#christmaspayne

[reaperlight]

Going to Anne and Dan's wedding. Send help...

[reaperlight]

Eddie: I'm sorry I'm late. I was doing stuff and got distracted.

Venom: I'm "stuff"

Frances: I'm "got distracted."

Cletus: We had sex.

Flash: Can we please keep things professional?

Teddy: As if you weren't letting everyone know about you and Valkyrie last week.

Flash: ....so what are you doing for Christmas? [*waggles eyebrows*]

Sadie: [*choking*]

Teddy: [*splutters*]

Rex: Dealing with you people is like herding cats.

Frances: Sounds like someone's cranky today.

Eddie: How are things with Tyran?

Rex: Fine.

Cletus: ...Trouble in paradise?

Rex: I'm not discussing my personal life with you. It has nothing to do with the mission.

Teddy: Actually discussing how our respective symbiosis is going is well-within our purview--

Venom: Are you validating his needs?

Flash: Yeah, he isn't just a weapon you know?

Eddie: When was the last time you guys had fun?

Teddy: I don't think "fun" is in his vocabulary.

[reaperlight]

Eddie [walks into his increasingly crowded small New York apartment]: Hello people who do not live here.

Flash: Hey.

Teddy: Hi.

Sadie: Hi, Eddie!

Eddie: I gave you the key to my place for Venom-related emergencies only.

Sadie: This was an emergency. Venom said Frances made too many cookies and needed help eating them.

Eddie:  ...Frances made them, right?

Cletus [scoffing]: Eddie, you should know by now that I don't share my supply.

Eddie: Ah, sorry.

Carnage: They have symbiotes. They would know if they were eating anything they might find... objectionable.

Teddy: We have run thorough tests with our symbiotes. It's not like we don't know what that tastes like.

Flash: You mean about bugs or the cannibalism?

Teddy: Both.

Flash: [*nods sagely, unbothered*]

Eddie: You know Frances is a vegan, right?

Flash [abruptly stops chewing]: ...Oh God.

[reaperlight]

At the Imperium Holiday Office Party

Sadie: Look, we're under the mistletoe! You know what that means...

Teddy: Sadie, that's not mistletoe. I expect better of a scientist of your caliber.

Teddy, waking up in the middle of the night: Oh my God, she was flirting with me.