, on this occasion, better to avoid it, perhaps."
Buffy smiled the way Giles tried to be reassuring then gave a polite denial of being rude. It was all very Giles and made her feel better. She heard the odd sound of tinny music being played over a small speaker and turned to see an ice cream truck making it’s way down the street. She frowned and turned to say something to Giles, but was interrupted by the sound of a door being kicked open and someone yelling.
Deadpool had been having a decent day watching tv and eating lots of junk food. When the sound of the ice cream truck reached his ears, his eye twitched behind the mask. (Uh oh.) [YES! Fun times!] Deadpool ran down the stairs and kicked open the front door of the apartment building. With a gun in each hand he aimed at the plastic clown on top of the truck. “I told you to keep your clown loving %#$ out of my neighborhood! Eat blazing doorknobs of death, Bozo buddy!” Then he fired and began blowing plastic chunks out of the clown.
Giles found the sorts of things that were common between the two dimensions fascinating. Apparently, both had the same sort of completely obnoxious ice cream salesmen in the little vans with the horrid music. The masked, gun-toting madman was new, however. He blinked slowly, then blinked again. It didn't make the man vanish. He frowned, recalling Buffy's description of the person known as Deadpool. "Your landlord, I presume? Delightful fellow."
Buffy jumped when Deadpool started firing at the ice cream truck. She wasn’t really sure what to do, but he didn’t seem to be firing at the driver. The driver was a native New Yorker and smart enough to hit the gas. The truck sped away as fast as it could with bits of plastic clown flaking off in its wake. She was surprised by how calm Giles was with it, but she probably shouldn’t have been all things considered. “Umm… yeah.”
Deadpool stopped firing when the clown shaped menace had been banished from his street. He didn’t understand people that like them. They were devious and plotting. Clowns were a bigger menace to the world that aliens, Thanos, and Galactus combined. “Yeah you better run! I got more where that came from!” He holstered his guns and noticed Pris when he turned to go inside. “Hey, Pris,” he said casually as if he hadn’t just done some loud yelling and gun firing.
Giles was strongly regretting his decision to be unarmed today. A battle-ax wasn't the most subtle piece of weaponry ever, but the ability to do a little spot of beheading if the man with the guns started actually hurting people rather than just plastic clown heads. "Delightful," he murmured under his breath. "So very glad I came." He was simultaneously feeling the need to not see what was going on and the need to see it very closely indeed. A little more loudly, he said "Won't you introduce us?"
Buffy gave Deadpool a wave. “Hey, Deadpool,” she said. She gave Giles a slightly embarrassed smile. “Deadpool, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine. This is Rupert Giles,” she said. “Um, Giles, this is Deadpool.” She felt kind of odd calling the guy by that name, but it was the only one she had.
Deadpool grinned at Pris and looked at the older guy. He walked down the stairs casually. “Sup, man?” he asked casually holding out his hand. He didn’t like to use people’s real names, but he didn’t have one yet for the new person. (Looks like he old enough to be her father.) [Probably is.] (Friends is a weird term.) [After Priscilla?] (Point taken.)
Giles squared up his shoulders and prepared to do that most ancient of battles -- polite conversation with someone who didn't seem terribly acquainted with the word 'polite'. He took the extended hand and shook it firmly. "Charmed, I'm sure." And, apart from the whole homicidal insanity thing, it was a meeting he'd been looking forward to. "I hear I have you to thank for ensuring that Buffy and the others have a safe place to stay." At least, for a given value of safety.
Buffy appreciated Giles’s reaction to the man that was helping them. Most people might have yelled or been angry at him, but that probably wouldn’t have gone very well. “I told him about your pancakes as well,” she said not really sure what to say.
Deadpool grinned behind the mask. It was tight enough the other man could see the shape. “You’re British!” he said. (Figured that out all on your own.) “God save the Queen.” he said snapping into a salute. “Oh yeah, there’s loads of open space. Big Blue and I talked it over so it’s totally cool. Pancakes rock. You’re probably more of a bangers and mash guy. I know Captain Britain, he’s kind of lame, but he taught me how to make a decent cup of tea.”
Giles refrained from making any of the obvious sarcastic quips about Deadpool's powers of observation with great effort. "Quite," he replied instead. He was fairly positive he deserved some sort of a medal for restraint. "Erm. Big blue? I presume you mean Illyria?" He glanced at Buffy for confirmation. If he was assuming correctly, that was entirely unexpected. "I don't believe we have a Captain Britain in our version. Just the Queen, and she doesn't have a military title."
Buffy covered her laugh with her hand and a small cough. She could tell with Giles wasn’t saying what he was thinking at this point. “Yeah, Illyria and Spike found this place and they had the first contact with Deadpool. I’m still a bit unclear how smoothies got involved, but yeah.”
Deadpool nodded. “She broke my arm and my shotgun.” He shrugged. “I can get a new one, it’s not a problem.” (Version? What does he mean by that?) [Not sure.] (Maybe they kicked the guy out of his part of England?) “Not a big loss really. The Queen is kind of cool. Not as awesome as the Canadian queen, but really close. She’s got the Mounties and they’re way better than those matchstick guys outside the British queen’s palace.”
Giles pointedly ignored Buffy, assuming she knew full well the sorts of thoughts he wasn't voicing. "Where Spike is involve, I rather tend not to ask questions," he said instead. He frowned slightly, opened his mouth to respond to Deadpool's statement, then closed it again when words utterly failed him. "My apologies for your shotgun, and your arm," he eventually managed. "And...you are aware that they're the same Queen, yes? The British one rules the entire Commonwealth."
Buffy thought about what Giles said before nodding. “Probably a good policy to have.” She got confused when Deadpool started talking about different queens. She knew about the one in England because of school and tv, but she had no idea that Canada had one too. Then she frowned when Giles said they were the same person. It made sense when she thought about it. He had the same tone he got with her when he was trying to teach her something.
Deadpool shrugged again. “I’ve had worse injuries than the arm and I kind of broke it when I slammed into her so that might be a little on me too.” He flexed his arm. “Good as new though.” Deadpool shook his head. “They aren’t the same person. The Canadian queen is a legally separate entity and title from the British queen. Totally different.” He nodded as if he’d proved his point. (That’s either brilliant or completely stupid.) [Go with the latter. I usually do.]
Giles nodded. He was rather enamored with that policy himself. Mostly since not questioning Spike could easily stretch to not being in the same room as Spike. "It's my understanding that most people wouldn't survive a fight with something like Illyria," he observed. Clearly there was more to this man than met the eye, as Buffy had said. He looked rather impressed with Deadpool when he brought up the legalities. "Perhaps so. However, physically they are the same entity. So both sets of guards are hers. And the Queen's Guard are fully capable soldiers at any rate."
Buffy was a bit confused about the entire queen conversation. “I’m not really sure what she can do,” Buffy confessed. She hadn’t known much about Illyria or Fred really when they met. She was powerful, Buffy knew that, but her exact abilities weren’t known to her.
Deadpool smiled again. “Surviving is kind of my thing. Though I think if we went all out fighting each other it would probably take forever or until one of us was too tired to stand so maybe a few months depending on how much she needs to sleep. The Regenerating Degenerate is one of my nicknames along with the Crimson Comedian.” (And a few others.) Deadpool shook his head. The argument didn’t make sense to him. They were different on paper so they were different completely. “Nope they’re different. I won’t believe corporations are people until Texas executes one, but I know I’m right about this one.” His gasoline and gravel voice managed to sound a bit childish on the last bit.
Giles wasn't at all surprised by Deadpool's answer. In order for him to not be a pile of very pulverized dust at the moment, survival rather had to be his 'thing'. "As a general rule, best to assume that there's very little a being like that can't do," he told Buffy simply. He didn't remember everything from the limited information the Watchers Council had, but that seemed like a fair enough assumption. Before he could quite swallow down the words, he found himself asking "Does the epigrammatic nicknaming come with the spandex, or is it unrelated?" He was starting to feel a headache building behind his eyes. "I assure you, she is one person. I should think I'd know if the monarch of my country was a secret twin."
Buffy nodded. She looked up at Deadpool and wasn’t sure if he was telling the literal truth or bragging about himself when he talked about how long he could fight. Though if he had actually broken his arm, it was fine when she saw him less than an hour later. She had no idea where the argument was going, but she’d protect Giles if Deadpool snapped.
Deadpool frowned in complete confusion when Prof said the huge word. He scratched his head. “I don’t know what that means. The pockets came with the spandex,” he offered. “And you’re saying I don’t know the monarch of my country?!” he said raising his voice a bit. “At least I’m pretty sure it’s mine or well, I come from there. I don’t own it. I’m not loaded like the Tin Man is so I don’t own a whole country. I don’t think he does either. I’m sure Starklandia would be all over the news if he did because he’d name it after himself. His ego can’t help it. He’d buy the country just as a place for his ego to live.”
Giles explained automatically "Epigrammatic. Concise and clever. Nothing to do with pockets." He had no idea where the pockets thing had come from, actually. Although apparently the answer to the question he hadn't asked was 'with the spandex'. A confused wrinkle formed in his brow as Deadpool's rambling lecture went on. It was rather difficult to argue with a man who didn't seem to make a lick of sense. "Perhaps we'll need to agree to disagree on the subject," he offered. He wasn't about to get himself shot over Her Majesty the Queen, and there were more interesting issues buried in the man's barely coherent speech. "Tin Man? Who would that be?"
Buffy was glad when Deadpool asked about the big word, it made her feel better. “That’s the robot,” she said. “Um, Tony Stark? I think that’s its name too. There’s a company or something, too.”
Deadpool nodded at the explanation. “Oh, ok. Yeah, I didn’t finish high school and what I did learn got tossed through a blender.” When Pris answered the Prof’s question Deadpool laughed. “He’s not a robot. Well, ok, there was that one bit in the comics where an LMD got a bit uppity, but he’s a real guy. There are parts of the comics we don’t talk about.” [Like your daughter?] “Shut up! I said we don’t talk about it!” He took a deep breath. “Where was I?” (Tony is a real guy.) “Oh, yeah. No, he’s a real guy. He’s had more sex than an entire college frat. Kind of impressed by that. The robot looking thing he wears is a suit.” (He built it in a cave.) [WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!] Deadpool laughed. “That was an over the top delivery if I ever heard one. Anyway, guy built the suit and used to run the company that his father started. His girlfriend runs it now. She’s a major babe, gotta give him props for that.”
Giles listened to Deadpool's explanation with the patience only a librarian could exhibit. He would have to ask Buffy several questions later about the man, who really appeared to be significantly less than sane. The fact that he was having rather more than the usual sort of conversations with himself wasn't inspiring much confidence in...well, anything about him. He wasn't even asking about the comics thing. He skipped straight to the important bit again. "A...robot suit?" He glanced over at Buffy. "You see, this is precisely why I don't trust computers. Do you see what people start making when you turn your back on them?"
Buffy watched Deadpool with a strange fascination. He knew lots of information, but it all got filtered through his rather broken mind. It did make her feel better that it was a real guy and not a robot. She smiled at Giles’s reaction to it being very familiar with his intense dislike of computers. “Yeah, computers are gateways to all sorts of terrible behavior,” she nodded mock seriously.
Deadpool nodded excitedly when the Prof asked about the suit. “Yep. Red and gold because he needs it to be showy.” (Black and red just blends in, right, Wade?) “It’s got all sorts of lasers, particle beams, missiles, bullets, and who knows what else. The guy is a genius. I’m not saying he’s just smart, he’s Einstein on Red Bull. He’s been working the gig for awhile and doing some fairly cool stuff.”
Giles gave Buffy a gratified look. "Yes, precisely! Apparently the gateway to particle beams, lasers, missiles, and an entire host of other...and you were being sarcastic." He cut himself off halfway through the lecture when the fact that Buffy didn't share his dislike of technology caught up with him. Turning back to Deadpool, he inquired "And this man...he's one of the good ones?"
Buffy fought smiling as Giles’s lectured until he realized she was being sarcastic. “Yup. Computers are not the enemy,” she said smiling. It was part of Giles and she liked it. It seemed to go hand in hand with his love of physical books and lots of reading so it was fun to tease him about it. She still respected him and at times could see his point.
Deadpool shrugged. “I’m not very good at understanding the whole good and bad thing,” he admitted. “There are things I won’t do, but the rest of it gets confusing for me.” He thought for a moment. “He seems to be on the good side. He’s taken down terrorists, saved lives from other guys in suits, and he was right there for the alien invasion.” Deadpool scratched his head. “Oh, then there’s the almost dying to fly a nuke into a wormhole to save Midtown.” (I can’t watch that scene without choking up.) [Big baby!] “Is that enough for you to decide?”
Giles rolled his eyes upwards in a long-familiar 'give me strength' expression. "Need I remind you of the time when the computer actually was the enemy?" He felt completely vindicated by that instance. There was a reason that some things became traditional. He was somewhat surprised by the list of good deeds this man had supposedly done. "Yes, quite enough," he said absently.
Buffy cocked her head and gave him a look. “Cause a horrible demon spell got scanned into it. It’s not like the computer went bad on its own.” Her eyebrows shot up at the number of things the Stark guy had done. “Um, yeah.”
Deadpool thought the evil demon computer story sounded really cool. “I hadn’t heard that one. That sounds pretty awesome!” He was a bit familiar with some mystic things. “Usually, I have to see if Strange will hang around for awhile to hear cool stories like that.” He nodded when they both said they could decide about Tin Man. “I know most of them fairly well. Like Captain America is always on the side of right and he smells like apple pies. His shield is awesome.”
Giles nodded patiently. "Yes, the horrible demon that was quite safely trapped in the very nice book that had securely held it for centuries. Set free because of the technological menace brought into my library." Though those memories were treading a little too close to painful territory. Instead, he turned his attention back to Deadpool. "Well, if that's what you find entertaining, you're bound to be thrilled by our continued association." He raised his eyebrows at the mention of some new character in this merry band of heroes. "Captain America?"
Buffy rolled her eyes with a teasing smile. “We took care of it and it was an accident. If you’d known there was a demon trapped in there then it wouldn’t have been a problem. They should have had a warning written on the cover.” Then she frowned. “Course usually those kinds of warnings are ignored faster than no warning at all.”
Deadpool nodded excited. “You guys sound like fun. I get bored and then I do things to not be bored. That can get a bit explosive.” [Explosives? Now!] “No, not now. I’m talking to my new friends.” [When?] “I don’t know. From the sounds of it soon.” [Fine.] Deadpool gave the Prof a look of astonishment. “You haven’t heard about Captain America?” He began looking through his pouches. He pulled out a trading card in a plastic case. “Be careful with this it’s very rare and an original in mint condition.” He held out the card with a slightly nervous look on his face. “The actual guy from dub dub eye eye was found and thawed. He’s back to kick booty!”
Giles shook his head. "Yes, because generally tomes with a picture of the beast in question on their front covers are entirely wholesome and joyful. And because you wouldn't have discounted any warning as part of my dislike of those wretched machines." He was more than a little concerned by the fact that Deadpool's conversation with himself had begun to involve explosives, but still accepted the small plastic-covered rectangle gingerly. Once he'd surveyed it he said thoughtfully "No, I'm sorry, I've never heard of him."
Buffy shook her head. It was one of those arguments that they could have forever. She could see his point a little bit, but one bad experience didn’t mean all computers everywhere were bad. She angled her head to look at the card. The guy was in red, white, and blue spandex. She looked up at Giles. “I’m sensing a theme.”
Deadpool was completely derailed by the fact that the Prof had never heard of Captain America. “I know all the stories,” he said excitedly. “He punched out Hitler over 200 times. His main nemesis was the Red Skull. Even bad guys don’t like Skeletor. Genocide is fine, but how dare you be a card carrying Nazi!” (Evil has standards.) “He wiped HYDRA off the map during the war. He was in New York for the alien fight, too, being all wholesome and awesome.”
Giles murmured absently to Buffy "Yes, I'm failing to understand the spandex. Although I suppose it's very good for flexibility." Personally, he preferred tweed. Far more durable. He perked up slightly at the mention of hydras. "Yes, hydra, I know of those. Water monster, many heads, grows two new ones for each one you cut off? I believe they're extinct." Perhaps they weren't in this world. Although he wasn't entirely sure what they had to do with Nazis.
Buffy nodded. “If you can pull it off, it’s not a bad look.” She was a bit taken aback by the discussion of hydras all of the sudden. Great, more monsters. “How do you kill it? Do you just keep cutting heads off until it has too many or something?”
Deadpool shrugged. “It breathes and keeps from giving the enemy a hand hold. Plus, I’m used to the way it irritates my skin,” his fingers twitched and he sntached the card back shoving it into one of his many pockets. “No not hydras, HYDRA. Its an acro… thingy. I don’t know what it stands for, but they’re a group. They were working with the Nazis in dub dub eye eye making super weapons and wanting more super soldiers like Skeletor and Cappy.” He cocked his head. “Bob was a member, but he’s a total coward. I put the fear of me into him. He shouts HYDRA slogans, but only when he’s scared.” (He’s scared most of the time.) “True, but it’s the kind of cowardice that loops around to bravery.”
Giles shrugged one shoulder. "Cauterize the stumps to keep the thing from sprouting new heads, traditionally. Although some versions of the myth turn its own venom against it. I've never actually met anyone who encountered one." He relinquished the card without any fuss, frowning slightly. "Really. Another point of divergence, then," he noted absently. It was fascinating what exactly their worlds did and didn't have in common. Although considering the dubious mental state of the man involved, perhaps he'd best do a little research on the subject of his own.
Buffy took some mental notes about the creature Giles described even though Deadpool corrected the meaning. She also made a few mental notes about super weapons and super soldiers. It reminded her a bit of the Initiative and the things they were trying to do with demons. She was getting used to Deadpool having conversations with himself. She guessed he heard voices. “Well, I’ll keep that in mind.” She had to take Giles’s word for it about history.
Deadpool gave another nod. “Stories about Captain America have been around since the 40s. My dad was a military man so I heard a bunch bouncing around when I was a kid.” Then he paused. “At least I think that’s what happened. I can’t always trust what I remember.” (I think they know that.) “Well, if you have some epic level of awesome fight make sure to call me. Do you need a place to hang your hat, Prof, or did you grab a hotel or something?”
Giles added quickly "Kindly do not attempt to fight the legendary beast variety of hydra alone. Someone needs to be there to do the cauterizing." Better safe than sorry. He nodded slightly at Deadpool's explanation of his mental state. It wasn't completely unexpected. "Then I'm certain it shouldn't be terribly difficult to educate myself," he said decisively. The name did sound vaguely familiar. The super-soldier types, less so, and significantly less promising. But perhaps they weren't around any more. "Prof? I'm afraid you're laboring under a misconception, I'm no professor. But no, thank you, I already have a place. For the moment, at least."
Buffy smiled at Giles. “I promise not to fight any monsters with lots of heads without help.” She bit her lip when Giles said he wasn't going to stay. She knew he wouldn’t, but she wanted to be able to contact him if she needed to. “I don’t think I have a phone yet, but I can let you know when I do if you have a number.”
Deadpool grinned. “If you get monsters like that, I will be very upset if I don’t get to join in.” (You’d be impossible to share a head with.) “You just sound like one and I like the name.” Deadpool patted his pockets trying to remember where he stored his business cards. “Here, if you need to call Pris just call me until she gets her own number.” The business card was red with black lettering. It read: ‘Deadpool when you absolutely need the job done and you don’t care how’ followed by several numbers. “The mobile and home gets me the other two are for Blind Al or Weasel if I don’t answer.”
Giles nodded. "See that you don't. I've rather grown accustomed to having you in one piece." Which was as close to a declaration of affection as he would give in front of the man in spandex. At the mention of a phone, he rummaged for a moment in his jacket pocket, producing a very old-fashioned flip phone and a pad of paper. After a few moments of scowling down at the screen, he wrote down a number and handed the page to Buffy before taking Deadpool's card and frowning at it. How very delightful. "In case you need to get into contact with me first." He had, apparently, a great deal of research to get done before he returned to the apartment, and wanted to get to it, but not before he'd reassured Buffy that he was going to be reachable from here on out.
Buffy smiled at Giles knowing his statement meant more that he’d ever admit to in front of anyone else especially a stranger. “I prefer me in one piece, too,” she said nodding. She kind of enjoyed watching Giles fumble around with technology, he was usually so adept at everything. She took the piece of paper and was grateful that Deadpool handed Giles a card. “I’ll call you with a number as soon as I get one.” She looked at Deadpool. “Thank you.”
Deadpool looked down and seemed a bit uncomfortable when Pris thanked him. “Um, yeah, no problem,” he said looking away. (That is so weird.) [People don’t do that a lot.] (Is gravity taking a break too?) “Call any time. Everyone on the list is used to stuff needing done at all hours of the day.”
Giles smiled back at Buffy, knowing that she'd understood his intent. He was still smiling when he turned towards Deadpool. "Yes, gratitude is certainly in order. Thank you, Deadpool. Although for courtesy's sake I shall try to stay within normal business hours." He squeezed Buffy's shoulder once. "And I believe I'd best leave you to your new clothes, in favor of finding a library."
Buffy would have hugged Giles, but she figured he probably wouldn’t have appreciated it. “Okay, call me when you know something or if you want to meet up. I’ll call you if something comes up.” She wasn’t sure what to say to Deadpool, he always seemed so utterly confident, but he had odd moments like this when he got strange. She wondered if people weren’t usually nice to him.
Deadpool scratched his head. “Uh… okay.” he said nodding. (Libraries!) “Go for the public library on 5th avenue at 42nd street. It’s a pretty huge one and they’ve got some really cool stuff. I tested their security once for an old Bible they have. A gutentage or something.” (Gutenberg.) “Oh, yeah. Gutenberg Bible. That’s it. There are several branches, but that’s the main one”
Giles nodded at Buffy. He would certainly stay in contact now that he knew where she was. If nothing else, they would need to work on a way to get home. Their universe needed Buffy Summers. "The New York Public Library? Ah, good, they have that here," he said absently. "That ought to do nicely, then." He wondered if his card worked in an alternate universe. Probably not, but he was no stranger to long hours in the reference section. And if he spent enough time there, perhaps Hecate and Jay would be...well, finished. "I'll be in touch, Buffy."
Buffy waved to Giles and watched him go. She wasn’t surprised that Deadpool walked off without saying much more. It felt better that her Watcher was here. If anyone could figure out a way to get them home, it would be Giles. Until then, he’d help figure out how to deal with this place.