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Chapter Fifty-Seven

“You didn’t fall in once?” Peter asked, sounding disappointed.

“No,” Mattie said, making a face. “You clearly underestimate my skills behind a paddle.”

“Well. Not falling out of the boat, no running into anyone else—”

“No, I ran into shit, don’t worry about that,” Mattie told him. “I ran right into one of those standing rocks.”

“Ah, geez, Xav, hard luck, that. That’s a bit dramatic, though, don’t you think? Here’s the rope, can you just hold this end here for a minute?”

Mattie grabbed the rope Peter handed him and held it. Peter was working on some of the rigging on his sailboat, and they’d rowed out to the mooring with a couple of beers and a bag of chips after supper.

“It wasn’t my finest moment, but it wasn’t as bad as it sounds.”

“How’s Amber’s new guy?”

Mattie nodded. “I like him. I think she’s head over heels. But he seems like a decent guy, he’s interesting and easy to talk to. I approve of him.”

“Well, good. She’s deserves a good guy.”

“I know,” Mattie said.

Peter glanced at Mattie. “You deserve a good woman. When are we going to work on that?”

Mattie shook his head. “Nope. I told you guys, I’m over that. I don’t want to go through it any more. I’m always just going to be someone’s backpack—”

“Jayzus, Xav, if I hear you talk about being a burden—”

“Then stop asking me about it! I don’t want to have to go through the whole thing of telling someone everything about myself, and getting comfortable with a person, letting them into my world, being in theirs... and then losing it.”

“Why do you have to lose it. I mean, I found Clo. And I’m not losing her.”

“I’m not you!” Mattie snapped back. “People don’t have to babysit you.”

“I think Chloë might beg to differ wit’ yer on that one,” Peter grumbled. “The t’ing is, Xav, everyone has t’ings that their partner just has to put up with, because they love ’em. That’s what being in a relationship is. And you can’t do that wit’ everybody. But when you find the right person, then those t’ings don’t matter as much as the stuff you love about ’em.”

“I’m not going to find the right person,” Mattie muttered.

“Not wit’ dat attitude, yer not,” Peter shrugged. He never really stressed himself over arguments with Mattie. They flared up, they got their say, and then they went back to doing whatever they had been doing. Peter forgave easily, and never harboured a grudge for long. Mattie never worried about their friendship, or the outcome of the argument, but he often felt moody and dark for a while after a spat. Peter also knew this about Mattie, and usually let him have a bit of mental space when it was all said and done. It was a valuable asset to their friendship. Their bond was never worn down by an emotional outburst, and usually a good shout cleared the air for things that needed to be said anyway.

“You just need to meet more people,” Peter said.

“How many people do I need to meet?” Mattie protested. “Do I set up a booth? Go on a world tour?”

“Maybe you should go on a world tour,” Peter said. “That’s actually not a bad idea. You’d meet a hell of a lot of people if you went out among dem. Had to maybe rely on meeting people to really make it a go.”

Mattie was shaking his head. “Not gonna happen,” he said. “Subject closed.”

Peter pursed his lips and bit his tongue. Sometimes it wasn’t worth it to battle Mattie’s stubborn streak. “Fine,” he said. “You can let go of the rope now,” he said without any bitterness.

Mattie dropped the rope and rubbed his eyebrow, frustrated. He wished everyone would just drop it. He’d reminded Amber several times about her promise not to set him up. He would not let himself be taken down by his own heart again. It hurt too deeply, and the loneliness afterwards was too much to bear. No, he was used to being alone now, and he’d come a long way in living independently. He still had put off hiring someone to come clean the house and help him with some chores, but Amber had never given him the idea that it bothered her to come over and give him a hand. It was much less painful to exist in a solo state that to have to return to a solo state.

Peter raised his eyes from his work for a moment to look at Mattie. What made Mattie strong also kept him from acting sometimes. But Mattie could not say that love wouldn’t find him. He could not state for a fact that it would never happen. Peter once again let the whole thing drop, but it wasn’t going to be the end of it at all.

“Can you stick this end t’rough dat ring on your right? Yeah, just a little more. There. Here’s the rope. Feed it through and give ’er a tug. Thanks, s’good.”

Mattie begrudgingly continued helping, knowing he’d be out of the mood shortly, because Peter wouldn’t provoke him to stay in it. He was glad Peter knew him so well, and that he knew Peter well enough to know that Pete wouldn’t hold it against him. He sometimes wished he could pull himself out of a sullen mood as quickly as he could go into it, but it took as long as it took, and Peter always waited him out, even longer than his own sister would.

“You want to go out in the morning?” Peter asked. “It’s supposed to be calm, but I bet we can find a breeze to follow.”

“You should take Clo,” Mattie said.

“I might bring her along,” Peter replied. “She wants to hear about your kayaking anyway. And now that I know you didn’t fall in, I really can’t be bothered to tell her anything else.”

Mattie couldn’t suppress a smile, but he rolled his eyes and shook his head along with it. “Asshole,” he replied.

“Yup. So are you coming out with this asshole tomorrow? I need my skipper.”

“That’s beautifully persuasive,” Mattie answered. “How could I refuse that sweet offer?”

“Good. Now, be a dear and pass me the bailing can to the left of your foot, will you?”

It was hard staying grumpy around Pete.

Over the next few weeks, Mattie sailed, fished, swam, and hiked. The weather was amazing, and there were only a couple of rainy days to keep the gardens green in the middle of a span of heat and sun and to break the humidity a little.

Amber spent much of her time with Riley, and Mattie often only received a text from her throughout a whole day. It wasn’t unusual, though, to go days without really talking to her at all, and then to have her pop over three times in a day, or for him to go over there, too. He was glad she was getting along so well with Riley. He began to wonder if Riley would be Amber’s One, instead of just another boyfriend. Signs seemed to indicate that it could go that way, and Mattie wasn’t sure how he was feeling about that. He would be happy for her. But he knew he would feel left behind and he didn’t want to consider how bad that would be for him. After all the work he’d put in to be able to do everything again with his friends, and his sister, he still would be left behind.

There were days he went into the university with Peter, just to work on his itinerary and update his engagements calendar. He was working diligently on a couple of interesting assignments—at least he hoped the students found them interesting. He didn’t want to cram all his preparations into the last stretch before classes began. He tried to keep himself to a routine of going in once a week, even on the nicest days when he would have rather stayed home. He knew he’d be glad he’d done the extra work when the fall term began and the hubbub and confusion was a little overwhelming for him.

He met with Garnet and Howes and the other band members for a few practice sessions. Mattie knew those two had some plans up their sleeves in terms of shows they were booking for the university funds and one for a children’s charity, but they wouldn’t give anything away yet. Mattie enjoyed just letting them make the arrangements and going along for the ride. He didn’t want to do any planning; he did enough of that in his life.

He was sitting out in the garden behind the house, reading in the sun. Amber strolled over and saw him there before she reached the back door.

“Heya, Brother!” she called.

“Heya.” Mattie’s hands stopped on the page and he raised his face to her approach.

“Whatchya reading?” Amber asked, coming to sit beside him in another lawn chair.

“Ben-Hur,” Mattie replied.

“Jeez, that’s an undertaking, isn’t it?”

“Didn’t you read it?” Mattie asked her.

“Yeah, I think I read it maybe fifteen years ago. Didn’t you read it?”

“Yeah, I read it, it was one of the best books I ever read. I’m covering it this semester, and I need to re-familiarise myself with the story.”

“How many books long is it in Braille?” Amber asked.

“Four. I think. Or maybe five.”

“I didn’t think you did religious stuff in your courses.”

“No, I do. I just don’t do them as religious books. I do them as fiction as all my other books, ready to be scrutinised, debated, validated, rejected, or rejoiced by each reader. I think this one has a lot of valid historical points and arguments. It’s epic, and it’s definitely about differences and beliefs and friendships and how life can turn a completely different way because of a difference in values or opinions. It’s everything I want for a book for my class.”

Amber smiled at her brother. He enjoyed what he did so much. His students were unbelievably lucky to end up in his class. His fellow professors were lucky to have him as a colleague. The university was lucky to have him in their faculty.

“Where’s your handsome Riley?” he asked her, placing a bookmark into the book before closing it carefully and putting it on the plastic table beside his chair.

“Working.”

“And you’re not?”

“I have today off. He’s coming over later.”

Mattie nodded.

“Maybe we can hang out and play a game or something.”

“What are you angling for now, A?”

“I’m not angling for anything. I just haven’t seen you for a while. Whatchya been up to?”

“The usual.”

“The usual for you is usually unusual. How was your sailing day?”

“Which one?” Mattie asked.

Amber grinned, shaking her head. “How many times have you gone out?”

“Three. Two short ones. One longer one. Clo wants you guys to come out.” He leaned back in the sun, his eyes closed behind his sunglasses.

“We will,” Amber replied. “Wanna go swimming today?”

Mattie nodded. “Okay. Just down at Pete’s beach?”

“Yeah. I just feel like laying out and swimming a bit. You can take your book. Enjoy the day.”

“Sounds nice, actually. It’s too hot to sit here much longer.”

“We can stop and ask Peter if he wants to come down.”

“I think they’re both working today,” Mattie said.

“Just the MacTavishes, then,” Amber said. “I’m glad. Well, I’ll grab my bathing suit and sunscreen. How much time do you need?”

“Seventeen minutes,” Mattie replied, sitting forward to collect his book.

“Not twenty?” Amber asked. “Just seventeen? How do you figure that?”

“Well, now it’s sixteen, so stop asking me questions, and I’ll be ready.”

“I’ll give you twenty-five minutes because I’m a really generous person,” Amber said, standing up.

“Your magnanimousness overwhelms me,” he said, finding everything he needed to take and heading towards the back door.

When they got to the beach, Mattie was glad, too. He and Amber and Dan used to go to the beach together, sometimes two of them, sometimes three, not too far away from Peter’s beach. They’d come home for lunch and head back down again afterwards. He never felt a public beach was suitable to relax on. Now, putting his towel down beside Amber’s, he was glad Peter had this nice private beach that they could come to whenever they wanted.

“Last one in is a rotten egg!” Amber called, pulling off her t-shirt.

Mattie pulled his t-shirt off, too, and kicked off his sneakers, but he didn’t make a move to run. He realised that she hadn’t run anywhere, either.

“That’s not fair anymore, is it?” she asked him.

Mattie could hear the little waves lapping the shoreline. He knew the beach was clear, He’d just been there the day before, and Peter didn’t have a habit of leaving anything down there. He grinned, throwing his shirt, and he took off down the beach, stumbling once but continuing by quickening his pace to compensate for his change in balance. He felt the water splashing over his ankles and soon it dragged against his legs and slowed his pace. He heard Amber squeal and chase close behind, and he took a last leap as the water reached his hips, and dove down into the river.

When he came up, he pushed the hair from his forehead and felt for some footing. Once standing, he turned, trying to locate Amber. He was still smiling when he heard her.

“You’re a cheater!” she sputtered.

“Why?” he asked, laughing. “Just because I took the advantage of you totally not expecting that? Well, you should expect that. How else would I have won?”

“I actually wasn’t expecting that. Until I saw you grin. You’re such a goof. What if the boat trailer had’ve been there? Or a lawn chair or something?”

“Was there?”

“No.”

“I rest my case.”

“How do I put up with you?”

Mattie shrugged, dropping back into the water and letting his feet float up in front of him. “You adore me.”

“Much to my chagrin sometimes, I do.”

Mattie did a backstroke, feeling the muscles in his shoulders and back stretch out long. It felt good, moving freely through the water. He knew there was a raft and if he swam to his right a distance, he would find the little dock Peter used to load and board the sailboat. Straight out from that was the sailboat itself, moored well away from shore. He had plenty of space, as long as Amber warned him if he got close to the raft. He heard the gentle clang of the metal barrels that held the raft up to his right, and he realised he had gone past it, easily. He rolled over and slid into a breaststroke, keeping his breathing even and calm, letting the water carry him.

“Where are you going?” Amber called. She had started following him but came to a halt at the raft, instead climbing up the ladder. “I can’t keep up!”

“Just getting myself a little exercise,” Mattie answered. “Call me back in when I get far enough away.” He squirted some water out of his mouth and continued forward.

Amber replied that she would, and she watched him move further away. She knew he didn’t get the exercise and speed he wanted any time he wanted it. She knew that when he had the freedom to move, he welcomed it, and took as much advantage of it as he could. He had always been a good, strong swimmer, so Amber didn’t worry about him drowning; it was the disorientation that could cause trouble for him.

He called back to her, not turning, not wanting to throw himself off-course.

“Do I veer when I swim? Like I do when I walk?” He asked between puffs of breath.

“I don’t know. It’s harder to tell in the river than on a sidewalk. You look pretty straight-on to me.”

“Cool,” he said, his strokes still strong and even.

She watched him for a while longer, until he slowed down and turned around to face shore.

“Am?” he called, making sure his direction was on-point.

“Yup, just come in straight!” she shouted. “You’re heading right for me!”

“Just... don’t let me r-mmm... run into... the raft,” he said, between strokes as his words became garbled by river water in his mouth.

“Nope, just keep coming straight!” She guided him in to the raft, slowing him until she could grab his hand and place it on the ladder rung. Once oriented, Mattie climbed onto the raft and sat beside Amber. She moved a little so that she was sitting to face him.

“You’re a good swimmer,” she said.

“Yeah?” He smiled. “I feel like I was strong but it’s hard to tell.”

“How come?” Amber asked.

“I don’t know. It’s hard to tell anything when you’re in water. I just know to keep going as straight as I think I’m going, and that’s about it. So I don’t know if I went far or not. It felt far. But it probably wasn’t. You didn’t sound far.”

“You were pretty far. The water carried my voice. You were probably... maybe fi—” she stopped. “You said you can’t really picture distance anymore?”

“Not well. I mean, it’s just a conceptual thing now, like time.” The simile surprised even Mattie. One could dissect time, one knew what it meant, how long an hour was, and how many minutes made an hour. But one couldn’t see it, couldn’t picture its measure. Distance was the same for Mattie now, in a way. He could feel it, he could know what it meant, but he couldn’t picture how far he had travelled. He wondered if he’d ever been able to. Maybe he hadn’t, maybe he had only pictured it because it was what the information feeding through his eyes told him as he gazed over distance.

He turned to Amber, a puzzled look on his face. “Can you picture distance if you’re not looking at it?” he asked her.

Her face mirrored his puzzlement. “What do you mean?”

He wasn’t sure. “Like, if you close your eyes, can you imagine twenty feet? Like, can you see the distance in your head? In three-dimensional?”

Amber closed her eyes, and Mattie waited as she worked out the thought in her imagination.

“I don’t think so,” she said finally. “I mean, mental images and imagination is all kinda weird anyway. I don’t know. Let me think about that, because I think I know what you’re asking, but I don’t know how to accurately tell you. I take it you just imagine tactile landmarks sort of in general placement of when you come upon them? Maybe?”

“Kinda. I think that’s it. I can imagine it in how much time it takes for me to get there... I remember what things look like when they’re close or far. I know size relativity and that. But just picturing the actual distance that someone gives me now... It’s hard.”

“Hmm,” Amber said. “Interesting.”

“Weird,” Mattie corrected.

“Interesting. Not weird. It’s interesting to find out how your brain keeps adapting. I mean, everyone’s brains keep adapting. But yours is more... pronounced. Not weird, though, Hun. You’re pretty cool, if you ask me.”

Mattie smirked. “Am I fascinating?” he asked her.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” she replied sourly, though with a twinkle in her eye.

“Good,” Mattie said. “I don’t want to be fascinating.”

Amber saw he had his own twinkle going on, and she reached over and patted his shoulder, as if to give him her smile and eye contact by means of touch. She had perfected this move, and it always felt right, giving him the contact he needed and rarely got with people. It was a small thing, but the little smile of gratitude she got back was the proof that the connection was made and appreciated.

“Are you and Peter doing anything else this summer?”

Mattie shook his head. “Not that I know of. No plans, anyway. He needs to be with Clo, so I just let him make the plans if he wants to give her a break. But so far, nothing in my radar, really. Why?”

“I think you should do something.”

Mattie turned to her, pushing one of the wet curls of hair off his forehead so it would stop dripping down his nose. “Do what? I’ve already gone sailing, kayaking, swimming, gone to a party, won a horseshoe tournament, gone shopping, cleaned out my kitchen drawers and cupboards, gone to Halifax, gone running, and made a lemon tea bread. What else do I need to do?”

“Mmm, yeah, that lemon tea bread was good. We should do that again this week.”

Mattie rolled his eyes and nodded.

“I don’t know. I just think you need something fun... an adventure.”

“I can’t keep up to all the adventure,” Mattie said. “Can’t I just sit around on my vacation?”

“I don’t think you can just sit around, period. It’s not you.”

A furrow formed between his eyebrows. “I sit around all the time,” he argued. “I feel like all I do sometimes is sit around.”

Amber reached out and put her hand on his arm. “Then that’s why you need to do something,” she said persuasively.

He scowled. “That was a nice little bait and switch.”

“You walked right into it,” she said.

“You forgot to say blindly,” he replied.

“Ugh,” she groaned. “Really?”

One corner of his mouth turned up, but he shrugged a shoulder. “You walked right into it,” he said.

“You might get tossed into that river, you know,” she said.

Mattie just chuckled.

“I’m really happy for you,” he said. “You know, you and Riley.”

Amber smiled, hearing his name. “I’m really... I think I’m totally...”

“I know,” Mattie said. “And I’m glad.” And he was.

The summer rolled on through August. Mattie had hired a neighbourhood kid to mow his lawn, and Amber assured him the boy was doing a great job. When the boy couldn’t do it, his sister would come out. Mattie was happy with the arrangement and even more pleased when the kid told him he was saving most of the summer job money for university in the future, but he put some aside to get a scooter to upgrade from his bike.

Mattie thought about his brother when Dan’s birthday rolled around. He called his mother, just to make sure she was okay. He talked to her for almost an hour, and he was glad that she sounded cheerful when they hung up. He knew she was thinking about her first-born, missing him, and he hoped hearing from her last-born gave her some comfort, at least.

That same day, Lilla showed up in the afternoon on her bike and knocked on Mattie’s front screen door. She wanted to see how big the chicks were.

“They’re not little chicks anymore,” Mattie told her, following her behind his house.

“They grow too fast,” Lilla said. “Can I go inside the cage?”

“Are you going to hug my chickens?” Mattie asked her with a grin.

“No,” she replied. Mattie laughed and found the latch to open the door to the cage.

“Did any of them ever get out?” Lilla asked him. “Ours got out last week.”

“Nope, they’ve stayed put. What did you do to find yours?”

“They were just in the yard,” Lilla replied. “We had to chase them around a bit.”

Mattie smiled, imagine everyone chasing around chickens, trying to catch them. He knew that wasn’t something he wanted to try. It didn’t sound like a promising activity for him to attempt.

“My aunt is having a new baby,” Lilla informed Mattie from inside the chicken wire.

“Oh? Is she? A new cousin for you.”

“I wish I could have a new baby brother.”

“Not a sister?”

“I want a brother. But I guess a sister would be okay.”

“Does your aunt live nearby?”

“She lives in town. Just in Cody.”

“So you’ll be able to visit your cousin, anyway. That’s good.”

“Yeah. I guess so. But I want my mother to have a baby, too.”

Mattie wasn’t sure how to respond to this. He hoped the little girl didn’t ask him any questions about the birds and the bees.

“Do you like babies?” Lilla asked him.

That seemed safe enough, thought Mattie. He figured he could lead her away from asking where babies came from.

“Sure, I like babies. But no-one in my family have any yet.”

“Will you have a baby of your own some day?”

Mattie smiled at her. “I don’t know. Maybe. But I have to marry a nice lady first.”

“You could marry my friend Cindy’s mum. She doesn’t have a husband and she’s really pretty. She bakes stuff, too, and she knows how to drive a truck and a car.”

Mattie laughed out loud. “She sounds lovely,” he said.

“You should get married and have a baby,” Lilla said. “And then I can come look after it when you need someone to.”

“Ahh,” Mattie said. “Is that so? Well, I’ll think about that. I’ll definitely have you at the very top of a list of babysitters if the time ever comes.” He didn’t need to let the little girl down and give her the realities of life. Grown women were not as accepting or fascinated by him as Lilla was.

“I’m almost old enough to babysit now. I have a few more years until I can.”

“That’s right,” Mattie said, letting her back out of the coop when he felt the tug on the door under his fingers. “You have a birthday coming up. You can’t be turning nine. Are you nine?”

“I will be nine in September,” Lilla said proudly.

“Wow. Nine. Nine? You can’t be nine.”

Lilla giggled. “I am nine. Well, I will be nine on my birthday. I’m going to have a sleepover, too.”

“That will be fun,” Mattie said. “I bet your mum will make a really awesome cake, too.”

“Yup,” Lilla said happily. “Now can I go see your cats?”

F13F13F13

Amber had taken a jacket and two shirts of Mattie’s and two skirts of her own that needed repairs into town before meeting Riley for dinner. She headed to the alterations shop, knowing Mattie could pick the items up when he stopped in to the university the following week. She chatted with Terri, who took her items as she told Amber about her new grandchild. Amber congratulated her, cooing over the picture Terri showed her on her phone. As Terri was writing the details on the pick-up slip to put with the clothes, Amber looked around at the room. She loved its bright, inviting colours and the little platform with the three-way mirror at one end. Behind the counter were the industrial sewing machines, and Amber noted there was a new seamstress working away with the other two regular seamstresses, also noting the young woman had the most beautiful long hair Amber had seen in years. The woman looked up and smiled at Amber before her eyes darted back to her work. Amber smiled back, and returned her attention back to Terri as she was handed her copy of the invoice.

“I can pay now,” she said. “Although if I get my brother to stop in, he’d pay for them when he picks them up.”

“Smart thinking,” Terri laughed.

“Naw, I’d better pay now. He won’t ever do me any more favours if I do that to him.” Amber took her receipt and headed off to meet Riley in the square a block over. She had been putting off getting those skirts fixed for a while, and Mattie would need his professional wardrobe tuned up for the fall session of university. Amber had button-sewing skills, at best. Sometimes she figured Mattie could do as well with a needle and thread as she could.

Riley was waiting on a bench for her when she arrived in the square, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw him there, wearing faded jeans and a blue short-sleeved cotton button-up. He sported a pair of mirrored shades, and a really nice pair of casual shoes. Amber couldn’t wait to reach him, so that people would know he was her date. He enveloped her in an embrace and kissed her cheek, and then her lips, and she felt like royalty.

“You look nice,” he said, leaning back.

“You, too,” she said, blushing. He grinned and held out his hand and she took it, feeling like a twelve-year-old girl getting invited to the sock-hop by the cutest guy in seventh grade.

“Get your chores done?” he asked as they headed over to the restaurant.

“Just had to drop some stuff off at the alterations shop. And I’m ready to eat. And this time I’m going to eat dessert.”

“You say that now,” Riley said, chuckling. “And like every other time...”

“Nope. I’m definitely trying their lemon and strawberry tart this time.”

“Okay, definitely,” he repeated, nodding, scrunching his nose and looking at her with twinkling eyes.

Marry me, thought Amber.

Not only was Lilla’s aunt going to have a baby, but Barb and Tom gave Amber the news that they were going to have a baby in January, and Amber was both overjoyed and pissed off that her best friend had kept a secret for so long. She began immediately planning a baby shower and picking up cute non-gender-specific baby clothes and items. Barb and Tom weren’t finding out the sex of the baby in advance, so Amber knew she would have more shopping to do when the baby was born, and it didn’t bother her one bit. She couldn’t wait. Although she knew she would miss the girl-nights of wine and pizza for a while, she figured she could give them up for the cause, but made Barb promise they would go back to having them once a month so she could have a baby-break, after the child was born.

Mattie was happy to hear the news. He congratulated the couple the next time they were at Amber’s, and offered Amber’s services for babysitting. When he returned to his empty big house, he stopped and listened for the sounds it had made when they were all boisterous children, but he couldn’t hear anything over the silence.

He sighed and put his folded cane on top of the credenza beside the front door. It was only going to get quieter as Pete and Clo joined the parental life, and probably Amber and Riley. He had to remember he had lots of young people to teach things to, and he didn’t have to pay for any of their diapers or their schooling.

So while others were preparing for babies, Mattie prepared for the fall semester. He got two new pairs of dress shoes, and three new ties. He bought a new waistcoat to give another twist to his suits, and Amber told him that it was ridiculous that the best dressed professor was totally blind. She’d only given him help with colours, but the choosing was his own.

He went through his briefcase, cleaning it out and organising it. He went through his laptop, doing the same there. He sorted out his books for his semester list. He had Braille copies of all of them now, rather than borrowing them from the library. It meant ordering them in and having to wait for the delivery, and then constantly needing to re-sign them out. This way, he could keep any books he used for future semesters. They weren’t cheap, but it was an investment, and he didn’t feel regret at spending money on books. He knew his grandfather would have approved of the books he had chosen to have Braille copies of, though the price was high. The cost of not having his books was more than the price in the catalogue.

Amber checked in on him again, after a few days of not hearing word from him. She found him in his study, hunched over the desk, reading, typing on his laptop, organising, all at once.

“You got your fall term haircut!” Amber said. “A few weeks early.” She walked over to him, admiring his shorter hair.

“Yeah. Is it okay? I went to my usual place, and they assure me it looks cool.”

Amber poked at a wave of hair that looped across his forehead. “I like it. You left some of the flow.”

“Flow?”

“The top isn’t too short. He did a nice job. Is it a he? Oh, wait, it’s Leo, isn’t it? Yeah, he’s good to you. It’s short on the sides and back, though. Not a curl to be seen back there.”

Mattie ran his hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his head a couple of times, feeling the shorter hair under his palm. “I figure I go this short now, I won’t have to go again until Christmas,” he said.

Amber laughed. “Good luck with that. It looks good, though, Bro.” Amber always liked Mattie’s hair longer, probably because when he had been little, he had been so adorable with his loopy cherub hair they left longer for his first years. His mother had cried when they cut it short for school.

“So what have you been up to?” Mattie asked, his hands on a page printed with Braille, his left hand keeping his place on the page, his right hand scanning along the raised print.

“Working. Hanging with Riley. I bought a few baby things for the Baby Barbie.”

Mattie laughed. “By the time that kid comes, you’ll have built it its own house.”

“I brought your stuff over from the alterations shop. It’s on your kitchen table in a bag.”

“Oh, thanks. Sorry I forgot to pick it up.”

“No worries. It was kind of cool, actually, I picked up the stuff and one of the seamstresses, she’s a new one come to work there, anyway, she was going across town to pick up something from the mall on the bus, so I said I’d drive her over. Anyway, I said I’d drive her back, it was no big deal, and she had so much time on her lunch break after planning to take the bus that she agreed to stop for a coffee with me. She was completely worried about paying me back for driving her the whole time. But then we went for coffee, and she... well, she had a green tea, I guess she doesn’t like coffee, either... She and I had a totally interesting conversation.”

“What about?”

“About... a whole bunch of things. She read a lot of books growing up. She said she doesn’t get time to read lately, but she’s hoping to catch up soon. She seemed really smart and creative. I think I’ll text her and see if she wants to meet me again next week for lunch or something. She said she likes to paint, too.”

“Aw, you have a new friend,” Mattie said, putting the paper on the desk and scanning his hand across the top to find another pile of papers.

“I need a new friend, you’ll be back at university, I’ll be alllll alone,” she said, putting on a sad tone.

“Oh, baloney, I’ve barely seen you all summer,” Mattie said. “You and your fair Riley.”

“I’ve hung out with you!” Amber protested.

“I’m just razzing you,” Mattie said. “I’m glad you have a new friend. Maybe your girly wine nights won’t need to be cancelled after all.”

“Oh, yeah! I didn’t even think of that,” Amber replied. “Good thought, Bro. So, what are you doing, anyway?”

“Just going through some of this stuff. I want to keep on top of it better, and so I’ve devised a better system.”

Amber looked around at the mess on the desk and around his chair. “Oh, yeah, that looks like a way better system.”

Mattie’s expression was not that of amusement. “I’m not there yet,” he said defensively. “Stop dissin’ my plan.”

“I’m sure it will be... fine... do you need any help?” Her comment turned into a question in one sentence.

“No. You can’t tell me what any of these pages are anymore than I can tell you what your notes say.”

Amber looked at the embossed pages, completely blank but for the raised bumps she couldn’t fathom being able to read with her eyes or her fingers.

“Yeah. You’re right about that.” She looked around at their surroundings. All the printed books Mattie had all along the walls on two sides of the room still kept their place in his study. She never really knew why he hadn’t gotten rid of them, or why he’d Brailled the titles and authors on the spines. There were many things he’d gotten rid of, knowing he’d never use them again, but the books remained. They were important to him, and Amber never pushed him on the subject either way since the day she found him labelling them the year before.

“Riley has to go away for work for five days,” Amber said.

“Oh no,” Mattie said. “The great divide of the great love.”

“Well, I guess there’s always Skype. Right? I shouldn’t be this into him this soon. I don’t want to be one of those girls.”

“You feel right. Didn’t you always tell me it would feel right when it was right?”

“Well... yeah, but you never really accept if your mind tells you something but you ignore it. I think I was speaking in platitudes.”

“Oh, great, well, thanks for that,” Mattie said.

“No, I still believe it,” Amber corrected him. “I’m just saying that sometimes you think you are in the right place, but you know you aren’t and you ignore that little part of you.”

“So is there anything you are ignoring?” Mattie asked. “Simple as that. Is there one thing at all that bothers you? Makes you wonder?”

Amber tried to give an answer but her mind was blank. “No, there are really isn’t... I mean, I’m still getting to know him... I’m not going to be all like, let’s move in and be married and be together every minute. I’ve been too independent for too long to want to give up my life.”

“Yeah... and you don’t want to get too far in that direction, either.”

“You’re one to talk,” Amber said. Mattie said nothing. “I guess I’m just really happy right now. I like being with him, he makes me feel really... happy, and special. I’ve met his mother on Skype and I’ve met a couple of his friends, and they all seem like genuinely nice people with good things to say about him. I met his co-worker camera guy and they have a good relationship, too. It just seems all good.”

“Well,” Mattie said. “Then relax. I think you deserve to be happy, and I like Riley. Mum told me she thinks he’s, and I don’t use this lightly, quite charming. She kind of giggled like a schoolgirl when she said it. I gathered she thinks your fair Riley is kinda cute.”

Amber laughed. “Well, she’s right about that. He is cute.”

“So... have you just come over to gloat about your cute and perfect boyfriend and your new bestie?”

“Don’t you dare say that anywhere near Barb. I didn’t say she was my new bestie. Besides, you’re just jealous.”

Mattie smiled weakly. He knew he was jealous.

“Well, you never know, Little Brother. You’ve got a new school year ahead. Maybe there will be a girl in the office next to yours, and you can ask to borrow her pencil sharpener.”

“What would I need a pencil sharpener for?” Mattie asked.

“To sharpen pencils, Dummy. And also to meet women.”

“Does my face plainly show disgust? Because I want it to.”

“Oh, yeah. Yup, you got that down pretty clear. I’m just saying, Xav, you don’t know what’s ahead of you—and please. I already know your fast quip to that, so don’t. You do not know the future. You can’t say for sure that she’s not going to be the new professor of K-Tel Records Compilation album studies or the new course on the design of polka-dots in history and you’ll need her pencil sharpener to break the ice so you can discuss your poncey professor stuff together.”

“No, remember, I’m not dating colleagues.”

“As far as I can see, you’re not dating anyone.”

“As far as I can see, you’re not dating anyone, either,” Mattie said. “So that’s relative.”

“I wish you weren’t so quick,” Amber said. “How many jokes about being blind can you run in an hour?”

“You keep feeding me set-up lines, I’ll be here all night,” Mattie replied.

Amber groaned, shaking her head. He infuriated her and amused her way too often and with too much pleasure. She never knew whether to laugh or just smack him.

Instead, she invited him to go to the beach the following day, and Mattie took her up on her offer. After their light-hearted bickering, Amber told him she’d bring him over some supper later, and left him contentedly organising his desk. She had no intentions of ever letting him off easy about his stubbornness, or his denial that he would ever find anyone that would love him the way he needed and wanted. She wouldn’t break her promise that she wouldn’t set him up. But she never promised that she wouldn’t encourage something to happen if it looked like something might. She just had to be careful about how she went about it, carefully avoiding anything that went against the wording he had used to make her promise. She wasn’t his big sister for nothing. She’d had to work to outsmart him the whole time growing up, and she’d learned a few tricks that still worked.

If she could find someone, if Peter and Barb could find someone, then Mattie could find someone. He was the best one of them, she thought to herself. It would just take someone with the right eyes to see it and the right heart to feel it.

Small Mercies Chapter 57, a romance fiction | FictionPress

#chapter fifty-seven

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