I’m very very sick right now, and no one knows why. We think it’s because I’ve had the fan on at night and the cold dry air messed up my throat, but we’re not sure. My voice is completely gone and I can’t get out of bed.
I have a humidifier behind me puffing put billows of vapor and emitting a gentle blue glow. It’s very sci-fi looking.
So I’ve been imagining myself on the Enterprise, in the medical bay. An anomaly, something unexplained has caused me to fall ill and everyone is terribly worried. They know I can’t keep down much food, so they set the replicators to make small delicate portions of things like steamed vegetables and soup, as the doctor gently encourages me to eat. I sit up in bed as they lift a spoon to my lips and I politely sip some sort of herbal green soup, as they tell me about all the vitamins and important nutrients in this soup that should soothe my throat. The clouds of vapor pool up around me as the herbaceous taste brings comfort and familiarity. I tell them that this soup tastes like a Christmas candle, “in a good way”, and they laugh, grateful to hear one of my silly comments because it means my voice has returned. They lay me back down and tell me to rest, and hold a hypospray to my neck as the quick puff of anti-inflammatory medication reaches my throat almost immediately, providing quick relief. I fall asleep happier and in much less pain. I am taken care of.
(I’m sorry if this is poorly written and poorly tagged haha, I’m very tired right now. I can fix it later if there’s a problem)
So this is a pt 2 to the shitty angst I wrote earlier lmao
TW: mentions thoughts of suicide, edgy as hell, Mammons a bitch, drinking, derealization kinda happens, hangover, traumtized MC
Again chapter two:
You turned around slowly and seeing Mammon made your stomach flip for a second a time. But you held it in, staring at him now it was like seeing a stranger.
The beautiful boy who you loved looked so foreign?
Was that really your boyfriend? The smile he flashed looked sickly sweet.
Then suddenly the whole world felt wrong like you were on a different plane. Mammon spoke to you but his words morphed together.
Was he really speaking or was this another imaginary scenario you made up?Maybe Mammon wasn’t real, but then his hand was around your waist.
And someone's fingers were waving in your face.
“ Oh, Mammon, “ you thought, a reminder that this was all really happening.
“What ya don't recognize me or something?” he looked almost mad.
What right did he have to be mad? You felt incensed, the shock spread across your face with a glint of hatred in your eyes. Before you could pretend you felt fine he saw your expression. His grip on your waist loosened, the panicked look in his eyes only you could notice. He paused for a moment, time seemed too slow. The world went dark as if you were the only two people in the room. If no one was there, you might’ve challenged him to a brawl. All you felt was unbridled rage and, a sort of emptiness that made you feel like it was a good day to die.
Then you smiled, just for a moment, you wanted to be his without all the pain. Tears formed in your eyes as your heart prayed and you felt human hope. He saw the light in your eyes die and be reborn. At that moment he pulled you closer than you ever wanted to be to him again.
"Hey mammon what’s up my man?' Some demon called out to him causing him to kiss you quickly and leave to whatever they had to ask. He tasted like cherry lipstick, your chest started to ache and you felt a desire to go wash the taste out. A moment that felt so infinite ended so fast, when did people change so easily?
This was all a bit too much, maybe just for tonight, you can make yourself feel alright.
Passing out at the bar was not what you had in mind when you woke up the next morning in the school lounge. The killer headache was not much to sneeze at either. Vision going blurry as you tried to tell the time of day. Your eyes squinting, it was all too bright to comprehend. The light drifting in the windows felt so intense. After a minute of grumbling to yourself, you seemed to realize the severity of the whole situation either you broke in or school was already in session.
How did you even get here? Questions swarmed your mind adrenaline and anxiety started to run. You sat up feeling alert, but man your back hurt like hell too. When your eyes finally adjusted to the light, you saw no one. A breath of relief escaped from your throat.
“Thank fuck no one saw”
Then it hit you. You broke into the school black-out drunk. “Fuck fuck fuck this can't be happening,” you thought to yourself. You rubbed your temples agitated at the thought of getting caught. What would Diavoblo say? Lucifer would hang your ass to the ceiling, and it did not look that great when you saw it happen to Mammon.
When you finally tried to stand up, you felt yourself blackout for a split second. You started to stumble out of the school. After you got out of the lounge you quickly said a couple of spells to reverse the damage. You sucked in a long breath and hoped the spells got rid of any traces of your crime.Exhaustion started to hit you immediately after you left the school, the adrenaline leaving your body.
All you could seem to think was
“This was gonna be a long walk home.”
The walk home was hard, but having to sneak in filled you with dread. Lucifer would want the full story and well, your full story was full of questionable decisions at best. Your stomach starts to sink, as you creak open the door. Somehow the door was too loud and the house of lamination was too silent. Even the steps you made sounded guilty and had the house aching, and creeping with opportunities to bust your little sneak in.
One last door, five more steps until you were home free. The quickening of your heartbeat seemed to be only speeding up as you approached your dorm. Suddenly you were in front of your door, you took a deep breath puffed out your chest, and slipped inside your room.
As soon as you closed the door your body crumpled to the floor, not even daring to move. It felt like life had been sucked out of you. At first, a tear slid down your face then, it was deep heavy silent sobs that rolled out of you like a wave. The feeling of wanting to sleep forever was the only comforting feeling you had. Everything else consumed you and all you wanted to be.
You wanted to light him on fire, you wanted to pull him close, you wanted to push him down from heaven again. You wanted to feel nothing and forget that you ever loved one person so much there was no room for two. And you started to feel a crack form inside of you, as your humanity crumbled beneath you.
Maybe there was a point to being less than human, one thing was for certain you had less to lose.
so I decided to write some angst with mammon/asmodeus.
I may decide to write to more but for now this is chapter one
Let me know if yall like it!!
TW: Mentions of depression, Cheating, Angst, drinking, You are already with Mammon but he’s a bit of slut lol, this is mostly vent art lmao.
Again chapter 1:
You ran out of the room, choking back tears, hearing those moans made you regret coming back when you thought he would be waiting for you. Mammon with some Witch saying things you know he would regret.
In some club spending money on demons, he shouldn’t be with. Smoke clouded your face as you tried to exit the club, pushing past demons, you didn’t know but all knew you as Mammon’s bitch.
He was your first and you were his second best. It felt like your whole world flipped and with that so did your stomach, you needed the bathroom.
As There was no going back all those innocent memories now stained with sin and broken like glass. You were holding your stomach as you ran past Asmodeus surrounded by demons trying to buy him a drink. He smiled full of pride that he was able to cultivate such a following wherever he went. When he saw you pushing past creatures in the club hyperventilating and clutching your stomach.
Now he was concerned.
“Excuse me my loves but I must be on my way” He slinked out of the circles of admirers.He called your name but the music was too loud and, your heartbeat was so strong it was all that you were able to hear in your head. Asmodeus sighed and quietly followed behind you trying to keep up with your erratic running. When you finally found the bathroom, Asmodeus was already there.
“Hey, angel you alright-”
thunk
You fell into his arms unable to keep yourself stable any longer, tears stinging in your eyes as you looked up at the fallen angel. You were about to cry when you started to gag, alarmed Asmodeus got you into a stall fast.
He loved you but he didn’t love the idea of you vomiting on his new outfit. As you puked your guts in the toilet he held your hair up. When you finally were able to stop, you just sobbed.
“You feeling better hun?” he asked concern dripping into his voice. He had never seen you cry before and, it deeply frightened him. He’d overheard conversations where your family only called to tell you how much you were fucking up, and you would walk out of the room fine. He’d seen you unable to clean your room or check your D.D.D for weeks then, pick yourself back up without even mentioning the time passed. The point is you never cried like this.
Like your heart was breaking, the pain in your sobs was something he couldn’t ignore. It was something that filled him with great distress. Looking up at a demon while sobbing was something you never thought you’d do. You felt so small, what the fuck were you thinking? The sadness was swallowing you whole, you tried so hard for him. Just for him to be with someone else, he heard every pain, every heartache you went through. Just for this.
You stood up, tears running down your face. Despite the sobbing, your voice sounded hollow.
“I’m fine, everything's fine.” You looked down at Asmodeus who was still shocked at the quick turnaround of emotions. “You sure hun? What happened?”
You paused wanting to tell him, but you didn’t want to be pitiful. You didn’t want to be something to fix. It felt so painful like your emotions were tearing you apart but, you refused to break over this.
“You got any makeup?” Your voice was empty but raw .Asmodeus still stunned just stood up and, silently passed you his bag.“Thanks, I can’t go out looking like someone punched me” you smiled at him. He just stared back with a confused look in his eyes.You started rummaging to find some concealer, as Asmodeus tried to process what the fuck just happened.
How could someone be in so much pain, then just stop?“ Are all humans like this?” he accidentally muttered out loud
“What?” you said back“ Oh dear, nothing let me help you with that makeup” he smiled and, walked you to the mirror so he could better apply it to your eyes.Once he finished you looked better, than you when you first tried to find Mammon.“There you go! Good as new darling.” He smiled brightly at you while you looked in the mirror.
“ Damn I look good, thanks,” you said while admiring his handiwork.A sigh of relief passed through as you realized at least Mammon didn’t know how hurt you were. No one had to know this slip-up you had. Even Asmodeus didn’t know anything and he was right there. Thank god. This nightmare can be over soon,
“Are you sure your good?” Asmodeus asked and tried to touch your shoulder, but you jerked yourself away. “Yeah, just drank too much ya know?”
You laughed but it was empty. Asmodeus just sighed, humans wore him out. Especially you. You were lying, but you didn’t feel like getting in touch with your emotions with a demon.
“Gotta go, Thanks for the touch-up!” then you nonchalantly slipped out of the bathroom before Asmodeus could say anything back. You hoped and prayed Asmodeus wouldn't investigate but even if he did all he would find is Mammon's mistake and your misplaced trust. When you left the bathroom, you realized Asmodeus should be the least of your worries. A crowd had gathered around the bathroom you had run into. And all their eyes were on you. Fuck fuck fuck was all you could think as your mind drew blanks. Pushing past the crowd was the only thing that made sense at the time. When you finally made your way to the bar, it felt like you aged several years. God, demons are hard to push past you thought as you downed a shot.
"Mc?" you heard a familiar voice behind you. You let the shot glass down slowly, a clink as it hit the counter.
so I have written another part. I would like to thank you all so much for reading, I have never been confident to publish or show my writing. So this was an experiment at first. I never expected for people to actually read this.
So thank you so much!
I hope you enjoy the story.
TW: Mentions of blood and past wounds, forced kiss, and swearing
You woke up with a loud inhale like you had risen from the dead. Only to find yourself shrouded in darkness. It encapsulated you but you weren't alone in the void.
“Hello?” you called to the white figure, you had no idea what to expect.
A girl with long silvery-white hair walked toward you with a smile,
“We finally meet” her voice was sharp.
She just stood over you and offered you her hand, the shock in your eyes made her laugh.
Then she pulled you up from the void ground.
“Where are we?” you asked trying to adjust to the new environment.
“It's like I'm standing on nothing” you echoed into the darkness, wonder reflecting in your eyes.
“We are inside many melodies, an infinite loop of the universe” her voice was light but intense, like how the sharpest blade is often the smallest.
“What does that mean?” you asked full of confusion.
“It means-” she paused her eyes glinting with excitement.
“Were inside the symphony of your mind”
Her voice rang like a bell, an electric shock ran through your body. And suddenly the world shapeshifted into colour. A beautiful scene painted before you with lights and colours you had never seen or been able to see. Piano trickled into your ears, and suddenly you were dancing in her arms.
“Is this a dream?” you said unable to comprehend the world you were now seeing.
“No it's just a picture,” she said confidently.
Then suddenly she dipped you and as you lowered in her arms, so did the sensation of colour and light.
Then you woke up, in Mammon’s room.
You darted your eyes back and forth rapidly trying to comprehend this situation, the paralyzing fear in your body made it impossible to move. You held in the urge to scream when you saw Mammon right beside you, the taste of bile in the back of your throat.
Quietly your hand rose to your mouth to prevent the urge to gag and hyperventilate on the floor. But the sheets rustled a bit too loudly and you heard Mammon stir. It felt like vines had grown around you, and pushing the burden of Mammon's blankets off of you was hard enough.
Your breath was caught in your throat, as you persisted with the fight against the sheets. A small breath escaped you as you started to slip out of Mammon’s bed. The moment your feet touch the floor, a sharp pain went through your whole body. You immediately crumpled to the floor. A loud crash as you hit the floor and then you heard Mammon’s voice call out to you.
“Why can’t I feel my legs” the thought made your hands tremble as you tried to stand up. You just kept hitting the floor, your legs crashing down onto hardwood limply. Your head started spinning.
“What's wrong with me Mammon?” the words tumbled out of you
Fear rising in your gut, confusion in your head. Everything ached; your mind, your heart, your body, and your soul.
Why can't I feel my heartbeat anymore, is my humanity being stripped of me?
Your tears pooled out like lava. You turned around and looked at him.
Your eyes were wide, and confusion and terror were struck upon your face. Teardrops fell off your cheeks to the floor, as you struggled to not sob.
He paused and looked away before saying
“I don’t know”
Shame and guilt welt up inside him.
While hopelessness started to set in yours.
When Mammon found you, you looked different. He had no idea how fast blood could flow from a human's body, he had no idea you be so pale. His heart crumpled when you looked at him as if you were disappointed in the person you saw. He felt his heart stop when you said “why did you have to find me”
When he picked you up in his arms, your stomach was bleeding so much he felt like he might stop breathing.
What had happened to you, his mind wandered unable to believe what he saw.
Strange markings all over your body as he kept trying to clean your wounds, spells he wasn't familiar with. It had only been over a week since you were sitting with him laughing, and smiling.
Even while you were passed out, your body thrashed and struggled, whimpering from the pain.
Until he saw Asmo’s kiss on your collar, then he realized you were hurt more badly than he wanted to admit. The curse Asmo had tagged onto you was hand crafted. However, he was more concerned that Asmodeus wanted to do this in the first place. He was the more docile of the brothers, he wasn’t harmless per se but he wasn’t harmful. How long had it taken to create this curse? Things had been on edge lately, with his brothers that's why he had you to give his frustrations to and take away your happiness. There's not a lot that humans are good for, but he wanted you to be his human. Seeing you in the state you were in now infuriated him.
His beloved doll was all ripped up, and so was his patience.
Red was he could see, your red blood and your flushed cheeks. The color meant everything to him. As it was the only proof that someone loved him.
But he also loved the color for another reason too.
It was the same color as his enemy's guts on the floor.
Mammon pulled you back onto the bed as you shook trying your best to calm down.
“Why am I here,” you said as you shot him a look of disgust while trying to push his hands off your body.
Your tone sent shivers down his spine. Since when were you so cold?
He stuttered trying his best to get a sentence out. He didn’t know what to say, truthfully he should’ve taken you to Diavolo or the school infirmary. But he brought you to his room instead.
He shook his head, why did he feel bad for dragging you back to his place? You were his, you did as he told.
“Because I love you-” His words came out fast and easy, humans love this kind of answer he thought.
But the thought and sentence got interrupted by a loud smack.
You were incensed, a look of hurt and anger in your eyes.
“Did ya just slap me?” there was confusion in his voice, and he felt a pang spread across his cheeks.
“I don’t ever want to hear you say that shit again Mammon” you stared up at him with a dark look in your eyes.
“What do ya mean? Are you feeling okay? I think you must be sick” He laughed nervously and tried to put his hand on your forehead to check for fever, in denial of what was going on.
You pushed him away once again.
“I meant it Mammon, don’t fucking try to play with me” Your words cut him like they were blades.
Did you not love him anymore?
He felt like he was frozen in time.
Is this was humans meant when they said they fell out of love?
“Do ya not love me anymore?” the words came out accidentally, he felt red spread across his face as he tried to ignore the heavy silence after his question.
You scoffed.
“How come you sound so hurt, I’m not the one who- never mind”
His chest ached, what was this feeling? It felt like he had been shot through the heart. Why did your words sting? You were just a human how could you have this much power over someone like him? This was absurd, he laughed but he wanted to cry.
“Listen I don’t know what ya did to me, but this isn’t funny anymore. Now reverse whatever spell you cast on me-” he felt desperate, a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach he couldn’t ignore.
He heard only your sigh back as a response
“Please won’t ya-”
“No. Mammon I didn’t cast a spell on you” you sounded annoyed. Why did you sound annoyed? His thoughts raced.
If he just kissed you one last time, you would be his again he rationalized to himself. You couldn't resist, you were powerless in this moment, his only shot was now.
He looked at you as if was eyeing his prey, then pushed you down on the bed.
“What you doing” you tried to yell but he cut you off with the feeling of his lips pressed against yours. A few seconds later and he finally got off.
“Ya love me now right?” he asked, the fearful question filled with insecurity.
You took a moment to wipe the reminisce of his lips off yours before you spoke.
“Mammon, this isn’t working anymore let’s break up”
Your voice was so clear it’s like it blocked all other sounds out.
TW and Disclaimer: They act like demons, mentions of depression, mentions of alcohol usage, lots of dissociation, Manipulation, body dysmorphia/ (implications of gender dysphoria), edgy bullshit I wrote for self induglence
Anyways enjoy!
Asmodeus heard you sneak in the house of lamentation, he hadn’t really believed his eyes when he saw you completely blacked out and fucked up out of your mind. Screaming in the bar, and fighting, he’s pretty sure he saw making out with multiple succubi and not even flinch at their charms. Most importantly you stole all the attention from him. And he was about to bust you, but he heard you crying and felt bad. He sighed as your sobs traveled across your room to his.
What was he going to do with you?
You passed out on your bed, your headache and hangover hitting you in the worst way. When you woke up you heard footsteps walking towards your door and lucifers voice.
“Shit I’m so screwed,” you thought but luckily they passed your room. You let out a sigh of relief and slugged yourself out of bed and into your bathroom, still adjusting to being awake. After rubbing your eyes you looked in the mirror, you knew your appearance would be bad but it looked like a car hit you.
Your eyes widened as you inspected your face, all the makeup was smudged at best. You had hickeys running down your neck and bruises everywhere. Your hair was matted and sticky, you tried running your hand through it and found it to be impossible. You took a sniff from your armpit, you smelt like ass too. Your aching mind and body didn’t want to move any more than they had to but you knew you needed a shower. You hopped in the shower and threw your clothes in the ever-growing pile of things you had to wash.
The shower was more effective than you thought it would be, looking in the mirror you almost looked human.
“But I don’t feel it”
You felt nothing, even your body felt numb. You felt your body and mind daze out. autopilot taking over then suddenly you were dressed and ready to go without even remembering what happened in the last 20 minutes. Funny when this used to happen, it felt scary like you weren’t really there, but this time the only thing you felt was comfort. Getting up already felt so hard. Like you woke up with bricks on your chest. Brushing your teeth never made them feel any cleaner, looking in the mirror made you dirty. Staring into a void and seeing someone you never wanted to be.
That’s why you preferred the times you weren’t completely in your body. It meant you weren't completely alive. It meant you didn’t have to fight yourself to survive, what’s there to fight if nothing exists.
Somehow you got through the day, dazed out. You did your homework, absentmindedly answering questions in lectures but afterward forgetting its contents. You avoided looking in the mirror for the fear of feeling real, seeing the way your eyebags drooped. How your hair was messy and your uniform crumpled and unironed. Though you never cared about that stuff before. When you woke up, it was the end of school you were still dazing out when the last bell rang and everyone started running out of class.
Alerted you finally looked up to see the class empty, and your professor doing his best to put the desks in place.
“Ugh” you groaned out loud. In place of the daze, you had earlier was a headache.
You started hurriedly shuffling papers in your bag, trying to make as little sound as possible. Before leaving the class you gave your goodbyes.
“Have a good night professor” you gave a polite smile
They only grumbled in response not even looking up. You didn’t remember much of the day but based on how the classroom looked now, it was very rowdy.
Walking through the hallways felt like a bad dream, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the glass panel filled with school awards. The reflection made you feel sick. You looked sick.
You heard Mammon in the hallway, his laughter traveling a reminder of his existence.
Steps resounding, quicken towards you. You looked up suddenly, making accidental eye contact.
He smiled at you and waved, causing you to have a deer in the headlights look before you waved back nonsmiling. You just walked past him not knowing what to do, all you knew was you can’t look back.
Asmodeus tried to forget about this whole affair but he just couldn’t. Curiosity was killing him. Ever since you came here, you were a powerful force. Somehow making the top in classes, even his charms didn’t work on you. You kept your distance from everyone in the house of lamentation, you just did your work and stayed in your room.
Of course, he was curious, about who had broken your heart.
“More like shattered it” he thought. He knew you were polite enough and smiled back if necessary. But you didn’t open up, you didn’t seek their love. Maybe he could fix you back up since whoever had screwed you over had left an opening. He smiled a devilish grin.
“Maybe this is an opportunity”
Maybe Asmodeus could steal your soul.
Maybe he could gain the upper hand from his brothers once and for all.
He just needed a plan.
As you walked past Mammon your heart thumped. Would he stop you? Would he confront you?
But nothing happened at least you heard nothing. You sped up your walking god forbid you ran into another of the brothers. The school was almost empty at this point, only teachers and some straggler students like yourself leaving. When you were outside it looked like it might rain.
You didn’t have an umbrella, you grimaced. The weather in the devildom was always ten times worse.
“Whatever I’ll just have to deal”
Then you heard a voice and someone's car pulled up in front of the school.
“Get in darling, I’ve heard the weather going to be ghastly”
It was Asmodeus.
His hot pink car sat there exhaust leaking out.
His offer caught you by surprise and it showed. Your eyebrows were raised and your eyes widened mouth open.
“Come on babe I can’t sit here all day” His singsong voice called out to you once again.
Unsure of what to do you walked forward towards his car.
“It beats walking outside,” you thought then sighed as you opened the hot pink car door.
“That’s a good choice” Asmodeus then smiled.
As you buckled yourself in, you felt something off in your gut.
And the feeling Asmodeus wasn’t being as kind as he pretended to be.
Hey so I finally finished part seven. I really am so grateful to have people be interested in my story. So I hope you enjoy this.
TW: Mentions of body dysmorphia, implications of eating disorders, toxic family dynamic, and swearing.
Asmodeus stepped out of his room, despite all your claws to his face he somehow looked like he’d just stepped out of a skincare commercial. As he passed the house windows, he couldn’t help but look at himself.
But when he peered in all he’d see is an unidentifiable state of a supposed person. All his features didn’t have a base of believability. They would constantly shift like a badly glued-together children's art project.
He couldn’t help but peer into each reflective surface to make sure his perception of himself had stayed the same. His anxiety would spike when the mirror would go all blurry and suddenly his face was no longer his.
It didn’t just affect his face, the disease affected his whole body. It made him impure, it made him fragile. The afflictions he had were unfocused and would come at random. The attacks of broken self-perception were almost uncontrollable.
Until the voice came in, it helped.
As he walked through the house halls, all he could do was hyper focus on everyone else. His head was so clear it was isolating as if he was stuck in a crystal mirror fun house with no way out. But he continued forward a charming smile on his face, he kept on striding forward.
Suddenly he was shoved to the side by a giant. It was Beel, his younger brother.
Beel barely even noticed Asmodeus, who was crumpled on the wall where Beel had accidentally shoved him towards.
It took Beel a minute to turn around.
‘Oh.. sorry’ he said sheepishly, but he didn’t look sorry at all.
Asmo gritted his teeth briefly then smiled brightly.
“It's fine, don’t worry about it” he sounded like his voice was made of sunshine. But he wanted to burn Beel with it.
His younger brother snickered at his response and just walked off
Asmodeus sighed and started to continue, and just before he was out of earshot. He heard Beel laugh and mutter under his breath
“Stupid slut.”
Asmo didn’t even pause, he just walked the comment off. He had a certain role to fulfill.
And that meant he had to beat down, any reaction that might change the dynamic.
He just decided he was going to be on top.
Of the pyramid his brothers created, to keep him in cages.
“The only way you’ll break out is if you follow my lead”
The voice was talking again. He sighed, the only way it would leave, is when he would follow its instructions.
The school would buzz with whispers whenever he passed. Whenever he would turn around the chatter surrounding him would disperse like a chemical reaction. And it was exactly the same in the House Lamentation. As Asmodeus walked down the stairs, his high heels click-clacked on the wooden stairs alerting the others to his presence. Though the looks he got were less than enviable. Lucifer waited down by the end of the stairs, though he wasn’t looking at Asmodeus. Lucifer was waiting for Mammon.
“Asmodeus, have you seen Mammon lately?” He said sternly not even bothering to look at Asmodeus’s face.
“Sorry no, Lucifer” He smiled but Lucifer didn’t notice.
The hurt in his eyes would be obvious, but Lucifer never saw Asmodeus.
Not as a brother, or a demon. Though Lucifer was trapped in hell with Asmodeus when they both fell, Lucifer didn’t even remember.
As soon as Asmodeus was out of Lucifer's sight, he dropped the act. No point in performing for people who won’t tip you.
The breakfast room didn’t even hear Asmodeus slip into the room, it was like he wasn’t even real. He really only walked in there so someone could see, how good he looked. That's all he needed he would tell himself.
All he needed was for someone to see him, not breakfast.
Ever since Asmodeus was a child he wanted to be the best in the room. He wanted to shine so brightly other jewels looked dull. And he still felt that way, the only thing that had changed was he wasn’t the jewel of heaven anymore.
His entirety had changed, he fell hard. He fell harder than most angels, and it hurt. He woke up with more invisible scars, and he took longer to reawaken than the others too. The difference between demons and humans was smaller than it seemed.
See when you are an angel, you're separate from all other deities. The world worships you just for being, you are so far from anything dirty you don’t even know what the word means. But falling from heaven doesn't mean you become evil, you just get to carry the sins of humanity.
When he was an angel he couldn’t imagine being flawed, now he was infected with sin. He was inflicted with the curse of being human.
Even at his best, he would never shine as he would before. It plagued him knowing he was stuck below everyone else.
He felt so broken, that he didn’t see the problem in dragging everyone down with him.
He sat down with breakfast on the family table, he just toyed with the fork but never ever used it. The table was filled with his brother's laughter, the sound dug a hole in where his heart was supposed to be. It was drilling trying to keep up pretenses around them, it would leave him pale-faced trying to keep up with the fast paced conversation. The effort to pretend to put food in his mouth ruined any sort of happiness he could feel with them.
Eventually, after about thirty minutes of pushing food around his plate numbly, trying to make it seem like there was less. He quietly threw it away and gracefully set the plate down at the kitchen sink where Satan was washing dishes.
“Oh, you're done?” Satan asked suspicious of Asmodeus's clean plate.
“Yes of course I am” Asmo smiled.
But behind his back he dug his nails into his skin.
“They didn’t care, so why did they ask?”
“Is he not eating again? He is such an attention whore” hushed an unidentifiable whisper of one of his brothers
“Oh he's a whore for more than attention,” someone else said gleefully
He could feel his whole family's eyes on him now.
He could feel the blood from his palm leaking through his fingers. His nails dug in harder than before. Quickly he hid his hand in his pocket.
He didn’t need them noticing even more. He started to speed walk out of the kitchen when Levi stopped him. His chest tightened seeing Levi tower over him. he looked away afraid if he looked into his younger brother's eyes, he would see jealousy and hatred towards him. Just for being better by default. They all seemed to fall into first place while Asmodeus fell into the last.
He was just crawling trying to finish what he’d started and they would be already gone.
Levi pulled Asmo’s face towards him.
“Hey you were out so last night, so who did you fuck next?” Levi’s smile was full of malice.
Asmodeus felt an urge build up inside of him.
To tear him open.
“The people you wished you could, what are you going to call me a normie now?” Asmodeus chuckled coldly.
Levi eyed him, not saying anything back. Though Asmodeus knew it wasn’t a complete win.
