#christyt

[inablink-ofaneye]

2012-2015.

These years were the best years I have lived so far. And I wish I could live it over and over again.

I met the love of my life, and some of the best of friends during this time. I spent so much quality time with them. It was almost everyday we were doing something together. I worked at a job where at that time, I didn’t know I loved so much. I had so much fun, regardless of the sweat and tears, and I wish I had somehow stuck with it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my life now. Got a house with my love. Have a job at the hospital. But I’m growing apart from the friends I love dearly. It’s not because we’re not friends anymore. We are just growing up. We have big girl jobs. We have our own lives with our significant other. Some of us are starting a family. It’s hard to find time to spend time together.

Because life has taken us separate ways, I’ve been so nostalgic and I feel like there is something missing for me. Something that will make me feel alive, and make me feel like I’m having the best time of my life. That’s what 2012-2015 were like for me. So carefree and feeling so alive. Time is just going by too fast.

[inablink-ofaneye]

I feel numb. I feel unworthy. I feel like what is the point of my being in this awful world. I just feel like I truck along every day for what fucking reason? No one has ever cared for all the support and love I made the extra effort to give. And when I don’t continue to give it I’m the bad person? When I try to communicate how I feel it’s, “Get over it” “You’re holding a grudge” “You took it the wrong way” Or, “I have to learn my place” I am literally so over life but I don’t have the balls to take myself out of it.

[lularoekatebeau-blog]

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[inablink-ofaneye]

I hate you for turning my life upside down.

[inablink-ofaneye]

Why are you with me?

It's difficult to pretend that you playing with my feelings, is okay. How do you go from telling me all the time that when you propose to me, you want it to be special; to telling me you don't want to get married. How are you not thinking of our future, especially when we got a house together? You don't even realize how much your words hurt me. How is that you were thinking of "a future" with your ex-girlfriends but not me? Our relationship is so much more than what you've had in the past and it kills me that you don't think of us like that. I'm not expecting anything now, but I do need reassurance that you want this for the long run. I can't even talk to you about it because you don't try to understand me. You don't try to comprehend my feelings about you and me. "It's just a piece of paper, it doesn't mean anything." It means so much more than you realize. I may not be as affectionate as most girls would be, but I love you so much that you are the one I want to spend my life with. You are the one I want to create lifelong memories with. You are the one I want to accomplish milestones with. You are just the one. I don't understand why you don't view our life like that. You just see it as a piece of paper, and this doesn't mean anything to you.

[inablink-ofaneye]

You can't please everyone, you can't trust anyone.

I was told I’m not bold and don’t take leadership at work because I’m quiet. I am sorry that I am here to work and not get personal and talk behind everyone’s back to start drama. If you want to talk about something, I am more than open-minded and very willing to listen.

Don’t tell me I’m not bold because I seem to not take charge. Yes I may had started working over a month now, but I’m still on orientation and still learning, and still finding my way at this new job. It’s a new career path for me. I need much more experience to feel and be a strong LNA.

I take everything to heart. And to physically hear that you were about to talk shit about me honestly hurt my feelings. You are the one whose always telling me I am doing a great job so far and to keep up the good work. I felt the support from you. I actually looked up to you because you are one of the people who have been training and teaching me all the ways to be a great aide.

I don’t know what I did to you, for you to say something bad about me to the rest of our coworkers. If it’s something I need to work on, then please tell me. Constructive criticism goes a long way for me. It’s the only way for me to grow and learn. We’re also two different people. So the way I do my job, may not be the way you do yours.

I really like working with everyone. Or should I say liked. Now I am seeing everybody’s true personalities and it is not the kind of work environment I want to be in.

[inablink-ofaneye]

I told JJ that it makes me sick to my stomach and that I almost cry at the fact of seeing him with another girl. He responds, “Don’t be, you are my one and only.” God, I freaking love him. You and me, forever and always.

[inablink-ofaneye]

I forgot to update but..

I GOT APPROVED FOR THE CAR! And without a cosigner too. I’m so excited and a huge weight is off my shoulder. Thanks so much Autoserv for all the hard work you put into getting me approved without a cosigner. And a huge thank you to my sales person, Mike, for helping me find the right car and that was within my price range.