a silly thing i wrote about felix and ace reacting to cheryl and feng dating <3 once again inspired by @skllyr‘s lovely art, along with my need to write a grumpy, overprotective felix.
ship(s): cheryl x feng, felix x ace
warnings: none
word count: 3020
Felix’s adventures in questionable parenting
“I'm… dating Min.”
From everything Felix expected to hear Cheryl say when she pulled him aside after a trial, this has to be the very last thing on his list.
It takes him a few seconds to even properly process the confession, and when he does, he's only more confused.
“Min? Feng Min?” Felix asks, baffled.
“Yeah…” Cheryl says, shuffling her feet self-consciously.
And Felix just stares, not having any idea how he's supposed to react to this information.
His not-quite-daughter but the closest thing he has to one in this world, dating one of the worst troublemakers Felix has ever met? The girl who has left him to die countless times and then made fun of him for getting killed afterwards? The one who bullies killer and survivor alike, having made even Leatherface cry mid-trial?
That Feng Min?
“I'll… give you some time to think about it?” Cheryl suggests when Felix is frozen in place for a whole minute.
He doesn't protest when she walks away, only gaping in confusion while trying to wrap his head around how on Earth the brilliant girl would ever fall for such a self-centered and obnoxious person.
Still, he decides he should get a second opinion.
So he seeks out Ace, partly because his boyfriend loves gossip, partly because he wants someone to tell him he’s not being ridiculous for disapproving of Cheryl’s terrible new girlfriend.
“Hey, handsome,” Ace greets him with a grin and a wink, but Felix doesn’t have time for flirting.
“Cheryl just told me she's dating!” Felix exclaims, fully expecting Ace to be just as shocked as him.
“Huh,” Ace says instead, not looking the least bit surprised. “Good on her for finally telling you.”
“Wait—you knew?” Felix asks.
“Honey, half of the fricking camp knew,” Ace snorts. “I've seen them holding hands and making o—”
Upon Felix's scandalized expression, Ace interrupts himself.
“—ooaan effort to get to know each other?” the man finishes instead, complete with a sheepish grin.
“And you're okay with this!?” Felix demands, astonished that his boyfriend not only knew, but didn’t think it was big enough of a deal to tell Felix about. He knows Ace isn't as close to Cheryl as him, but the gambler has also taken the girl under his wing following Felix's lead, always calling her "kiddo" and going out of his way to protect her in trials.
“If she's happy, who cares?” Ace merely shrugs, infuriatingly carefree as always.
“I care!” Felix protests. “Feng is a mean person and not suited to be in a relationship before she fixes her attitude! She's going to be terrible for Cheryl—you know how sensitive she can be!”
“Opposites attract, babe,” Ace smirks, placing a hand on Felix's knee.
The gesture manages to calm Felix after his little outburst, and he pauses to consider that maybe Cheryl and Feng aren't that different from him and Ace. He knows Cheryl is almost just as reserved as him, slow to make friends and needing time to come out of her shell. If she has taken to Feng just as Felix did to Ace, against everyone's expectations, he should respect her decision. A small smile spreads over his face as he places his hand on Ace's, realizing that maybe they're not as different as he thought—
Well. There's the notable exception that Ace isn't a complete bitch to everyone around him.
“But nobody even likes Feng!” Felix continues his rant, making Ace snort and shake his head in amusement.
“I like her,” Ace points out.
“You like everyone,” Felix huffs, rolling his eyes, annoyed at how difficult Ace is making it for him to be a judgmental bastard.
“Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine today,” Ace grins, pinching his cheek. “I know you’re not Feng’s biggest fan, but you should give her a chance. For Cheryl.”
“I know,” Felix sighs in defeat. “God, I hate it when you're right.”
The following day, Felix approaches Cheryl when the camp is mostly empty, fully intending to at least appear supportive despite his justified concerns. But as he tries to tell Cheryl he’s happy for her and thinks they’re a good couple, the girl isn’t having any of it.
“For someone who lied his entire life, you sure are shit at it,” Cheryl huffs, the unexpected honesty catching Felix off guard. “Now tell me what you really think.”
He always forgets that she’s much more perceptive than her years would suggest, able to read Felix better than people twice her age.
“I… don't think she's good for you,” Felix confesses hesitantly.
“Why?” Cheryl prods, her determined gaze practically boring into his soul and making Felix feel incredibly small. When he’s quiet, not able to decide how much he should say, she continues impatiently. “Come on—you can't just say that and not give any reasons!”
“I don't want to be mean,” Felix says, pretending like he hasn’t been secretly shit-talking the gamer for the last twenty-four hours.
“I told you, be honest,” Cheryl pushes.
“Alright,” Felix sighs, before taking a deep breath. “I think she's a horrible teammate, and not a good person. She's unpredictable and a bad influence, and I don't know what you see in her.”
Instead of being upset, Cheryl huffs and cocks her hips, raising an eyebrow.
“Really?” the girl asks.
“Um… yes?” Felix hesitates under her strangely calm demeanor.
“And that isn't a bad influence?” Cheryl asks, nodding somewhere behind Felix, who turns and sees—
Ace, who looks to be eating the contents of a toolbox.
“Ace!” Felix hisses. “Excuse me,” he says to Cheryl, who merely snorts in amusement, Felix hurrying over to his boyfriend making an idiot out of himself in front of some of the others.
“Uh-oh, mom's here,” Nea snarks when he approaches the scene, Meg giggling next to her at the joke.
Ace offers Felix a wave and something that might be considered a smile, if his mouth wasn't stuffed to the brim with mechanical equipment. And to add insult to injury, he adds another grimy gear into the mix from the toolbox.
“What the hell are you doing?” Felix demands.
Ace holds up a finger, wordlessly telling him to wait while inserting yet another brand new part, grimacing as he tries to fit it into his mouth.
“We have a bet, shoo,” Meg explains, shoving at Felix who is blocking her view of the occurring trainwreck.
“What could you possibly have bet that warrants this kind of idiotic—” Felix starts, annoyed.
“We bet five keys he couldn’t fit ten brand new parts in his mouth,” Nea explains.
“And he took it?” Felix exclaims, glancing at his boyfriend who, somehow, seems way too pleased with himself considering the situation. “Of course he did,” Felix sighs in fond annoyance, wondering why he’s even surprised at this point.
Suddenly, he remembers Cheryl, turning around to address her only to find her gone.
There’s a high-pitched laugh from the other side of camp, Felix recognizing the grating sound even before he sees its culprit, eventually spotting Feng Min and Cheryl standing next to each other with Feng… laughing at Cheryl and hitting her arm?
“Find me when your mouth isn’t occupied,” Felix sneers in Ace’s direction, annoyed at how the entire thing turned out, Cheryl not heeding his warnings and immediately going back to Feng—
And then Meg bursts into another fit of giggles and even Ace barks out something that might be a laugh.
“Woah dude, TMI!” Nea jokes, putting her hands over her ears with a shit-eating grin.
And Felix finally realizes the joke.
“Not like that!” he insists, feeling heat creep up his neck from embarrassment. “To talk! Nothing else!”
“Oh, like all the times you’ve disappeared to ‘talk’ even in the middle of a trial—” Meg starts.
“I’m leaving!” Felix announces, ducking his head to feebly try to hide his blush while stomping away from the group and their filthy minds.
He ends up at his and Ace’s shared space away from the campsite, sitting next to the overflowing trunk of items while absently picking at some prayer beads attached to a broken key.
“I’m here!” Ace’s voice eventually announces. “What were your other two wishes?”
Felix snorts and doesn’t even look up, continuing to fiddle with the item in his hands.
“Did you win?” Felix asks, spinning one of the beads around its axis.
“Ta-dah!” Ace declares, squatting down in front of him to show him a handful of skeleton and dull keys. Felix hums in acknowledgement, still lost in thought, and Ace carelessly dumps the items into the trunk before sitting down next to him.
“So, how'd it go with Cheryl?” Ace asks, wiping some residual oil from the corner of his mouth following his bet.
“Well… I may have told her I don't like Feng,” Felix reluctantly confesses.
“I… okay,” Ace says, clearly fighting a smile at Felix’s social incompetence. “It’s… good that you were honest?”
“Why does that sound like a question?” Felix says, sulking.
“Aww baby, don’t pout,” Ace says, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him closer. “I know you tried your best. We can tell her together, if you want. Just to make sure she knows you support her!”
“Thank you,” Felix murmurs, leaning his head on Acer’s shoulder. At least he has Ace, who despite his eccentric personality is always there for him.
If only Cheryl would also have the same kind of support from her partner.
“What the hell does she see in Feng, anyway?” Felix mutters, not able to stop himself from engaging in another round of shit-talk.
“Well—” Ace immediately starts.
“That was a rhetorical question,” Felix snaps without any actual heat. “She couldn't have chosen worse if she tried.”
“Oh, I don't know about that,” Ace grins. “What about, say… Élodie?”
Felix can't help the disgusted face he makes. No matter how much he pretends for the sake of keeping up appearances, he still doesn't like the Frenchwoman.
“Or David?” Ace eggs on.
“Oh, god,” Felix says, shuddering at the thought. “I see your point—”
“Legion?” Ace continues.
“Shut up! I get it, I get it! Feng is fine,” Felix says, going back to his brooding.
“You're not… upset with this whole thing because Feng's a girl, right?” Ace asks, his good-natured smile masking something unpleasant.
“What?” Felix balks. “Oh, heavens, no!” he hurries to explain. “After what I went through with my—ehm, sex… s-sexuality—” he stutters, still not comfortable talking about the subject when it comes to his own preferences, even in the arms of his very male partner.
But judging someone else for theirs? He wouldn't even dream of it.
“If anything, I'm just happy she's figured it out so early,” Felix admits.
“Okay, good! So Feng—” Ace starts excitedly.
“Is still on my shit list, regardless of her gender,” Felix deadpans.
Ace sighs and holds his hands up in defeat.
“Well, I tried,” the gambler says, before a familiar smirk appears on his features. “Now give me a smooch.”
“While you taste like a ten-year-old toolbox? In your dreams,” Felix huffs, curling up against the man instead in an attempt to save his tastebuds.
Finding the right opportunity to pull Cheryl aside seems to prove difficult, as any time Felix spots her she’s either with Feng or Ace is stuck in a trial. And after his previous failure, Felix isn’t ready to try confronting the girl alone.
But the Entity always seems to have a strange sense of humor or just impeccable timing, because after just a few short days Felix finds himself materializing at the pre-trial campfire with not only Ace and Cheryl but also Feng, all standing in a neat little row like the Entity placed them there purely to annoy him.
Great; just great. Just because Felix begrudgingly accepts the gamer, doesn't mean he wants to spend time with her. He’s been lucky to avoid any trials with her ever since Cheryl’s confession, but of course this would be the time they’re put together in one, when he’s supposed to have a heartfelt conversation with his foster daughter.
It’s a while before anyone says anything, Ace looking at Felix expectantly, Cheryl avoiding eye contact with Felix, and Feng clicking her flashlight in an annoying habit.
“Let's go, lesbians!” Ace eventually cheers, trying to muster up enough excitement to break the awkward silence.
“Try to actually do gens this time instead of just jacking off into chests,” Feng snarks just as the fog sets in.
And even though Felix knows she’s right and Ace could afford to do a lot less looting, he still shoots her an annoyed glare for daring to insult his partner, right as the fog takes him.
The trial starts much smoother than expected. The Hillbilly seems to be focused on chasing Ace and Cheryl, and Felix manages to get two generators done in between unhooking and healing them. Feng, as is typical of her, sticks purely to generators instead of going for any altruism for the first half of the trial, but then pulls through and unhooks Cheryl from the proxy camping killer.
And then the gamer proceeds to lead him straight to Felix’s generator.
As Felix is hoisted up on a hook, the last generator gets done. Felix doesn’t mind being hooked since it’s his first, more than happy to buy his two teammates dead on hook some time to escape, but he sure as hell isn’t happy with how the thing panned out.
Right as Cheryl is chased out of an exit by the killer, the Entity’s claws descend on Felix in the second phase of the sacrifice process. Ace, injured, is making his way over from the other side of the map, but he barely makes it halfway before he runs into the killer chainsawing across the map.
Felix curses under his breath, annoyed over dying on his first hook because of the selfishness of one of his teammates. Maybe Cheryl will finally see Feng’s true colors, seeing as even now the girl is just—
—running to unhook him at the last second?
The gamer doesn’t offer an explanation, merely grunting from exertion when she pulls his larger frame off the hook while Felix just gapes in confusion.
“Run, you fucktard!” Feng screams when Felix takes half a second longer than she’d like to take off in a sprint.
Luckily the killer still seems occupied with Ace and isn’t returning to defend the exit, and they manage to make it there with plenty of time to spare before the Entity forcibly ends the trial. Felix is just about to suggest they leave to give Ace a chance at the hatch, when he hears the chime of said hatch being opened with a key, signaling the man’s escape.
Now just the two of them remaining in the trial, standing in the safety of the exit gate, Felix sees an opportunity and takes it.
“Thank you for the rescue,” he says, but doesn’t get an answer, Feng merely glancing at him in distrust before looking away. “I don't know if Cheryl told you, but—” he starts, wanting to clear the air.
“You were a cunt about us dating?” the girl snarks, crossing her arms. “She mentioned it, yeah.”
“I see,” Felix says, cringing from embarrassment. “I guess I never realized how much you do for the team—and especially for Cheryl. I'm sorry.”
“Ugh, spare me the fucking sob story,” Feng scoffs. “I'm gonna be with her regardless, but you not acting like a bitch about it will make Cheryl happy. So… I guess it's fine.”
She's crossing her arms and looking away in a gesture of indifference, but is also hiding her reddening cheeks behind her bangs and showing a side of her Felix has never seen before.
“Truce?” Felix asks.
Feng looks at him warily, but then she smirks.
“Only because I could kick your ass any day.”
Felix finds himself huffing out a small laugh in amusement, and when the killer finally comes to chase them out, he’s not even annoyed at the girl’s obnoxious crouching and taunts.
As soon as they make it to the other side of the invisible threshold of the trial grounds, Cheryl and Ace are there waiting for them.
“There you are!” Ace scolds while Cheryl looks between the two, hesitant. “I thought you'd killed each other!”
"We had to stay to say bye to Billy,” Feng says.
And then Cheryl comes up to her and grabs her hand.
“Thank you,” she whispers with a happy smile, and Feng bristles like an angry cat.
“I don't know what you're talking about!” Feng exclaims and stomps further away in embarrassment, tugging Cheryl along with her.
Meanwhile, Ace sidles up to Felix, giving him a wink.
“I told her everything,” Ace explains. “And I also mentioned Feng saved you. You ever consider Cheryl might be a good influence on her, instead of the other way around?”
'No,' Felix should say if he were being completely honest.
“I still don't like her,” Felix says instead.
“Aww, it's okay," Ace says, before turning to where the girls are walking ahead of them, chatting away. "We make a good team, don't we kids?” Ace calls, smirking.
“Sure, grandpa,” Feng shoots back.
Ace gasps in shock and Cheryl has the audacity to snicker, pulling Feng along by her sleeve to continue their conversation in private.
“Well?” Felix prods, raising an eyebrow.
“Oh this means war,” Ace says with a mischievous grin.
When his lover leans in to whisper about replacing all of Feng's skeleton keys with broken ones, Felix feels a smirk tugging on his lips. Even if he no longer minds them being together, he can at least get petty revenge for all the times the gamer has been less than polite to him.
Smiling pleasantly as his boyfriend goes on in detail about putting bugs in the gamer’s toolbox and other practical jokes, Felix decides that if worse comes to worst, he can always just blame Ace for being a bad influence.
