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May 12, 2019

Clean Slate - Jongdae

Jongdae x Reader

Angst (Part I of II parts)

You woke up lost in your own body. Like a newborn in the body of a 26 year old, void of any memory and recollection of the life you lived prior to waking up in the four white walls of the hospital. But there’s one name that your mind refused to let go of, Kim Jongdae.

5982 words.

“Dae… Jongdae.” His name rolled down your lips once more as you repeat it over and over as you did over the last couple of days. It was more for the sake of habit, being aware of a name became your anchor to reality. The name Jongdae was a reminder that you lived a whole life before what happened. That you existed, lived, and thrived, all of which you could not remember.

But you could remember Kim Jongdae.

It was the first word that your tongue was able to speak after falling comatose for a whole week. You’re somehow aware of the people around you, how your sister held your hand tightly when she noticed that your eyes finally opened. When your eyes started skimming around the room, you saw his husband standing on the corner. It took you awhile to associate their faces with a name, yet you figured it out. Still in a daze, you took note of the nurses and Doctors all clad in white that flooded to your room shortly after. Your senses were all able to comprehend all of these informations yet the first person you looked for was a certain Kim Jongdae.

You weren’t even aware why you’re lying on a hospital bed, strapped to a heart rate monitor with all your limbs bound and braced. You had absolutely no recollection on the car accident your doctor and sister talked about. But you could remember how his eyes disappear when he smiled, how his fingertips feel against yours when he holds your hand - you don’t know anything except Kim Jongdae.

Three more weeks passed by in the recovery room, yet your whole life prior to waking up in the four white walls were still fragments that you couldn’t find. It was hell dealing with a life so empty, as if you’re a newborn mind in a body of a bruised 25 year old. It required time for you to comprehend that you lived a quarter of a century and not remember a bit of it, but could remember a person that hasn’t showed up nor visited you in that span of time.

Well, not until now.

You patiently waited, seated in a cafe that your sister said where Jongdae would meet you. Like all other things you’re not aware of, you don’t know why he needed convincing to come and see you again. Everyone around you, including your bestfriend Kate - a friendship you were made aware of only a week into recovery, refused to explain to you who Jongdae is to you, or rather the old you. They spoke of vague excuses that the matter was to be dealt between the two of you. It somehow gave you something to be eager of, to be persistent in healing and getting better, all to know the unsolved puzzle of who this Jongdae was. If he’s the first and only name you could remember even after a severe traumatic amnesia, he should be important right?

And if he, indeed, played a vital part in who you were, then maybe he can help you regain back all the memories. Maybe he can help find the missing fragments of you that was shattered by a devastating vehicular accident that left you in the middle of a forest. Or at least that’s what everybody hoped for.

Your fingers absentmindedly danced over your cell phone that lied on the table. It was a new one, for the one you used was apparently rendered as useless as the car wreck you were seen in. But your sister already sent it to a technician in hopes of recovering valuable data or conversations that could help you get a grasp on who you are, or who you used to be - because it seems that no one else can.

It was made clear to you that you’ve been with no contact to your sister for a couple of months, and you only sparingly talked to Kate during the same time. Nobody that existed in your post-traumatic life knew what in the world you’ve been up to during the past few months. No one even had any hypothetical explanation why you were speeding down a cliff driveway in the middle of the night. Nobody, not even you.

Made aware by the sudden music of the wind chimes at the cafe door, you instinctively looked up. And you finally saw the only face that made an impression to your mind. The only sense of familiarity from your old self, the only existence that connects whoever you are now to who you once were. He was clad in a loose white dress shirt tucked in his jeans, his copper hair was far from his black tresses embedded in your washed out mind. His head turned around a few times, probably in search of you. You noted how his face looked devoid of any emotions aside from the curls on his forehead, an exact antithesis of the excitement painted in your face and reflected by the drumming of your heart.

Just by the first look and the initial feedback by your own body, you already know that he was more than just someone in your life. The electricity that flowed down your spine as his brown irises met yours indicated that his presence was more than just welcome. It seemed like you were thirsted of this emotion for the past six weeks, a period where you lived everyday barren of any willingness and devotion to move forward. Because how can you look forward to the future if there was no foundation of a past, of your identity, to guide you? But the warmth of Jongdae’s presence melted the cold, frigid state of your spirit. He is here, he was a part of who you were, you now had a starting point on the treasure hunt that led back to yourself.

“Hi.” Was the only word that came out of your lips, even in a breathless manner as his frame approached the seat in front of you. “Jongdae..” You swear that the past weeks served as enough practice for you to say his name out loud, but somehow you felt nervous saying it to his face

Jongdae wore a blankly courteous smile on his face as he sat opposite to you. “I didn’t mean to keep you waiting, I didn’t expect a traffic coming down here.” He spoke with a tactfully expressionless tone. You wanted to rake over the vestiges that were left off your memories, if Jongdae was indeed this dismissive and cold. Yet all you could gather was a flash of his genuine laughter and charming smile.

“It’s no problem at all. Thank you for coming here.” You answered with your most sincere smile.

His face was void of any reciprocated pleasantries yet it was imbued by vast freshness, his eyes gave off warmth and a delightful aura. You keenly sense that maybe he didn’t want to be here, that he didn’t want to meet you. Even amplified by the fact that it took him weeks before meeting up with you despite his knowledge of your intentions to see him.

“So, let’s go?” Jongdae’s lips pursed into a polite smile, yet his whole demeanor spoke of a bittersweet feeling within him. He just twirled the car keys that hung by his fingers, and it just flashed in your mind that this is what he does when he feels awkward, or nervous, or both.

You nodded in agreement, standing up to grab your oversized carry-on bag situated on the chair adjacent to yours. Your peripheral vision showing Jongdae’s hands approaching yours as he insisted to carry your things. A jolt of juvenile electricity bolting through your body when his hand made contact with yours.

“Thank you.” To which he only responded with a nod as he started to walk out of the cafe, your bag in his hand and you decided to follow him in silence.

In his car, a quiet atmosphere enveloped the both of you. You’ve already come into conclusion over the past few days that Jongdae was your boyfriend, judging by the sense of familiarity you had with him that decided to stick even after a near-fatal experience. The fragments of memories and images that shone in your mind spoke of a forgotten love story that you wish to be reminded of. And that just makes everything worse at this moment.

“Sorry.” You all of a sudden spoke into the quietness of the constricting air in his Camry, slowly looking over to his form beside you.

“What for?” Jongdae’s forehead knotted in confusion.

“The inconvenience. I know taking in someone with a wiped out mind really isn’t that ideal of situation. So..” You trailed off, not really knowing how to finish your words.

Maybe that’s what made the situation more ill at ease. Apparently, your sister and Jongdae came into an agreement to help you sort out your memories for a short time being. It has been advised by your doctor to immerse yourself in environments that would trigger memories of your past, as it would help you to regain more memories - to gain back more of you. And now, the both of you are headed back to his home with this dead silence enveloping the both of you.

“It’s not that of a big deal. I mean, you need my help.” He stated, to which you just nodded to. Knowing that approaching other people wouldn’t be of much help as all you remembered was driving beside you.

“So you were my…” You tested the waters, intentionally not finishing the sentence in hopes of him finishing it himself.

“Ex-boyfriend.” Jongdae answered, deadpan.

An inarticulate “Oh” was all you could muster to say, not actually prepared for a conversation regarding a relationship you don’t even recall.

“Actually, ex-fiance.” You just shot back a blank stare at him, a bleak curve painted on his lips. Your mouth turned agape at the sudden revelation, he was your fiance. And his emphasis on the prefix, ex, just left you more speechless. You’re just off to live with your ex fiancee. It just fueled more speculations and questions in your mind.

“How… how long were we together?” You started with one of the simpler questions on your list.

“7 years.”

“Wow.” You were taken aback. Seven years, seven years of a relationship that eventually ended. The truth made you even wonder more on why things ended, what went sour, and who broke it off. But that was a question for another time, perhaps.

“Why?” Jongdae suddenly asked, pertaining to your reaction.

“I mean, I’m just 26. I can’t… It’s just… 7 years is a lot.” You mumbled incoherently.

“Yeah, it was.” His face was now written with concern all over, probably pitying your state. You were like a lost child in the city and he’s one of the ones who grew up there, the one who knows everything. “We met in college, so it’s a long time ago.”

“When did we break up?”

“8 months ago.” Jongdae answered with his eyes still darted on the roads you’re trailing.

“Why-- nevermind.” You stopped yourself, not prepared for the effects on you that his answer may cause.

“That’s a topic for another time.” He looked at you with sincere eyes.

A week quickly passed by with you living under the same roof as your ex-fiance. He was gone for the most of the day as he works with a very demanding company as a part of their operations hence his frequent absence. It left you to be more acquainted with his house, which he revealed to be also your home for three years.

You and Jongdae only exchanged small talks at the start and latter parts of your day. One of which you got to ask how you two met. It was obviously an uncomfortable topic for him, given away by his eyes that refuse to connect with yours and his frequent shifting of the way he sat.

“We met during college, we had the same major. So we had a couple of subjects that we took together, and it took off from there.” He answered simply before he lifted the cup full of tea that you prepared for him.

“Who made the first move?” You asked enthusiastically. It sounded stupid how you asks details regarding an event that you lived yourself, but you really wanted to know.

“Neither. We’ve been hanging out with a group of friends. One common friend of ours, his name is Baekhyun, decided to confess for the both of us.” Jongdae let out a chuckle while he softly shook his head.

“By both of us you mean..”

“Yeah. I kinda liked you back then but I didn’t bother asking you out. You were a bit intimidating. But Baekhyun knew that you were interested too, and us just playing hard to get with each other got on his dog nerves eventually.” The creases that formed on the sides of his eyes were too admirable along with the rising of his cheekbones as he laughs. You could totally see how you were interested back then, you’re even interested now.

You dropped your head in the sudden melancholy that flooded your emotions, the action even accompanied by a despondent sigh. Being lost in your own life was something to be sad of, all these happy memories that you experienced first hand but robbed of the leisure of looking back at it. You just want to remember, you hope for the best - that this condition of yours wouldn’t be forever. Your doctors told you that most regain their memories after an ample amount of time, but there are certain cases where patients are forced to live a new life because of the past they lost.

“Why the sudden change of mood?” Jongdae asked in front of you, still seated on the chair but his hands now reaching to your side of the table. You smiled at the back of your mind on his show of concern.

“It’s just…. This college thing. It sounded so happy, and I just want to remember things. Because I can’t live through it again, there’s so much happiness that I lost.” You exhaled hopelessly. And that was when Jongdae fully put his hands over yours, your eyes looked up to his that were already darted at yours.

“You’ll be fine.” He murmurs quietly as his thumb caresses the soft skin on the back of your hand.

And at that moment, it wasn’t just the wounds on your body that you wanted to heal, nor the lapses in your memory. You thought that maybe, just maybe, being with Jongdae would heal the gap that sat between the two of you.

You decided that it would be best to start remembering the deals and trades of business management again, as you can’t live the rest of your life depending on your sister’s money and Jongdae’s help. You want to be a whole person again. Because regardless of having remembered your past or not, time would not wait for you to be okay. The present will continue pushing to the future, and you can’t just let yourself be held back.

Lucky enough, Jongdae has kept most of his college books in the shelves. The hours that you used to spend cleaning around the house you’ve been accepted to was now changed with you focusing on studying Obligations and Contracts and other concepts regarding Economics. It was easy for you to understand things, it felt natural for you to know the rules of the trade. The act was just more of refreshing your mind of what it used to know.

A few other things were quite innate to your body, too. You worked at ease in his house, as if your body just knew where to find the deep pan or where he hides the cayenne pepper. There was even an instance where you climbed out of bed at late night and didn’t even need to turn on the lights to get yourself a glass of cold water. Maybe your mind didn’t remember a lot, but your body sure did.

Another instinctive thing that your body led you on was yearning for Jongdae’s presence. He was still emotionally distant at most times, shortening the conversations to his comfort. But the both of you have already rebuilt a certain dynamic in living together. Yet one thing that you’re sure of is that you wanted more. More than just the formalities, or the polite concern that he has of you. It’s like your heart ached for a taste of what those 7 years with him was like.

You couldn’t help but wonder how things got awry with him. The both of you were supposed to be married, so what went wrong? How much did things fall apart that he couldn’t talk about it? What did you do wrong in order for him to reflect so much pain in his eyes whenever you ask about the past?

Jongdae was off from work today, you knew that he much needed this day off as he’s been working the extra hours the past few days. He’ll arrive home at 9 in the evening, but you’ll still find him hunched over his laptop and reading over a bunch of papers. You woke up earlier than usual, wanting to prepare a breakfast for him.

It was only 7 in the morning when you busied yourself in the kitchen, beating eggs and milk for a french toast. You don’t know how you’ve decided to come up with it, it was more of a gut feeling. The same way you chose whipped cream and apples to partner it with. It was an unusual selection but it felt right in the back of your mind.

“What’s this?” Jongdae asked as he sauntered towards the dining area, a hefty serving of the toast already prepared for him to consume.

“French toast. I just thought you needed a little bit more of TLC today, you’ve been working busier than the bees lately.” You replied with your back facing him as you grabbed him a cup of coffee to go along with the bread.

You saw him just looking intently at the plate, not even bothering to take a seat as his face formed a mix of confusion and shock.

“You don’t like it? I’m sorry why I thought apples and cream would be a good idea I just thought -” He cut you off.

“No, no, it’s not like that. It’s exactly how I like it, I just…. I don’t know.” He lightly shook his head before eventually taking a seat.

“Well, I think my mind remembers more than I think it does. Or maybe I just used to do this a lot that it god hardwired in me?” You joked lightly as you slide the cup of coffee beside his plate.

He didn’t reply anything but a dry smile.

Your sister came over today when Jongdae was at work. She handed you a flashdrive, apparently full of the data that used to be in your old phone. Your sister just asked you how things were going on with Jongdae, and she was surprised to hear that things were actually going great between the two of you.

You used the laptop you just bought a few days a go to run over the files. A transcript of all text messages was there, all the videos and photos of your life prior to being forgotten was also there. A sense of sadness flowing over you when you saw how you looked, dated a few weeks before the accident. Your body looked better but your emotions were empty. A few more photos looked as if you were ceased of all enthusiasm on living. It was weird to you how you looked happier right now in the mirror than that of the image in your old life.

Then there was it again, a pain you’ve been acquainted with when sudden flashes of vague memories come surging in your mind.

You were sure it was the night of the accident, your hands on the steering wheel as your foot stepped on the accelerator with great force. Everything around you was blurry and dark, tears hindering your vision and there are close to no streetlights on the road you’re driving on. Your breathing was hard as you sobbed endlessly. The memory ended when the road you faced was no more than the sky, your head colliding forcibly on the roof of the car.

You opened your eyes once more, you’re now curled up as you held your temple. Beads of sweat forming on your forehead eventually landing on the bed of the guest room you’ve occupied in Jongdae’s flat.

Usually, flashes of memory would hurt your head physically but would eventually be a breath of new information to you. But this one just led to more questions. Could this thing not actually be an accident?

“I see you’re busy.” Jongdae announced as he placed his file bag over the couch. He arrived home to the sight of you still scrolling down the photos from your old phone. After the painful episode earlier, you’re now smiling on the old photos of you together. You thought that it was peculiar how you still kept most of your photos even being broken up for 6 months at the time.

“Yeah, my sister dropped by earlier to give me my old files.” You answered, only looking for him for a while as you continued to sneak past the photos. “Oh look!” You excitedly turned your laptop to him, showing him the picture of you dressed as Harley Quinn and him as joker. “I didn’t expect we do couple halloween costumes.”

He slowly sat beside you on the couch, letting loose of his tie as he lazily sat beside you. You continued to press next on the photos, still showing the both of you in various occasions. “Wow, you still have those.”

“Yeah, they’re actually a lot.” You chuckled at the cuteness of the next photo that showed you and him wearing bunny ears. “You don’t keep some?” You looked to your left, catching his eyes still looking nostalgically on your laptop screen.

“I guess not.” He shook his head lightly. You tried to disregard your disappointment on his remark, proceeding on scanning through the pictures.

“Wow, you’re bitter.” You joked lightly.

“I had reasons.”Jongdae answered a little bit too seriously.

“What?” You suddenly blurted out in confusion on the photo. You were just clad in house clothes, with crazy figures drawn all over your face. It was just you in the photo and you looked annoyed. You looked over to jongdae who let out a laugh on the photo. “Care to explain?”

His loud cackles were accompanied by his hand over his stomach, “We were playing uno, and whoever loses gets drawn on the face. It’s easy to see how much you sucked at playing cards.” His laughter died down not long after.

You proceeded on scrolling past the photos, some featured Kate, others looked as if they were officemates of yours. You were quick to note that Jongdae’s hands that almost mindlessly found its way into your waist retracted whenever the photos were those of your co-workers. It was as if he suddenly got burned by touching you whenever those kinds of photos surfaced.

“Cute.” You unthinkingly said when the next photo was that of you and Jongdae, him placing a kiss on your cheek and you smiling childishly. You both wore Mickey ears and the background looked like fireworks, a photo surely shot in Disneyland.

“It wasn’t just cute, it was wonderful.” He commented beside you. You just looked at him still lost in his thoughts as he admired the photo. “It was our 6th anniversary, we went to Disney World. You’ve always wanted to go to Disney World. You say that Disneylands in Tokyo and Hongkong were too small for you. You always dreamed of going to the real deal. So we both saved up to go to Florida. And that was where I proposed.”

Your heart felt warm on as he reminisced an important moment with you, you admired how his lips pouted a bit when he explains. How his eyes never failed to be a deep well of emotions that you wanted to immerse yourself in. The past that he talked about was wonderful, but you wanted him in the present. You found your new self falling in love once more with Jongdae.

He slowly lifted his eyes and met yours, the both of you enveloped once more by deafening silence. Your mind went blank as your body reacted on its own and you slowly lunged your face forward, your lips softly meeting his. He didn’t move, neither did he pull back. Your hands instinctively moved to cup his face, pulling him impossibly closer to you. Jongdae’s hands slowly crawled to your waist and eventually to the small of your back. You parted your lips and expected him to reciprocate, an action that he eventually returned. Your liplock wasn’t hungry, it was slow and passionate. As if the both of you were still trying to test the waters, but the waters was a lake that you were used to be submerged in for years. His lips felt like home to yours, and your hands were accustomed to every nook on his neck and shoulders as it moved down to his arms.

Your hand tightened on his arms when he bit your lower lip teasingly, making you open your lips in shock. It seemed as if he expected your response as his tongue quickly invaded the spaces of your mouth. His hands slowly rubbing up and down your back and pressing you onto him. You were lost in a daze when he suddenly pulled back, his breathing heavy as a result of the kiss that you shared.

“We shouldn’t. We can’t.” And Jongdae left you in a state of shock and emptiness as he stood up and walked to his room.

You’ve ran out of things to do at the constricting walls of Jongdae’s house. Everyone around you still thought that it wasn’t best for you to go and look for a job, having recovered only for a mere three months from the accident. But spending two months in empty white walls of the hospital and three weeks in his house were already enough for you. You want to get your life back, but you fear to admit that maybe you still weren’t ready.

So you just resorted into cleaning the whole house today, with the inclusion of Jongdae’s room. He wasn’t really tidy with things. But your senses knew that nothing much changed on the features of his room. The bookcase filled with his Economics textbooks still sat anterior to the window. The oak side table still unchanged and still features the same antique lamp.

You swore to yourself that you would only clean, but curiosity got the best of you and you decided to snoop around his things. It was true that he didn’t keep photos of you in any of the frames in his house. It was only filled with what seemed to be his group of friends, one you recognize to be Baekhyun the matchmaker. But one drawer on his dressers unearthed a couple of polaroids that featured the both of you. You were sure that one was the same day that you were in Disney world. Others included random photos from college or either of you two’s birthday parties. You smiled at the thought that he still kept these things.

But his bedside table was another story. You found a small royal blue box that was lined with a velvet material on the outside. Your hand tenderly touched the box, lifting it with caress before opening it. It revealed a beautiful diamond ring. The band itself was gold, and the centerpiece was a cushion cut sparkling diamond. Your breath was taken away by its beauty, but more by the importance it held. You gently removed the ring from its box, the piece of jewelry feeling light against your touch. You needed to try it, your mind just calls you to do so. So you carefully slid the ring on your left ring finger, and it just sat there perfectly. As if the ring was meant for you, because maybe it probably really was.

“What are you doing?” A sudden voice spoke behind you. You almost instantly hid your hands at your back as you turned to face him.

“I was just cleaning and I thought that your room could use some cleaning too. I’m sorry, I guess I just wandered off too much.” You tried to let out a little chuckle in attempt to lighten the situation.

“What’s on your hand?” Jongdae asked commandingly, his eyes intimidated you too much for your comfort.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.” You apologized hurriedly, avoiding his questions and still refusing to show your hands.

“What’s. On. Your. Hands.” He asked with more intimidation. And at this point, you were too scared to move, not deciphering on why he was too angry with you being in his room. Your hands shaked as you showed it to him, the ring still lodged on your finger.

“Take it off. Take it off now.” He closed his eyes on the sight of the ring. You almost wanted to cry in shame, in confusion, in everything. You hurriedly took off the ring and put it back in its box and eventually the drawer.

Jongdae grabbed your arm and pulled you out of his room. “Don’t meddle with my private things again.” He spoke loudly, almost making you believe that he’s mad at you - but you just knew his eyes too well despite your current state, and he was sad.

You made sure to make it up for Jongdae the following days. Waking up extra early to prepare his favorite apple french toast. But it seems that he deliberately ignored and avoided you for the past few days. A ton of questions were left with you following that day; why was he so mad at seeing you wear your own ring? Was the breakup worse than you thought of that he was that livid?

Jongdae seemed as if he took extra hours at work, too. But you wouldn’t give up, not today. Another day spent with this chaos would lead you to breaking down, and you wouldn’t let that happen. So tonight, you waited for Jongdae at the living room, and you plan to wait no matter how late he arrives.

“You should be sleeping by now.” Jongdae said dryly as he removed his shoes, entering the house. He seemed fatigued, his clothes already falling limply against his tired body.

“I wanted to talk to you.” You quickly stood up, getting his bag from him and placing it on the armchair.

“What is it?” He didn’t sound angry, so you took the opportunity to speak out.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry for meddling with your things. I know I shouldn’t have.” You tried your best to look into his eyes.

“It’s not that big of a deal, I admit I reacted badly. But, yeah.” He trailed of his words.

“And I’m sorry again.”

“For what?” His forehead contorted in confusion.

“I don’t exactly know why. But I’ve been scrolling past my old files, and a few weeks before the accident, I’ve been texting this guy. I was begging for him to tell you the truth - and I don’t know what that truth is, things still aren’t coming back to me. But I think we really ended badly, and I would just like to apologize for that.” You said almost breathlessly.

“Who was this guy you said your texting?” Jongdae’s eyebrows even furrowed further.

“His name was Changwoo. I don’t exactly remember who he was but I was practically pleading for him to talk to you and -” He held up a hand in front of you, making you stop speaking.

“You wanted Changwoo to talk to me?” Jongdae’s ever expressive eyes just gave off how confused and hurt he was.

“Yes, I wanted him to talk to -” He stopped you once again.

“Stop, let’s stop this nonsense. Please. Let’s just stop this. I’m just here to help you be okay, because of conscience okay? Because if I don’t help you, I’ll be guilted to death.” His hands waving around along with the intensity of his words.

“I love you Jongdae. I love you now, it’s not just what I remember but I do love you now.” You pleaded to him, hands reaching out to his shoulders that he was quick to swat away.

“Look, this shit isn’t easy for me. Being with you is hard for me. So let’s not complicate things any further, please. I’m just here because I want to help you, let’s just say that I pity you. But what was with the both of us, what we used to be - that’s not going to happen again.” That was all he had to say before leaving you alone crying in his living room.

You were again in his Camry, in silence as you headed over to the hospital for your scheduled checkup. Your nagging headache just reverberated in your skull, probably as a result of your endless sobbing from last night’s encounter. You didn’t share a word with Jongdae since then, like two robots just riding a car off to nowhere.

Common questions were asked once there, how much of your memory you’ve regained. How frequent your headaches were. But your mind was flooded by its own questions and its own pain. The weight of Jongdae’s words still flooded your mind.

Jongdae was outside, sitting on the waiting benches beside Kate. Who purposefully made her way over to the hospital to see your progress.

“Long time no see.” Kate remarked to Jongdae, sitting beside her in utter silence. “How’s the both of you.”

“We’re civil.” Jongdae answered thriftily.

“Civil, bland word for the both of you. You two were always exploding with emotions back then, I remember.” Kate reminisced wholeheartedly. “No lovebugs biting its way back to you?” Kate teased.

“We both know that’s not happening, Kate.” He shook his head.

“Why not? This is like a fresh start for the both of you. It’s not that far off, Jong. I mean, you’ve been together for 7 years. What’s so bad in rekindling the fire?” Kate’s brown curly hair bounced along her enthusiasm in talking to Jongdae.

“We both know why. Shit, that shit still hurts.” A pained expression grew back on Jongdae’s face.

“She doesn’t know, doesn’t she?” Kate asked.

“How am I supposed to open that up without leading to fighting? I’m still not over it. And the fact that I’m the only one who bears the burden as she lives so carefree and without any idea how it hurts me just feels so fucking wrong.”

“Why not lift the burden then? Can’t you forgive her already? I mean, it looks like she loves you again. Not that she ever stopped, Jongdae. But she’s like this Y/N I knew in second year college that gets giddy over a round of beer pong with you.” Kate said with all smiles.

“Forgive her? Really? Then act as if nothing happened? You might need to make my car jump off a cliff too for me to do that.” Jongdae tried to keep his voice low, despite the pressure and tension that can be felt in his tone.

“Tell me how am I supposed to forgive her when I still see the woman that cheated on me two weeks before our wedding.”

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