According to the character profiles in Arkham Asylum, the Penguin weighs 175lbs.
BULL. SHIT.
I’m an inch shorter, about 2/3 the distance around, and am far less muscular than Ozzie and I weigh a good 60lbs more than that! I will buy that that is the weight listed on his driver’s license, but like hell is he actually 175!
Do the game devs actually think that’s what 175lbs at 5′2″ looks like? On someone with a lot of muscle mass? Are our beauty and health standards as a society that fucking warped?
Fuck all that noise. Ozzie is at least 250lbs and every ounce of him is beautiful!
He spoils you – that chubby bird of yours – he loves you like no other! He would do anything to please you – but to book a whole spa facility for just the two of you? Ridiculous! Charming but ridiculous! He needs to learn to save some money.
People are already talking about the two of you – or rather, about how you date him only for the fame and money. And you like the luxury living, you must admit, but Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot is much more than just a sugar daddy. He is a sensitive, intelligent, funny man with impeccable manners. People say he’s a criminal but people don’t know him like you do! Oswald is a true gentleman who wouldn’t hurt a fly. He would never hurt you, not in a million years!
You had a delicious lunch together, then he ordered a full-body massage just for you. Ozzie himself is too self-conscious to let anyone touch him when undressed. But now, he can chill by the pool with a drink in his hand. He is wearing a black bathrobe and you know all too well, if there were other people around he’d feel too embarrassed to show himself like this – but there is only you and he can be himself for once.
The water is just too nice, you could come here every day. Your body feels relaxed as you are making another turn, swimming in the huge swimming pool you have all for yourself.
Ozzie is watching you from the corner of his eye, partially to have the whole situation under control, and partially because you look so good in this skimpy swimming suit which he bought for you last month.
You gracefully swim over to the edge of the pool and with one, swift move you haul yourself from the water, causing a small wave on the crystal-blue surface.
You can feel his hungry eyes on you as you stretch your back, presenting the shape of your body.
Little droplets of water make your skin glister in the lamplight, a few of them are still hanging from your eyelashes as you approach him.
“How was the water, my dove?” Oswald asks nonchalantly but his gaze betrays him, showing you where exactly his attention is right now. He is not looking at your face, of course he isn't, he is staring at your erected nipples, hidden behind wet, elastic fabric.
“Amazing,” you smile down at him and cock your hip flirtatiously. “Don’t you want to try it?”
He thinks of it for a moment, his eyes following a lazy drop of water that travels down the curve of your left breast and disappears in your cleavage. “Why not,” he decides and puts his glass down. “I’m a waterbird after all,” he adds with a chuckle.
You remember how he told you that he used to hate this name – Penguin – an insult that he somehow managed to turn into his own brand. You don’t know if you would have been as brave as he was, to endure as much harshness as he did and to still stand tall. He is a feisty, little bird and you admire his inner strength. He may not be the most handsome man in the world but still, you find him adorable.
He takes your hand and leads you to the Jacuzzi. With a small gesture, he invites you in.
As you happily hop in, he gives your butt a playful slap. You squeak and giggle before you let yourself sink into the hot water. He joins you in no time.
The bubbles are so nice, and your little bird is pouring even more bubbles into a long glass. As your champagne is handed to you, you feel like a real queen of Gotham.
“To us, my love!” Ozzie raises his glass and you do the same.
“To us!” You agree and then tilt your head back to empty your glass with only a few gulps.
You have an appetite for something more than just champagne tonight.
Soon, your hand is on his soft, round tummy, stroking it gently.
Ozzie looks surprised and you simply have to love his facial expression right now. You shoot him your sweetest smile and you swear he blushes a bit so you push your whole body closer, pressing your breasts to his stomach.
“Thank you for organizing this whole thing for us,” you coo, drawing small circles on his hairy chest with your index finger. “It is rare for us to spend so much time together nowadays. You’re always so busy, and I always miss you…”
You don’t want to sound petty and spoil the romantic mood but he surely already notices that little hint of sadness in your voice. He loves you but he is a public person; unlike you, he is an important figure in this town. How long will it take for him to grow bored of you, you wonder?
His gentle touch snaps you out from your unintended gloominess. He strokes your back, then his hands move lower, grabbing both sides of your body. “Come here,” he orders you softly and pulls you onto him, to sit on his lap. “Remember, my dear, even when I’m busy, I still think of you. You’re always on my mind.”
He touches your cheek and pets it lovingly. His odd, flipper-like palm is so soft as if he had never worked a day in his life, its warmth gives you comfort. Slowly, he moves his hand from your face to the back of your neck. Then, he pulls you in for a long, delicate kiss.
You don’t know exactly what it is, but something about the softness of his touches and kisses makes you want this man – want him really bad. Most would consider him ugly, repulsing – not you! You find his strangeness thrilling.
You open your mouth further, allowing him to penetrate the inside of it with his tongue, and when he takes the invitation, you can’t help but shiver in excitement.
His hand is still on the back of your head, keeping it in place as you both kiss passionately. Meanwhile, his other hand finds its way to your backsides.
You gasp as he suddenly pinches your butt-cheek.
When you finally break the kiss, you are all too ready for more. And he is too, you can feel something hard pressing to your butt as you sit astride, with him between your legs. You smirk mischievously as you start rocking your hips slowly. He purrs at the sensation but before you can get too cocky, he grabs your boobs, squeezing them mercilessly in his iron grip.
One moment later, he frees your breasts from the top of your bikini. He takes his time to admire your proportions, the softness of your skin, and the hardness of your nipples.
Your face is hot and now it is you who is blushing madly. You want him to touch you, to pinch your rock-hard nipples, to kiss them, to suck on them, to rough them with his teeth. But you can’t just tell him all that, now can you?
He keeps ogling your naked breasts, making you wetter than the water around you.
“Ozzie,” you moan his name in a wanton manner, moving your hips back and forth, trying to make him act.
Your hands are tangled in your hair, refusing to touch him just yet. You arch your back and close your eyes, making quite a view out of yourself.
“Patience, my dove,” he instructs. “Let me enjoy our quality time.”
His thick finger runs up your torso, flicking your right nipple.
“Ozzie, please…”
This time you don’t have to finish, he sinks his face between your tits and motorboats you.
You can’t help but start laughing – he’s such an animal sometimes! What else could he do with these flippers, you wonder.
I’ve just started this thing and I’m killing myself my laughing already! Someone take this phone from me!!
~~~~~
Oswald wasn’t used to all the attention… Well, that is a lie, he was used to it when it came from the media seeking to get the latest exclusive from the Penguin himself. However, this attention was a little different and it had everything to do with his new body.
Putting on the weight during his time at Blackgate wasn’t much of a choice for Oswald. Yeah, he could have ran around the tracks, lifted weights, or played basketball with all the other inmates, but he didn’t do any of those things outside of bars and he wasn’t going to start behind them. He spend his time quietly and kept to himself, putting on the extra weight by eating out of boredom.
He always knew he was a popular man before, catching the eyes of Edward Nygma at one point, but never did he think that the day would come when his body was just the right size to send Jim Gordon barking up his tree.
Standing in line— just a normal citizen trying to start his day with a fried sugary snack— Oswald is caught off guard by the cop.
“You’re looking rather healthy today, Oswald.”
Oswald turns to the man, straightening the monocle on his eye. “What?” He asks, a grimace of disgust plastered on his face.
“Healthy,” Jim repeats. “I meant it as a complement.” He flashes a smile.
Oswald couldn’t tare his eyes away from the hairy caterpillar on the man’s ruddy face.
