Anyway Matt and I got split again. It's nearly impossible to stay together but I'm kind of pissed at him anyway. 🙄 My intuition hinted he wasn't being completely honest with me. Turns out he really wasn't so when I saw the texts between him and his ex I wasn't surprised. I know he's sorry I saw it. 😑 Makes sense of course if a friend doesn't want you to see their phone. Chances are higher that there is something on it he don't want you to see like porn or texts with someone he supposedly stopped talking to weeks ago.
I told Matthew that if he needs a break that it's fine. I don't care. There's a huge reason I've kind of backed off. 😑 I know he's not over his ex and he's looking for closure he's never going to get from her. She's a real piece of work. She treated him like shit and didn't talk to him. I know because we hung out as friends a lot. All he did was complain about her. 😒 So well when she found out about me, she did a full 180°.
I'm used to getting my heart broken.
Being completely honest, I told Matthew that if he needs some time to get over this... Girl, it's cool. We can go back to being friends. No big deal. But he insisted that he wants more than that. Well then I told him I don't feel comfortable being his girlfriend if he's going to continue to text her. Matthew insisted over and over that he doesn't need time. But now after the shit I saw I feel I'm being lied to and I hate liars. If he wants me to believe him, he better come up with a real explanation and honesty about what's going on.
Going back to Florida 🤔 is an option but I honestly want to see this through. My guides and God keep telling me to work with him. Like at least help him. Be a friend to him because he's not almost no one. 😅 If we end up working through things like adults that's great but judging from the past year and how everything has gone to shit, I'm believing more that I'm not good enough for him. 🤦♀️ Oh well...
I tried to look through some old stuff with Erik to remember what happened. 😔 A psychic told me there was nothing I could do to stop my boyfriend from "leaving" and he was sorry for my loss. I knew I was psychic back then. However still borderline skeptical. My oracle and tarot card collection wasn't as big but I still used them on occasion. After the phone conversation with the radio psychic I crawled in my closet that spring and cried my eyes out.
It was a long distance relationship with Josh. We're still friends and we talk. 🤦♀️ Only I left the relationship and it was sort of mutual. He was nowhere near suicidal because he was expecting a kid by a girl he cheated on me with living with us. I was crying in bed one day after moving back home when a flower on my windowsill flew clear across my room toward my door! I put it together... 😞 The man who died was my Twinflame and from the time I noticed that flower to the present, it was Erik trying to get my attention. From then on there would be handfuls of supernatural stuff happening around me and in my dreams. I knew for a long time what it was.
I hate my life. Everything about it seems like a joke to me. Everything from Erik, my past, being homeless to Matthew. I feel like one day I'm going to find I was dead the whole time and this is my "eternal punishment". 😅 I definitely feel dead inside.
🙃 Don't get me wrong, I've been seeking help for everything and I'm in a program specifically for crazy homeless people. I'm just sick of the stigma too. 🤣👌 I don't have any problems besides the mental bullshit I go through everyday. But it seems people pass judgment just because I'm homeless. It's bullshit.
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(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog run by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.
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