#cl-eocarson

[kawenakai]

cl-eocarson http://dnnyphantom.tumblr.com/post/114777462398

[kawenakai]

gone too soon. // self.

shiny and sparkly, and splendidly bright, here one day, g o n e  one night.

"Charlotte Lightyear." He breathed, sitting down in front of the tombstone, six feet above the girl that was once running around the same hallways as he did. It had been a long time since he had even thought of visiting her, nevertheless spoken her name. It was the name that still broke his heart, seeing her twin sister and friends move on from her death. It was still something that once haunted his dreams, the regret of not calling for help or even trying to help consuming the nightmares he once had. The regret swallowed him for a good six months, but even when he said he was moving on, he still wasn't over it. He had every reason to let it haunt him, he had every reason to be unable to let it all go. He saw her death. He didn't just see her dying, he saw her take her final breath, and l e t  g o of everything she had.

A little part of him wished he could see her right now. Of course, he sees a bit of her when he looks at Savannah, but something's obviously different. The light from her eyes were gone, and every time he saw that in Savannah he had to remember her light stopped shining. It took all he had to not cry every time he saw Savannah cry, knowing very well that he would absolutely lose it if one member of his ohana suddenly passed away as well. This was the first time in a long time that he's allowed himself to cry over someone else. This was the first time he was crying that had nothing to do with him yet everything at the same time. This was the first time he had felt more empty than he had ever been before.

Wiping away his tears, he stood up after what felt like ages, and just stared down at her tombstone. The last photo ever taken of her was a photo of her and her friends, which was beautifully framed in a red velvet colored picture frame, just below the stone. Healthy flowers had been placed on her grave, which meant someone else had visited recently to replace the dying flowers that once sat on her grave. For a moment, that made his heart warm up, but it quicklt cooled down again. No one would need to replace the flowers on her grave if she had never died in the first place. Again, guilt filled Kai's entire being. Guilty. He. Was. Guilty. He could have saved her, he could have at leased helped.

But he didn't.

And he'd never forgive himself for it. For once, he had felt like a villain. He felt like he had done the wrong thing, which affected a lot of people the wrong way. He thought maybe letting her decide her fate was okay since she was happy with it, but truth was he shouldn't have let her choose. It was too early— way too early for her to disappear forever. She was only seventeen. She should've been able to graduate, recieve an honors degree in engineering or become a singer like people envisioned her to become. She would've seen Avalon graduate. She and Ben could've rebuilt their own version of the X-Mansion. She could've spent the rest of her life happily in Neverland with Shawn. If she hadn't died, Savannah wouldn't be celebrating her birthday alone starting this very year. If he had helped, everything would've been different.

Wiping away the tears he hadn't known had fallen, Kai placed the item he had brought with him beside the fresh flowers. It was a little stone, with what looked like light just trying to come out. He had always thought it was a dragon egg when he found it, keeping it in secret from Ben and Jack for as long as he could. Then he realized that it was just a pretty stone. A unique, elegant and fiery stone— which reminded him of Charlotte. Even in the dark of the night the pink of the stone stood out in the darkness, illuminating Charlotte's name on the tombstone. He pressed it down into the grounded, hoping that it would be wedged tight enough within the ground so no one could steal it. It was as important to him as her life had been to her ohana.

"I'm sorry. I'm indefinitely sorry," he began with sigh, knowing this speech would only be told to her, even if she may not actually be listening. "I should've helped you. You, you shouldn't be here— Under the ground, and lifeless, I mean. You were only seventeen. You still had a lot of years. I thought I understood why you let go, I thought it was because you were happy. I thought, maybe if you were happy, everyone would be happy for you but I was wrong. How— How could you be happy when you've left people behind? I don't know if you can see WDA from Heaven, but Shawn and your sister's a mess. And I don't mean to be rude, but she needed you. We all needed you. I finally understood why people were so upset on me up-and-leaving. The fear of never coming back consumed my ohana. I don't know how you could've done that. I thought I understood. But I dont. — But at the same time, I don't think you thought about all of the cons to letting go. I think you just thought about completing everything you wanted to do. I'm proud of you, I really am." He paused to wipe his tears again, looking down at the stone in the ground as he spoke.

He felt a breeze brush by him, which made him hope that this was Charlotte listening. "I know I wasn't close with you— Not even a little bit. But I can tell you this much: I wish I was. I guess it's too late for that now, huh? I don't know how you can bear watching over your sister, seeing her all sad all the time without being able to help. I guess now that you're gone you realize the consequences. There's this thing about freedom: You're not really free— But instead, you're alone. Sometimes I wish I could join you, so I could be free and not alone with you. I don't like fact that you're alone. No one likes loneliness. I wish I could've helped you— I still wish I could help you now. One day we'll meet again. We'll catch up and pretend we're close, while becoming close in the process. I know I couldn't save you, but coming here, and reflecting on everything— You're saving me."

"Just being able to realize my faults is me learning, and this has been a learning, though painful, experience. And I need to thank you for opening my eyes." He gave a small smile, nodding his head as if to say goodbye. But this wasn't goodbye. "Until we meet again." He whispered, turning away to begin walking back to his car. Every step he took made him feel more complete, as if the missing pieces of him were being put back together like a puzzle. First, it was his heart. He felt like he had finally done the right thing, confessing and just reflecting on all of his faults. It changed him. Being able to admit all he had left to confess felt like a load was taken off his shoulders, as he began to hollow out, thus becoming weaker. Today he was just Kai, a college boy who had made too many mistakes to feel completely happy at the moment. He was just someone who couldn't get their shit together. He was just someone who wallowed in his regrets, letting them turn his soul to darkness as every waking day passed. But tomorrow, he's going to be different. If it's the last thing he'll do, he will have a different perspective of life.

[avalon-liddell-blog]

if anyone says anything besides clava or alexava i will punch them in the neck

i feel like everyone somehow heard this threat bc i wasn't sent any other ship

[avalon-liddell-blog]

▸

everyone gets three separate texts bc I can.

{{TEXT}} You know what would be fun?? If we made cookies together! Like right now. Lets do it.

{{TEXT}} But how do dolls pee?

{{TEXT}} I had a dream that you adopted me.

[josephgrillo-blog]

♣

Send ♣ for a text not meant for you

Outgoing message: no, i don't need to meet with the nurse more often. no, i don't need more one on one with the teachers. why can't you talk to them and let them put me in the regular classes? it seriously can't be that difficult.

[peter-lefou-blog]

✺

Send ✺ for a saucy text

TEXT: Why don’t you fuck your boyfriend for me since I can’t. ;)

[charles-riddle-archive]

✝ FROM ATHENA LOL

“Sir, there was an accident. We need you to come here to verify the identity of Athena Riddle. We tried to contact Carmen Riddle but she’s not picking up, please come as soon as you can." the phrase had been lingering in his mind ever since he got the phone call. There were a mix of emotions inside of him, and this weird sensation of something not being fine. But he tried himself from not making any assumptions, there was the slight chance the it wasn’t her. It couldn’t be. He saw her that day, she was fine, she had to be. She couldn’t be… dead. She was too young, that couldn’t happen. As soon as he got to the hospital the weird sensation got worse, but he tried to remain as calm as possible, he had to be optimistic. He walkd over to the person behind the counter and it took him to a certain room. There was a single body covered with a sheet, lying on the table. The look on the doctor’s eyes wasn’t reassuring at all. ”Sir, are you ready?“ he simply nodded and as soon as he saw her face, he knew he’d never be ready for that. It was as if part of him ran away. His heartbeat got faster, all the blood rushed out of his face. He didn’t know how to feel. What are you supposed to do when someone you love dies? ”Sir, is that Athena Riddle" the doctor asked. It took him all his strength to talk. “Y-Yeah. She- She is Athena, she is my little sister.” tears were already clouding his vision. It was too real. She’d never see her again. she was gone. He never got the chance to tell her that he loved her, and cared about her. Both the nurse and the doctor left him alone and he kneeled down next to the lifeless body of his sister. “Athena. A-Athena. I-I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for not being the brother you deserved. I’m sorry for not standing up for you. I should have protected you. I’m the worst brother. And I’m sorry. I-I love you, okay? You’ll never hear it but I do, I love you, you’re my little sister, you’re my everything. Please- Please come back, don’t leave us. You’re too young to be gone, I’ll make things right. Just don’t- don’t go. I need you, you’re my family. I love you, please don’t go.”