@chestofhorrors said: "please, don’t go."
Five stopped, the sharp lead tip of the pencil still pressed flat to the white page, and a hard, tight knot tangled up in his stomach, to look up at his little brother. Ben didn’t understand. Ben still didn’t understand. He still didn’t get it. He still didn’t see. Like Vanya didn’t understand. Like Vanya didn’t get it. Like Vanya didn’t see.
Time travel wasn’t all a beautiful, distant dream in the back of his brain, a bright, shimmering fantasy he had built up, it wasn’t a shining castle in the air, it was real, and it dangled before him, day and night, like the golden key to this gilded cage he had never stepped outside. Time travel was a way out. Time travel could take him, and all his brothers and all his sisters and Grace and Pogo, out of the Academy, and into a life, into a world, into a future, where Dad could never lay a hand on them ever again.
Time travel was a way out.
Time travel could give them all a better life.
But Ben didn’t understand. And Vanya didn’t understand.
And Five couldn’t explain. He couldn’t tell Ben, and he couldn’t tell Vanya, and he couldn’t tell a soul, because what if it didn’t work? What if he couldn’t do it? What if he could never do it? What if he filled his whole family up with false hope for absolutely nothing?
“Don’t count your chickens,” he said, instead, and he didn’t know if he meant it for his brother or for himself. He picked up his pencil, and he scribbled a new string of numbers in the narrow margins of the page. “I’m obviously not packing my bags and plunging into the future right this second.”