thinking about gerri and emotion. one of the first interactions we have with her, that is more than her purely talking buisness is her talking about baird with roman, and she smiles and frowns but she doesn’t "push the emotional envelope", she has no reason to, he’s been dead for years, and she doesn’t expect roman to know or remember. it doesn’t really matter, so she remains stoic, she’s good at that, well practiced.
but later in their interaction, roman remarks how she has always been seen as stone cold, as a killer bitch. and her reaction isn’t negative, or at least she isn’t offended.
as we get to know gerri, we become more accustomed to her, and see more fondness in her displayed toward the kids. we see her unwind with alcohol ( that's a meta for later. )
gerri is always calculating, even when arguing with logan over the fbi visit she remains a voice of reason, raising her voice more likely so that it might be heard instead of out of frustration. ( though i have no doubt frustration plays a part in it. ) we get her again, cool headed but pissed when she calls frank a cowardly prick. still she keeps composure.
but in season four, when she's been fired we see a far more emotional reaction.
the word re-calibrating in regards to gerri and expressing emotion is so important, the way emotions become analytical. it is gerri dehumanizing herself, removing the nature of emotion, of feeling. she is compartmentalizing. she has to pick and choose what to display and how to display it. gerri doesn’t get to feel emotions for the sake of emotions. she can't afford to.
she’s a women in a man’s world, and if she cries or argues, she’s “too emotional.” if she doesn't respond, she's emotionless, she's "too cold." inhumane. and in the world of waystar, that's what's more important. that's what benefits her to be.
she waits until she is alone ( or at least until his eyes are off of her. ) to react. because she can cope.
it's worth noting, the two times she displays ( arguably ) the most emotion are both scenes involving roman, and the loss of her career. gerri notes in s3 that she avoids mess, that the downside to their situationship is that it would affect her job. but he is also one of the only people she's allowed behind 30 years of walls she's built around herself, someone she trusted. allied with who ultimately is the one to stick the knife in her back
( once for logan: her first firing is a punishment to roman, her original firing has nothing to do with her, it is essentially a corporate fridging. she is put on the chopping block because logan can't fire roman. )
the second time, is far more fascinating, because it has so little to do with her job, it has far more to do with personal relationships, ( though really with gerri those two things are one in the same. ) the uncorking of a bottle she's been shoving emotions into since dickpic gate. her own uncertainty of her footing in regards to roman, and his inability to cope with their particular situation. ( emotions from the "betrayal" at the end of s3, as well as her firing at con's wedding. betrayals on both ends. ) it comes to a head because she hurts him, and he retaliates. roman is told he isn't his father, and in return she is told she is not good at her job, the firing is a way to prove the point, to hammer it home.
gerri refuses emotion for the sake of her job, but when that is lost, or in the balance, she lose composure. waystar is so engraved in gerri that there is a certain level of uncertainty to losing it. what is gerri without waystar ? who is she if she isn't waystar royco's general counsel ? how much of her life has she thrown away for it to be ended by a spoiled brat playing king.
