Summary: The one year 'anniversary' of Astrid's betrayal weighs heavy on the guilty conscience of Listener and Matron, Chantilly Leice.
Content warnings: Paranoia, regret, betrayal & guilt. Canon events, violence and death. First person PoV.
Context: I know Arnbjorn is scripted to die in game. In my story CL arrives just in time to save him. Everyone else dies thou.
Fun fact there is actually in game a NightShade plant by the escape tower. It's inside Solitide by the gate of the tower if you were using it to go outside. It's near the food stalls.
@tes-summer-fest
"You're part of the Family, after all. This, as you can see, is our Sanctuary. You won't find a safer place in all of Skyrim."
"Our Family, my dearest. Our Family."
Eight years. Eight years ago you told me that after I was recruited into the Dark BrotherHood. Family, safety. For seven years I was part of your 'family'. For seven years I did as you told. I served, and I killed, and I was part of your family. In some strange twisted way, you became the closest thing I ever had to a mother figure in my life.
But just like the people who were supposed to be my parents, you sold me off. A year ago you betrayed me. You saw me as a threat to your authority, your leadership. Years of loyalty meant nothing to you. I was nothing more than leverage in the end. And I still wasn't enough. My one purpose to you, my one final use, and I failed that as well.
I couldn't save them all. I couldn't save your family. I barely had enough time to protect the ones that survived. I am forever grateful for the ones who did, but I am forever haunted by the memories I have of those who didn't. The memories I have of them are tainted, thanks to you. I lost them. They're dead. It's my fault they died.
Do you know NightShade grows in areas associated with death? Areas where dead bodies lie. Places where someone was killed. Caves and homes that undead vampires inhabit. The exit tower you told me to take after poisoning the fake Emperor.
Some grow outside both Sanctuaries. There were always a few outside the Falkreath Sanctuary, even years before that day. Now, there's five more plants. Festus Krex. Gabriella. Veezara. Lis. You.
They others are doing well. Arnbjorn, Nazir, Babette, Cicero. There's been three new recruits since then.
I'm not doing well.
When I see a flash of black and red, my blood runs cold. Fear pumps through my veins faster than any drug could take affect. I instinctively reach for a dagger and search for a shadowy corner to drag them off to and slice their throat out. It's usually not a Penitus Oculatus agent, but there have been the rare times it was. Too many times for my comfort. What a sick irony that the BrotherHood and Oculatus uniforms share a similar colour scheme.
I'm constantly terrified that I'll loose them. That I'll come back to the DawnStar Sanctuary one day to find it ablaze, or that I will arrive far after the embers have died down, and find their charred corpses. That once again I will be too late to save someone.
They are the closest thing I have to a family, and I'm terrified at the thought of that. I'm terrified that if I say it aloud, if I think about it too much, they'll die. They'll be killed. And it will be all my fault again.
You were an idiot thinking you could go against somethin more powerful than you. I was a fool thinking I could allow myself to have a family.
Now I carry the Blade. I'm the Matron and Listener. Maybe it was supposed to be this way. I knew for years the way you ran the Sanctuary was wrong. Abandoning the Tenets, disregarding the Night Mother's authority. My authority, as Listener.
But what I wouldn't give for everyone to alive today. Arnbjorn said the others were already dead by the time I arrived. But that doesn't prevent me from thinking what could have been. If I was just a little faster, if I left a bit sooner.
I'll never have a family again. I can't allow myself to have a family, to cars for someone, anyone, like that again. Not after what happened that day. Not after you.
I hope you're happy with your decisions. I know I'm not with mine.
For the ask game: Vigilant and Nightingale. I was particularly interested in hearing about Chantilly Leice and Melka, but feel free to switch around to other characters if you prefer!
WHOOO YEAH I get to talk about Melka! I like their story cause it's somethin different than what I normally write. Vigilant will be under the cut.
Also ignore why the pics are blue, it was to help me find it easier in the massive sea that is my phone album roll. The letter was to also help me and the reader see each different letter is a different conversation.
Nightingale-If the player wasn't the DB, what would they be doing?
CL would be doing what she's trying to do now, put the DragonBorn legacy behind her, focus on her family (hubby, 3 adopted kids and her 3 dogs), keeping them safe and go about her typical business like DBH contracts, being the Listener, Nightingale and Guild Master, building connections for the Theives Guild and occasional jobs for the Companions and EETC. She does it all. She is also the Arch-Mage so she does the rare jobs for them like killing the anomalies or dealing with some rogue wacko wizard (based on cut content I found on UESP). She also does the occasional odd mercanary job for the Bard's College (I expanded upon it on her story and added a new NPC/someone who had a past with her). She takes up odd jobs as well as our player does in game. Currently her goal is to explore every Nordic ruin, every dank dungeon on both Skyrim and Solstheim. She dislikes the Dwemee ruins due to how loud they are (her Lycan senses amplify sounds).
Melka would be doing what they were before they found out they were the DragonBorn, mostly work for the Companions and helping Kodlak find a cure for the Beast Blood. Melka's story is that they aren't from Skyrim, they're from some other unnamed land where humans had to live underground cause above ground had too many dangerous monsters, along with dwindling resources. They eventually leave that place and travel around until finding Skyrim. They love the cold weather and eventually found themself in the company of the Companions. Most of the other ingame guilds aren't their jam nor do they have any interest in them. When Melka finds out some of the Circle are werewolves, they refuse the Blood. In Melka's land, 'transformation magic' is an evil corruptive magic that permanently turns the human it 'infected' into a monster after some time. It's given by a being of higher power (read, NOT a god, not Aedra or even Daedra), and at first it seems good. It gives the human strength, power, all the things they need to survive. But beings of higher power have no interest in bettering humans. The 'boon' uses the humans body as a host, and eventually the 'monster that was always inside claws its way out'. At that point the human isn't human anymore, it's a monster and must be killed like one. Skyrim challenges alot of Melka's previous opinions and views on various subjects, one being transformation magic, aka the Beast Blood. When Kodlak confides in Melka that he along with Vilkas and Farkas want a cure, somethin impossible where Melka is from, they offer their help in any way they can.
Vigilant-Do your characters follow any religion, deity, do any worship?
CL is very clear in that she does not worship any being, no Aedra, Daedric Princes, beings of higher power like Sithis, ect... However that doesn't change her situation. She is still the Listener, killing souls for Sithis, she's still a werewolf that chooses to keep the blood even after knowing there's a cure, she's still done favours and has various boons from Aedra and Daedric Princes like Mara, Dibella, Kyne, Sheogorath, Sanguine, Meridia and Hermaeus Mora. She's aware doing acts for them is still doing what they want, but she does it 'out of necessity'.
She will place no offerings at alters or shrines, she will not spread the word or teachings of someone, will not bear their symbol, doesn't invoke the name of someone for power, follows no religion, does no prayers. She also doesn't like Akatosh cause she hates being the DragonBorn, so she has a bone to pick with him.
Melka is from a land where there are no gods. Gods are simply faceless beings from a child's bedtime story, they were never real and still aren't. Even coming to Skyrim Melka still doesn't believe gods are real, and, you can't really blame them. Their world was ravaged by monsters, yet these gods of Skyrim have done things to help their followers? Where were the gods in Melka's land? What have the humans done to never be allowed help from these 'so called gods' of Skyrim, or Tamriel, or anywhere? Why did no gods look upon these humans, clearly struggling to survive, their population becoming increasingly low, near extinction levels and never offer them help or made themself known? So Melka is a bit spiteful against gods. For a while they don't believe in Daedric Princes either. But here's the thing about Daedric Princes, they actively make themself known to mortals. They wander among them in disguise, they speak to their followers, they show them their domain and give them power. Sure you could argue some Aedra do the same things, but they certainly don't do it on the same level as Daedric Princes.
Even when told about the Beast Blood, Melka thinks Hircine is nothing more than a being of higher power giving mortals transformation magic and corrupting them. Fighting feral savages doesn't help, it further proves to them the Beast Blood is a curse and that everyone who has it, Kodlak, Farkas and Vilkas included will all fall victim to it. One day they won't be able to turn back, they will be a monster forever.
For the Skyrim Ask Game: Quill for any of your characters you feel like talking about!
Yay asks!
Quill-How does the DragonBorn want their story to be told?
Chantilly Leice▪︎She'd probably rather it not be told at all. She hates being the DragonBorn, she hates the attention that comes with it, she hates the responsibility it put on her in such a difficult time in her life already. Before she became/was found to be the DragonBorn, she used to like the song 'The DragonBorn Comes'. Now, she hates it, cause she sees it as somethin she was supposed to be, the standard others saw her to hold. She still killed Alduin, but she hates that she had to do it.
The whole Mirrak situation years later reopened that can of worms, now an ancient DragonBorn is challenging her. In her story I made Miraak do more things to her personally so I expanded a bit on the DragonBorn DLC. It's slightly different but it doesn't change much, what happens in the DLC still happens.
Still, she hates what she had to do to kill him, Storn dying, people being enthralled by his magic, having to need the help of a Daedric Prince, having to use the Thu'um against Miraak, the responsibility it put on her AGAIN. Atleast this time she had a support group, but it still put a heavy weight on her, especially Storn's death.
In an AU I made for funsies directly inspired by the idea of the Miraak follower mod and others wanting to save Miraak somehow, she makes a deal with Hermaeus Mora and 'saves' Miraak. She'll never admit to anyone that she felt this way it in her story, but she does tell Miraak why she didn't want to kill him in the AU.
Ignore why it's yellow I did that so I could find it quicker in the flood of photos in my album. My phone is not naturally yellow. Also I see now I spelled 'natural' wrong. Whoopsie, oh well.
Ginseng Thorn-Summons▪︎She'd like to put that chapter of her life behind her. She's older (60s somethin), she just wants to retire, but the Civil War and being the DragonBorn have drawn her back in the Imperial Legion. She doesn't hate it like CL, she's just tired. She fought in the Great War, she lost friends, family, she's seen people die, and now the delicate 'peace' that was established with the Aldmeri Domnion threatens to come crashing down all cause one man can't or refuses to see the bigger picture.
Leif Hartvig-Brand, Post Deep End Arc▪︎He would REVEL in it, want his songs to be sung in every tavern, drinks held high and full as people sing of his glories, his accomplishments, his kills, his strength, his power, his legacy. His whole identity now revolves around being this being of higher power, a demi god in the body of a mortal yet one who still weilds the power of a god. He is, in nearly every way, Ginseng's and even Chantilly's opposite in terms of how they view the power. Ginseng and Leif are different sides of the same coin, but those sides couldn't be more different.
Random tidbits about Chantilly Leice that don't exactly warrent an entire fic length to write about, part 2
How she talks to certain Daedric Princes
-So CL doesn't worship ANY Daedric Prince. Yes she's a werewolf but she doesn't really embrace the blood like Aela and Skior. She doesn't wish to be cured of it like Kodlak, Farkas and Vilkas. She definitely uses it to her advantage but she doesn't revel in its power.
She has Sanguine's Rose but she got it at a low point in her life and ends up never using it. She tries to distance herself from Sanguine but he likes her and at times tries to tempt her in revealry and merriment again.
She has the Razor but she doesn't really have anythin against Mehrunes Dagon. Him tryin to take over Tamriel? Big whoop that's what beings of extreme power do, dominate, one way or another. Weather it be as large scale as an entire continent or a small village. Nothing surprising there.
She has DawnBreaker but she doesn't think all undead are automatically bad. She does find Meridia a bit annoying thou.
The only Daedric Princes she addresses with respect is Hircine and Sheogorath. Sheo cause you dont want to piss someone like him off. However her calling Hircine 'Lord Hircine' when she talks to him is supposed to be a Big Fuckin Deal cause the very person who refuses to worship any Daedric Prince, who will spit in the face of some, is addressing one by the title of Lord, which means she's giving him some level respect. The same person who isn't afraid of angering a Daedra or refusing their command (Sheo being an exception, everyone should have a healthy amount of fear of him) calls one by a title of respect and speaks to him cordially.
She has absolutely no fear or respect for Sanguine so she talks to him like any Joe-shmoe. Thou Sanguine doesn't really seem like the type who demands respect. He speaks to her rather casually as well. At one point in her story someone goes to Morrvunsker to look for his portal to the Myriad cause they are looking for CL to hurt her. Sam sends some of his Dremora lackies to deal with the person, thou the person easily kills them off. Sanguine likes CL so he warns her someone was looking for her.
This is a snippet of how CL and Sanguine interact with each other. Keep in mind it's a draft so I could change it later if I feel its too out-of-character (I find it hard to write in character for chars that aren't mine).
Sheogorath and Sanguine have a 'unique' relationship with CL since both of them aren't really talking to her, they're talking to someone else. However when the God of Insanity calls you his old friend and welcomes you back to the party, you don't really think much of it. When Sanguine does it thou, it raises some questions.
This entire next concept was planned to be in CL's story but I'm not so sure I want to put it in anymore. It doesn't really advance the plot it's just kinda a thing that happens a few times. I feel like it's too far fetched, like it was some random thing thrown in for shock value but has no real relevance to her story. It only becomes relevant a few times but I could probably do with omitting them and rewriting the scenes it happens in.
It's actually somethin from her old backstory that I completely scrapped and reworked. Some of the old elements stay in her new backstory but I still don't know how to work them in in a way that makes sense. The concept was supposed to explain her reoccurring nightmares, her hair turning white from the black it originally was, her complete change in personality including why she wanted to keep her hair long when she used to hate it long and would shave most of it off before, the scars on her back, why Sheogorath and Sanguine address her as someone else acting like they already knew her, her randomly gettin extremely sick with no way to cure it and where some of her magic comes from. However the whole concept went from *thinking face emogie* to 😬 almost cringe-like.
Random tidbits about Chantilly Leice that don't exactly warrent an entire fic length to write about, part 1
She doesn't get the canon reward for IMbM
-So in the game if you kill Sinding during Ill Met by MoonLight the reward is the Saviours Hide. If you spare him and kill the hunters, the reward is Hircine's Ring (uncursed).
In CL's canon story she kills Sinding cause he was stupid enough to think he could get away with stealing from a Daedric Prince and cause he killed a child. CL is willing to give people second chances if they express guilt for their past actions and genuinely want to change. Sinding expresses guilt and wants to change, but CL cannot forgive that he killed a child, even if he was under the influence of the ring. Fact of the matter is he still stole it. He thought he could get away with it. He absolutely slaughtered an innocent child. So she kills him.
However she would NEVER wear the Saviours Hide. She asks Hircine about the ring and throu the conversation she asks if she can have the (uncursed) ring instead of the Saviours Hide. Hircine agrees since the ring would serve her better than the hide. She's a werewolf by the time of IMbM and she doesn't want to use it to suppress her turning like what Sinding that his 'control' would be. CL doesn't want to suppress being a werewolf, she accepts it and uses the power at times.
**This takes place when CL is in her 20 somethins and after she kills Sinding in Bloated Mans Grotto. Hircine takes form as a ghostly Sinding cause that's what happens in canon if you kill Sinding. I might change it in my fic that he takes the deer aspect from earlier in the quest or his deer headed human body from other games cause I think that form looks cool. Or maybe my own fan design, idk.
Hircine: You've done well, hunter
CL: Thanks
Hircine: You have found my favour. That skin will serve you well, child.
CL: Mmhm...
Hircine: You do not seem proud of your trophy
CL: I'm gonna be honest, I'm never going to wear this. It's too, revealing. Actually, I wanted to ask about the ring. Sinding said he thought he would be able to control his transformations with it.
Hircine: His 'control' was suppression. He did not want to embrace the gift. You use the gift to your advantage, even when you are not turned. My ring enhances the power of those who wear it. It makes them stronger, faster. They will be able to take the form of werewolf as much as they wish. It will make you an even more formidable hunter.
CL: It won't make me randomly turn, right?
Hircine: I cursed it as punishment. For you, you will be able to reap its full benefits.
CL: ...Can I, keep the ring?
Hircine: A more fitting reward. Go forth with my blessing, my hunter.
Warning for character and story spoilers for Chantilly Leice's fic that I will probably never ever post cause idk I feel like my writing isn't good enough to be made public for others to read.
Me: Haha what if I wrote a little drabble where CL meets her parents who sold her off at the age of one and she's very clearly expressed an unwavering hatred for, even going as far to say she will kill them no questions asked. I probably won't like it enough to make it part of her canon story thou, but it's fun to write little 'what if' or AU scenarios.
Also me: *writes a whole damn arc, 200+ memo pages, makes a diary from the dads PoV, does research on Dunmer names to make the dads name sound like an authentic Dark Elf name, gives him a backstory as well as the mom, makes the moms name one of those names that is a word scramble (I forget the actual term for it) that reveals her character, the whole situation changes CL's thoughts and relationship with her parents specifically her dad and reveals that despite everythin that happened with them, she still has a weak spot for those who show humanity, regret and want to change for the better, a character trait of hers I find difficult to incorporate and show off in her story cause the situation doesn't come up that often and never on this degree, CL also gets to learn a bit about her heritage which is somethin that bothered her due to the lack of any knowledge of, especially since Dunmer tradition seems to place such an importance on family, heritage and names and she always felt a disconnect to her own race regarding these things, this whole arc is definitely going to be part of her canon story-
CL cherishes gifts and other stuff given to her over the years. One of them is a-
Red & Black Glass Dagger
-Arnbjorn 'gifts' CL a glass dagger he made for her during her early years of bein in the DBH. He saw the condition of her iron dagger, one that she found at the bottom of a lake (she was young, homeless, livin in the woods, struggling to live and *very poor) and just couldn't let her keep using it. 'Put it out of its misery' 'you'll just injure yourself using a dagger that bad'. Years later, even thou CL now has access to better materials like ebony and dragon parts, she *always carries around the dagger Arnbjorn made her. She keeps it strapped to her thigh when out adventuring and sleeps with it under her pillow. To her its special, she treasures it. Arnbjorn didn't have to make her such a nice dagger, he could have used steel to make her a new one. Steel is more easy to find, glass/malachite is much more rare. He didn't have to make her a new dagger at all! She could have made or bought a new one herself (even thou she didn't have the skills or money at the time, but she could steal one since she is a very good theif/pickpocket) but he makes her a better, quality dagger. She also liked how the glass/malachite looked when raw, he caught her glancing over at it.
I know malachite is green and that glass daggers are blue-ish, but I'm gonna pretend it's possible to 'dye' raw malachite ore (technically dying crystals is a real thing). I wanted the dagger to stand out against other glass daggers, draw attention to it and make it more unique. Also the black and red colour scheme matches the uniform colours of the DBH.
Marcurio (her husband) notes how she always carries it around and while he doesn't know how she got it, he does know her character and that it must have a special meaning to her.
I unfortunately don't have the original draft of Arnbjorn gifting CL the dagger (long story short phone data got corrupted, lost everythin) but I *do have this draft of a possible not canon concept arc I was messing around with. Also please ignore how it's written out, as if I made it for a stage play, I find this easier to write out than an actual narrative. It also helps me visualize what actions are being done before I write them out in a proper format.
Here's another draft (read heavy: draft) that peeks into the kind of relationship Arnbjorn and CL have. Also the [Imperial] is CL speaking the 'native' language of Cyrodiil, she's tri-lingual. She's spoken Imperial/Cyrodilic around the Sanctuary before cause Cicero is an Imperial and I HC he's fluent in the language. I also HC as Marcurio being from Cyrodiil, moving to Skyrim and Cyrodillic is his first language. I have alot of weird little HCs.
Arnbjorn knows CL still carries the dagger after all these years and she's told him it's important to her. He gave her the dagger under the guise that she can't do contracts properly with such a crap quality weapon, but CL isn't stupid. While it wasn't meant to be perceived gift per se, especially by the other DBH members cause he doesn't want them to think he's soft or playing favourites, he does care about CL and in her early years of being there, shows it in ways that he can easily excuse as some sort of necessity.
I saw an ask game and no one asked but I gotta do it. This will be about my main girl Chantilly Leice.
Go-to drink order
-Virgin Velvet LaChance & virgin White-Gold Towers. CL doesn't drink alcohol at all, so when she goes with someone who does, she asks Talen-Jei in Riften's Bee & Barb to make the drink without any alcohol in it. If she's at a different tavern or a festival with someone who drinks, she'll act like the 'designated driver' and make sure everyone gets back to the house or inn safely without gettin their shit wrecked in a drunken brawl.
At home makes herself NightShade tea and occasionally canis root tea when she's hanging out with Neloth on Solstheim. She puts milk in her tea thou so Neloth often 'teases' her that at that point, it's milk with a hint of NightShade in it, it's hardly tea anymore.
Scars & Tattoos
-CL has multiple tattoos and scars. Her lower left arm (elbow and below) is a sleeve of her three kids birth flowers (currently I'm undecided on what they will be, I just know she would def get tattoos of them), so she has three large flowers on the lower arm. The flowers also have their birth signs on them (also undecided). Over her chest/heart is lavender, on the back of her neck kind of where the neck and spine meet is a small Dragons Tongue. She plans on gettin her husband Marcurio's birth flowers tattoo'd on her somewhere (currently undecided what it will be). All her tattoos have meaning to them. She also did all them herself. The lavender was her first one, followed by the Dragons Tongue then the sleeve of flowers.
For scars, she has two large symmetrical- and to quote her husband Marcurio, 'don't look like they were caused by somethin natrual'- scars that extends over her entire back, mirrored over her spine. They do have a story, one I have a general idea on how she got them but haven't fine tuned the details.
She has a small scar from the stab/slash wound Mercer puts on her in SnowVeil Sacntum on her shoulder. I don't actually know where Mercer strikes our character, it looks to be the shoulder or neck area to me. I HC that he already thought our character was going to die from Karliah's arrow so he puts a wound on our player as insult to injury, he wasn't actually tryin to land a lethal blow. He just wanted the last hit to be a lil shithead.
CL also has small scar from where Karliah's arrow struck her on her chest.
She has various other random scars over her body too just from living in Skyrim and the type of rough life it is.
