Description: Being Steve Harrington’s baby sister has its perks when you came to college, but it also has its cons. When you develop funny feelings for a mutual friend you don’t dare to act upon it out of respect for him. But… what if you did? Request here! Hope you enjoy this.. 🥹 w/c: 9.7k
Pairing: College!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader.
Tags: Friends to lovers, romance, drama.
⚠️: Two scared idiots, fluff, alcohol, cheating (sort of… I guess?), overbearing family, issues with self worth and confidence, friendship difficulties.
Fluff, angst and a little peck. My blog is 18+ MINORS DO NOT ENGAGE
Authors note: Next up is chapter two to my new series ‘It’s Who You Know’ With Detective Eddie Munson. Keep an eye out for that, lovelies ;) Re-blogs and comments are ALWAYS welcome in this house and I thank you for your time xoxox
—
Collapsing to the sun-warmed grass you sprawl out your limbs similar to a lazy cat after a tiresome day. The passing chatter of students galloping by fill your ears and the thump of their walking feet send a current through your body similar to a massage chair. There was a buzz in the air, a promise that Summer was near and all you had to do was endure the semester a little bit longer before a much deserved break.
A mild breeze ruffles your hair softly, causing the delicate strands to kiss and tickle your cheeks. Behind your closed eyelids the suns rays beam down on your relaxed frame with insistent brightness and you feel you could melt away into the lawn and leave your study troubles behind you.
Your lungs release a weighty sigh and the taste of your afternoon coffee still lingers on your tongue, captivating your taste buds and making you wish for another. For a while you stay there, basking in your newfound sense of freedom as you await the arrival of your friends.
Their entrance carried an energy comparable to a firework display: Explosive, colourful and so magnetic that even you struggle to look away.
First came Steve, your older brother by a year and four months. Then there was Robin and Eddie. The pairing that always seemed to tickle your ribs whenever they were around. And Nancy, who knew the perfect balance between keeping a tight ship and letting loose.
A lot of the time you felt deeply that you we the fifth wheel when you were with them. Only invited out of necessity and not genuine fondness. It was the loneliest of the chips you carried on your shoulder from the beginning of your fresher’s week at college, Steve Harrington’s adorable kid sister and nothing more.
This couldn’t have been further from the truth, as a certain someone within the group always felt the need to bargain his soul to the devil to ensure your attendance to any and all hangout sessions. No matter what it was that you were doing together: a period of silent studying, spontaneous coffee dates or late night movie screenings. Eddie longed to have you close by. He began to crave it like he would a cigarette after a dry spell of sobriety. Each whiff of you had him itching for more.
One thing held an element of truth, however, and that was the blood tie that bound you and Steve’s together. It automatically made you different from everyone else. Unattainable and absolutely off-fucking-limits.
How could Eddie possibly pursue you when his friendship with Steve came long before his feelings?
He couldn’t. And it crushed him whenever you’d grace his eye line.
You watch contented with a amused smile as Eddie saves Steve from being mowed down by a swerving bicycle zooming by and Robin skips towards you, unbothered about the boys left behind as she is the first to sit down and occupy the space beside you.
“You didn’t have to do that, I saw the bike!” Steve exclaims halfheartedly and Eddie thuds an open palm onto his back.
“And you were still going to step out in front of it?” Eddie retaliates with a perked eyebrow and you giggle quietly, the noise meant for only you. Robin at your side heard it though and she banked it for a later conversation.
“I was not.” God, your older brother had such younger sibling syndrome when Eddie was around. They fought as brothers did and through strange practice they were. Too much endured together. A friendship strong enough to last the times.
Involuntarily, like muscle memory, you gush at the sound of Eddie’s voice. The melody is enough to make your skin tingle and prickle with heat and your lips swoop upwards at the corners. Unwavering. His ineffable charisma left you reeling with joy and airy in the chest. While not frequent, his diffident presence brought a blooming comfort to you with ease. It was effortless for him to make you feel as though you belonged and that your voice mattered. That you were a somebody.
He probably assumes that you don’t regard his efforts as anything to care about, but all of the times he has included you in conversations or took your side during heated debates live fondly within you. Your particularly favourite time replays in your mind repeatedly, a dream you get to engross yourself in every night before bed.
In the Fall last term, when students had long packed up what they could and hitched rides home to their families, you were one of the last to leave. Steve ran for the hills with Robin and Nancy before you could decide what to take and what mattered least to you. It got to the point where you were so overwhelmed that you froze and couldn’t move from your stripped bare bed staring off at the nearest blank wall in front of you. Counting the small dried blotches of sticky tack left up from your old posters that you were looking to replace when you next returned to this room.
The faint smell of your roommates pungent body spray lingered in the still air and while there was a time you would choke on the sickly sweet toffee scent, now it brought you comfort.
You’d miss the A.M. giggle sessions where you’d spend hours trying to go to sleep and the way you’d help one another get dressed for off campus party's. It was like finally having a sister after spending your whole life wishing for one. Instead of Tammy-Lynn, your sibling by choice, you got Steve.
Not once did it occur to you how or when you’d get back to your parents, but somehow you knew that you would, even if it meant riding in a strangers car to reach them.
Thankfully, a stranger just so happened to fall right into your lap as Eddie rapped his knuckles softly against your open door, “Hey… Steve said you were still here.” Although it was a statement, there was an upward inflection to his voice that told you he wanted to ask you ‘Why?’
You had sighed, too defeated to explain fully, “Yeah… I guess I just…” You hesitated telling him the truth, but the small crinkles by his round eyes and the sincerity reflected in their chocolatey depths made you believe he was trustworthy, “I wish I didn’t have to leave just yet."
Going home was something you had persistently been dreading for the better part of a year and you couldn’t for the life of you pinpoint why. The family house loomed over you like a dark rain cloud, lacking the charming chaos and messiness that a family home should have. It was empty 90% of the time, and maybe that’s your reasoning for your borderline parental bond with Steve. You basically raised each other.
If it were possible for Eddie to soften more at your confession, he did, and slowly he made his way through the valley of clothes on your floor and closer to your slumped frame, “What can I do to help?”
“Stay with me for a little while? Just so I can figure this out.” Your suitcase laid open at your feet, some belongings already packed inside, your books and notes for the term but so much more to be put away.
“Sure,” He flopped down next to you, which caused your body to jolt back and forth on the springy mattress, “And afterwards, when you’re ready, you can ride home with me… if you’d wanna, that is?”
Of course you did. It’s all you had ever wanted. Alone time with him…
“That’d be really nice, Ed’s. Thanks. I don’t wanna make you wait for me if you have things to do… Are you sure?”
“It’s honestly no trouble, what kinda friend would I be if I left you here to fend for yourself?”
The question wasn't supposed to sting as much as it did, but it hurt the pair of you as much as an intentional bruise would.
“Have you packed away your radio?” He curtly changed the subject with fidgety eyes scoping the room and you pause. The radio that he got you as a gift at the beginning of the school year. Portable and silver in colour. He had one of the same, only his was worn in and used 23 hours out of the day.
“I haven't… I just don’t think I can tell you exactly where it is.” It was hidden somewhere amongst the clutter and Eddie rose to his feet to rummage frantically.
“If we’re gonna do this right then we gotta have some music playing or I'll lose my mind.” And by that he meant, if we sit in this torturous silence for another second he was going to spill his guts onto the carpet and ruin your relationship forever. Which, for obvious reasons, he couldn’t allow to happen.
He moved with legerity and fought hard against the strain of his jeans against him as he stole glances of rouge pairs of your underwear that littered the floor. The perverted part of him wondered if they were clean or not… he almost convinced himself to pocket a pair but just as he was about to he found the radio beneath a sweater he has seen you wear one hundred times over. He’d go as far to argue it may be a favourite of yours.
“Finally,” He suspended the machine high towards the ceiling as if it were a trophy, “Let the movie montage commence.”
Both of you took turns in changing the radio stations, your contrasting taste in music occasionally coming together to harmonise before one of you reached for the tuning dial again. The swollen tension calmed with the passing hours and little by little you were able to see your dormitory floor again.
Eddie took charge of your ‘get-rid’ pile, neatly folding old clothes to donate and arranging brick a’ brack into an orderly corner. The sound of your suitcase zipper being forced up blessed Eddie’s ears and like an eager puppy he awaited further instructions on what to do next.
“Think that’s it.” You leaned back and observed the space. The floor needed a good vacuum but otherwise the room was left in pretty good shape.
With a click of a button the background music disappeared and the emptiness was deafening, “We can get going then?” Eddie didn't want to appear too keen but the clouds were getting weightier by the second and so were his eyelids.
You hummed, clicking up the handle of your suitcase and then you wheeled it toward the hallway. You finished in just the nick of time it seemed as a campus security guard approached, huge in his wingspan and his shoulders, “We’re locking up in the next 10 minutes. I suggest you guys get a move on.”
“Yes, of course, sorry… thanks…” The guard didn’t stick around to chit chat and like your shadow, Eddie appeared by your side.
“C’mon, the longer we wait the more time you have to talk yourself out of it.” You wish you could’ve responded with something heartfelt or clever but his soothing hand on your shoulder tied your tongue into a knot that wouldn’t loosen. Instead, you nodded and forced your feet to slide away from the place you had called home for the last year.
As you clambered into Eddie’s van it was like you were transported to a place frozen in time. One of Eddie’s striking personality traits was that his van never changed. In his eyes it didn’t need to, no matter how old it got or how many garage visits that drained his pockets. He loved it unconditionally.
“Music?” Your eyes immediately find the built in cassette player.
“Absolutely,” He beams, “Can’t guarantee there’ll be anything of your taste, but you can have a snoop around.”
And snoop you did.
The journey back to Hawkins took an hour and thirty minutes, the first ten of which were spent in complete voicelessness. It wasn’t uncomfortable and the silence didn’t demand to be filled. It just existed as the boning trees passed by the window and the orange leaves blew in spirals around you. There was a feeling of magic in the air as Halloween approached and you still got the same butterflies in your stomach as you did when you were a kid. This time of year was your favourite.
As the rain picked up its devilish dance upon Eddie’s windshield, his wipers struggled to keep the road coming at him clear which caused his shoulders to go square and his eyes to glare ahead with concentration, “Came outta nowhere.” It was a whisper meant for only him to hear and when you perked up next to him his heart faltered in his chest. You had been so quiet he momentarily forgot you were there.
“I like it. It’s peaceful.” You could say that, being the passenger and all, but as the driver Eddie was petrified of the slippery road and what this weather may bring.
“Mind if we stop off for some gas? Tank won’t make it the whole way back.” You shook your head and leaned in toward the air conditioning to lower the temperature slightly, your finger tips grazed Eddie’s knuckles as he leaned in to do the same.
“Shit, sorry. You okay? You cold?” His voice croaked and his face fully flushed at the contact. Your response was just as alarmed and flustered.
“No, no, I’m warm. Too warm,” You chuckled awkwardly, “Are you cold?”
“Pfft, no. I’m sweating through this seat right now.” Eddie grimaced at his own words and hoped the ground would swallow him whole. You must’ve found him appalling.
“Same.” A single word that calmed his racing mind.
Funnily, you nearly repeated the action but were able enough now to laugh it off and allow one or the other to control the dial. Eddie left it up to you.
Through the thickening fog a large billboard appeared, listing the latest gas prices and Eddie slowed the van ever so slightly, “You hungry? Need a snack or anything when I hop out?” His attention was split between your thoughtful face and the road.
“A bopper! The peanut one, if they have it?” To that Eddie chuckled hard, “What?” You grinned over at him and he shook his head.
“Nothing, nothing. Just… you’re such a Harrington.” To that your heart sunk but you took the comment for what it was. A compliment masked with tease.
“I wish you had an annoying sibling so I could talk about them all the time.” It was Eddie’s turn to clam up.
“I don’t.. talk about Steve all the time.” His unsure voice betrayed him.
“Don’t worry, Eddie, everyone does. Steve's just… one of those guys, I guess.” The tyres screech as Eddie lined up with one of the gas pumps, killing the engine and sitting there for a prolonged moment. His eyes were on you but your gaze was trained to the passenger window.
“People care about you too, y’know? Even if they don’t tell you constantly.” You smiled a sad smile.
“I know that… Besides, it's not all bad living in his shadow. Some shade is nice when you’ve been out in the sun too long.” You referred to the way your parents would pick on you from a young age to do well in everything. School, sports, posture, relationships and everything else. Steve existed in your shadow once and now it was your turn.
You got the good grades and the brains but Steve got everything else. A social life with amazing friends. Loved by his peers and sought after by countless girls. He was spoiled for choice whilst you rotted away. Starved of the goodness of college life.
Unable to coherently form his thoughts into speakable sentences, Eddie opted for a clear of his throat, “Uh, just a bopper, then?”
“Oh, uh, yeah. Please. I have some cash somewhere—” Your hands started to frisk your pockets and Eddie waved his hands around like a madman.
“Stop, I’ve got it. It's literally like a $1. You want a drink? I’m thinking of grabbing a Coke. Need the sugar.”
You were slow to nod, “Okay, sure. I’ll have the same. Thanks!”
And with that the van door swung open and Eddie faded to the downpour of Autumn rain. From the window you watched him empty his pockets into a overflowed trash can and from the denim of his jeans he pulled a lighter and a half smoked cigarette. Lighting it he took a few long drags before he flicked it away and stomped on it. Eddie registered the vague shape of your face in the window and flashed you one of his down turned and dorky smiles. All too quickly he adverted his attention to his initial mission and carefully selected the best out of a bad bunch of greasy fuel pumps. The meter ticked on slowly and his hair dampened more and more into defined ringlets the longer he was subjected to the elements.
You cracked the door, “You want a magazine or something? For shelter?” Rain dripped from the tip of his reddened nose and while his cheeks flushed with blood from the cold his eyes became molten at the sight of you.
“M’ okay, Sweetheart. Just stay inside.” He used his unoccupied hand to gently close the van door and you deflated into the back of your seat. Every cell screamed inside of you and you tried to pull yourself together for his near return from inside the filling station.
Sweetheart. He called you Sweetheart.
Quickly, before someone caught an unfortunate sight of you, you squealed to release some of the pressure in your chest. It felt insane at the time but it worked a treat.
It also meant that when Eddie reappeared by the van with his arms full of goodies and his hair stricken perfectly with rain that you were able to somewhat control the loving glaze smeared in your eyes.
“Managed to grab the last three boppers, thank me later.” Your eyes pinged wide.
“Three? Eddie, you didn’t have to—”
“I refuse to have a hungry passenger, okay? Besides, I've never tried one and I kinda want to.” The glint in his eye made you laugh and your fingers worked fast against the candy bar wrapper.
Eddie sat there, observing you, “C’mon, then, Munson. We're doing this together.” You looked to the bopper in his lap and he grinned before picking it up and opening it.
“So bossy.” He teased and you swatted at his shoulder playfully.
“Cheers.” You held out the exposed bar and Eddie clinked his with yours.
“Cheers.”
The rest of the ride Eddie’s irises drifted to and from the last bopper that sat lonely in the cup holder. Having thoroughly enjoyed his first ever taste of one, you chivalrously allowed him the blessing of the final one. Which, he swiped up without a second thought.
Time passed much quicker than you had wanted it to and eventually the ‘Welcome to Hawkins’ sign flew by your peripheral, “Home already.” You sighed with a frown and Eddie’s finger tips twitched with longing to reach out and touch you.
“I uh… I bet Wayne has fired up some hot chocolate. You… you maybe wanna come by for a cup? You don’t have to! I just thought, y’know, nice to be nice—” His panic shocked through you and you interrupted him with a tender voice.
“I’d really like that, Ed’s. You think Wayne would mind?” The sleeves of your sweater were pulled over your thumbs and your nails picked at the fabric.
“Wayne loves you! Says you’re welcome anytime.”
You don't respond, accepting the invitation quietly. Gently.
It didn’t take long for the Munson trailer to rise up in front of you, the lights inside were warm compared to the dark blue sky blooming above and from afar you could see Wayne smoking a cigarette on the porch. He was really trying to make it seem like he wasn't waiting on Eddie’s return. The smile on his wrinkled face gave it away.
Eddie bounded from the van to meet his uncle in a heartwarming embrace, one you knew wouldn’t be waiting for you at home. You allowed them a few private moments before you exited the vehicle and warily approached the pair.
“Hi, Hon. Heard you’re staying for some hot choc?” Wayne looked at you through his unruly brows and you offered him a tight lipped smile as you pulled your sleeves further over your palms.
“Only if that’s okay?”
"Course’ it is. C’mon in now, it’s getting cold out.” At the time you hadn’t even noticed Eddie’s earlier departure into the trailer. One minute he was there and the next he was inside.
The smell of chocolate washed over you like a nostalgic hug and immediately you started sweating at the contrast of temperatures, going from cold to sweltering.
“Pick a mug, any mug.” Eddie’s hands flew up to gesture around the room and you observed the mug covered walls with a slack jaw.
“Can I have a hat, too, or are they off limits?” You wiggled your eyebrows and Wayne craned his head from behind an open kitchen cabinet.
“You break em’ you buy em’!” You had giggled then, looking to Eddie and catching the huge grin on his face.
“You’ve poked his soft spot.”
“Okay, no hat then… I’ll take that mug.” You pointed.
“The McDonald’s one?” He inquires, his eyebrows drawn together.
“No, the one with the little yellow… bear?” You were unsure of what the creature was, too small for you to inspect from this far away, but Eddie knew and he unhooked it from the rack.
“Yeah, pretty sure it's meant to be Winnie-the-Pooh. Or something. Good choice.” He placed it on the counter for Wayne to fill, next to his own choice of the grinning Garfield mug.
“His smile is kinda creepy…” You stared at the orange cat.
“Ya think so? I think it looks like Eddie.” Wayne chuckled to himself, far too amused at his own humour and Eddie’s eyes briefly met the floor.
“No… no your smile is sweet. Charming, even.” Unsure on how to control the blush on your cheeks you advert you face away from Eddie, hoping it’ll help cool the skin.
“Mallows and cream?” Wayne dug through the refrigerator. Jars clanked around with containers as he did.
“Duh,” Eddie braced his palms against the counter, seemingly unable to keep his feet planted still as he awaited his sweet treat, “For the lady?” His attention burnt into the side of your face and you fought against the butterflies in your stomach.
“Uh… marshmallows, please.” You chimed.
“Big or mini?” To that your face contorted.
“Big? You guys… you put big mallows on your coco?” It was ludicrous.
“Sometimes—”
“How are you drinking it? The mallow is too big, it gets in the way—” You stopped yourself, “Y'know what, each to their own. Uh, I’ll take mini please, Wayne…. like a normal person.” The last part was directed at Eddie who then gently nudged his knee against yours beneath the counter top. You would’ve stayed the entire night if you could’ve, it felt like home with the Munson’s.
“You guys have a lot of hats.”
“We do.” Eddie agreed and Wayne hummed into his mug of coffee.
“I’ve never seen you wear a hat. Like, ever. Maybe a bandana but never a cap,” You looked to Wayne, “I mean, you’re wearing a hat right now, are they all yours?”
“Not exactly,” He sipped, “Some are collectibles, some are gifts from Ed’s over the years and others… I rotate.”
“So… they are all yours?” You insisted.
“Exactly.” Eddie spoke from your side and his t-shirt clad shoulder brushed yours. Your eyes were drawn to the skin of his bare arms and every now and again, unbeknownst to you, Eddie caught you looking.
Just then, the phone vibrated on the wall with a ring that pierced your ears. Eddie jumped up to get it and pulled the black phone to his ear, “Yep?” His fingers toyed with the cord, “Harrington, what do I owe the— She’s here, yeah…” You felt like the sofa cushion could swallow you whole as Eddie’s eyes flickered to you, “I’ll drop her home, don’t worry. Ten minutes-ish? Cool. ‘Kay, bye.”
Awkwardly his body pivoted to you and his lips teetered on a frown, “So, that was Steve, obviously… He wanted to check in.”
The overbearing brother. It didn’t surprise you.
“Right, yes. I should get home…” You knew you hadn’t outstayed your welcome, but you also knew that this night couldn’t last forever. No matter how much you wanted that to be your reality.
“I’ll grab my keys, gimme a sec.”
As Eddie disappeared you turned your attention to Wayne, “Thank you for the hot chocolate. It was probably the best I’ve ever had.”
“Anytime, Hon. You make sure he behaves himself when driving you home.”
“I will.”
“And next time he asks you out, make sure the idiot takes you somewhere nice.”
You nearly swallowed your tongue and before you could respond dismissively Eddie was leading you towards the door, all while he shot Wayne a loathsome glare.
The drive to your parents could be measured with a measly blink of the eye and Eddie killed the engine before you could fully register where you were.
Steve’s silhouette lurked in the window and your mouth soured at the sight, “He’s such a dick sometimes.”
Eddie laughed and anchored his body to face you more, “Yeah but he’s your big brother, it’s kinda his job to piss you off.”
You shook your head, “He’s mature enough now to know when he can take his foot off my throat.”
The air swelled and you sighed softly, “Sorry… I just hate it here.”
Eddie wanted to floor it on the gas right then and there. He wanted to tell you that you could stay with him as long as you needed and that for the longest time that’s all he had ever wanted. It to be you and him.
Instead, he turned his eye line away from you and to the dark road, “Give it a chance, it may be nice to be home.”
Overwhelmed by the feeling you had said too much and gone too far you unbuckle your seatbelt and reach for the door handle. For a second your touch lingers there suspended, your mind screaming at you to stay, but you follow through on that promise to yourself and you leave the van, “Thanks for the hot chocolate.” And you slammed the door, not allowing Eddie to respond.
Although the ending to that night was bittersweet, you adored the memory all the same.
Maybe you shouldn’t read too much into his sweetness, but you couldn’t ignore that deluded part of yourself that saw something in the way his knuckles would brush yours during weekly movie nights at your dorm room or how every now and again you’d look up to find him across the room, only to catch his longing gaze already on you, his eyes searching for something buried deep within you. Lately, when you were around him, the air would bloat with this insufferable tension and it felt like a forever tug of war between your heart and your brain. You knew that this could never be, whatever this was growing between the pair of you, but you reached for it in a way you’ve never done before.
But how could you be so selfish? Eddie is Steve’s best friend and that makes him above all else…
Off-limits.
—
“Plans for tonight?” Nancy chirps and a momentary quiet settles between the groups ideas.
“A movie?” Steve answers, uncertain of the suggestion himself.
“Real original.” You taunt.
Robin thrashes with a exaggerated groan, “Urghhh, I am so sick of movies, Steve.”
“Drinks?” Eddie beams with confidence, “Of the alcoholic variety.”
“Shouldn’t we be studying…” It felt utterly wrong to disagree with Eddie but it seemed that everyone was beginning to lose focus, “Kinda important right now.”
“Combine the two,” Nancy perks up across from you, “Some drinks, some study and we get to hang out.”
“I like this,” Robin snaps her fingers, a eureka moment for her, “Your place.” She points to you and your nose crinkles as if you've smelt something horrible.
“My place?”
“Why not? You have all the best movies in case we get bored. I'll bring snacks, Eddie has kindly volunteered to bring all the booze—”
“Wooooah, absolutely not—” Eddie exclaims.
“Steve can bring his hair products in case we wanna do make-overs on one another—”
“Come on, now—” Steve rolls his eyes.
“And Nancy will bring herself. Because twas her idea and that’s enough.”
“Just kiss already…” Steve mutters under his breath and Robin leans over to punch him in the arm, “Ow! Shit! That was a hard one…” He rubs the area lovingly and Eddie snorts.
“Shut up, Munson or I swear to God—” She raises her fist again.
“Okay, okay… jeez.” Eddie surrenders quickly and you grab your backpack, clawing your way through your things to find your sad sandwich which has been squished at the bottom.
“6pm, then? That cool?” Nancy’s hands clasps your shoulder gently, searching for reassurance and you nod complicity.
“Sure. Uh… see you then.” You stood up, slinging your monstrously heavy bag over your shoulder and heading inside to the shaded halls but not without dropping your lunch in the trashcan beforehand.
“Yeah, bye!” Steve hollers passive aggressively from behind you but you keep marching on. Preparing to host yet another night at your dorm.
—
Tammy-Lynn had kindly vacated the vicinity for the evening, escaping off to her friends sorority house and you squeezed in a few hours of independent study before your troops came kicking the door down.
Unfortunately, Nancy had the annoying and somewhat helpful tendency to be early for everything, so 6:00pm turned into 5:30pm and you were no where near prepared for their arrival.
“Hellooo!” Robin droned loudly over the soft lyrics of your radio, “We’re coming in so put some clothes on! Or don’t…” You heard Steve groan in annoyance at her warning.
“Robin, c’mon man, that’s my sister.” Robin ignored his protest but Eddie heard it… and it turned into the torturous echo in his mind that he was unable to escape.
“Shit,” You curse to yourself, “Come in!”
They piled in, one after the other and you grimaced at the mess of your room. Papers everywhere, books splayed open and clean laundry folded in the corner but not yet put away.
“Nance, you said 6 o’clock….” You stand from your desk, still clad in unflattering pyjama shorts and an oversized tank top and begin to tuck things away. Kicking loose papers beneath your bed and piling heaps of books onto your desk to make floor space. They thud as they make contact with the budget wood and for a moment you believe the nails would give way.
“You’re worrying for nothing! It’s not like the place is a pig stye! Come on, have a drink and we will help clean up…” Now you weren’t so sure you were emotionally equipped for the company, especially with the way Eddie couldn’t even look in your direction.
Nancy was stubborn so you knew she was here to stay and instead of fighting her you sigh a defeated breath and let her do her thing. The others chipped in, Robin grabbed your pile of clothes and started on your dresser, the boys organised the floor with the snacks and the booze and they fluffed up each beanbag to make sure they were comfortable enough. Nancy sorted your desk and you excused yourself to the bathroom to get showered and changed. There was nothing more vulnerable than being caught in your ugly set of pyjamas.
Robin being Robin took it upon herself in your absence to have a.. look.. around. Noticing the new posters on your walls and the dream catcher above your bed. She examined the bottle of dark nail polish on your dresser and the new pair of shoes on your shoe rack. Your style was shifting, she noticed, but that wasn’t what made her stop dead. While putting your clothes away she stumbled across a hidden Polaroid. One that wasn't on display like the others, how did she know it was supposed to be hidden? Well, no one hides stuff in their underwear drawer if they want it to be found by a friend.
In the lamplight the picture was blurry at first, but the black sharpie hearts inked around the crisp white edge slowly brought the muse into focus. It was a photo of Eddie, “No way…” one that was taken a month or so ago when you first got your Polaroid camera. She remembers that night because you wouldn’t stop flash banging people with the damn thing, constantly taking portraits and group pictures of everyone. No one could be mad, though, because everyone got a picture or two to keep while you squirrelled away the rest. Most were on show, openly admired around the room, but this one… this one of little lonesome Eddie. You kept that just for you.
“Psst! C’mere…” She signalled to the metal head with stealth and precision, leaving Nancy and Steve unalarmed as she called Eddie over to her side. He stalked over slowly, his head tilted with caution and confusion as Robin dragged him closer, “Look…” She gasps in equal parts bewilderment and excitement.
Eddie’s eyebrows furrows down at the photo of him before his eyes come to search Robin’s face for an answer, “So?”
“Dude, look at the hearts! It was hidden in here… she obviously likes you!” Eddie’s face warms at the sight of your underwear drawer pulled open and he shakes his head in denial.
“You went through her underwear drawer?” His nose crinkles with disgust. A convincing ploy to deflect his own desire to rummage through your panties and to stop his cock from stiffening at the cute vibrator peeking out from the frills and lace.
“Don’t be an idiot. She clearly fucking likes you… you should definitely say something about this.” Eddie ponders it for a moment, his eyes studying the careful hearts drawn around his moody frame. If you liked him it didn't matter because Steve would never allow it to happen. He couldn't jeopardise his friendships over one of Robin’s hunches.
“Put it back—” Robin needn't to be told twice as you scurry back into the room. She shoves the photo sloppily inside and slams the drawer closed just in the nick of time that you reach them.
Towel clad and soaking wet you stand in front of the pair expectantly, “Uh, guys… I need some clothes.”
Eddie is utterly mesmerised by you. Right now, as you were, you were the closest thing to absolute divinity that he had ever seen. Complete perfection in every sense of the word. Robin falters first, disguising her shadiness with a giggle as she pushes Eddie out of the way also. Clearly he was unable to move on his own.
“Thanks…” you mutter with an undertone of suspicion as you lean down to grab what you needed. T-shirt, jeans and a cardigan. You were feeling the nightly chill. Thankfully, beneath your towel you had already slipped on a pair of underwear that you had grabbed to take with you so the tampered with pantie drawer was left as it was and you were unsuspecting of anything.
Eddie, however, was struggling greatly with the finding. The entire night his head was filled with doubts and hope. Yo-yoing between the two tiresomely. He couldn’t wrap his head around the concept that you liked him too. You. The most otherworldly being he had ever met… liked him? Of all people? It had to be something else. The photo in the drawer was a mistake. Maybe you kept a photo in every drawer of all of them and he wasn’t special at all? Maybe you actually disliked him and the repulsion of him made you hide the photo away instead of pinning it up with the rest?
That had to be it. It had to be… he couldn't cope if it was any other way. God, if you felt the way that he did… he’d fuck everything up. It was better for him to believe that you hated him. He could live with that.
—
The red and cream checkered floors fucked with Eddie’s eyes as he quietly made his way through the bustling diner. It was 8pm and people still buzzed around him like fruit flies to a discarded banana peel. Eddie could tell that all too familiar was creeping up on him again. It appeared in the way he would itch the same spot on his palm over and over again and how his legs stiffened the further he got from the front entrance: a buried plea for him to leave.
When he met Tammy-Lynne at the table, all bright eyed and gleaming up at him, he felt a duty to stay. Obligated… and partly forced.
She squeaked a quick ‘Hey’ and shot up to embrace him. He flinched away at first but Tammy-Lynne was surprisingly strong and managed to hold him captive against her chest.
“So glad you made it! I was starting to fear you had stood me up…” Her freckled nose crinkled as she snorted a laugh and Eddie shook his head.
“Oh, uh, no… never. I just got held up at the… library…” Eddie hadn’t been to the library for an entire year. It was too quiet, he couldn't take it… he always found your dorm more comforting. He could focus more when you were around. You explained things better, you spoke softer and never got mad when he couldn’t grasp something the first time—
“Ah, the library! Nice! Funny, though, I was there before and didn’t see you…” She stabs her fork into a French fry.
“You already ordered?” Eddie’s gaze settled on her half eaten burger and Tammy-Lynne shrugged her shoulders.
“Eddie, you took for-ever. We can always order a shake to share.” She flashes him a sultry wink and a pang of lightning fast nausea finds the base of his throat.
“For sure,” He gulped, “Excuse me. Bathroom…” The side of the table catches Eddie’s hip and he winces as he stumbles away to the bathroom, his stomach gurgling with nerves and… guilt. Everything about this felt wrong.
After retching into the rancid toilet bowl Eddie ducks his head beneath the running faucet and gargles some water. Nothing could wash away the bitter aftertaste from his mouth, it was like trying to cleanse your soaked hands of blood— you never really could.
Upon his pursuit back to the table Eddie’s shoulder collides with an unfortunate waitress. That waitress being you…
“Shit, I’m so sorry! Are you okay… wait, what—” His hands steady themselves on your shoulders as you fuss to dab away at the milkshake now covering your white frilly apron which also was embroidered with your name at the bottom in pink cursive. Your hair is tossed and slightly askew and your make-up drawn eyes have faded with the hours. The sight is a warm palm holding his thrashing heart.
“Oh, wow, Eddie! Hi!” You try to hug him, keeping your soaked body at a respectable distance as to not tarnish his clothes, but Eddie wouldn’t mind, he wished for your body to be pressed close to his, “What are you doing here?”
You tuck your hair behind your ear, an attempt to make yourself look semi-presentable.
“Me? I didn’t know you worked here. Since when?” His chocolate eyes search your face and in doing so he registers the heat that skims your cheeks. He wanted to capture that image and keep it forever to carry around in his wallet. You were a masterpiece. One of the greats. He could admire you for hours and he would… if you were his.
“Only a few weeks now and I know it’s sort of embarrassing but the tips are pretty good and I needed the money for more textbooks so… here I am. Covered in chocolate milk.” Thankfully the tray you were carrying saved the floor from the majority of the shake. Less clean up for you to do but you were still embarrassed all the same.
“Jeez, I hope the unfortunate fella doesn’t mind waiting a coupla’ minutes. I’m so fucking sorry, again.” There is a rasp to his voice that sets your stomach on fire.
“It's actually for Tammy-Lynne. My roommate. She’s over there,” You point over to her table and Eddie follows your gaze praying that Tammy-Lynne wouldn’t be sitting there anymore, “You know Tammy, right? You guys have met?”
“Oh... yeah. We have.” He croaks, adverting his disappointment to the cake counter. Apologetically you flash Tammy-Lynne a small wave.
“She’s actually looking at us right now. God, hopefully she’s not too pissed.”Eddie pauses for a moment, his forehead straining as if the confession truly hurt him on the way out of his throat.
“We uh we’re actually here together.” He thought he would’ve felt relief but the haunted expression on your face only amplified his misery.
“Together?” The words blurt from your mouth pathetically fast.
“Yeah…” Suddenly the necklace adorning your neck was all that Eddie could look at.
“You and Tammy? Like… like a date?” It had made sense now why Tammy-Lynne kept her mystery man a secret. You had interrogated her when she had arrived at the diner, asking her about her plans and who she was meeting. You both rolled your eyes at his lousy timekeeping and you gave her your free on-shift meal to pass the time and lessen the blow. If only you had known it was Eddie…
“Mhmm… yeah.. something like that. For sure.” Registering his discomfort you flip a switch in your mind and settle back into your customer service way of thinking. He was a customer, after all.
On a date. With your roommate…
“Oh. Uhm… no worries. I’ll uh, I’ll let you get back to her…” You swivel to the counter and place down the half empty milkshake glass, “I’ll only be a sec with that shake. Enjoy your… date.”
Tammy- Lynne scolded him as he returned to the table but it wasn’t long until he had her laughing again with his no good cheesy jokes and broad smile. Eddie hated to admit it but the date went pleasantly once he had empty his stomach into the toilet. As long as he kept his mind away from you then he was able to enjoy Tammy’s company. It proved difficult, though, as his eyes would unconsciously drift over to you at the counter.
At first glance you appeared fine.
Beneath the surface however their giggles were like cruel taunts to your face. Punches to the stomach, each blow worse than the last as the night continued. You kept your composure, you had to if you wanted to keep your job, and you played the perfect server flawlessly. Your tone was pleasant when you spoke, your smile was unwavering but not eerily huge or fixed and customers loved you. Each one would say you were a delight.
Once your shift ended at 9:30pm that’s when things got difficult. Your eyes burned as you got changed in the locker room, your cheeks and jaw ached from the consistent stretch of your face and when you found yourself alone at the lamp lit bus stop you couldn’t hold it in any longer. The floodgates opened and your mascara paid the price.
Not only has this day gone terribly so far but you had also just missed your bus by a millisecond. Leaving you stranded for another 20 minutes as you waited for the last one of the night. From across the parking lot you see the pair through the streak free window. Tammy was leaned in close with her elbows against the salt dusted table and Eddie was slumped back casually against his seat. You’d do anything to be where Tammy-Lynne was sitting right now.
Anything but confess how you feel about him. It was the fated curse you were forced to live with. Eddie Munson would never be yours and it was clear that he didn’t want to be.
—
The days following the diner incident blurred together in the form of diffused sunlight and meaningless words found in a textbook. Each passing hour the same as the last as you avoided your friends like the plague. You read the lines on the page but couldn’t retain a single ounce of information, too distracted by the gurgle of your stomach and the rising ache of your head.
'Sorry, got a fever.’ You told Nancy three days ago over the phone.
‘Need to study, I’m falling behind.’ You’d muttered unconvincingly to Robin through a half opened bedroom door.
‘Fuck off.’ Steve had pushed you to a point of anger that only a sibling could when he came into your room unannounced and told you get your shit together.
And Eddie?
Well, Eddie you met with silence. Not radio silence, no, because even that had a buzz of frequency. But absolute desertion. Not word. Not a sound.
Not because you were mad at him. Never.
It was because you were torn in half. Wounded and seeking shelter from the cause. You couldn’t even explain why you were so sad because you were certain no one knew of this ridiculous crush you had.
It was clear now why they are called that. Crushes. It leaves you wheezing and staggering over this idea you have of a person. Polished memories that coax the delusion of what could be. A series of technicolor that you once loved to fantasise about now laid at your feet lifeless and dull.
And not a soul could know your torment. It was a lingering pain that felt self inflicted. You knew that you should feel happy for your friend regardless of how you felt about him but the selfish part of you couldn't. You just.. couldn’t.
Your fourth day without sunlight was the worst, not because of the agony in your chest, but because your professors were beginning to get suspicious of your absence. They’d hound Tammy-Lynne constantly and she could never answer their questions because frankly she also hadn't really seen you.
It was down to coincidence and dumb luck that whenever she’d enter the room you’d be on your way out to shower or visit a near by vending machine. Never stopping long enough for conversation, only a polite ‘Hello’ and a, ‘See you later’. You’d never see her later, though, because when she sneaked back into the room it was ungodly hours in the morning and you were always somewhere foggy between sleep and the land of the living.
On one occasion you had thought she had brought Eddie home, convinced that her drunken giggles were a side effect of one of Eddie’s terrible jokes. The good news was that she was alone, the bad news was that you were slightly disappointed to not find Eddie there with her when you craned your head to look.
On that fourth day you left your dorm for a snack run, stocking up on cans of soda and candy bars to see you through your study session. When you returned to read the same paragraph for the fifth time you were mortified by the scene in front of you. Nothing had moved or changed but there was someone sitting opposite your bed with his hands in his lap.
“Eddie? What the Hell—” You remain stiff by the door, your arms struggling to juggle the contents in them and your feet cold in your flip flops.
“Sorry, sorry!” He jumped from his spot on Tammy’s bed, “I’m waiting for Tammy and she said you wouldn’t mind but judging from your face right now you clearly very much do mind.”
It felt like it had been months since you last saw him but the recent ache in your chest reminded you that this bruise was fresh.
“No… it’s fine, Ed’s. You just scared me, that’s all.” Finally your feet decided to glide towards your desk and Eddie’s doe eyes follow your movements carefully.
“Cool, cool…” He grins down at the assortment in your grasp, “No Bopper’s?”
“Not today.” You’d never be able to eat one again. They'd been ruined for you.
Eddie’s thick gulp at your tone makes the air bloom with tension and you begin to mentally prepare for the worst. You’d rehearsed this a thousand times over, each lie perfected to deflect any sort of judgement and suspicion. You’d make it through this.
“Are you.. are you mad at me? It’s just I haven't heard from you in days and you’ve been so unreachable I can’t help but wonder—”
“I’m not mad at you, Eddie. And there’s nothing wrong with me.” You snip.
“Really? Because you’re acting so out of character. Cutting everyone off...”
You rolled your eyes, “I’m fine. I’ve been working on assignments—”
“Bull.” His features darkened and you could tell that he was getting slightly pissy with you which made you laugh humorlessly.
“What?”
He starts towards you, “You’ve not been working on anything. You never picked up your assignments because haven’t been to class!”
“Oh, whatever! What even is this? A one person intervention?” Your arms are defensive as they cross over your chest.
“Your friends are worried about you.”
“Maybe they should worry about something more important. Like their school work.”
“You are important.”
You scoff, “Yeah… right.”
“Come on, don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Pretend we don't care.” Eddie softens in front of you, his body and his face.
“My friends only miss me when they have nowhere to run to. Nowhere to hang out. Steve is the only reason they even talk to me—” You sounded pathetic.
“You keep saying ‘They, they’ like… like I’m not your friend. Like I’m not standing here in front of you about to combust with stress,” he is closer than ever now, “Are we not friends?”
Immediately you answer, “No, of course we are. We are friends. You’re… you’re my good friend, Eddie. You’re the best.”
The best. Every fibre of you thrashed for a confession.
“Then why have you ghosted me? Why won’t you take any of my calls?” He’s persistent now, unable to keep the balls of his feet planted as he tries to rope the pieces together.
“Because…”
“Because what?” He stops dead.
“Because you’re dating my goddamn roommate, okay? And… and it sucks! It’s… strange.”
“It’s strange?” His eyebrows rise.
“Yeah…” You can’t bare to look at him and Eddie scoffs.
“C’mon, you can do better than that. Where’s the creativity?” Your eyes meet his face as he stands nose to nose with you, “Go on. I can take it.”
“I..”
“You what, hmm? You think Tammy is too good for me?” That sentence gutted you.
“No—” you exclaim with blown eyes.
“Then say it. Say what you mean—”
“You're too good for her. You’re… not meant to be with her.”
His expression read genuine shock and you flinched away from his looming frame.
Backwards steps lead Eddie’s calves to the wooden frame of your bed where he flops down, his skittish eyes searching for answers in the carpet, “What…” It was more of a inward thought escaping him but you felt obligated to explain yourself.
“You… you and Tammy are just so different and you should be with someone who… who knows you and who cares about you… someone who isn’t your friends roommate. Y’know?” Your jaw ticked as you forced the growing lump in your throat back down with a thick gulp and Eddie's slumped frame and lack of response made you want to curl up in a ball and die right there.
“I’m sorry, Eddie. Just pretend I didn’t say anything, okay—” You couldn’t bare the silence.
“Robin was right.”
“What?” Your heart jumps.
“This whole thing is about me and Tammy. Why?” His gaze settles on you now. Unafraid.
“I don’t know.” Your defences were crumbling.
“Yes, you do.” He rises to his feet, his eyes are full of desperation but his lips are pressed into a hard line.
“Eddie…”
“I need you to tell me the truth. Even if I’m wrong… even if I fuck everything up.” He wasn’t making sense anymore.
“I just told you the truth—” You nervously laugh.
“No, you didn't.” His calmness scared you.
So much to the point that you actually considered it. You considered telling him everything.
“Why would I lie to you?” The heat between the two of you was suffocating.
“To throw me off,” You catch the way his eyes dart down towards your lips, “I… I think you’re lying to me.”
“About what?” You try to angle your body away from him but he uses his hands on your shoulders to gently turn you back towards him.
“Me… How you feel about me.” The blood barrels to your face at an alarming rate and you shake your head on instinct.
“What are you talking about?” Time folds in on itself and you swear the sweat on the back of your neck was the same temperature as molten lava.
“Do you object to my fling with Tammy because she’s your roommate and it's weird or is it because… because you feel the same way that I do?”
The same way. The three words did cartwheels around your mind.
“The same way? As you feel?” Your head begins to spin.
“About you,” Eddie’s chest rises and falls rapidly and from an outside perspective it probably looked like you were both going insane, “Robin said you might like me and that scared the living shit outta me because I…” He stops himself momentarily, recollecting himself before he grew the balls to continue, “I really fucking like you. I have for the longest goddamn time but I couldn’t take the risk in case she was wrong so I settled. For uh.. for Tammy…”
You freeze at the moment it mattered most. It felt like you had missed something crucial and you felt stupid for not being able to understand.
“Honey, please say somethi—”
“You like me?” The words sounded wrong coming out of your mouth. Your voice horrendously soft and small as you looked up at him with rounded eyes. Eddie mistook your enchantment as terror.
“Fuck, you’re horrified. Shit— I knew I should've just said nothing.” He instantly panics, his feet ready to make for the door but a tug on his sweater stops him.
“I like you, too. So… so much,” Instantly the elephant removes one of its feet from your chest, “I just… I honestly can’t believe this is happening.” You needed him to pinch you.
“Fuck, you do?” He grins so wide you fear his cheeks might split in two, “You’ve no idea how amazing that is to hear,” He collapses forward, his palms resting on his knees as he attempts to catch his breath, “Holy shit.”
You laugh at his stance, knowing the feeling all too well. Until the dread settles in and twists your beautiful moment into something bitter. So sour that you can taste it on your tongue…
“But, Eddie…” He looks to you and his smile drops at the worry between your eyebrows, “Steve…”
The name forces his spine upright and his hands find his hips to steady himself, “Right… Steve.”
The elephant.
You both stand there opposite one another in a pensive silence, but even with the gloomy cloud hanging above you, you both couldn't stop the shy smiles from taking control of your lips.
“Does he have to know?” Eddie muses and you contemplate it for a second.
“I don't want to hide how I feel about you anymore…” You’d endured that for far longer than was comfortable. Never again. Not with Eddie by your side.
“Me too,” He agrees as he slowly closes the distance between you, “Don’t think I could ever hide you away.” His calloused fingertips stroke against your warmed cheek and you lean into his feathery touch. This is all you had ever dreamed about. Still, it was hard to grasp that this was reality.
“Whatever happens with Steve we can handle it… together. I'm sure he’ll be understanding.” You admired how much he respected your older brother, but clearly he didn’t know him as well as you do.
“We’ll take it slow… we’ll tell him together...” You shiver as his thumb strokes over your bottom lip and you could tell from the look in his eyes that this conversation will be picked up again at a different time.
“You are angelic. Absolute Heaven on earth,” The tip of his nose kisses yours, “Please, can I?”
“Yes.” You close the distance immediately, your lips crashing against his with a hunger you have never known until now.
Eddie returns the passion, his hands stroking from your hair down the curve of your shoulders and arms until they settle on your hips. His grip is gentle but strong enough for you to feel each of his fingertips indenting your skin.
You were relentless, afraid to loosen your grip on his sweater that was balled up in your tight fists. You were terrified that once the kiss ended you would wake up and be prisoner to this colourless life you had made for yourself these past few days.
Eddie’s encouraging palm on your jawline helps you to ease that worry as he pulls away. He pants like a thirsty dog for breath as his forehead rests on yours, “Fuck, Sweetheart. You’re perfect. So… so perfect.”
It takes you a moment to accept that Eddie wasn’t about to disappear in front of your very eyes and you smile into his neck as you pull him close for a hug.
“Oh, Eddie… you’re so fucking perfect too.”
The perfect entanglement.
The perfect pair.
—