A Fall for You - Chapter XIII
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The Hating Fact game
{Excerpt from Astra’s book club recordings, Valorant database}
[00:19:18] >---|---------------------------<
Astra: And you, Fade? What do you think about enemies-to-lovers?
Fade: Umm… That trope is basically the stages of grief.
Killjoy: Ouh… Ahw… Why?
Fade: When someone realizes they’re in love with their enemy it’s just like the stages of grief. There’s denial, anger, bargaining, depression sometimes and, finally, acceptance.
Killjoy: … That’s not even…
Astra: No, she got a hell of a point.
Patience - Guns n’ Roses
For all intents and purposes, Viper wasn't avoiding Chamber.
When she asked Killjoy to hand over his spare glasses, it had nothing to do with the fact that, with them, he would see her without makeup. She delegated the task to the younger scientist so she wouldn't have to face Reyna. The Mexican agent followed the other around the base, talking about how awful it was that Viper was supposedly in love with Chamber, but how cute she also found it. Viper had a heart that served more than just pumping blood!
That was a ridiculous idea! Viper had taken one of her snakes from the lab, threatening to make the reptile attack Reyna if she didn't stop her harassment. Reyna was terrified of snakes and, for the sake of her reputation, decided to leave Viper alone by some time..
Viper rushed to her apartment when she heard Chamber had been discharged. Not because she was trying to suppress the urge to check on him, run her fingers over his scars, and maybe kiss the bruise on his cheek. No. She went to try to rest after a tiring day.
The next day, as per her workout routine, she went for a run. Unconsciously, she wandered around the pool just as Chamber was getting out. She watched him. Not because she was interested in his toned body, but because she wanted to know if he was well enough after surgery to try physical activities. And she wasn't worried about him not wearing glasses again.
Viper was distracted—by a bird, not Chamber grabbing his glasses from a nearby lounge chair—and slipped on a puddle. She landed with a thud on the ground, cursing loudly in Italian. She saw Chamber looking around at the noise, searching for the source. Viper stayed behind a bush because she was recovering from the fall, not because she was dying of embarrassment, her heart racing with despair. She stood there for a good fifteen minutes, admiring the view, not waiting for Chamber to leave.
Later, knowing she had to go to the portal workshop, she emailed Killjoy, Raze, and Chamber, warning them she'd have to do some analysis on her experiments. Because she really had to check them, not because she was embarrassed that Chamber might have seen her fall earlier.
The lab was too quiet in Chamber's absence and, let's face it, much more boring. Viper debriefed on the mission in Breeze and tried to entertain herself by concocting new poisons for her weapons for most of the day. Until she heard his and Raze's voices in the hallway. She was excited at the prospect of seeing him, but eventually despaired. Because she remembered she left the TV in her break room on, not because, dammit, Chamber was coming and she forgot to touch up her makeup!
Viper holed up in her break room, hoping Chamber and Raze wouldn't suspect she was there. Fortunately, her TV was off. Unfortunately, she didn't even have lip balm in that place. And judging by Chamber and Raze's conversation in the lab, they wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.
Viper had left a book Chamber had lent her on her couch—about the benefits of radiant nanotechnology in the development of body-regulating devices, replete with the Frenchman's comments in the margins. She began reading it because it was interesting, not because it offered a plausible excuse to stay inside.
Reading about Chamber's thoughts on the technology he specialized in distracted her enough to forget about his and Raze's presence in the lab. She didn't even realize she was hungry and only stopped reading when she developed a headache.
Viper cautiously left her place, relieved to see the lab empty. She headed for the cafeteria, but she remembered she'd rather eat the frozen lasagna she had in her apartment. And that had nothing to do with the fact that Chamber was in the cafeteria with Kay/O, Breach, Yoru, and Phoenix. Annoying agents who, if they knew of the suspicion that something was going on between her and Chamber, would have made no bones about their stupid jokes. And Viper didn't want to deal with them.
The American woman stayed in her apartment, eating a lasagna that wasn't as bad as it looked. She decided to rewatch "Blade Runner 2049," outraged that Chamber had confessed he'd never seen that classic. However, when Ryan Gosling, her childhood crush, appeared on screen, she thought Chamber was more handsome than him. Besides, Chamber was cute.
Good heavens, had her brain assigned the adjective "cute" to Chamber?
Viper needed to run. Physical activity stimulated blood flow, increasing oxygenation to the brain.
The only explanation for her thinking that way was that her brain was lacking oxygen.
She put on her running clothes and left the base's building, grateful that she hadn't found anyone who would talk to her at that time, already in the middle of the night.
Running helped her think, to organize her thoughts, which had been a complete chaos lately.
She wasn't avoiding Chamber. If she were avoiding him, she'd be acting like a shy teenager for embarrassing herself in front of her crush. And she didn't have to be ashamed of not kissing him when she had the chance, of falling in front of him, or of supposedly liking him.
Because being ashamed of that was something only an immature teenager would do. And Viper was a grown woman with a fully formed prefrontal cortex, capable of rational thought. She was a scientist with a mountain of awards and an enviable resume. She stuck to logic, reason, and concrete facts.
And the fact was...
The fact was...
The fact was, she was in love with Chamber, dammit!
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! - Viper screamed in anger as she stopped running, throwing her head back.
Ridiculous. Simply ridiculous.
The last time she'd been in love was when she was in her early twenties and was an idiot.
Now she was much older and felt like an idiot.
And the worst part is that she fell in love with the same damn idiot.
It was all ridiculously idiot.
Viper walked to the corner of the trail she was on, sitting down on the grass and putting her hands on her face.
They were actively involved in an interdimensional war. Not to mention that her radianite research was probably the most important study of the century. She didn't have time to fall in love. Especially not with a filthy, annoying, lying bastard.
An filthy, annoying, lying bastard who, by the way, was a vital part of the operation against Omega Earth. Chamber had become important to the Protocol, not only for his combat skills but also for his knowledge of radiant nanotechnology. He also understood about interdimensional portals and quantum physics. He was a formidable mechanical engineer, an inventor who had registered several patents. He was also a great strategist and analyst, and...
By heavens, Viper get horny just thinking about how exceptional that man's brain was. She had to restrain herself from throwing herself at him when she heard him show off his ballistics knowledge. Seriously, who understands ballistics?
And these were just some of the attributes she loved most about him. He was even fun, kind, funny, and curious. He always seemed interested in what she had to say and had strange tastes like hers. He seemed like a mad scientist when he had his epiphanies, and it was adorable. Chamber made Viper smile when she thought it was a waste of energy. And he made it not seem like a waste, but something worth doing every now and then.
Chamber reminded her that living life was a good thing.
And that was scary.
Because it meant he was breaking down the walls she'd carefully erected to make herself flawless, pragmatic, and unattainable. Those protections forged so Agent Viper could become someone capable of saving the world as efficiently as possible, no matter who stood in her way.
Sabine, the other woman inside her, who cared too much about people and kind of enjoyed romance, was incapable of doing what Viper did. Viper had locked Sabine away to protect them both. The last time she let someone in, they tried to stab her in the back, literally.
Chamber made her vulnerable. It was dangerous and terrible and scary and...
It was terrifying to think that someone might come in and hurt her again. Sabine couldn't stand it. Viper couldn't stand it.
She thought regretfully that to resolve this ridiculous situation, she would have to kill him and hide his body. That body with a defined abs, muscular back, and an enormous pair of biceps. The body adorned with gold tattoos, a pretty face, irritatingly beautiful eyes, and the most adorably sweet smile she'd ever seen. And how she loved being the reason for his smiles. It would be ironic if she killed him right after she freaked out to keep him alive.
Shit, being in love sucks.
- Ahw… - Viper heard someone's voice and opened her fingers, sending a fulminating look to whoever was ruining her existential crisis. - Is everything okay?
It was the new agent, Fade. So far, they hadn't had any missions together, and Viper had barely looked at her after learning how she'd left the other agents. Viper had seriously considered poisoning her coffee at the cafe with a non-lethal poison capable of causing terrible cramps, just so she could get a taste of what it meant to mess with the Valorant team. However, she decided against it after reading one of her mission reports. Fade was very good at what she did.
Fade wore simple workout clothes—sneakers, leggings, and a black sports jacket—with the top of her hair tied back. She regarded Viper less with concern and more with curiosity. Her two-tone, cat-like eyes glowed in the darkness.
Viper nodded briefly, hugging her knees and curling into herself. She hoped the other would take the hint to leave her alone.
Instead, Viper felt someone sit next to her, at a distance considered respectful for a normal person. Which was enough for Viper to know Fade was there, meaning it wasn't a respectful distance for the American.
Viper chose to ignore the other and return to her inner despair of being in love with that idiot of Chamber.
Maybe she was needy. Chamber was an attractive man, and it had been a while since she'd slept with anyone. Sex was a healthy practice, especially compared to drug or alcohol use. It would release hormones that would make her reasonably happier and at least somewhat content. It wouldn't be a bad option.
However, knowing him as she did (DAMN, SHE KNEW HIM WELL!), if they had a no-strings-attached sex arrangement, Chamber would make everything more emotional than it needed to be. And, from her experience observing this kind of arrangement while working at Kingdom and from the many romantic comedies the girls forced her to watch, it would only worsen her emotional situation with him. After all, the hormones released by the practice would generate attachment—which she already had—, affection—which she also had—and, to make matters worse, intimacy—unfortunate to say, but they kind of already had it.
It was a bottomless pit. Viper would have to get out her phone and research how to speed up her hormonal decline. From what she remembered of that topic, "passion" lasted about two years from the hormonal surge until the return to stability. Viper couldn't wait two years for her body to decide to return to normal.
She could send him to one of the Protocol bases in Siberia. With Chamber gone, maybe everything would go back to the way it was before.
She felt a physical tightness in her chest. The fleeting thought hurt her deeply. If a day away from Chamber had been boring and stressful, what would months be like? Chamber was more addictive than any drug to her. A potent chemical dependency, strong enough to send pleasure hormones racing through her bloodstream. And they didn't even need to sleep together for it to happen.
Where was he now? Would she find him in the lab? It wasn't a bad idea to see him, even if just for a moment. He'd offer her coffee, send her that handsome smile, and they'd chat for ages. And just like that, she'd fall deeper into that stupid crush.
Viper lifted her head, resting her chin on her knees with a melancholy sigh, which she herself considered ridiculous. She saw, in her peripheral vision, that Fade was still there, absorbed in gazing at the star-studded sky. Viper took a deep breath and made to stand. But Fade turned to her, watching her intently.
- We haven't been properly introduced. - Fade said calmly, her accent sweet between the words. She held out her hand to Viper. - Hazal Eyletmez.
Viper looked from Fade's hand to her face, frowning. She wore the frown that drove people away. When the Turkish agent didn't move, Viper squeezed her hand.
- Doctor Sabine Callas.
Fade exhaled through her nose, like a laugh. Viper raised an eyebrow, giving her her best judgmental look.
- I'm sorry. I didn't know we were supposed to use titles. - Fade smiled slightly, letting go of Viper's hand. - Correction, Dr. Hazal Eyletmez. Criminologist. - The Turkish agent rested her hand on the grass, without taking her eyes off Viper. - It's a bit arrogant to say that in an informal introduction, isn't it?
Viper watched her for a few seconds, lifting her chin a little.
- I gave half my life and soul to have this title. There's no reason not to use it.
- Only for the doctorate? I sold my soul in high school to pass chemistry.
Viper rolled her eyes, turning back to the front.
- It's not that difficult.
- Speak for yourself. - Fade drew her legs up to her chest, resting her head on her knees. - Your resume is impressive.
- You made that clear while blackmailing us.
- And I think you're cool.
Viper frowned, turning to Fade.
- Did you need to stalk my life to say that?
Fade shook her head, pouting.
- Sorry about that. - The Turkish agent narrowed her eyes, as if to convey that the accusation wasn't a big deal. - But I thought you kidnapped someone important to me. I'd do it all over again if I could see him again.
Viper narrowed her eyes slightly, studying Fade. She hadn't known her motivations for psychologically torturing her allies. That was a news.
- Understandable.
Fade gave a smirk, nodding.
- And you would do worse, wouldn't you?
Viper thought for a moment, resting her head on her knees, mimicking Fade's position. She had kept the agents who went on the Istanbul mission alive. If Viper had been in Fade's place, before even learning their side of the story, they would have all choked on poison as they watched their guts spill onto the floor and listened to Viper hum the catchy hit from the moment that Raze had forced into her head. She'd never had the patience for interrogations.
- Just... slightly worse.
- Don't be modest. You're more terrifying than me.
Viper couldn't help but smile a little, looking at Fade.
- You made four grown men scream like little children.
- I heard that there are people who don't even drink the water here for fear that you're slowly poisoning everyone.
- I'm not that efficient. The base's water is renewed very regularly.
- Have anyone ever told you that you're terrible at accepting compliments?
Viper's smile faded, remembering Chamber complaining about her. She leaned forward, fiddling with her thumbs.
- Sometimes… - Viper grumbled, taking a deep breath. - What are you doing here, anyway?
- Oh… - Fade began, giving an amused smile. - I heard a noise that sounded like an animal dying. I decided to check it out. - Viper pressed her lips together, suppressing a smile. Perhaps her scream of rage at the realization of her emotional state really was her last plea to the universe for mercy. - And I felt fear coming from here too… - Viper wrinkled her nose and turned to Fade with a suspicious look. - I didn't use my power. It's something that exudes to me. - Fade explained quickly, without taking her eyes off Viper. - It wasn't... my kind of fear. It was fear... hesitant and anxious… - Fade plucked some of the grass beneath her, playing with it. - Usually, it takes care of it with company.
Viper moved her mouth from side to side, looking anywhere but at Fade.
- Companies can make things worse.
- Not the right ones.
Fade gave a gentle smile, twirling the small leaves between her fingers, understanding in her eyes.
- But it's okay to want to be alone. - The Turkish woman continued, her voice conciliatory. - I prefer to stay by myself too. - Fade turned to the sky, throwing the grass away.
Viper glanced at Fade suspiciously. She seemed to know what was going on in her head, even though she'd said she hadn't used her radiant power. It was uncomfortable having someone inside her head like that. Viper understood Sova's revulsion a little better. However, she couldn't deny that the Turkish goth was… interesting.
- My own company is… - "Safe." Viper almost finished the sentence that way. But then thought better of it. Fade had found her at a vulnerable moment. She wouldn't give her any more weapons like that. - Enough.
- I don't doubt it. - Fade shook her head. - But I also think we're cautious women. Enough isn't enough. It's better to have a good surplus.
Viper sighed, resting her chin on her knees again and fiddling with her thumbs. She thought about what Fade was saying. She'd always been self-sufficient. However... Having someone to add to her life didn't seem entirely bad.
The American shook her head, deciding to change the subject.
- So you want to be with me?
- Perhaps.
- Are you hitting on me? - She commented, without looking at Fade. - You're not my type.
Fade chuckled, turning to Viper, her eyes shining with amusement.
- No. I would be weirder if I was hitting on you.
- You're already pretty weird.
- Fair point. - The Turkish agent shrugged. - But so are you. - Viper grimaced, glancing at Fade out of the corner of her eye. - I think you're cool. - Fade reaffirmed, nodding. - Especially after I asked Raze to show me the playlists of the people here. Yours is really good.
Viper raised her eyebrows, her mouth pulling into a tiny smile.
- All this to praise my musical taste?
- Pretty much. Not everyone still likes My Chemical Romance.
Viper's smile involuntarily widened at the mention of one of her favorite bands. The scientist tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, looking up at the sky.
- They are great...
- I know! - Fade said, showing more excitement. - I can't wait for the fifth album.
Viper gave a short, ironic laugh, turning to Fade.
- It's an urban legend.
- They said the same about Paramore.
- But they never separated... - Viper commented, pouting for a moment.
- Bands reunite all the time. There's always room for hope. - Fade smiled, which Viper returned. - Do you like Evanescence too?
The American gave Fade a skeptical look, as if she were asking a question with an obvious answer.
- Are you kidding? Amy Lee has the best vocals...
- Of the world! - Fade added, giving an amused smile. - “Bring me to life" is my ringtone.
Viper let out a breath, as if in laughter, shaking his head.
- Mine is “My Immortal." - Viper picked up her phone, checking the time. It was already close to midnight. She should try to sleep so she could face the next day with some dignity. Even if it meant dealing with several nightmares. Viper frowned, turning to Fade. - Since we're here, can I ask you something?
- My favorite MCR song is Helena.
- Classic, but no. - Viper shook her head, stretching her legs on the grass. - Everyone's been having nightmares lately. - She confessed, looking at Fade suspiciously again. - Does this have anything to do with you?
Fade watched Viper for a few seconds and then stretched out her legs as well, looking at the tips of her toes.
- Since I joining the Protocol, I haven't used my gift against any of my allies. My power has only triggered pre-existing fears.
Viper nodded slowly, sighing. She would return to her apartment and face the fears her subconscious insisted on revealing to her. Needing sleep was terrible under those circumstances. And it only made it worse that she couldn't blame anyone for her torment. She should have remained ignorant.
- Okay...
- But… - Fade announced, biting her lower lip lightly, reaching for one of her piercings. - I can try to soften the situation. - Fade turned to Viper, resting her hands on the grass. - Most of our fears aren't real threats. They're projections of our subconscious to make us see something as more terrifying than it actually is. It's a defense mechanism, but it often goes too far. We can be afraid of things that would do us good.
The sentence floated to Viper, hitting her harder than Fade intended. She tucked it away in her mind and heart as she stood, brushing the grass from her own clothes.
- And what can you do?
- When you sleep, I can make your fears smaller. It's easier to face less threatening fears. - Fade explained, looking at Viper in surprise as she held out her hand to help her up. The Turkish agent smiled slightly, taking her hand and standing up. - It'll be easy to deal with in the dream world. But you'll have to face your fears in the real world.
Viper raised an eyebrow, pulling away from Fade a little.
- Do you always send those catchphrases?
The Turkish agent shrugged, clasping her hands behind her back.
- Only when necessary. - She tilted her head to the side. - Can we go back together?
Viper pressed her lips together slightly, suppressing a smile. She nodded briefly, crossing her arms as she walked.
- Just don't get in my way, Fade. And we'll get along just fine.
- I have no doubt.
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