A midnight post is needed right now because I have so many thoughts racing through my head. Mostly negative.
My heart is on my mind. I'm thinking about my sad love life. I am the type of person that loves to be in love. But damn why can't I find it? I feel like Taylor Swift sometimes going through all these boys. I'm really just trying to find the perfect guy for me. I've gone through 3 serious relationships and I feel like a failure. I keep finding myself going back to two questions. Why is it so damn hard to find a decent guy in Chicago? The second is: am I not good enough?
I'm stumped and I hate that I try and find validation from random strangers via grindr, tinder, Instagram, and Snapchat. I know this is toxic behavior but I can't help but crave some attention. I'm clearly not getting it from the men I desire. Also, why is it that no one likes to write back on Tinder? Is it just laziness or lack of interest? Like is it hard to actually hold a conversation for some of y'all single gays? Wtf.
It's true that I'm never in a drought but why is this sea full of narcissistic queers? The only piece of positivity I keep in mind is that I know I have so much beauty to share with someone. I'm just not given the chance. I am working on my confidence. Wonderful role models like Rupaul remind me to love myself! That's still a bit difficult for me. But goddamn, I know I have a "killer" ass but I also have an amazing personality and heart!
I wish everyday that today is the day I bump into the love of my life. I try not to look for him because they say when you don't look, it happens. Well fuck that noise! It's not easy for a gay guy to find a decent partner.
That is all.
