@cherrykisscs / ❛ don’t you understand? i love you. and nothing you’ve done, no matter how much of a monster you think you are, is gonna change that. ❜ / x / ga eun & seon ho
It is, in a way, ironic: how long he spent trying to make her see that she was deserving of love, only to end up in the same spot, doubting, pushing away what it is his heart yearns for. When is the price too high, when are his hands too tainted ? Where is the line, when he is no longer granted forgiveness ? Seon Ho crossed it a long time ago, stepped over it willingly, knowingly. ( Do not forget that the world shaped you as much as you shaped yourself. You were foolish to think you could carve your own fate with slippery hands. )
She speaks much like he did, and yet it feels so very different, barely seeping into his consciousness, because how can she ? A long time ago he declared that the blood would be on his hands from now, that he ought to carry the burden, and yet he could never have imagined the weight of it, the depths that the blade of failure can reach within him. No, he does not weep for those he has slain, and perhaps that is what makes him a monster.
The tears come, instead, when Ga Eun speaks in reassurance of a love that can never be. They wash away his anger as though it had been nothing but a puff of smoke, chased away by the winds of her spirit, leaving behind a fractured soul, a lost boy. ( You never succeed, boy, perhaps it is time to lay the sword by the wayside and let the current take you in its embrace. ) Weary shoulders shake in silence, and he prays she does not sense it. Any attempt at blinking away his tears is futile, and soon they flow uninhibited, forcing a choked sob past his larynx. The hopes he had, where did they go ? Perhaps she was right all those years ago. Perhaps they were not meant to be, but in an entirely different way. To love a man like him –––– what does it bring her but pain ? A shaky inhale, an attempt to square his shoulders and grit his teeth as he always has, but fatigue weighs heavy, and he sinks into himself.
❛ It should. ❜ Even the whisper carries an ache, an ice-cold sting. ❛ I am no longer who I was. ❜ I love you, he wants to say, but the words do not come out. Instead he looks away, as though the horizon could tell him how to lift the weight from his shoulders. ( It is for the best, boy, you will only bring her grief. )
