Allow me to begin - from what I would call - the beginning... It was September of 2012, I had just turned 18 the month before. One day upon waking up, I remember looking around my room - seeing that everything remained (physically) the same - "This is definitely my room...", I thought "But something is NOT the same." but even to this day, I could not explain to you for sure why that was. I sat there for a while before thinking hysterically before I left my bedroom, hoping that my mother who I lived with at the time, wouldn't look me in the eyes and I remember thinking this thought, and thinking "WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH ME. Why am I afraid to look my mom in the eyes?" and the answer to the question hit me like a ton of bricks "Because I know she can feel my thoughts... & I don't want her to know." This answer did not leave me feeling well.
Fast forward a few months - I had quit smoking weed, started working out every day, & researching brain health, taking supplements such as ginkgo biloba, and attempting to meditate (I say attempting because I would usually just wind up putting myself to sleep). All to no avail, my anxiety was constant, and much worse around people. The only people I felt comfortable around anymore were people who could easily take me out if I did anything wrong. It was as if I had this constant nagging in my brain, telling me I was a threat to everyone around me, it was seemingly inescapable.
I spent a few years living my life like this... It was quite the excruciating existence & I wasn’t sure it would ever end. I remember at one point, I was working in the back of a pizza shop, sincerely missing the feeling of boredom, wondering if I would ever be able to find a wife to have kids with in the state of mind I couldn't seem to alleviate, or escape. I was determined to live my life - I was not brave enough to commit suicide is what I would tell myself, and so, this wreckage of what was once a proud young man, continued on.
It was not long after this that I reconnected with a friend of mine who shared the same experience as me, her name was Sarah. She had just began dating a Qi Gong teacher, and she wanted to introduce me to him. So she picked me up from that same pizza shop, and we went over to his place. She had asked him to guide us through a Qi Gong form, and he did. I thought it was pretty cool, I didn't really think to much of it in the beginning.
Over the next couple months we all spent at least one day a week hanging out, and he had guided us through the same form 3 times - thats when I decided to stop being guided and start learning. So I observed him as carefully as possible, asked him questions about the different moves involved in the form, and was able to remember the entire form on my own. That is when I began my individual practice.
At the time I was training myself in Muay Thai drills using YouTube, I spent about an hour per day doing this - but the Qi Gong form I had learned from Mark, my teacher, seemed to be what I wanted to do instead. So every other day I replaced my Martial Arts practice with this Qi Gong form for just less than two weeks I was practicing Qi Gong every other day for about an hour.
One day - I had a vision about half way through my Qi Gong form - my first, full waking vision ever... I was flying over mountains, through clouds on the back of a giant Black - Gold trimmed Chinese Dragon, who appeared to be swimming through the Sky. He spoke to me without words and in essence, this is what he said "I am sorry for taking so long to get to you, but you must understand how small you truly are compared to the bigger things I must tend to, I had to wait until you were in between my larger callings, and here you are... & if you want to help me... This is how you can do it."
I was filled to the brim with purpose for life in that moment. The thing he wanted me to do was spread the Art of Qi Gong. My anxiety was lifted, & I haven't struggled with it since. When it would rear its head at me, I would find it laughable - and I would begin my Qi Gong breathing. This was during the Late Spring/Early Summer of 2015, my 21st birthday was right around the corner.
Over the next few months I had begun developing my Qi Gong practice into nothing short of a miracle - it seems I have the best luck when it comes to stumbling across amazingly authentic lineages in my Arts & Practices. I started seeing things like energy sparks, which made me feel with absolutely no doubt I knew what they meant, their origin, and was able to confidently respond to them.
These newfound perceptions baffled & amazed me - how do you tell people you can see energy? & that meditating with specific movements & intentions in a certain order brought these new awarenesses to light? Well the short answer is - you can't. Not if you want people to take you seriously and not treat you like a loon!
It was around this time I got a girlfriend, and not long after that my younger brother came down with the same anxiety that I had experienced. I was excited - because I had already found the cure. All he had to do was listen to me... I did not foresee what happened in the coming month as a possibility. Long story short I did not treat my brother with the amount of kindness that he required to be drawn into the only solution I was able to find in those long 3 years of anxiety. He ended up attempting to take his own life and failing once, but if there was something that anybody who knew my brother well should know about him. It's that He was determined, and He always got what He set out to get. September 7th, Labor Day, 2015 - He had an episode & stole my dads car. Driving straight off a 3-way intersection onto HWY 9 in Snohomish, WA at about 120 MPH he hit a tree, and got stuck as the car burned up. Ending his life...
He had spent the last couple weeks of his life making amends with people he felt he ought to. His values shifted dramatically, from being an entrepreneur to wanting to heal people. I was so excited to spend our future pursuing the same path, pushing each other to be greater through brotherly competition. You could say what I miss most about my brother is the future we never had.
This happening brought me great despair - which I have transformed into another reason to spread the Ancient Chinese Healing Art that brought back my ability to feel at peace.
I was to start college later that September. To save you some time it was short lived, and I did not return for the second quarter. Traditional school was never really my strong suit. I needed something I was truly interested in to shine, & I never really found that within the school system. So I began searching for residential/live-in Martial Arts schools.
You would be surprised at how very few of these you can actually find, I found none within the United States when I originally searched (for hours upon hours & multiple days). I eventually found Nam Yang retreat in Thailand. It was a Kung Fu retreat, they trained full-time - 35 Hours of training a week were scheduled. Included in their tuition was room & board, breakfast & dinner, but what really drew me in was their reputation for practicing Qi Gong (They spell it Chi Kung, but it really is the same thing). Master Iain Armstrong performs various Qi demonstrations, including washing his face with broken glass, slapping a chain lit on fire, being kicked in the groin, and even bending swords & spears with the soft spot on his neck! This was just amazing to me, and the decision practically made itself. I signed up for their teacher training program as soon as I could get the funds together. I flew out and arrived Nov. 1st, 2017 to begin my training.
I had never really been in an official teaching position before my time spent training with Master Iain, and I wouldn't find this out until earlier this year (2019), but man am I glad that he was the first man to teach me how to teach. His teaching methods are refined to a point of genius. Everything from day one compiles with perfect synchronicity well into the 4th month, and by that time, I had become my own best teacher.
That is not to say I have nothing more to learn from him. What it means is that I understood the concepts that make up the Tiger-Crane Art to the point where I knew that developing myself further required constant contradictions, & variations in my training. There was never "nothing" that needed improvement. To improve one aspect you must, at times, break another. Just to come back and re-develop the broken aspect until both, contradicting motions, were able to be performed simultaneously, coinciding with perfect order & execution. In order to expand, you must contract, in order to push more effectively, you must practice how to pull better. The list of contradictions is practically endless, and they are all true!
One of the most amazing things I had the pleasure of learning & experiencing was the synchronicities I discovered between Qi Gong & Kung Fu. The Horse riding stance, taught to us allowed the torso to expand even larger than embryonic breathing by itself does, and I have always been a big believer in the little differences. Everything has a point where it must reach in order to achieve its purpose, and without reaching that point, the miracle of Qi Gong & Kung Fu will not be realized.
By the time I left Nam Yang, I earned my Instructor's certificate, granting me permission to teach the Tong Ling Chi Kung, Shuang Yang, & Tiger-Crane Kung Fu under the Nam Yang name. That was back in July of 2018, & perhaps the biggest accomplishment thus far in my life.
Upon returning to the US of A, I began to establish a student base. This proved to be phenomenally difficult! Over the span of a year I managed to teach about six Qi Gong students, and one in both Kung Fu & Qi Gong. I struggled to charge my students, as I was having a difficult time putting a price upon these Ancient Chinese Arts that I sincerely believe transcend monetary value. (How do you put a price on effectively treating severe anxiety?)
I also struggled with justifying the cost of a studio's upkeep, and as a result, hymned and hawed as I attempted to get more students interested in my services, usually just in an effort to spread the word about me. I was making no money, traveling to and from my students (who were usually over an hour away), you could say that in a way I was paying to teach. I needed a change!
I wanted a reset, a change of pace. I wanted to leave society behind and disappear into the mountains for some isolated training - after all, I could easily spend 35 hours a week training without the stresses of today's world upon me. There was just one hang up... I was not confident in my ability to take care of myself, and I couldn't justify the lack of nutrition that would come without knowing how to properly forage, and hunt or fish. Thats when I began researching how to survive in the wilderness, & I came across Joshua Hamlin's & Rob Allen's survival YouTube Channel.
I paid a visit to their website, and saw them offering a 45-day Wilderness Survival Instructor Course, in which they claimed to be able to teach you how to confidently survive in the wilderness - with just a knife. That was exactly what I needed in order to disappear into the mountains with confidence. It didn't take long before I convinced myself to sign up. I was absolutely thrilled to add survival to my teaching arsenal.
I thought, “What if I could teach people how to confidently train themselves to become competent Martial Artists & awaken/improve their awareness by practicing Qi Gong & Meditation in the Wilderness...?” My vision had transformed! I had developed a passion for teaching, and I couldn't imagine anything more awesome than being able to teach people everything they'd need to know to confidently isolate in the wilderness, and train - not only their body, but their mind, to become the most effective instrument of being possible!
Prior to attending the 45-day Wilderness Survival Instructor Course at Sigma 3 Survival School, I had no idea how great of a teacher Master Iain had truly crafted me to be. My standards of expectation were very high considering the price that I paid... To my dismay, it seemed the Instructor program was designed to weed out the weak, ensuring that only the best will filter through & earn their Instructor's certificate. A sound plan really. It is survival after all.In the beginning I abhorred this approach, and was extremely upset about it - but I refused to be defeated so easily.
In addition to building shelters, fire making, procuring water, and foraging for sustenance or creating medical supplies with, we learned other various crafts necessary to sustain yourself inevitably with more ease in the wilderness, like making baskets & cordage... But the two most important lessons I learned were these;
1) How truly great my standard is for teaching my own students, and the value that it holds.
2) If you want something, and you have the means to create a functional version that fills that void - it is better to fill that void with something barely functional, than to put it off thinking that a perfect/ideal version is the only thing worth your time & effort.
