@chordbound || MENG YAO
Meng Yao is everything a man should hope to be. He never forgets his manners, not even when faced with a lack thereof, he’s punctual, diligent, RELIABLE, smart but not cunning, intellectual but not condescending, patient, modest, diplomatic.. there isn’t a trait Nie Mingjue dislikes when he looks at him. He named him vice general to prove a point, to award his perseverance and to show him that he’s seen but also to make the others aware of their wrongdoing. Be that as it may, he hasn’t regretted this decision even once since that day. Meng Yao continues to prove himself to be the kind of man Nie Mingjue admires, the kind of man he told him to be: good and virtuous to a point where no one will dare to say a bad word about him. Deeds matter more than the circumstances of one’s birth and Meng Yao is living prove for that.
It’s not often that someone succeeds in moving Mingjue’s heart in this manner. He trusts and loves all his brothers in arms, would fight and die for them without a second’s thought; but Meng Yao is SPECIAL. Over time he’s grown more fond of him than he expected to and though he tells himself that it cannot be a priority it becomes harder and harder to deny what he feels. For the first time in a long time he wants something for himself, something that isn’t related to the legacy of his ancestors or the good of their family. A true heart’s desire that isn’t as easily pushed aside as the meaningless pleasures found in drinking and idle talk. It rests heavy on his chest and accompanies his thoughts whether Meng Yao is in the room with him or off somewhere else. When he’s there Mingjue is distracted by the way he moves, by the sparkle in his eyes and the dimples in his cheeks when he smiles. When he’s not around he wonders where he is, what he does, if he’s smiling or not.
There’s rarely a chance to do more than THINK about him. Just as Mingjue always has one or another matter to attend to Meng Yao is an expert at keeping busy making himself useful. The irony of his eagerness to be as important to him as he can be being the reason he gets less of him in the way he craves is not beyond Nie Mingjue.
Today, it seems, the fates are merciful. It is a slow day without any pressing matters or emergencies to deal with and Mingjue actually has the morning to himself. The usual routines still have to be performed, but they carry no weight.
Mingjue’s mind and temperament, for once, are at peace, and the soft expression on his face mirrors that as his eyes follow Meng Yao through the room, stowing away the maps they looked at earlier with the same precision and naturalness he does everything else. Mingjue’s lips part to say something but it never comes over his lips. He knows what comes next. Meng Yao will finish his task, turn to him and inquire if there’s anything else he can be of help with. If the answer is no, he’ll excuse himself to do one of the seemingly countless things he always finds that need to be taken care of and Nie Mingjue won’t see him for the rest of the day until he calls for him. It’s become a comfortable CONSTANT - but today he doesn’t want to see it happen just yet. Instead of calling for Meng Yao he gets up from his seat and walks over, stopping not too close to him.
“Thank you,” he says as soon as the other turns around and suddenly those beautiful warm eyes are on him, and him alone.
Outside the disciples are training, their shouts coming in through the walls albeit muffled. It’s anything but silent but for a moment everything feels calm and timeless.
“I..” Nie Mingjue starts, his eyes flickering to Meng Yao’s lips and back up to his eyes. “I appreciate the work you do very much, Meng Yao.. Any general would count himself lucky to have a man like you by his side.” It’s an honest compliment, a true reflection of his feelings, but it’s also a pitiful attempt at STALLING while he musters up the courage to say what he really wishes to say. Mingjue looks as if he has more to say but falls silent for a moment.
Maybe saying it won’t bring him the relief he hopes for anyway. Strangely it also requires more courage than what he does NEXT.
Taking a step closer he presses his lips against Meng Yao’s, his arm curling around his waist to pull him close. An unknown euphoria spreads inside his heart like warm oil poured into his chest. Yao’s lips are soft, as is his skin, the little sound he makes, when his breath hitches in his throat, maddening. He smells flowery and spicy sweet, gentle but enticing and Mingjue wants to never breathe anything else again in his life. But their moment doesn’t last long. Just a few heartbeats pass before Nie Mingjue remembers where he is and what he is doing. He pulls away with a step back, lowering his eyes with a twinge of SHAME and regret sprouting in his heart. He overstepped, and greatly so.
“---Forgive me. I shouldn’t take what isn’t mine.” There is more to be said, more to ATONE for but for once the ever upright Nie Mingjue cannot face the immediate consequences of his actions. What brought him such uncharted mirth a moment ago now feels like a TREASURE he reached for undeservingly. Unable to bear looking at Meng Yao again he steps away and out of the room, his feelings in a turmoil.
