Living in fear is like counting down. Refusing yourself the opportunity for new perspective will leave you bankrupt of change, and respecting and repeating this way of life/thinking is said to be traditional. Traditions provided us with a blanket that protected us from a world that was once 60 degrees Fahrenheit. Though, as we get older and the coldest shoulders cause the temperature to drop, the blanket will only secure us with one thing: the fear of letting go. Our attachment to these traditions create the âmoral fabricâ and it will continue to manifest until this blanket is used to cover what we donât like, shield ourselves, and smother the fire of individuality. With these powers combined, weâve got Homophobia!
(Human rights campaigners say Iran falsely convicts gay men of other crimes to execute them) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-493570/Gays-tortured-hanged-says-Iranian-minister-meeting-British-MPs.html
Homophobia begins with the parents. It occurs when a parentâs fear consumes the way they raise their children. As opposed to providing the tools and knowledge necessary to learn how to protect themselves, these parents would rather carry a gun, and fire at anyone who âendangers their childâ by asking the wrong questions or bringing up the wrong topic. These traditions of oppression and fear act like bleach on childâs mind. Like every other surface that bleach touches, the color is burned away by the chemical destruction---In this case, the colors of the mind are âwiped cleanâ, and the rainbow that was once embraced has become a white-void.
Through the ages of 7-12, âNoâ is a powerful word and when it comes hand and hand with a lazy explanation as to why we say no, it becomes a weapon. âBecause I said so.â Thatâs not a reason. âI donât feel comfortable with you doing that.â There we have an open line of communication. How can we expect our children to explain themselves when we never gave them the time for our own explanations? Routine dismissals can become tools for our youth to use to justify their oppression, âWhy donât you like homosexuals?â âBecause theyâre gay.â This is no more logical, or anymore tolerable than a parent saying, âNo.â âWhy?â âI said no!â When an open line of communication is closed the mind becomes a tunnel. When a revered adult sets an example of this authoritative tyranny, verbal or physical, the child is likely to covet their newborn tradition: oppression.
 An 8-year-old boy decides that he wants to try ballet. His father is a middle class man with a military background. His mother plays a role in supporting the family, but the decisions are the fatherâs to make. He approaches his dad with his developing interest. âDad, would you be able to take me to try out for ballet some time soon?â The boy is quickly taken back by the disgust on his fatherâs face. His father scoffs and replies, âWhy donât you play football like a normal boy?â In fear of disappointing his father, the child becomes proficient in both football and baseball, and his father couldnât be more proud!
The story that just unfolded is a seemingly harmless situation. One that many adults of today could relate to their childhood. Though, this tale of encouragement is one that could haunt the child for the rest of his years. Later in life, the boy will be due to meet in court---his judge named, âOverâ and his jury, âCompensationâ. Over & Compensation will play a pivotal role in his development, and eventually sentence the Heterosexual to Homosexuality or Homophobia. Here are two examples as to how his story could unfold:
1. He will resent his father for the pressures that he put on him as a child and his dadâs inability to accept his femininity could result in bisexuality along with homosexuality simply as a form of rebellion.Â
2. The more common result is that the child will experience a major repression of femininity where he abuses and/or rejects others the way his father did to him. His primary target will be boys comfortable and are able to express their feminine side.
These are two contrasted results of expression and repression. Scenario 1 is based on the notion that homosexuality is not a choice. Scenario 2 is built on the fear instilled by father or father figure. As with life, the story can go many different ways depending on the aggression of the father and repression of the child. Were the son a homosexual, the internal struggle becomes a hail of gunfire with greater chances to leave a teenager dead over a misunderstanding.
The reasons for adult homophobia differ greatly from adolescent. It isnât because people hate others by nature, it isnât because homosexuals are easy targets, or even that adults disagree with a homosexual way of life. It is because they are afraid to agree. Homosexuals bend and break the strongest foundation of traditional thinking, âa man and a woman.â Each of us currently have a set of characteristics and expectations that define gender. Homosexuals inadvertently force many to re-evaluate those âguidelinesâ. If even for a second that we believe our definition of man is wrong then, âWho are we?!â âWhat else are we wrong about?!â Fear screams loud and the risk of crippling a comfortable belief system has gotten be too great. So, instead of conquering the mindâs new challenge, we would rather fire off an arsenal of values and traditions at the Homosexual that caused the challenge to begin with.
The common denominator is one that has reared its ugly head more times than weâre willing to admit, fear. Weâre afraid and weâre afraid to be afraid. Fear is a tradition in and of itself. Your motherâs fear of flying might inhibit you from flying. The products of fear, however, collect more attention than the actual brand: stress, insecurity, jealousy, depression, overcompensation, narcissism, etc. We attempt to eliminate the symptoms while the sickness spreads and becomes an epidemic. Its true that facing our fear is crucial, but itâs a step that many people give themselves too much credit for. In order to not be a victim to cancer, it takes more than an ultrasound.
The problem is not tradition. It is our stranglehold and the refusal to question the traditions we uphold. We live in a world that is forever changing, and too many traditions undermine this phenomenon by saying, âThis is how it will be.â âThis how is has to be.â Its up to us to say, âOr what?â This is confronting our way of thinking, telling our mind that we always have the ability to overcome the challenges presented. As we get older, we need to re-evaluate our belief system, what does our belief system mean to us? Why donât we agree with this particular set of beliefs? What prevents us from understanding? Who influenced our way of thinking? These are all questions we can utilize to feed the fire burning in all of us. Our beliefs are what maintain the fire of individuality, and as long we embrace the change and are unafraid of new perspectives, tradition will never stand a chance at putting that fire out.
[There is one thing that I need to add here. We talk about how sexuality doesn't affect what we think about someone, but that is false. Sexuality determines much of what we think about someone. If you are experiencing someone fighting back their homosexuality, you are more likely to encounter someone who is repressed by nature, naturally envious of those who aren't trapped in their own skin. This just one of hundreds of examples of the inevitable changes in character due to sexuality. Sex lives are kept behind closed doors to respect someone's boundaries, not because they need to remain secret. Sexuality is a part of our being just as much as jobs are. It's another title. We all aim to be able to express the love we love to feel, gay or straight. It's very healthy to discuss and be able to discuss sex with others.
There is a difference between sexual preference and sexual orientation. Familiarizing yourself with someone's sexual orientation is specified for familiarity. Familiarizing yourself with someone's preference is generalized for acceptance. For instance, your preference of Mexican or Italian food does not familiarize someone with the plate you prefer. The plate would be the orientation, the familiarizing.
Boundaries are set in place to ensure someone does not find out more than desired, this is fine. This is not familiarity. Familiarity leaves more room for error and conflict to arise. So, someone might be thinking 'I don't have a problem with homosexuality, just don't talk to me about it.' This is accepting preference. However, they need to make sure that this is a boundary placed on heterosexuals as well. Otherwise, it is a double standard, and maybe they like the idea of being accepting, but they're not fully there yet. Afterall, there is no such thing as 'half-free'. Acceptance is about giving those you care about equal understanding, an equal opportunity to become a loved one. If you care about them, respect them and listen the way you would others.]
In order to change the world, we must change with the world.
For my uncle, Bob Tober. A victim to AIDS in 1995. He is remembered for his musical ability, his generosity, and his open heart to love everyone. His father died in 2010, never knowing his son was gay. R.I.P.