Summary: Every choice Satoru makes just seems to be digging himself into a deeper hole. But when it comes to you, he can’t seem to help himself.
Story Warning: Smut, Vaginal Sex, Toxic Behavior, Cheating, Protected Sex (wrap it up kids), Jealousy, Obsessive Behavior, Exes to Lovers (for a lil bit), Gojo is sprung on reader real bad, Dumb Stupid Idiot Satoru, Downbad Satoru
Gojo art by: Ilameys (used with permission)
Available to read on Ao3!
AN: Gojo has been eating my brain so I had to get something out. I've been obsessively listening to LIMBO by keshi and had it on repeat writing this (listen to it if you haven't!) Anyway, enjoy!
“Satoruuuuu,” an aggravating, whiny voice slurs. “Can you get me another drink pleaseeeee?”
“Hm? Oh, sure.”
Satoru rises from his seat on the couch, running his fingers through his silky white hair. He leaves his girlfriend to chat with her friends as he makes his way to the kitchen for yet another drink. Really, he should cut her off and take her home. She’s insufferable when she gets a drop of liquor in her, not that she’s any less annoying when she’s sober. All the whining, all the clinginess, all the slurring of his name as she wraps herself all around him. It used to be cute when they first started dating a year ago. Now it’s just suffocating. But Satoru sucks it up, though he’s not entirely sure why. Maybe because when she drinks, he doesn’t have to deal with actually trying to have a conversation with her. She’s a bit more tolerable after a few drinks. Annoying still, but less so.
He maneuvers through the crowd of the house party he’s currently attending. It’s packed, the scent of alcohol heavy in the air. Leave it to Suguru to go all out when he’s back in town. The guy invited practically everyone from their time in high school. Since arriving, Satoru’s already run into Mei Mei, Ino, Utahime (unfortunately) and surprisingly Nanami. There’s even students from the Ainu Technical School here. He had no idea Suguru even knew them.
Regardless, Satoru is happy to see everyone. He stops every so often to chat with old classmates as he wanders towards the kitchen. Everyone seems to be doing well for themselves since graduating high school, which Satoru is glad for. No matter how life went, he always wished everyone well.
And life was good for Satoru, too. At 26 years old, he certainly couldn’t complain about much. He’d graduated from high school, gone to college, had a hell of a great time during his undergrad career, got himself a well paying cushy sales job. And he had a girlfriend that he…had been with for awhile. Life couldn’t be better for him.
So why did it always feel like something was missing?
Satoru enters the enormous kitchen and makes a beeline to the assortment of drinks lined along the built-in bar. Of course Suguru has a built-in bar in his kitchen with an array of pre-made cocktails to choose from. Always such a great host when he’s not traveling to clean up celebrity messes for his PR firm.
“Satoru!” A man’s voice sings behind him as an arm slings across his shoulders.
“Haibara,” Satoru greets him. “Back for another drink?”
Satoru grabs one of the plastic party cups from the counter and pours one of the cocktails into it; something fruity and syrupy. He might’ve given it a try if the overwhelming smell of tequila didn’t burn his nostrils. He thinks of his girlfriend, knowing she will definitely feel like shit by the end of the night.
“Hm?” Haibara shakes his head, his raven hair whipping with the movement. “No way. One is enough for me. I have early practice tomorrow. Coach says my swing needs work, so not willing to fuck that up.” Ah right. Satoru had totally forgotten that Haibara played tennis professionally now. He nods, listening to his friend fill him in on what his plans for tomorrow are. Haibara’s wide brown eyes follow Satoru’s movements as he fills his cup. “You, though? I never see you drink at these things?”
Satoru shakes his head. “Not for me. For my girlfriend.”
Haibara’s signature, open-mouthed grin spreads wide across his face. “Oh! You’re still dating her? Wow. Good for you, man.”
Something about the surprise in Haibara’s tone takes Satoru aback, brows knitting at this. “Why’d you say it like that?”
Haibara crosses his arms, his smile melting away with a sigh. “I mean…” Haibara sighs your name quietly. “The two of you were together for a long time before you broke up after high school. We all thought you’d still be together, but if you could end that relationship, I’m just a little surprised you’re still with this one. That’s all. But if you’re happy...”
Just hearing your name on Haibara’s tongue has Satoru’s stomach twisting in knots. He hasn’t seen or spoken to you in years, something he’s been wanting to change for a long time but too cowardly to do so.
Satoru nods, giving Haibara a weak smile. He can admit that his girlfriend was…not the least bit interesting, annoying and did little for him. But he enjoyed her company sometimes.
“Just don’t be surprised if one of us leaves with Y/N tonight, though,” Haibara jokes, throwing his head back with an obnoxious chuckle.
What?
Satoru feels his heart leap into his throat as his crystalline eyes dart rapidly over every occupant in the kitchen, only seeing the familiar faces of his old classmates and a few strangers. There’s no sign of you. Maybe Haibara was just fucking with him.
Satoru laughs to save face, albeit awkwardly. “Funny,” he mutters, staring down into the drink meant for his current girlfriend, though now his thoughts are only occupied with you.
“Hey man, I need to get back to my girl, so I’ll catch you later,” Satoru tells his old friend.
“Yeah, later! Hey!” Haibara calls out to him and Satoru turns briefly. “Let’s get together to play some time!”
“Yeah, sure. Text me!” Satoru calls back, waving as he exits the kitchen. Unlikely, but he appreciates the effort.
Satoru shoulders through the crowd again, carefully holding onto the red cup in hand so it doesn't spill. He takes his time getting back, a new goal in mind: find you. Are you actually here? Or was Haibara just trying to mess with him? His heart pounds hard in his chest as he moves, eyes scanning every face he sees.
It’s been seven long years since Satoru last spoke to you - his first real crush, his first real girlfriend, his first time. His first everything. He wonders if you’ve thought about him at all in this time. He’d be surprised if you did. Things didn’t exactly end well between you two.
......
Seven Years Ago
You and Satoru dated all through high school. Satoru, a star athlete, played many sports and you supported him through them all, cheering for him at every game and helping him with his practice. You two were inseparable. If you weren’t at Satoru’s place, he was at yours. The love was deep between you two and a promise was made that you’d always be together.
But life didn’t always happen the way you wanted. The joy and excitement of being accepted into your dream schools did not last long when you realized you’d be going to school thousands of miles away and oceans apart. It was the first time a true test of your relationship was presented. Satoru was staying in Japan for college while you were headed overseas. Could your relationship survive the distance?
The first few months apart weren’t so bad. Satoru was making friends, excelling at school and becoming quite popular. You were also busy with your new life and hobbies. You made time for each other when you could. But it wasn’t enough. The loneliness Satoru felt without you was all consuming and it was only a matter of time before he found himself sending fewer texts, calling less, absorbed in the newness of college life.
Satoru loved you so much, but he wasn’t an idiot. He knew the likelihood of a long distance relationship surviving was slim regardless of who it was. It wasn’t for lack of trying, but the trying part was becoming more burdensome than he wanted.
And it wasn’t as though you had done anything wrong. This feeling Satoru was experiencing was all on him. You made the effort to keep in touch, to call when you could. And you still wanted it to work. But if Satoru were honest, he just wanted to enjoy his time in school without the constant worry of pleasing someone who he never saw unless it was behind a screen. It was selfish of him, but he wanted to have fun. This was a new world and he wanted to be free to explore it.
So he ended things.
He’ll never forget the quiet sobs on the other end of the phone as he sat in silence after uttering the words, “I don’t think this is going to work out anymore”.
His heart ached listening to your hushed pleas for him to not do this, to not end things this way. But it was for the best. In the long run, you’d be happier. He’d be happier and what was that corny saying again?
If you love something, set it free? Satoru thinks that’s what he did that day.
And you were so upset. Rightfully so. You loved Satoru. You were each other’s first kiss, first times before you left for college, first loves. You’d quite literally given everything to each other. But Satoru couldn’t commit to you anymore. He didn’t want to. He wanted to enjoy college, live his life. It may be selfish of him, but he didn’t see it that way. It was his chance to grow.
Even after all of your pleading, he stuck to his guns. It was torture, listening to you tearfully beg him not to do this to you. He had to end this.
So he told you he’d met someone else, that he couldn’t be with you anymore because there was another woman he wanted to be with. The stretch of silence was painful, Satoru quietly waiting to see if you had anything to add. The call ended with you hanging up in his face with only a choked sob as the last thing he’d heard.
Adjusting to life without you proved difficult at first. Satoru isn’t embarrassed to admit he moped around campus for a while before he was able to start trying to move on. After that, the next few months of college were great. Satoru was Mr. Popular, quickly rising to the top of his collegiate sports team. He was the life of any party he went to, the center of attention wherever he went.
Life should’ve felt perfect.
But as the months passed, Satoru found his mind occupied with the thought of you at the worst times.
While his professor discusses marketing strategies, Satoru’s mind wanders to you.
What are you doing right now?
When he’s at practice getting berated by the coach for poor blocking form, he knows he can’t tell him it’s because he’s distracted by the thought of you.
Who are you with?
When he’s giving another girl his number at a party, planning to hook up later, he pushes back the memory of the first time he’d spoken to you.
Where are you?
When he finds himself between another girl's legs that same night, he squeezes his eyes shut, picturing you and biting his tongue as he tries his best not to moan your name.
Do you still think about him?
The months soon stretch into a year and Satoru hopes this intense yearning he has for you will just fade away. He’s not so lucky. If anything, he thinks about you more. He checks your social media profiles to find you’ve removed him as a friend on everything. Of course you did. He ripped your heart in two. There was no way you’d allow him access back into your life. Your accounts are all private, so he can’t see anything and he’s not willing to ask a mutual friend about what you’ve been up to. It only makes him a little bit crazy that you’ve put up this wall between you two so he has no access to you.
Another six months pass and Satoru works up the nerve to text you for the first time since you’d broken up. He hopes you’ll reply. It’s been more than a year. You can’t possibly still be upset, can you? He can admit that he could have handled the way he ended things better, sure. But if he can get past it, you can too, right?
You never respond.
More months pass by and soon another year. One late night, Satoru slips into his apartment after a failed hookup. He pulls his phone out, scrolling through his contacts to find your name. You didn’t reply to his last text. He doubts you’ll respond to this one, but he takes a deep breath and shoots off a message to you before he changes his mind.
Days later, you finally respond. You chat for a while, sending messages back and forth. Generic things, really. Just catching up. Until one night Satoru musters up the courage to call you.
“Hello?” You answer. There’s soft music in the background and Satoru wonders what you’re up to. Are you home? Maybe you’re relaxing and the music is on for background noise. Or maybe you’re with someone, listening to music to set the mood. There’s an unpleasant twist that forms in his stomach at the thought.
“Hey,” he says easily, though he can barely hear your voice over the rapid pounding of his heart. “I figured a phone call may be easier than just texting. What are you doing?”
“Oh, yeah, that makes sense.” He hears you shuffling around, then the quiet click of a door closing as the music fades out. “I’m actually at a friends for dinner.”
A friend. He wants to ask more about your friend, but he knows he has no right to that information anymore.
“Sorry to interrupt your night,” he tells you, hoping his voice doesn’t betray how tense he is. His heart feels like it’s about to beat out of his chest.
“It’s fine. I have a couple minutes to spare.” You sound relaxed. Like speaking to Satoru doesn’t have the same effect on you as it does on him. Like talking to him is just like talking to anybody else. He knows it’s his own fault it’s this way, but it still stings. “Did you need something?”
You.
That’s what Satoru wants to say. More than anything, he wants to tell you that he wants you back, that he needs you back. He wants to tell you he made a mistake breaking up with you, that he’s so sorry. He wants to ask that you’ll please forgive him.
Satoru wants to say he regrets his decision to call it quits. Wants to admit that he should have made more of an effort to make it work out and not have been so fucking weak. He wants to tell you that if you’re willing to give it another try he is, too.
That’s what he wants.
Because after everything, he still l–
“Satoru?” You repeat your question and Satoru realizes he’s let the silence hang in the air between you both for far too long.
“Oh, I jus–”
“Babe? Dinner’s ready. Do you want any wine with yours?” A deep voice cuts through the quiet and Satoru feels his heart drop hearing someone else call you by the name that was once meant for only his use. He hears soft shuffling and hushed whispers and a “sorry, I thought you were off the phone, babe. You were quiet–”
He can tell you’ve muted your phone. He can’t hear anything anymore. The looming silence makes Satoru want to hang up on you so he can swallow the bitterness he feels. So you had moved on, found someone else who gets to treat you the way Satoru should have. It’s fair. It’s been years since you two had broken up. You’d barely started speaking again. Of course you would find someone new. You were perfect and anyone would be an idiot to let you go. Much like Satoru was.
His thumb lingers over the end call button on his screen…and then you’re back just before he presses it.
“Sorry about that,” you breathe. “Anyway, did you need something, Satoru?”
“That your friend?” Satoru asks, ignoring your question completely. He can’t even pretend it’s not because he wants to know who the hell was calling you ‘babe’.
You clear your throat. “No, ah…that’s my boyfriend,” you finally tell him.
The silence falls over you again for a few seconds, Satoru trying to find his words. Again, it’s fair for you to date someone else. Satoru had ended things. He lost his right to be jealous when he did. And yet, against his better judgment, he leans into the bitterness he felt moments ago, forcing out a laugh. “Good! Oh, that’s good for you. Glad you found someone.”
“...Thanks?”
Satoru hums. “Yeah. I mean, glad we both moved on. I was actually worried when I was calling that you’d still be hung up on me or something.” He winces, but laughs awkwardly again. Knows he just shot himself in the foot. Maybe you’ll just laugh it off, take it as a bad joke.
“Yeah.” Your voice is clipped, short. “Okay, well, it was great catching up with you, Satoru. I have to go now.”
Fuck fuck fuck.
“Got it. Well, have fun at your din–”
The line goes dead.
Satoru tosses his phone to the side, throws himself back on his bed with a groan.
“Idiot.”
You don’t return any more of his calls or texts.
......
Present
Satoru’s feet carry him through the crowd, conversation drifting through the air. He can hear Utahime yelling at Suguru and Satoru resists the damn near instinctual urge to turn towards the screeching so he can join Suguru in whatever antics set her off. It’s always funny seeing how red her face gets. He also hears the sounds of Shoko’s airy laugh as she catches up with Nanami and Ijichi. An odd group, he thinks, but Satoru doesn’t have time to dwell on it because he hears the sweet sound of your laugh and–
Wait.
He stops in his tracks, the drink in his hand sloshing with the abrupt halt. He turns his head to peer over the crowd, but he doesn’t see anything, doesn’t see you. Maybe his mind is playing tricks on him. There’s no way you’d actually be here. You’re overseas. At least, he thinks you may be overseas. That’s the last thing he knew about you for certain. Satoru’s not sure what you’re up to these days. He hasn’t asked, afraid of what the answer will be. He’s not sure he could handle knowing you’re potentially engaged or happily married. Hell, he’s not sure he could handle knowing if you’re dating someone.
His piercing blue gaze finally lands on you and he realizes Haibara was actually not joking about someone potentially leaving with you tonight. Because you’re right there, off to the side of the crowd with some man, giggling at whatever he’s saying.
Satoru knows it’s you, even from a distance. He couldn’t mistake those beautiful eyes for anyone else's, the way they crinkle ever so slightly in the corners when you smile. He could never mistake those luscious, glossed lips he loved to kiss. You’re all smiles, as stunning as he remembers.
Everything keeps moving as time seems to stand still only for Satoru, his eyes never leaving you. And he knows he’s at this party with someone else. That’s what he should be focused on, but you’re all he cares about right now. His gaze locks onto your lips, following the curve of your smile, the way your tongue darts out just a bit to run along your bottom lip, the way those lips form your words.
You may still hate him after all this time, but Satoru wants to talk to you. He almost wants to get just close enough for you to notice him. Maybe you’ll make the first move and talk to him.
‘What the fuck am I doing?’ He thinks, lips pursed in concentration.
He should get back to his actual girlfriend. He’s been gone for too long. She’s bound to come looking for him if he doesn’t get back to her soon. Yeah, he’ll just go back. Talking to you won’t be good for him anyway –
The man you’re speaking to leans forward, his lips moving to your ear and Satoru, with his eyes still glued to your lips, feels his blood boil as he watches them part with what he’s pretty sure is a sigh. When he sees your hand come up to lay on the other man’s arm, his nostrils flare with irritation. When you smirk at what the man is whispering, he feels his jaw tighten. And when the other man’s hand comes to land on your waist, Satoru’s feet move before he even realizes what he’s doing.
As he approaches, the man steps away, a slick grin on his face and you roll your eyes, shaking your head and giggling. Are you actually flirting with this guy? It’s only as he gets closer that Satoru can better make out who it is; poorly done bleach job, shitty eyeliner around his eyes, and too many ear piercings. It’s just Naoya Zenin. From what Satoru remembers, you hated that fucker all of high school.
Unless something’s changed and suddenly you’re into him? Is this who you’re dating now?
Satoru wants to be pissed, but this may work in his favor. If you could be on good terms with Naoya, who you absolutely despised for as long as you’d known him, then maybe you had room in your heart to forgive him for being such a piece of shit to you all those years ago.
Your eyes drift over to Satoru as he approaches you both. And you hardly react, only offering him a small smile before your attention drifts back to Naoya. And though a tiny curve of your lips is something, the lack of a reaction kind of annoys the shit out of him.
“Hey,” Satoru greets, mainly directed towards you because fuck Naoya.
“Hi, Satoru.” You fold your arms over your chest, eyes coming back to meet his. God, you’re as pretty as Satoru remembers you being. This close to you, Satoru can see how much you’ve changed. And time has been very good to you. You’re still beautiful in the youthful way Satoru remembers, but you’re grown now. His eyes trail down your frame quickly, drinking in the way you’ve filled out.
“Gojo…” Naoya says with clear disdain in his voice.
“Zenin.”
And it’s quiet now. Awkward. But it doesn’t matter to Satoru. His eyes are only on you.
You pull your gaze away from Satoru and back to Naoya.
“You look great,” Satoru tells you, sipping the drink meant for his girlfriend to keep himself from potentially following up with something stupid. He grimaces slightly at the taste before trying to cover it with a lopsided grin.
And you give him the same grin back, a little shy. It’s cute.
“Thanks, Satoru. You look good, too.”
“I didn’t know you were back in town.”
“Yeah, I’ve been back for a few months now. Just settling back in and working,” your brows knit together as you lean to the side to glance around Satoru. “I’m surprised Suguru didn’t tell you since I just had lunch with him like two days ago.”
He realizes you must be looking for Suguru when you straighten your stance again. Deep in his mind, Satoru makes a mental note to have a word with Suguru about this later. Next to him, Naoya snorts and Satoru has to resist saying something that will surely end with them in a fight. You must sense the tension because you ask Naoya if he can grab you a drink which prompts an eye roll from him, but he goes anyway.
“Doubt he’ll be back,” you mutter to Satoru with a smirk. “That asshole wants to hook up so bad it’s pathetic,” a soft chuckle rushes past your lips.
“Not interested, then?” Satoru jokes, a smile spread across his face.
You narrow your eyes, “Ha ha. You know I hate that guy. He won’t be back anyway. No way he’s gonna waste time getting a drink for someone who isn’t fucking him at the end of the night.”
If you weren’t still watching Naoya push his way through the crowd of partygoers, you may have seen Satoru visibly deflate.
“Ah, good to know you haven’t lowered your standards,” Satoru says and you laugh. The sound makes Satoru’s head spin. It’s been so long since he’s heard it.
“I don’t think my standards could ever be low enough to fuck Naoya,” you clarify, nose crinkling in disgust. Satoru chuckles at your reaction, watching as you shift uncomfortably before him. You fidget with the hem of your dress before you speak again.
“It’s actually really good to see you, Satoru.”
“Is it really?”
“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to reach out for a while. Life just got away from me.”
Satoru’s brows lift in surprise. “Reach out for what?” Your eyes are boring into his, wide and surveying, peering into his soul. Just the way they always did.
“I just felt like things left off on such a sour note with us. And you reached out trying to build a friendship and at the first sign of things getting weird, I just…ran. Didn’t look back. You were trying and I wasn’t. You didn’t deserve that.”
He knows you’re referring to the last time you’d spoken, though he’s not sure why you’re the one trying to apologize.
“And I just wanted to say I’m sorry for being a terrible friend to you.”
You always were way too sweet to him. He didn’t deserve that.
“I should be apologizing to you,” Satoru shakes his head. “I was still jealous back then. When I said I was worried you were still hung up on me, it’s because I was trying to cover up the fact that I was still hung up on you. Hearing your boyfriend call you babe–”
“Ex-boyfriend,” you interrupt, a soft smile gracing your features. Satoru smirks.
“Hearing your ex-boyfriend call you babe, it just…made me feel a lot of things I didn’t understand at the time. I shouldn’t have said what I did to set you off. I’m sorry.”
It’s only been a few minutes of you talking and it already feels like a weight has been lifted, like the wall you put up all those years ago has come down. You both must look strange, just standing off in the corner alone staring and smiling at each other like you’re the only two people in the room.
You talk a bit more, catch up on life. It doesn’t take long for things to feel comfortable between you two again - for your bodies to move a little closer, for your eyes to meet more often, for your shy touches to linger a little longer.
You’ve got your hand wrapped around Satoru’s forearm, snickering at something he’s said. And when you glance up at him, there’s something in your eyes telling him it’s okay to ask this. Because Satoru is happy to know you’re not interested in Naoya, even happier to know you’ve broken up with your college boyfriend, but what he wants to know now is –
“Are you seeing anyone? Dating, I mean,” He asks while he still has the nerve and tries not to let his eyes fall to your mouth when you shake your head and draw your lower lip between your teeth.
“Nope, single and just enjoying life honestly. You?”
Yes.
“Me?” Satoru asks.
Say yes, stupid.
You nod. “Yeah, you. Are you with someone?”
Yes. Yes.
“Uhh, well…”
YES.
The voice in his head is screaming the answer, the one he knows he should give you. The one that would confirm to Satoru that even after everything he’s done, he’s not a shitty person, not a terrible boyfriend. But when he looks at you, eyes shining up at him with those pretty lips curled into a smirk, he doesn’t want anything more than to be with you.
God, he’s such a piece of shit. He knows it. He’s not even thinking about his girlfriend still sitting around waiting for him to come back. He’s got tunnel vision and the only thing he sees is you.
Say yes!
“I…am not…with someone.”
......
The door to Suguru’s master bathroom slams shut, your back pressed against it as Satoru’s lips find your neck, licking a long strip from your collarbone up to your chin.
“Ah- Toru, the door. Lock the door,” you gasp, threading your fingers into his soft tresses to pull him down for a kiss. His fingers fumble around before he finds the lock, quickly turning before he breaks the kiss to focus on your neck again, kissing and sucking, marking anywhere he can. Your hands move to glide underneath his shirt, fingers grazing over his defined muscles and you sigh just as Satoru moves away from your neck to press his lips against yours.
Soft. So soft. It’s been so long since Satoru’s had you like this. He’d forgotten your taste, your smell and right now, it feels like he can’t get enough. Fuck the liquor, he’s drunk on you.
“Can I touch you?” Satoru breathes against your mouth. And you nod, kissing him again. He groans as your lips part, tongue slipping out to glide against his lips, seeking entry. And he obliges, gives you all the access you want as your tongues tangle together. You moan into his mouth, the sound shooting straight to his cock.
The dress you’re wearing is nice, simple but fits your body beautifully. Satoru can’t wait to get underneath it. He reaches down, pulling the hem of your dress up until it’s sitting at your waist. He slips his hand into your panties, hissing when he feels how soaked you are.
“So wet for me,” Satoru whispers into the kiss. “You want me that bad, baby?”
You nod, panting hard. “Yeah, so bad, Satoru,” you moan when his fingers glide through your slick fold, back arching off the door. “Fuck, I want you so bad.”
“I’m yours, baby.”
His lips crash into yours again, fingers working tight circles against your clit. You cry out, your hands balling into fists as you cling to Satoru’s shirt. He breaks the kiss, pressing his face into your neck as one of his fingers finds your entrance, plunging in slowly. Your mouth opens with a gasp as Satoru pumps into you, curling his finger until he finds your sweet spot.
He pulls back, watches your face as he slips another finger inside. He likes the way your legs shake when he turns his fingers a certain way. And the way your back arches off the door when he presses his thumb to your clit. It’s all new to him, these reactions you’re giving. You were a lot younger when you’d first become intimate. Now, it’s clear you’re much more experienced. The thought bothers and excites Satoru.
He pulls his fingers from your core, kissing you when you poke your lip out in a pout. And then he’s bending you over the bathroom sink, pushing your dress even higher before he slips his fingers in the waistband of your panties and pulls them down.
“Fuck, I never thought I’d see you like this again,” he groans, palming himself through his pants.
“Toru, stop wasting time and fuck me, please.”
You’re a lot more demanding now too, apparently. He doesn’t mind.
“Did you miss me?” Satoru asks, because he’s dying to know. Did you think about him when you were with your boyfriend? Were you trying not to cry out Satoru’s name when you fucked him? Did you want him back as much as he wanted you?
Satoru unbuttons his jeans, pulls his pants and boxers down together, hissing as his cock springs free. He’s so fucking hard, he could cum just looking at you bent over the sink like this. But Satoru wants to savor you, wants to enjoy this moment of having you again for the first time in so long. He reaches over and pulls open one of the bathroom drawers, fishing around until he finds a condom and he mentally thanks Suguru for always being prepared.
“Tell me,” he demands, wrapping a hand around his length. He strokes himself lazily as he rips the condom open. He rolls the condom down his length, lining himself up with your entrance. “Did you miss me?”
You’re so patient, waiting quietly for Satoru. Although, he can hear your breathing becoming a little harsher in anticipation. Satoru moves behind you, lines himself up with your entrance and just before he’s about to roll his hips forward, he glances up to see his reflection in the mirror with you bent over and ready for him.
“Look at me,” he says. You look up, watching him through the reflection. Even in the dim lighting of the bathroom, Satoru can see your pupils blown wide with lust matching his own. He wants to see you, wants to see your face when you take him for the first time in so long.
“Look at me,” he tells you again.
“Okay,” you breathe.
“Tell me you missed me,” Satoru quietly demands as he pushes forward, sliding the tip through your folds and sinking in slowly.
“Fuuuuuuck,” your mouth falls slack with a moan. Satoru’s hands find your waist, holding your curves as he sinks into you. “I missed you, Toru. So much, so fucking much.”
“God, baby, you have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to hear you say that.”
He’s halfway in and he has to stop to catch his breath because hearing you moan his name like that…He may not make it all the way in without blowing his load right into the condom. You’re suffocating him, clenching onto his cock so hard he’s almost afraid to move.
“Satoru, please. Don’t stop,” you plead. He meets your gaze in the mirror again, sees the way your eyes burn with desire. Satoru pulls his hips back until only his tip sits inside you and then he rolls his hips forward, burying himself as deep in your cunt as he can.
Your walls clench down on his cock and he moans again before he starts to move, pounding into you at an unrelenting pace. You cry out his name and he keeps moving, not letting up.
Satoru brings a hand around your neck, holding your head in place so he can look at you through the mirror. He sinks into you, bending down to kiss along your neck, your shoulders, your back as he bottoms out again and again, moaning his pleasure against you.
Satoru thinks you feel like heaven. It’s the only thing he can think when he leans back and grips on to your waist again, watching your face contort in ecstasy. Every little sound you make, every moan, every sigh, every “right there” you utter brings Satoru closer and closer to his release.
Satoru has missed you. He’s missed the way your skin feels against his, missed the way your breath hitches in your throat when his cock hits just the right spot, missed touching and grabbing the soft curves of your beautiful body. Missed how your ass bounces with each thrust, cheeks spreading just enough to give him a glimpse of that tight little hole he’s never gotten the chance to have. And god, he hopes no one else has either.
More than anything though, he’s missed the way you take all of him, hug him tight like you never want to let him go. Fuck, he could live inside you and never get tired of it. The thought alone, the thought of having you all to himself again has him leaning forward, moaning into the space between your shoulders as he rocks his hips against you. The loud smacking noises of Satoru’s groin meeting your ass echo throughout the bathroom, and he doesn’t care who hears.
“Fuuuck, how are you so fucking tight, still?” Satoru groans, reminiscing on the first time he’d ever had you. An out of body experience for him, personally. Truly unforgettable.
“I’m never letting you go again,” he grunts, feeling your walls begin to flutter around him.
“Toru, I’m close,” you whimper. “So close, Toru, don’t stop.”
“Cum for me baby,” Satoru groans, hand sliding down your side to find your center again. He rubs tight circles on your clit, eyes rolling to the back of his head when he feels your pussy squeeze down on him as you cry out his name, your release crashing over you.
It’s so tight, so fucking tight Satoru thinks he might pass out. He can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t fucking see straight, you’re gripping him so hard.
“Ah- fuck, oh fuck! I’m gonna cum. Baby, I’m gonna cum,” he grits out as he pushes his cock all the way inside you, thrusting as deep as he can go as hot spurts of cum fill the condom. He leans forward, pressing his forehead against your back as you both catch your breath.
Satoru meant what he said. He never wants to let you go. He has every intention of being with you. After you’ve both come down from your highs and cleaned up, Satoru kisses you gently. He watches as you turn back to the mirror. You’re even more beautiful as you tame your messy hair, fix your makeup and adjust your dress.
“Do you wanna get out of here?” He asks, ready to make up for years worth of lost time.
Your eyes meet in the mirror, your lips tilting with a small smile. “Yeah, let’s go.”
......
Fingers laced, you and Satoru weave through the party together. The crowd seems to have thinned out now with how late it’s getting. It’s the perfect time to get out of here with you, take you home and –
“Satoru! There you are!” A familiar voice squeals. The sound makes Satoru quickly yank his hand from your grip. You stop in your tracks, brows furrowing as you look up at him.
“What’s the matter?” You ask just as this person you don’t know bounds up to him and wraps her arms around Satoru’s neck, pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek before she lets go.
And Satoru isn’t sure how he hasn’t noticed this before. It seems like some sick twist of fate that it’s only now that you’re standing next to each other that he sees how eerily similar you and his girlfriend look. It makes his stomach churn.
But his girlfriend, so drunk and so sweet, turns to you and beams as she holds out her hand to you. “Hi! I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Satoru’s girlfriend…” His stomach nearly drops into his ass. “...you are?”
God, he wishes he could teleport out of here. Or that the ground would open wide and swallow him whole, bury him 8,000 meters beneath the earth. Anything to avoid being present at this moment. He peers down at you briefly, your hand extending to shake his girlfriends for only a second. And Satoru thinks he may be imagining it, the sheer anger he can feel radiating off of your body, even as you return his girlfriend’s sweet smile.
“Satoru’s girlfriend?” You ask and he knows you’re making sure you aren’t hearing things. Because not too long ago, he told you he wasn’t tied down to anyone. “I wasn’t aware he was dating anyone.”
“Yep! Been together almost a year now,” she brags cheerily. Satoru really wishes she’d shut up for once in her damn life.
You breathe out a bitter laugh, gazing up at Satoru and he knows he’s not imagining the rage. He can see it swimming in your eyes even as you reach up, your thumb gently swiping the corner of his mouth where apparently remnants of your lip gloss remained. You hold your finger up to show him and then hold it up to show his girlfriend who five seconds ago was too drunk to notice. She seems to have sobered up quickly now, eyes focused on the lip gloss you just wiped from Satoru’s face.
You introduce yourself to her, wiping your thumb off on your dress before continuing, “And I’m sorry to tell you this, but I’m the girl who just fucked your lying boyfriend in the bathroom.”
Satoru watches in ill disguised horror as you crane your next to the side, gesturing to the marks he so stupidly made along your neck in the heat of passion. His eyes find his girlfriend who stands there, mouth agape.
“Satoru told me he wasn’t seeing anyone. If I had known it wouldn’t have happened. And believe me, it won’t ever happen again.” You turn to face Satoru one last time, gritting out, “I can’t fucking believe you. After all these years, you’re still such a piece of shit, Satoru.”
You don’t wait for a response from him, turning on your heel and storming through the crowd. Satoru watches as your back retreats, not sure what the hell he’d say even if he did catch up to you. How could he explain that he lied about his girlfriend because he wanted to spend more time with you? It’s not like he planned on fucking in the bathroom, it just happened. But there was no way you were going to give him a second of your time to try and explain.
There was no coming back from this.
When he finally loses sight of you in the crowd, Satoru reluctantly brings his gaze back down to his probably soon to be ex-girlfriend and is met with a fury similar to yours. Again, the similarities are uncanny. All the love and happiness once shining in her eyes is nowhere to be found as one question hangs in the air between them.
so I decided to write some angst with mammon/asmodeus.
I may decide to write to more but for now this is chapter one
Let me know if yall like it!!
TW: Mentions of depression, Cheating, Angst, drinking, You are already with Mammon but he’s a bit of slut lol, this is mostly vent art lmao.
Again chapter 1:
You ran out of the room, choking back tears, hearing those moans made you regret coming back when you thought he would be waiting for you. Mammon with some Witch saying things you know he would regret.
In some club spending money on demons, he shouldn’t be with. Smoke clouded your face as you tried to exit the club, pushing past demons, you didn’t know but all knew you as Mammon’s bitch.
He was your first and you were his second best. It felt like your whole world flipped and with that so did your stomach, you needed the bathroom.
As There was no going back all those innocent memories now stained with sin and broken like glass. You were holding your stomach as you ran past Asmodeus surrounded by demons trying to buy him a drink. He smiled full of pride that he was able to cultivate such a following wherever he went. When he saw you pushing past creatures in the club hyperventilating and clutching your stomach.
Now he was concerned.
“Excuse me my loves but I must be on my way” He slinked out of the circles of admirers.He called your name but the music was too loud and, your heartbeat was so strong it was all that you were able to hear in your head. Asmodeus sighed and quietly followed behind you trying to keep up with your erratic running. When you finally found the bathroom, Asmodeus was already there.
“Hey, angel you alright-”
thunk
You fell into his arms unable to keep yourself stable any longer, tears stinging in your eyes as you looked up at the fallen angel. You were about to cry when you started to gag, alarmed Asmodeus got you into a stall fast.
He loved you but he didn’t love the idea of you vomiting on his new outfit. As you puked your guts in the toilet he held your hair up. When you finally were able to stop, you just sobbed.
“You feeling better hun?” he asked concern dripping into his voice. He had never seen you cry before and, it deeply frightened him. He’d overheard conversations where your family only called to tell you how much you were fucking up, and you would walk out of the room fine. He’d seen you unable to clean your room or check your D.D.D for weeks then, pick yourself back up without even mentioning the time passed. The point is you never cried like this.
Like your heart was breaking, the pain in your sobs was something he couldn’t ignore. It was something that filled him with great distress. Looking up at a demon while sobbing was something you never thought you’d do. You felt so small, what the fuck were you thinking? The sadness was swallowing you whole, you tried so hard for him. Just for him to be with someone else, he heard every pain, every heartache you went through. Just for this.
You stood up, tears running down your face. Despite the sobbing, your voice sounded hollow.
“I’m fine, everything's fine.” You looked down at Asmodeus who was still shocked at the quick turnaround of emotions. “You sure hun? What happened?”
You paused wanting to tell him, but you didn’t want to be pitiful. You didn’t want to be something to fix. It felt so painful like your emotions were tearing you apart but, you refused to break over this.
“You got any makeup?” Your voice was empty but raw .Asmodeus still stunned just stood up and, silently passed you his bag.“Thanks, I can’t go out looking like someone punched me” you smiled at him. He just stared back with a confused look in his eyes.You started rummaging to find some concealer, as Asmodeus tried to process what the fuck just happened.
How could someone be in so much pain, then just stop?“ Are all humans like this?” he accidentally muttered out loud
“What?” you said back“ Oh dear, nothing let me help you with that makeup” he smiled and, walked you to the mirror so he could better apply it to your eyes.Once he finished you looked better, than you when you first tried to find Mammon.“There you go! Good as new darling.” He smiled brightly at you while you looked in the mirror.
“ Damn I look good, thanks,” you said while admiring his handiwork.A sigh of relief passed through as you realized at least Mammon didn’t know how hurt you were. No one had to know this slip-up you had. Even Asmodeus didn’t know anything and he was right there. Thank god. This nightmare can be over soon,
“Are you sure your good?” Asmodeus asked and tried to touch your shoulder, but you jerked yourself away. “Yeah, just drank too much ya know?”
You laughed but it was empty. Asmodeus just sighed, humans wore him out. Especially you. You were lying, but you didn’t feel like getting in touch with your emotions with a demon.
“Gotta go, Thanks for the touch-up!” then you nonchalantly slipped out of the bathroom before Asmodeus could say anything back. You hoped and prayed Asmodeus wouldn't investigate but even if he did all he would find is Mammon's mistake and your misplaced trust. When you left the bathroom, you realized Asmodeus should be the least of your worries. A crowd had gathered around the bathroom you had run into. And all their eyes were on you. Fuck fuck fuck was all you could think as your mind drew blanks. Pushing past the crowd was the only thing that made sense at the time. When you finally made your way to the bar, it felt like you aged several years. God, demons are hard to push past you thought as you downed a shot.
"Mc?" you heard a familiar voice behind you. You let the shot glass down slowly, a clink as it hit the counter.
Definitely recommend you listening to the linked song while reading this one. :)
“Hot damn,” he’s circling you with his compliments. You let him get a good look twirling and posing. “You look absolutely stunning,” he pretends to burn his hand on your hip as he reaches for you.
“Always the gentleman,” you giggle letting Keigo wrap his arm around you and guide you into the restaurant. He kisses your neck gently briefly whispering in your ear how delicious you looked. Suppressing the knot your stomach immediately tied, you push his face away.
“If you behave, just this once, you might even get a bite,” you bite the air at him. He pretends to flinch returning to your side. In your banter, you didn’t notice the host opening the doors to you and Keigo. He gestures for you both to proceed to your reserved table.
“Milady,” Keigo extends his arm to you walking you to the table he specifically chose.
“Wow,” the restaurant felt more like a dining hall. The lights were huge, ornate and far too beautiful. From the simple yet elegant decor to the attentive staff, something had to be up.
“For you,” he pulls out your chair smiling to himself. He couldn’t get his mind off how stunning you looked and that smile... he almost cleared the restaurant to take you right on the table...but not tonight. Not yet.
“Thank you,” lifting your dress, you sit letting him push the chair in for you.
“So what’s the occasion? You get me out here all dolled up for you and no clue what for.”
“Well,” he couldn’t stop grinning to bother pretending to be smooth, “we’ve been together so long I wanted to do something special. For you. For us,” he reached across the table to hold your hand. The warmth was always a comfort to him and he longed for it as soon as he lost it.
“Oh,” the flush of your cheeks didn’t stand a chance in the glimmer from the lights.
“I’ve got three gifts for you tonight, but first, we should eat. You’re gonna need your energy.” Two waitstaff immediately appeared nestling your plates in between one another dropping glasses, silverware, and plates alike.
“Oh, thank you so much,” they nodded and as quickly as they appeared, exited.
The meal proceeded in the sweetest way. He had thought of everything you liked and it was prepared the way you wanted. The small talk, albeit normal, was so much more special. Your heart thudded in your chest excited for the next gift, but even more so that he wanted to give you so much. The treat of the night didn’t stop at the suit he had donned for the night nor the restaurant he reserved, not the compliments and not even the tender way he smiled at you across the table. His hand didn’t leave yours the whole meal like he was afraid if he let go, you’d float away.
The food was done and small talk had dissipated to a silence indicative of the next stage.
“Alright, song bird,” he stands dusting off crumbs, “first gift.” His grin was so proud you couldn't hide the excitement. He walked up to the stage next to your table, grabbed the mic, and looked out to the vacant audience.
“Ladies and gentletables, I hope you’ve enjoyed your evening of food and festivities, but there is a main event I’d like to present to you,” he turns to you, locking his gleaming eyes on yours. The world melted away with his words...with his attention.
“This is for you, baby bird,” he clears his throat and begins a soft tune. The piano picks up in the background, but the sound existed only for Keigo’s voice to carry it. His voice took on a deep and smooth melody that wrapped you in silk and memories. The nights you had spent in each other's company and the days you spent longing for those nights flooded your consciousness, eventually seizing your heart. The song spilled promises you had only whispered and made them tangible in your tears. You hadn’t even noticed the guitar until the wetness on your cheeks brought you to reality. Before you know it, the melody had ended.
He stepped down from the stairs, walking towards you with the brightest smile you’d ever seen. He was hiding something under that grin of his and sure enough he pulled out a box from his suit.
“Baby, I adore you and every time I get to see you is like the first time I saw you. My heart is on fire and I just want to fly with you,” his immediately unfurled two big beautiful ruby wings flapping gently around you, “I want every day of my life to be like this moment...like that moment,” the tears were streaming down your cheeks but his smile held back his own, “will you BEEP BEEP BEEP!”
“What’d you say?” You laugh through the confusion. You hadn’t heard a word he had said.
“I lo-,” EEEEEEEEEEE
His mouth...his words...it was a noise. A familiar noise….almost like an….alarm.
---------
Your eyes snap open to the blurry picture of your ceiling taking the place of a date night that’d never happened. To your left, a man was stirred awake turning to face you. His eyes were the same yellow and his smile was still genuine, but why were they so different from the man you knew a minute ago?
“Hey,” he kissed your forehead, but it didn't have the same spark, “what’d you dream about?” He smiles at you rubbing your cheek with his palm. His eyes seemed mildly concerned, but for the most part, you knew it was short lived and shallow.
“Nothing special,” you could almost cry, “hey...when are you going to tell her...about us?” You asked this question before so many times only to be met with the same outcome. The same answer. The same feeling.
He stops rubbing your cheek, withdrawing his hand. His face had changed to that same cold and frustrated expression every time you brought it up. It was inconvenient. Being a secret was never the plan, but being the other woman wasn’t either.
“Why do you always ask that? It’s almost like you don’t want me here,” he kisses your forehead and gets up retrieving his clothes from the floor and assembling them on himself.
“You know that’s not what I mean,” you sit up, covering yourself with your blanket. He always did this. Made a joke. Gave you a kiss. Promised he’d do it. Rinse and repeat.
“Look, song bird, everything will work out so you don’t need to worry your pretty little head, ok?” He grabbed his shoes in one hand and took your face in his other. “You know how I feel about you.” His kiss was warm...and empty.
He always knew how to look so genuine and just what to say. Sometimes you forget where he goes during the day or that he only manifests at night. As the door closed and you heard the lock click, you wonder what’d happen if you told his wife what he’d been doing for all this time. Wonder what his friends would say. What would he do to you? The ending was always the same though; you’d never see him again. He’d never hum that sweet song that’d make aphrodite envious of the love you never really had. Your bed would either be bigger in his absence or occupied with your thoughts. His wings would never hold you and his hands wouldn’t ground you in a place only he and you knew.
Your phone lit up with another call. Throwing the phone in the backseat, you pressed harder on the pedal to go faster. Tears stream down your face as you drive down the lonely road, trying to get far away from the bunker. You look in your rear view mirror and all you see is the reflection of a broken person. You hold down a sob as you stop the car at a red light. The light finally turned green after what seemed like an infinity. You drive into the intersection, only to be met with a car running the red light and hitting your side door.
Do you know what Angelica said
When we saw your first letter arrive?
She said “Be careful with that one, love
He will do what it takes to survive.”
EARLIER THAT EVENING
You came home from a simple salt and burn in the next town over. “Dean!,” you called out, “I’m home! I made a quick supply run also. They were just restocking the pie so I thought I’d grab some. It is fresh!” You quit your rambling when Dean doesn’t answer. “Dean? Are you there?” you called out. No one answered.
You heard a ‘thump’ in one of the rooms which made you curious. You walk down the hallway when you hear a moan. ‘Please don’t let it be, please,’ you think as you reach the door where the noise is coming from. You turn the knob with shaky hands expecting the worse. You were met with a half-naked Dean and another woman/man. They didn’t even notice you until you let a sob escaped. Dean looks at you with wide eyes, “(y/n) it’s not what it seems-,” you didn’t stay to listen to his explanation. You grabbed your keys and headed out the door. You drove off with a desperate Winchester in your rear view mirror.
You and your words flooded my senses
Your sentences left me defenseless
You built me palaces out of paragraphs
You built cathedrals
I’m re-reading the letters you wrote me
I’m searching and scanning for answers
In every line
For some kind of sign
And when you were mine
The world seemed to
Burn
Burn
You made if three towns over before you had to pullover. Your cheeks were stained with tears and your eyes were red and swollen from crying. ‘He promised he wouldn’t hurt me,’ you think, ‘maybe it wasn’t him, maybe I wasn’t a proper girlfriend/boyfriend.’ You shake your head to try and get rid of your negativity.
You published the letters she wrote you
You told the whole world how you brought
This girl into our bed
In clearing your name, you have ruined our lives
Do you know what Angelica said
When she read what you’d done?
She said
“You have married an Icarus
He has flown too close to the sun.”
You and your words, obsessed with your legacy...
Your sentences border on senseless
And you are paranoid in every paragraph
How they perceive you
You, you, you…
You went in and out of consciousness after the crash. Your heard sirens squealing and metal screeching as people tried to get you out. “She is bleeding very heavily on the head and on the lower torso,” you heard a man say. You felt someone wrap their arms around you and pull you out. “Hey, we need you to stay awake for us, do you think you can do that miss/mister?,” a woman asks. You try to nod your head but black dots clouded your vision. You felt a mask be put over your mouth. “Her heart rate is dropping. There must be internal bleeding,” those were the last words you heard before you blacked out completely.
I’m erasing myself from the narrative
Let future historians wonder how Eliza
Reacted when you broke her heart
You have torn it all apart
I am watching it
Burn
Watching it burn
They rushed you through the hallways of a hospital. A man in a leather jacket and another that in a plaid shirt were waiting in the ER. “Please tell me she is-” a nurse cuts the leather jacket man off, “We don’t know but we need her name sir.”
“Her name is (y/n) (l/n). Can we please go with.”
“Immediate Family only.”
The leather jacket man pulled out a ring case. “Please.”
“Come over”
The world has no right to my heart
The world has no place in our bed
They don’t get to know what I said
I’m burning the memories
Burning the letters that might have redeemed you
You forfeit all rights to my heart
You forfeit the place in our bed
You sleep in your office instead
With only the memories
Of when you were mine
You heart monitor began to flat line. “Give me the defibrillator now! We’re losing her/him!” the doctor called out. Somebody handed him the defibrillator, “Clear!” he shocked your body but the pulse had not come back. “1, 2, 3, clear!” your back arched off the table but the flat lining continued. He checked your neck for a pulse himself. “Get ready for CPR,” he handed another doctor the defibrillator. He gave 30 thrusts and a breath of air but your heart didn’t respond. He went to thrust again but another doctor put his hand on his shoulder, “She/he hasn’t been breathing for almost 5 minutes now. I think we should call it.” The doctor sighs in defeat and checks his watch, “death at 10:23 pm.” Outside the window inside the hallway, a man fell to his knees with the ring in his palm.
