*slides into your dash all mysterious like and coughs to get your attention* What would a family be like with Lord M?
the mere thought that her lord m would attempt to have such a family with her, it terrified her. after becoming her coldest form when she found out she was pregnant shortly after the wedding, victoria felt so bad, but majority of her worries expelled themselves in a very irritated nature. ridiculously so. especially remembering how caro lost their daughter, augustus going after caro …. it was a blessing, trying to repeat to herself until she finally apologized. it took a series of bad events for victoria to be okay. i need to suck this up, i’m hurting him.
completely broken down, hair in her face and sitting in the study of brocket as she just fought with her corset and threw her bonnet off in the frustration. when she knew she hurt him, spinning in motion the events of the breakdown that caused her crying on the cool flooring of the room in brocket hall. unable to contain herself, just wanting to lay on the floor in a dress gown, unable to stop the tears. she knew she upset her william and that was furthermore upsetting and forthcoming in her own set out to protect him, it was an ultimate failure. ❛ i have failed you. ❜ whispering low, unable to contain any emotion at that point. wanting to just be better than this victoria she had become in pregnancy. even lord m probably thought she was nuts, he probably regretted even agreeing to marry her. it was hard to swallow the sudden thoughts that he’d leave now if he saw her laying on the floor, crying, and clawing at the back of her corset and hooks at her dress, begging to be out and to expel her meal from an hour ago. she didn’t want him to see, but instead of being in her nightgown? she laid, puking in her dress she tried so hard to get out of. sometimes not having skerrett around when she needed it most drove her mad. i need to bring her to brocket with me.
as the pregnancy began to end, it was less like it was in the beginning. she was mortified at this point, starting to worry her death would be coming close. spending more and more time with her lord m and tried to keep the dispatches few and far between to bond with her husband as much as possible. she wore black in some of her clothes. it showed the silent fear she felt. poor loving charlotte, now poor dead charlotte because of childbirth. that could easily be her. if i wear black, it’s a hint of what might to come.
brocket hall was where she gave birth. for it to be as quiet and relaxing as possible, but brocket provided that and she could hear the rooks outside of the window. when their first child was born. it was a girl. she wanted a boy, her pit in her stomach had begged for a boy, but it was a girl. it took a good two days in recovery to be able to even find herself to get up or stay away more than 30 mins at a time. after this birth, she wasn’t so terrified to have more children. maybe a few more. she wouldn’t in such a despair and sucking in william for the ride. recovering from the pregnancy was nothing, but recovering from a soul sucking feeling of not connecting to their child was worse. since he was there to take care of the baby whilst she did her work, it lessened her fear and lessened her loss of connection. coming in, still dolled up…. watching her husband and their daughter together. alice louise. he liked that name and louise was after lehzen, she couldn’t pass up naming her after lehzen. after all…. the woman was practically, in every way, more of her mother than her real mother. alice louise is perfect, smiles and laughs just like her father even at a few hours old. i can’t believe i did it.
