#chiimii

[chiimibunnie]

[chiimibunnie]

thinking about how multiple people have assumed i was using my cane as a joke or a prop and some have even taken it from me for that reason.

i swear its bc they dont believe a hot person can be disabled

im hot as fuck btw

[chiimibunnie]

i had a doctors appointment recently where i was told that theres no cure for the chronic illnesses i have, i was told that there’s no treatment, no medication, nothing. the best they can offer is cbt to help with the seizures.

i sat in the stupid chair in the doctors stupid office and he said that i need to exercise.

‘if you dont have a routine involving daily movement you’ll just continue to spiral and get worse’

i watched his fingers trace a downwards spiral and it felt like looking at a tornado from above.

well, i was right, i knew what was wrong with me before he said but i could deny it up to that point. call myself lazy, tell myself im lying and exaggerating and im a bad friend. but now i cant really say that anymore.

it finally kicked in, i will be like this forever.

i cried on the way home, i stood at the bus stop and messaged my mum. she didn’t care. i cried on the bus, and i cried buying groceries. my phone died and my card declined.

i got home and i ate and i cried.

then i worked out

fuck it!!!!! fuck it. if this is the only thing i can do i might as well fucking do it.

im so tired of being a victim of this body, its exhausting feeling like im made of wet cotton and clay dust, i want to live. i want to make plans and not be held back by my body. i dont want to cry and cry because i had to cancel on a friend again. i dont want to cry because it hurts i dont want to cry.

fuck it i’ll work out

fuck

i want to live.

[chiimibunnie]

day 13 of things that made me smile

made jam while watching jerma (jama)

[chiimibunnie]

sometimes i think about learning to drive but then i remember i will die in a car crash or i will kill someone in a car crash or i will run over an animal or i will be arrested

[chiimibunnie]

day 11 of things that made me smile

its cooler today! i watched jerma, did (most) my dishes and practiced fry screaming, im acc okay at it :3 lots of smiles! kitty on my lap as i type dis :D

[chiimibunnie]

gootnight internet i love you

[chiimibunnie]

day 7 of things that made me smile

stardew valley again! cuddled w my kitty too