#cheeers

[thegentlemansresurgence]

[urnewfav-girly]

I’m banned from Live ahahahha so cheers with my mimosa

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Happy December 25th lol :)

[ryusxnka-moved]

         Another year has passed since this blog was created and I’m one of those weirdos that makes a self-celebratory post every year - this time is no different. I’m not going to lie and admit that i’ve been really absent from here, especially since new years arrived. I’ve stated before that i’d change that, but regrettably, nothing’s really altered and i apologize for that.  --  I’ve actually contemplated deleting a few times since my inability of writing is overpowering - Additionally, due to health reasons and a likely burnout - But i’ve had a few people show me immense interest in writing with me the past month or so and it reminded me that I shouldn’t give this blog up just yet. Not now. Not until the Bleach anime finalizes its last episode.-I’ll power through my slump with the immeasurable love and support of my mutuals and friends and write a tower of a lot more once it’s defeated. You all know who you are. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being patient, understanding, and for staying by my side despite my inactivity and responses on here and on discord. It means so damn much to me. My blog turned seven and you are all a reason for it. I love writing Hitsugaya and screaming about him with you guys; I vastly cherish him and i love you. 

[landedinaverycommoncrisis-505]

The lads playing @ Summer Sessions in Glasgow | 25.08.2018

Photo via Steve’s IG Story

[pontevoix]

twice, he’s been married – & twice, his spouse has been made to tolerate the phone calls at night. 

in his first marriage, dina used to sleep through the calls, pledging to him that she’d wake only when she herself was needed - & grisha better make damn sure that she is needed when that’s the case. 

those had been the days where he had just finished medical school, though he hadn’t thought much more of medicine than as a means to a larger end – he occupied dregs of free time making himself a nuisance with lobbyists, with rallies, with whatever. dina came too & argued with others about the roots of a rotten dynasty – she would know, she used to say. look at my family line. that had been a uniting point between them. he & dina had both seen the world in flames, & they had tried arguing with the world because of it. 

there’s a lot that happens in the middle there.  fragments of old things, old memories with distorted time, grief so heavy that it ached into anger. there’s a sense of foreboding grisha can’t shake, that his marriage with dina would end in death. 

it makes it difficult to treat their marriage as though it were still alive. they argue, anyway. they have differences. dina becomes pregnant regardless, & so they two choose to be amicable, & they are professional. they still see the world on fire, & then there is a boy.

grisha can’t quite recognize him - the way he delights easily in little toy gifts, & the way he closes his ears when there is talk of things that are wrong in the world. he is too sweet to have been his child or dina’s. still, he represents something grisha can’t quite understand. when grisha looks at zeke sometimes, he can’t help his gaze from shifting slightly to the side. 

grisha does try, though. but those early years come in the hazed perspective of a split man, looking for smoke. & by then, grisha & dina had split - still amicable, still professional. 

eventually, it changes. the haze clears enough, & the final picture is even worse. though the old memories had spoken to him early, they are only clearer cut after he encounters krueger on the outskirts of action. he thinks to himself : oh, he must be the owl. in this world, the owl is a whistleblower. but grisha remembers the owl for war & recognizes him as a piece of himself. 

it is then that grisha thinks that perhaps he is not the one who should be arguing the world.

he tries, at least, to stop an icarus before he can swelter by the sun. 

in the aftermath, he becomes a man. still, he’s used to phone calls in the middle of the night – it usually signals someone else’s crisis, but grisha has spent lifetimes waiting for the surge of wildfire. 

come his second marriage, carla is never quite successful at sleeping through the calls. she stirs every time that grisha pushed himself out of bed to try & to be the remedy. half-asleep, carla always manages to complain about the sound, to murmur demands that he go back to sleep – though she denies it come the morning. she’s good like that – believes in medicine not for its miracles, but for its hardwork & that it aims to give people just one more day.

carla is good at day-by-day living. she treats it as something sweet in a way that grisha had never managed. he’s always been struck sick by bigger pictures. meanwhile, carla likes mundanity enough that she makes her own form of medicine, & grisha cannot argue with it.  even when he remembers what he remembers, mourns her sometimes in the middle of this life – even when eren is born, & grisha knows that his sons are his contribution the world. for better, or for worse. 

they grow, & he sees himself in both of them. 

but the world has written & rewritten itself a million times. this life is not the last.

years pass, & grisha creeps into his middle years. carla refuses to age, but she delights when she points out crows eyes at the corner of her eyes. she is easy to grow old with, even if there will always be risk of what could be. 

grisha starts to get fewer calls in the night. it’s a privilege that has been earned through promotion, & so smaller crises are delegated.

but the phone rings. grisha answers without looking, & just out of habit. 

there’s nothing there. static, & maybe breath that wants to be quieter. 

carla stirs, so grisha stands automatically & abandons the bedroom for the hallway. he keeps the phone pressed to his ear & says a greeting: dr. jaeger. speak.  

the call drops. grisha is still standing with his back pressed against the wall.

the phone rings again, proves it’s not a fraud. 

this time, grisha looks at the caller id at least. his own name glares back at him. 

he picks up again. ‘ zeke. is there something wrong ? ‘ he asks now – because they don’t do this. they call at holidays, & they meet together when formalities beckon it – they do all the things that should be done, but they have never been the type of family that makes a habit of seeking one another out. 

that’s grisha’s fault, he’s sure. there is a block within him that has never made him the trusted father. he has tried, though, more than he had. it doesn’t make him reliable. 

zeke laughs into his phone - a man young enough that he thinks he’s grown. for some reason, grisha thinks of him covering his ears as a child. but now that zeke has announced himself, he has to speak. ‘  you are always so far away, ‘ zeke muses. he sounds tired. [ sent by: @warche1f ]

‘ i see, ‘ grisha says. the call keeps collecting silent seconds. there is no question, no motion for a fix, no fire.

the clock is trudging close to two in the morning. grisha wonders if zeke must be drunk or high or nostalgic – he doesn’t know zeke’s habits very well, not now. even so, these are easy questions. 

he can’t bring himself to wonder what zeke remembers, if there is a war inside him too. 

‘ zeke. do you struggle with sleep ? ‘ he asks, to learn one habit at the least. grisha stalls for time, then he purses his lips. 

he’s used to phone calls in the middle of the night – it usually signals someone else’s crisis. 

even if they don’t do this; & even if they they never reconcile with old things or new things - there is an offering to be made. there are many things that grisha owes his son.  

‘ if i am away, you know it is not from anything you have ever done. do you understand that ? ‘ 

[sawhxre]

Also to the places naming cocktails funny names I hate you, making the goth girl with the resting bitchface look you dead in the eyes, and ask seriously, 'can I get two gummy bears please?' 🥺🥺🥺🥺 🔪🔪🔪🔪🖤

[gwimm]

I got 50 Yahoos next to me let’s drink!

Cheers!! 🥂✨🥳

idk what are we cheering for XDDDD

[apollothyme]

500 notes on my charlie edit awww you guys. thank you 😭❤