1. Before reading the note, Joyful Aging, imagine yourself at age 80, with all of the infirmities, indignities and loss of power that can come to someone later in life.
a. What frightens you most about getting older?
What frightens me most is looking back on my life and feeling like a failure because I didn’t go out and live it like I wanted to live it. I feel so much pressure to pick a ‘safe’ route and save for retirement, etc., but I feel like I will almost certainly look back on my life with regret and a feeling like I didn’t achieve my full potential. I want to see and do as much as possible. I want to help as many people as possible. I want to change the world in a dramatic way. ‘Settling’ for a comfortable life is terrifying to me because I won’t be able to leave a lasting mark on the world except through offspring.
b. Who have you seen grow old who has not aged gracefully?
My aunts and uncles on my mom’s side. When I was growing up, I was always so excited to see them at holidays because I thought they were so cool and different from my own family. As I’ve grown up though, I have found them to be shockingly depressing, jaded, cynical, and disenchanted with life. They hold my own accomplishments against me as being so ‘lucky’ and feel like everything in the world is working against them.
2. Read the note, Joyful Aging. What surprised you the most?
The most surprising thing was that the option to stay a kid and reject responsibility was a challenge in middle-aged people. This is something that I have felt the pressure of in my 20s, which is consistent with the 20s described in the note. I related to a lot of those, and was self-aware of them prior to reading the note, which was one of the motivating factors for coming to Acton.
3. Close your eyes. Take in the darkness. Imagine that you have died and that this darkness will last forever. Stay in this state, meditate on the meaning and permanence of death for the next five minutes. As soon as you open your eyes, record your thoughts.
As I am opening my eyes, I am lamenting the short time each of us has to make an impact on the world. I can’t afford to take my years for granted and I am lucky to have the opportunity to make the world better. It’s my responsibility to do something meaningful with the opportunities I am given. My mind kept jumping back to my legacy. I want to positively impact as many people as possible and make my family and those I have impacted proud to have been a part of what I have accomplished. I want my family to be proud to have been associated with me. The burden of accomplishing something like this is almost overwhelming, but I have to keep it in perspective; I can only affect the things I have control over now and I am much more likely to make an impact on the things I am passionate about. For better or worse, that is my opportunity to leave a mark and I have to make the most of it.