Happy Diwali, Claudia! So sorry you're not able to celebrate with your family 🫂. OK, my prompt is: Three, two, one.
Love Robyn
Hey Robyn 🧡🧡 thank you so much! I loved this prompt, and was able to write the silliest thing ever because of it:
Three Two One
“And we’re sure this is going to work?” Lily whispered harshly, one eye trained on the corridor outside as she watched from within the tiniest crack in the broom cupboard’s doors. “Because if this doesn’t work, I’m going to have to hex you for making me sit on top of a dusty old bucket for thirty minutes.”
“Ye of little faith, Evans. It’s going to work. So well that even he will be impressed.” She allowed herself to look at him for one moment—not that she properly could, given how dark it was inside the tiny space, despite the lumos they'd cast—and watched as his hazel eyes flew across the wrinkled parchment spread open over his lap. “He should be here in another fifteen seconds.”
“How are you estimating that?”
“Based on Padfoot’s average speed of walking.”
She stared at him, mouth ajar. “Can’t tell if you’re joking.”
But James simply grinned, teeth glinting bright in the darkness, and when her pulse fluttered stupidly, she turned back to stare at the corridor, cheeks pink. “You’re absurd.”
“Now, now, Evans, we’re on the same team here.” He scooted forward an inch, knee knocking into hers. Lily refused to entertain her heart’s thumping. “Don’t forget we were locked into cupboards three times this week already. Three. Direct your irritation at the right person.”
“The right person being your best-mate,” she deadpanned. “You need to put him on a leash.”
James snickered under his breath, seemingly more amused by her comment than he had any right to be. “If it helps, I’ve tried getting him to stop, but he thinks pushing us into smelly places together will get us to finally snog or something.”
“It doesn’t help,” she said immediately, face heating up. “And shut up, I can hear footsteps.”
He fell quiet as directed, and when Sirius’s form appeared down the hallway, a jagged piece of mirror in hand and a confused frown on his brows, Lily’s eyes flashed meaningfully at James. He nodded, shifting closer as she pointed the tip of her wand to the figure outside, keeping just barely enough space between the doors for the wood to poke through.
“Three, two, one,” James mouthed, folding fingers in sync.
She flicked her wand, muttering the incantation under her breath, and smirked at the yelp of surprise outside.
“WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK—”
“No need to wake the whole castle, mate,” James laughed, throwing open the doors with full dramatic flair. Lily couldn’t blame him; she was feeling pretty arrogant herself.
The Pumpkin-Head jinx had effectively encased Sirius’s head inside the largest, organge-est pumpkin Lily had ever seen in her life. With a little experimentation, she had been able to leave slits for eyes and a mouth on the fruit, so that Sirius—now sitting on the ground, on account of the sudden appearance of an added weight on his head—could see how fantastically he’d been trounced by them. Plus, she thought it quite suited the Halloween decorations slowly coming alive in the castle.
“PRONGS?! What the fuck?! Did you do this?”
Lily scoffed, walking closer. “Please. It was me.”
“Hey! What’s with the credit hogging? I helped!”
“But why?” Sirius cried. “Is this revenge?”
“Actually, yes, it is.” Lily smiled, saccharine-sweet, watching him struggle to get the pumpkin off his head fruitlessly. “No point trying, you prat. It won’t come off for twelve hours.”
“WHAT?” His grey eyes widened inside the pumpkin slits. “Is this what I get for trying to help?”
“No one asked for your help, mate.” James let out a long-suffering sigh. “Least of all us. Also, broom cupboards? Really?”
The pumpkin thunked back against the wall in defeat. “I just thought—”
“There was no need,” Lily said, and shared a secret grin with James. Now came part two of their revenge. With one smooth tug at his hand, she pulled herself flush against James’s chest, fingers reaching up to tangle in the mess of his hair as he leaned down to capture her lips with his. For a moment—or two—or three—Lily lost herself in the warmth of his mouth and arms, body humming with relief at finally being allowed to do this after they’d been cooped up in that cupboard, diligently waiting to strike.
Eventually, a loud, strangled noise had them breaking apart, faces flushed.
“Are you bloody kidding me?!” Sirius’s voice groaned, but Lily could spy a hint of amusement in there now. “I hate you so much that I’m sort of impressed.”
James laughed, eyes bright, and winked at her. “See? Told you.”
I've wanted to write about us for a while now. I wanted to put our story to paper to eternalise it.
I wanted to make sense of how I could fall so madly and deeply in love with someone.
In December, it will be 2 years since we met. It's already been a year since I've loved you.
It started off as a crush. Very simple. Mostly sexual. We were in my bedroom on a warm late-May night. I asked to kiss you. I didn't expect the sex to be that good. There was a connection that sparked from where we joined in the dark. I didn't expect to get burned.
The crush became a friendship, unlike anything I've ever had. I loved you wholeheartedly and innocently. Without romance, but it was more than platonic. I found you fascinating: the way your brain worked, how your ears listened to sounds, how curious you were about the world. It felt reciprocated. I did not see your self-absorption because I was absorbed in you as well.
We would see each other all the time from that late May until you left in November. We'd talk, and laugh, and make love almost daily. We even took a trip together without going anywhere. I realised I've begun to trust you. That terrified me, and I told you that. I warned you how delicate that part of me was. I trusted you as a friend, a lover, with pieces of me I rarely show anyone.
That was probably my mistake.
The hardest part about writing this isn't the memories of our physical actions but the memory of the emotions that were intertwined throughout. They were so honest.
I think I fell for you the last month we spent together. I'm not sure how. We weren't fucking at that point because you started seeing someone. I think it was the vulnerability you showed me. Only to me.
I tried to stop loving you last December. It had been a month since you left. I sent you a message saying how hard it hit me. It didn't work.
You came back into my life. You came back.
Some part of me must've convinced my heart that we were meant to be in each others lives. Not as lovers, or as friends, but something more that we couldn't even find the words for ourselves through our deep talks. I didn't fight the connection that flourished between us. It seems like you did. It was easy to breathe when we were together, to relax. You--no, we were easy. Simple. Yet still sexual even with all the distance between us.
I missed you.
You missed me too.
So planned a trip.
This is where I started to drown. Part of the year, we spent apart, parts of the year we spent together in bliss where no one we knew was around us. Taking flghts to visit friends wasn't new for me. I would do it for every one of my friends in my life. That shouldn't be used as the tool to mark my adoration for you. What should be measured is the amount of times I put your happiness first.
I think it has slowly killed me.
You're back now. I no longer need to catch a plane to see you: you live 5 minutes away. And I've tried to start my projects again. I've met so many wonderful people on our journey together. Thank you for that.
I still get glimpses of that vulnerability that made me drown in my love. I still gave you all my trust. But I can't anymore.
I feel broken because trust is all I have to give.
Author's Note: While celebrating 200 followers, I did a blurb weekend and wrote a blurb with the prompt: I didn't know where else to go with Jacob Markstrom. I loved the blurb so much that I decided to expand on it. This is the blurb if you haven't read it yet. It isn't embedded into the fic, but it is mentioned. Enjoy!
Warnings: cheating, broken engagements, heartache
Word Count: 11.6k
Additional Note: I didn't give a name to the ex-fiance; she is just referred to as "she", so if you see the pronoun she, then it's about the ex-fiance. Additionally, all italicized lines are in the POV of Jacob.
You and Jacob have been friends for as long as he’s been in Vancouver. You met him when you were on a night out with some friends. He was on his own and looking kind of sad. You walked over to him and introduced yourself hoping to make him happier. Instantly, he thought you were trying to sleep with him. When you told him he looked like he needed a friend, he let out a breath of relief. From there a beautiful friendship formed. You spent every single possible free moment together. As time went on, you began to develop feelings for him. Your friends looked at you the day after you realized how you felt and knew you finally realized yourself. They tried talking you into telling him how you felt. You always told them, though, that the reason your friendship blossomed was that he never had to worry about you falling in love with him. You didn’t want to lose his friendship, so you kept your feelings to yourself.
You watched Jacob date other women. At first, it was just casual dates and hookups here and there. However, when he met her, you knew it wasn’t casual. You watched Jacob fall head over heels for this woman, and she did the same. Unfortunately, you were standing on the side watching your best friend fall in love while you stood on the sidelines. For years, you watched them be all cute and lovey; you told people that you were fine and over him. You tried to be fine. Your best friend was happy, so shouldn’t you be happy, too?
A few months before Jacob got traded to Calgary, you got a new job. A new job in Calgary. You wanted to have Jacob over for dinner to tell him. He showed up at your apartment with his girlfriend in tow. You weren’t expecting her, too, but it made sense considering they were together. When you opened your door, you were met with big smiles on her and Jacob’s faces. You welcomed them, handed them a glass of wine, and immediately, she showed you her left hand. She’s engaged! You were shocked. You should have expected it considering they’ve been together for many years, but you thought Jacob would tell you.
You put a smile on your face and congratulated them. You ended up not telling them about your new job because you didn’t want to upstage them. You put a smile on your face and conducted a successful dinner party. When she and Jacob left that evening, you closed the door and broke down in tears. It was official, then. You truly had no possibility of ever being with Jacob. He was getting married, and you were in love with him.
You ended up taking the job and moving to Calgary. Jacob tried to talk you out of it, but later on, he retracted his statement. He didn’t say why, but you think that his fiance asked him to. As you began to observe the changes in their relationship, you noticed how she began to be controlling in the relationship. You wanted to say something, but you didn’t think Jacob would notice or listen to you because he was hopelessly in love with her.
When Jacob called you saying that he was being traded to Calgary, you were happy for him. In the months you were in Calgary, you felt you were over him. However, when you saw him for the first time standing on the front porch of his new house, you knew you were lying to yourself. You went home and cried. You weren’t sure how long you could pretend to be fine with the wedding and not having Jacob in the way you wanted.
You watched from the sidelines as Jacob and his fiance worked to plan the wedding of their dreams. You watched as she became a bit more controlling as each day went on. Somehow, she might have caught on to your feelings because she loved to flash her ring around. You put on a good facade that was worthy of an Oscars nomination.
You tried your hardest to put yourself out there and get over Jacob, but every date you went on, you were always comparing them to Jacob without knowing it. You did try; however, you knew that it was hopeless. Jacob was the person for you. He always would be. You felt bad stringing these men along, so you opted to stop dating for the time being until you could figure out how to coexist and co-date with the feelings you had for Jacob.
. . .
It was one week before the wedding when everything blew up in Jacob’s face. He thought they were happy; he thought she was also ready for forever. Turns out, she wasn’t. She was in the shower, and her phone was blowing up with texts and calls. He was trying to focus on a book you told him about, but her phone was bothering him, so he went to turn off the ringer. However, he paled at what he saw. What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to ignore it? Does he confront her? Thankfully, though, she walks out of the bathroom in her towel and catches Jacob holding her phone.
“What’re you doing?” she asks in a tone that was a mix of accusation and nervousness.
“I was going to turn off your ringer because it was bothering me, but turns out, you’re cheating on me,” Jacob says blatantly.
She doesn’t meet his eye, but she also doesn’t deny anything.
“So, nothing to say?”
“What was I supposed to do, Jacob? You have Yn! You both have a connection that I can never match or be a part of! You’re too close. I was feeling sad and angry, and I needed someone.”
“So you went to someone else?” Jacob angrily says. “We’re getting married. You’re supposed to tell me when you have issues or problems like this.”
“You don’t think I tried?”
“If you tried then we wouldn’t be having this conversation. If you told me how you felt, then I’d have tried to limit my time with Yn and focus on you. Like it or not, you and I agreed on forever. Yn and I won’t always be forever. At one point, she’ll get married. You have to tell me these things!”
She scoffs at Jacob. “It doesn’t matter if she might be getting married one day because she probably won’t.”
“What? Why would you say that?”
“You’re both too close! The connection you have is ridiculous to ever get between. It’s like you both are together, and I’m standing on the sidelines. Jacob, I tried to slowly take her out of your life, but she’s always there.”
“What do you mean you tried to take her out of my life?” Jacob is getting angry now. You were his best friend, so anyone who said anything bad about you was automatically bad news to him.
“I can’t marry you if she’s in your life. I tried to limit her interactions with you as much as possible, but still, you found a way for her to be in your life regardless of what I wanted.”
“I didn’t know that you felt this way because you didn’t tell me! If you felt this way, why didn’t you say something?”
“I thought she’d back off knowing she can’t have you because I’m with you, but she was still there.”
“What do you mean back off?”
“You mean to tell me that you don’t know that Yn has feelings for you? She’s head over heels for you, and you don’t know?”
“No, you’re wrong,” Jacob denies. There’s no way, right?
“No, I’m right. She has feelings for you, and I think deep down, so do you. Every time she calls you saying she needs you, you’re always right there at her beck and call. Do you know the number of times that you’ve changed our plans to be there for her? You’re supposed to be canceling plans with her for me, not vice versa. Jacob, I tried to take her out of your life, but she’s always there because you refuse to let her leave.”
“Why would I want my best friend to leave? Also, I think we’re missing the fact that you cheated on me!”
“Like you never cheated on me with Yn.”
“I never did,” Jacob retorts, and she just scoffs in response. “You know why? Because I’m in love with you! I’m marrying you, not Yn!”
“You still want to marry me?” she asks softly.
Jacob doesn’t answer. Does he want to marry her anymore? She cheated and admitted to trying to control his life by taking you out.
“You have two options,” she says. “You pick me, and we get married. I’ll end whatever relationship I have with him, but you don’t get Yn in your life. You don’t get to talk to her, call her, or do anything with her. You stop talking to her cold turkey. Or, you leave me.”
“What? Why would you do that to me?”
“I can’t compete with Yn to be the number one woman in your life.”
“There is no competition because you are the number one woman in my life.”
She scoffs. “As much as I want to believe that, it’s not true.”
Jacob goes silent. She’s not wrong though. Even though she was number one in his life, you were close behind. He could always count on her, but he knew you’d be there no matter what for him. You’d never make him choose. “I’m not picking because there’s no reason to. Yn doesn’t have feelings for me.”
“Answer this, then. In the seven years that you’ve known Yn, has she ever had a relationship that lasted longer than six months?”
Jacob ponders the question briefly. No, you haven’t had any relationships that have lasted longer than six months. He never thought anything of it, though. You always told him that the person wasn’t what you wanted, or you didn’t like him like that. He never thought it had anything to do with him. It didn’t, he thought to himself. You don’t have feelings for him. “Why are you trying so hard to prove this point when it’s not right?”
“So, no, right? Jacob, why can’t you see it? She’s in love with you, and whether or not you realize it, you’re in love with her, too. Deep down, it was always her. It always will be.”
“I’m not picking you or Yn because there is no choice to be made. I love you and want to marry you. If you still want that, then I can find a way to get past the infidelity and everything said here.”
“I can’t. I can’t be with you anymore. I can’t be with you knowing that you know she loves you, and you refuse to do anything about it. I’m not marrying you. I can’t marry you. She’ll always be first in your heart, and I can’t compete with that.”
Jacob nods. “I understand. You can have the house; I’ll sell my rights to you.”
“No, you take the house. You have roots in Calgary; I don’t.”
“Okay, you can stay here for the next few weeks until you figure things out and move out.”
“Where will you go?” she asks.
Jacob shrugs. “I’m not sure.” In reality, though, he knows where he’s going. He’s going to you because he knows he can always count on you.
“That’s bullshit. You’re going to Yn.”
“Goodbye,” Jacob says as he walks out the door with only his wallet, phone, and keys in tow.
. . .
It was one week before Jacob’s wedding when you felt you finally figured it out. You figured out how to ignore the nagging thoughts that the person you were on a date with wasn’t Jacob. You finally figured it out. Sure, maybe it was partially because you haven’t seen him in a month. After all, he was busy, but still, progress is progress.
You had it figured out until Jacob knocked on your door at three in the morning. He knocks telling you he had nowhere else to go. You let him in, and he tells you that she cancelled the wedding. They aren’t getting married next week. Jacob begins rambling on, but you tell him just to ignore it all right now. Take the night to relax and try to calm down. You’ll both deal with the after-effects of the wedding being cancelled in the morning. You lead Jacob into your bedroom to sleep. He insisted on sleeping on the couch, but you both knew that he was way too big for it. You fell asleep that night with Jacob holding you as you fell asleep. You sighed in content. This was the way it was supposed to be.
. . .
As you quickly fell asleep, Jacob couldn’t sleep. He lied to you. He told you that the reason he and his fiance ended the engagement was because of his travel. He thinks you would have called out his lie knowing that she and Jacob have been together for five years. One would think that after being together for five years, the travel wouldn’t be a deal-breaker anymore. How was Jacob supposed to tell you that the reason he isn’t getting married anymore was because of you? How was he supposed to tell you that you were the reason he was in your bed? How was he supposed to wrap his mind around the fact that you might have feelings for him?
His thoughts were immediately halted when you shift around in the bed slightly and lean closer into Jacob. A wide smile crosses his face. Suddenly, though, one thought is coursing through his mind: was she right? Did you have feelings for him? Why did Jacob feel like all his worries slipped away when he walked into your apartment? Why did Jacob feel so much more comfortable holding you than he ever did holding her? Why did he feel more comfortable in your home than he did his own with her? Why did he love the smell of your perfume more than he did hers? Why did he love the feel of you against his body more than he ever did hers? Why wasn’t he more upset about his broken engagement? Why wasn’t he more worried about what would happen in the morning? Did he waste his time with her when you were always there?
. . .
Jacob woke up to an empty bed the next morning. Momentarily, he forgot about the broken engagement. He remembered the events the previous night, though, when he turns over and is met with your cream sheets instead of his grey sheets. He gets out of your bed and walks into the kitchen where you’re sitting there with a bowl of cereal. You left an empty bowl for him sitting there in the event you wanted some. He poured a bowl of cereal and sat next to you.
“Morning,” he says to you.
You nod. “Your mom called me.”
“Why did my mom call you?”
You just look at him with a peculiar, knowing look in your eyes.
“Oh, broken engagement, right.”
“Care to tell me why the engagement is broken?” you ask. He looks at you. He didn’t want to. The same thought went through his head. How is he supposed to tell you that you were the reason the engagement was broken?
“She couldn’t take the travel anymore,” he lies.
You nod. “Okay.”
Jacob knows that you know he lied. He’s grateful, though, that you didn’t call him out on it. He isn’t sure what he’d do if you called him out on it.
He was lying. You knew he was lying, and you weren’t sure why. He told you when he woke you up that it was the distance. You let that lie go knowing that he was probably going through a lot. However, when Jacob’s mom called you that morning saying she heard about the broken engagement, she wanted your opinion. You aren’t sure what Jacob’s ex-fiance told her, but she didn’t tell Jacob’s mom what Jacob told you. Jacob’s mom didn’t believe you when you told her it was the travel, but you were grateful that she didn’t call you out on your lie. What were you supposed to say? Jacob wasn’t telling you what happened, and you weren’t going to press him for any information he didn’t want to give you.
When you told him that his mother called, you knew he was shocked. “I know you wanted to be the one to tell your mother, but you didn’t get the chance to. You should call her back.”
Jacob nods. “Yeah, I’ll do that.”
“Just out of curiosity, how long do you think it will take for her to move out of the house?”
“Already want me gone?” Jacob teases and flashes you his signature grin that makes your heart skip a beat.
“No, no, I’m just asking.”
“I know, I’m only teasing. I told her to take as much time as she needed, but I can go and stay with Elias or go to a hotel.”
“You don’t have to do that,” you reply. “You can stay with me. I don’t have a spare bedroom, but you can take my bed, and I’ll take the couch.”
“You don’t have to do that. I don’t want to take you out of your bed.”
“I mean, unless you don’t mind sharing a bed with me then it’s fine then,” you know that sharing a bed with Jacob for a few weeks will make your feelings skyrocket through the roof. You don’t know if you’ll ever be able to get over him.
“That’s perfectly fine with me.”
You nod. “You should call your mom.”
Jacob nods and picks up his phone to call his mom. You could get through a few weeks without breaking your facade right?
“What do you mean you don’t believe me?” Jacob asks exasperated. He was hoping his mother wouldn’t call him out on the lie he was telling.
“I don’t believe you because it doesn’t seem likely that distance would be an issue in a five-year relationship. Also, she didn’t tell me distance.”
“What did she say?”
“She told me you both grew apart. Is that true? Jacob, I’ll know when you’re lying to me, and so will Yn, so don’t lie to her either.”
“I have to lie to her,” Jacob blurts out. Shit, he shouldn’t have said that.
“What happened?”
Jacob looks out of the door to where you’re still sitting at the kitchen counter from where he’s sitting on your bed. He walks over off your bed and closes the door. He doesn’t want you hearing this part of the conversation.
“This conversation stays between us, okay?”
“Yes, yes, you’re making me worried.”
“Yeah, well. Okay, so, where do I begin? I was reading a book last night, and her phone was going off like crazy, so I went to turn off the ringer. Her screen was already lit up, and she was getting texts from this guy about when they’d be able to see each other in private again. She was cheating on me. She found me holding her phone, and I confronted her. She was saying how she would always feel second to Yn in my life even though she was always number one. Yn was not at all close to being number one in my life.”
“Jacob, I told you to stop lying to me.”
“Mom, I didn’t lie to you,” Jacob says trying to feign innocence. Wow, his mother was good at calling him out.
“Yes, you did, and you know exactly what you lied about.”
“Fine, Yn is a close second, but my fiance was still number one. She began saying how Yn and I were too close, and she felt like she couldn’t compete. She didn’t have to compete because there was nothing to compete for. She began talking about how Yn had feelings for me, and I deep down have feelings for Yn. I don’t, but she wouldn’t listen to me. She gave me an ultimatum and told me either we got married and Yn was out of my life or no wedding. I couldn’t pick because why would I? Everything she was saying was ridiculous, and Yn and I are just friends. Sure, we’re close, but there’s nothing more than that.”
“She picked for you, then?”
“Yeah,” Jacob says sadly.
“How are you doing with everything?”
“I’m fine, surprisingly,” Jacob answers. “This isn’t me trying to get you off my back. I’m fine. I don’t feel any heartbreak or anything.”
“If you’re doing good then, that’s good. Do you think you know why that is?”
Jacob doesn’t miss a beat with his response. “Because I have Yn.”
Jacob’s mother doesn’t say anything knowing that Jacob is going to realize in just a few moments the impact of his words, hopefully.
“No, that came out wrong,” Jacob rushes out quickly. “That’s not me saying because I love love her. It’s because I know I can count on her, and she can count on me.”
“Look, I’m not going to tell you what I think, but let me just leave you with this,” Jacob’s mother continues. “She has strong feelings for you. This is me asking you to be gentle with her heart. She’s been through a lot as your best friend, so please be gentle with her. ”
“Mom, she doesn’t —”
“Don’t argue with me about how Yn doesn’t feel that way to you, Jacob, okay? Be gentle with her because, whether or not you know it, you’ve caused her lots of heartache and heartbreak over the years, and the fact that she’s still in your life is monumental. Just open your eyes and look while you stay with her, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” Jacob says. He and his mother say goodbye. Jacob puts his phone down as he hangs up. He stares at the pictures sitting on your dresser. He looks at you smiling with your young nieces and nephews. His smile widens, and his heart warms looking at your smile. Is it possible that you have feelings for him? If so, is it true that he’s caused heartbreak in your life? He walks out of your bedroom and into the kitchen where you’re still sitting.
“Good talk with you mom?” you ask.
Jacob nods. Suddenly, he isn’t sure what to say to you. He, for the first time, is seeing you. Despite your hair being a bit messy because you woke up a few hours earlier, it’s still beautiful. He, for the first time, is seeing the way your hair perfectly frames your face and how it accentuates your facial features. For the first time, he’s noticing the glimmer and shine in your eyes. He’s noticing the way your voice is laced with kindness despite him waking you at three in the morning.
“Are you okay?” you ask softly.
“Yeah, why?” he asks, and he immediately blushes.
“You’re just acting weird,” you reply with a teasing smile. Jacob’s heart begins hammering in his chest. He’s looking at you and noticing your smile. How collected and beautiful your smile is. Jacob’s always known you were a beautiful woman. He’s told you on numerous occasions how stunning and beautiful you are. For the first time, though, he’s realizing how wrong that is, how much of an understatement beautiful is. You’re drop-dead gorgeous.
“You’re acting weird,” Jacob says mimicking your voice that brings out a giggle from you. Jacob looks at you, and his heart is beating much faster than before.
“You sure you’re okay?” you ask again and walk over to him. You place your hand on his forehead pretending you’re taking his temperature, and Jacob’s breath hitches in his throat. Did you notice? “Maybe you have a fever.”
“I’m fine, I promise,” Jacob whispers.
“Yeah, including everything that has happened?”
Jacob nods. He should probably stay at a hotel, right? He can barely get a single coherent thought, so why does he think he can live with you for a few weeks?
“Okay, well, I’m here if you want to talk,” you answer, taking your hand off of Jacob’s forehead. “I’m going to go get changed and ready for the day, okay? Maybe you should call or text her to talk about getting some of your stuff for basic survival.”
“Yeah, I’ll do that,” Jacob answers. As you’re walking away, he calls out to you. “Hey, yn?”
You turn around and quirk your eyebrow. “Yes?”
“I’m sorry.”
You scrunch your eyebrows together in confusion. Jacob’s seen that expression before, but for the first time, he’s noticing how cute it is. “What for?”
He shrugs. How is he supposed to tell you he’s sorry for causing you pain and heartache that you’ve never voiced to him before? How is he supposed to apologize for a pain in you that you’ve hidden from him for so long? How is he supposed to continue knowing he’s hurt you so much before, but he’s never noticed? “Nothing in particular, just saying sorry.”
You nod in confusion. “Um, okay. Apology accepted I guess?”
Jacob thinks that if you knew what he was truly apologizing for, you wouldn’t forgive him.
. . .
He was apologizing. What was he apologizing for? What did he have to apologize for? He’s never caused you any hurt or sadness that would require him to apologize for. Actually, that’s not entirely true. Sure, he’s hurt you before, but it was because he fell in love with another woman. He didn’t know the hurt and heartbreak it caused, so he wouldn’t ever need to apologize for it.
You continue to get ready for the day and try to figure out why Jacob apologized and his weird mannerisms today. Normally, Jacob can meet your eye today and get clear, coherent sentences out. However, today, he couldn’t do that. He was giving you short, terse responses and nodding instead of talking.
“Jacob, do you know who’s going to be in charge of canceling everything?” you ask Jacob when you walk out of your bedroom.
He shrugs from where he’s sitting on your couch. “I’m not sure. Maybe I should ask.”
You sit next to him. “Whatever happens, just know, I’m here to help you, okay?”
Jacob nods and a weird look flashes across his face. Did you say something wrong? For the first time in your long friendship with Jacob, you’re second-guessing your words.
“You okay?” you cautiously ask.
“What? Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?” Jacob deflects hurriedly.
“You’ve just been acting weird recently which is understandable considering circumstances, but you’re being weird with me which is weird.”
Jacob looks at you, and you try to read his mind and what he’s thinking. It doesn’t work; you weren’t able to.
“Jacob?”
He looks at you with a soft eye. “Yn?”
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Okay, well, make sure you talk to her, so we can start canceling stuff and telling people that there isn’t a wedding this weekend.”
Jacob nods. He watched you get up from the couch and move to the kitchen table to get some work done. He knows you’re catching on to his weird behavior. For the first time, Jacob is befuddled and confused about how to act around you. He has no idea what to do, and he doesn’t like this feeling. You’re his best friend, so it shouldn’t be this hard for him to know how to act around you. Your smile, your concern, your soft facial expressions, your caring heart, all of it is overwhelming to Jacob. It’s always been there, and he’s always been on the other side of your kindness and caring nature and smile, but for the first time in forever, Jacob views it differently — a good difference. He’s going to have to figure out a way to push his conflicting feelings and views to the side if he’s going to be staying with you. He’s going to have to figure out how to act normally around you because he’s going to be staying with you. He’s going to be in your house, your home, your kitchen, your bed. He’s going to be living in your life, and he can’t put more on you than you can take. He now knows he’s hurt you before, and he has to find a way to make up for it.
. . .
For the week on what would have been the week of Jacob’s wedding, you and Jacob work to cancel it. He makes the calls to all his family, friends, and the wedding party. You were in charge of calling all the vendors and the venue. You sat next to Jacob the entire time he made the calls to his family. Much of it wasn’t in English, but you could see the sadness in his eyes. He thought he was starting his forever, but instead, it was crumbling at his feet.
During a particular call to his grandmother, you could see the tears starting to form in his eyes. You wanted to hug him and hold him, but he walked into your bedroom for privacy. You understood why, but you wanted to be there for him in every way possible. He walked out of your bedroom with his eyes puffy. You put your glass down and walk over to him. You wrap him in a hug and hold him as you feel his tears through your shirt. You stroke his back and comfort him as he finally lets all the emotions out. He lets all the emotions that he’s been keeping in for days finally out.
Jacob lifts his head off your shoulder, and you look up at him. You move your hands to his face and wipe the tears off his face. “Hey, it’ll be okay.”
Jacob nods. “How can you be so sure?”
“I don’t know, but I just do. Is that enough?”
“I think so.”
Jacob was a mess. He was sad and angry and upset. He wasn’t upset at her per se. He was more upset at himself. He was upset at himself for not seeing the signs of the relationship falling apart. He was upset that she cheated on him. He was upset that she put the duty of cancelling the wedding on him, not choosing to do anything. Mostly, though, he was upset that he’s been hurting you in the past years. He’s upset at himself for not seeing what he was doing to you and what she was doing to him. He’s angry and confused at himself for not seeing you for who you truly were. He’s confused. He doesn’t know much of anything anymore. He just wants to be okay and feel happy again. Despite all these confusing, angry feelings, Jacob takes one look at you, and he knows he’ll be okay because you always made him feel better. Even though he wasn’t sure the extent of your relationship with him anymore, Jacob knows that he can count on you and vice versa.
On what would have been Jacob’s wedding night, you ask him about his living situation. “Any news on when you’re getting the house back?”
“Already want to get rid of me?” Jacob teases. Was his voice teasing? Was it too accusatory? Is he coming off as teasing?
When you smile at his words, he knows that you knew he was teasing. “No, no, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just asking because my apartment is small, so I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or too cramped here.”
“Don’t worry, yn,” Jacob reassures. Was he talking normally? He wasn’t sure. His heartbeat was so loud in his ears that it was hard to know if he sounded normal. “Wherever you are, I’ll always be comfortable.”
You smile at him and return to the book you were reading. That was not normal at all. Has Jacob ever said those words to you? Maybe he should have told you that sooner because he always did feel comfortable wherever you were. Come to think of it, Jacob’s always felt more comfortable around you than he ever did her. He always felt more at ease and more at home whenever you were around. She never had that effect on him. Jacob always had to be on his toes around her making sure he doesn’t say or do anything wrong. Why did he always feel more comfortable with you?
“Don’t worry, I’ll get out of your hair in a few days if she doesn’t give me a plan or anything,” Jacob says.
“No, don’t do that,” you rush out quickly. Jacob knows you well enough to know that you’re flustered. He knows that you’re regretting getting that out so quickly. Despite all the changes that Jacob feels like your friendship is going through, the bottom line is he knows that you haven’t changed. You’re still the smart, beautiful, compassionate, caring person you always were. That’s not changing.
Jacob throws a deep chuckle your way.
“Stay as long as you need, Jacob,” you tell him with a shy smile. Upon seeing your smile, Jacob’s heart races. His stomach erupts in butterflies. Where were these feelings coming from? He’s known you for so long, so why is he just starting to develop romantic feelings for you? Were these romantic feelings? Was that what this is? Was he falling for you romantically?
“Thank you, Yn,” he whispers. You make him blush, flustered, and go crazy. Jacob doesn’t know much about what’s happening in his life, but he knows that as long as he has you, everything will be okay. You make his heart flutter and butterflies erupt whenever you breathe around him. Did Jacob always have these feelings for you? Did he ignore these feelings because he just wanted a friendship with you? Sure, at first that was all he wanted because he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Did he always feel this way? Were the feelings finally coming out because he wasn’t preoccupied with anyone else?
The following Monday, Jacob ventures out to practice for the first time. The coaches and the team gave Jacob a week to sort everything out and figure out his life. He was a bit rusty, but it felt great to get back on the ice. He noticed the pitying glances his teammates gave him, but when Jacob glared at them, they knew to stop.
“Marky? Do you mind staying behind for a moment?” Mark asks. “Just want to talk.”
Jacob nods. He knew this was coming for him; he knew he was going to get a talk from his captain.
“How are you doing?” Mark asks after everyone leaves.
“Um, I think I’m okay?” Jacob answers.
Mark nods. “That’s understandable. So, no sadness or anger or disappointment?”
“I — I, I don’t know how to answer that.”
Mark gives Jacob a weird look, and Jacob tries to put the thoughts into words.
“I’m angry at her for cheating on me and trying to control my life. I’m upset because I was planning this life with her, and she was one step in and one step out. I’m disappointed because I should have seen it. I’m upset and disappointed with myself because my mom told me that I’ve broken Yn’s heart before, and I didn’t notice.”
“Woah, slow down. One woman at a time. I understand all the stuff about her, but Yn? What does she have to do with this?”
“I’m staying with Yn right now until my house is free of my ex. My mom called me and told me to be gentle with Yn’s heart. I questioned her about it, and she was talking about how Yn loves me but romantically. She was telling me to be gentle with Yn’s heart because through my actions I’ve hurt her and shattered her heart. I mean, how have I never seen it? She’s my best friend, so shouldn’t I be able to see when I’m hurting her?”
“She’s good at hiding how she feels,” Mark answers.
“You knew?”
“How she feels about you, or how you’ve unknowingly hurt her before?”
“Both, I guess,” Jacob prompts.
“Yes, to both then.”
“So, you know how she might feel?”
“It’s obvious how she feels,” Mark says.
“How could I not have seen it? How could I have not seen how I’ve hurt her?”
“Don’t beat yourself up, okay? As I said, she’s good at hiding it. It took me a while to notice her feelings for you. She didn’t let you know or see how she felt because she wanted you to be happy. She let her feelings stay hidden, so you could be happy. If you were happy, then she was happy.”
Jacob nods. “I just, I don’t know.”
“I think the question that you should be asking yourself is why you care so much about this. I understand being upset that you didn’t know you’ve broken her in the past, but why is this on the front of your mind even though you just had an ended engagement?”
Jacob ponders the question momentarily. “I think I’m in love with her? I think I always was, but I didn’t let myself feel those feelings. I always did feel more comfortable with Yn than I ever did with my fiance, ex-fiance. I always felt more at home with Yn than I did with her. I think I’ve always had romantic feelings for her, but I didn’t let them out.”
Mark just stares agape at his teammate. He thought he was going to have to nurse this information out of Jacob. He wasn’t expecting Jacob to have gotten to this conclusion on his own.
“I just don’t know what to do,” Jacob says sadly.
“I agree with what your mom said about being gentle with Yn’s heart. She deserves that at least. You shouldn’t say anything without knowing for sure because she deserves that at least. Just act normally around her until you’re ready to say something.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t know how to be normal around her!” Jacob says exasperated. “I’m overthinking everything, and I no longer know how to act around her. I don’t know if the way I’m talking is weird or normal; I just don’t know.”
“Okay, okay, calm down. Breathe,” Mark interjects. “Try to stay calm. Sure, it might be difficult and hard to act around Yn, but try. That’s all I can say.”
Jacob nods. He goes back to your apartment after practice running through all the words Mark said. He’s thinking through them. He’s right; you deserve Jacob to gentle with your heart. You deserve the world, but Jacob isn’t sure if he can give you the world. He wants more than anything to be able to know exactly how he feels, but he can’t help but feel like he’s self-sabotaging the entire friendship with his overthinking. If he doesn’t figure out how he feels, Jacob fears your friendship might be doomed.
. . .
It’s been one month since Jacob showed up at your door telling you about his broken engagement. In that one month, you hoped to find little things about Jacob you never knew before and turn them into reasons for you not to love him. You tried, but you couldn’t because he was perfect. Jacob was the perfect house guest, and you hated it. Instead of finding reasons to fall out of love, you found reasons to fall more in love with your best friend. Jacob always made sure that his dirty laundry was in the basket, or his wet towel after showering was always hanging up to dry. He never left a mess in the washroom after using it, and he always cleaned the shaving clippings off the washroom counter. If you made dinner, then Jacob insisted that you relax, and he does the dishes. Even if he cooked, Jacob still did the dishes because that’s the kind of person he was. You tried not to let the domestic vibes of the situation get to your head, but it was hard. It was hard not to pretend that you and Jacob weren’t a married couple. It was hard to pretend that this isn’t permanent. It was plain hard to be around Jacob at all without your heart thumping in your chest. You’ve been good in the past years hiding how you felt, but in the one month Jacob was living with you, it all went berserk. You were overthinking and overanalyzing everything. You only hoped that Jacob didn’t notice.
On a random morning, while you were eating breakfast before going to work, Jacob prompts, “She called me and told me she wants to talk.”
You lookup. “Okay?”
“What’s your opinion on it?”
“None? I mean, you guys need to talk and sort stuff out.”
“Like?” Jacob questions. You have a feeling he knows what you’re talking about but chooses to ignore it.
“Your living situation? Who’s going to pay all the final fees for the cancellations of the wedding? Returning all your wedding and engagement gifts? Stuff like that. Also, I think it’ll be a good way to gain closure, too.”
Jacob nods with a forlorn look in his eyes. “Yeah, closure.”
The topic is immediately dropped, and you both continue in awkward silence.
You hoped Jacob was able to talk to her and sort everything out that he needed to.
. . .
Jacob met her on neutral territory — a coffee shop. Jacob got there ten minutes early hoping his nerves would die down by the time she arrived. They didn’t. She arrived, and Jacob’s heart continued to beat out of his chest. He isn’t sure why. Despite concluding that he’s always loved you, he knows that he loved her, too. Despite harboring feelings for you, he still loved her.
“Hey,” Jacob says when she sits down.
“Hi,” she says back. She and Jacob both stare at each other. Were they supposed to jump right into things or engage in small talk first? “Should we just get to the point?”
“Yeah, I think that’s best.”
“Okay, um, I changed my mind, and I want the house.”
“What?” Jacob asks, shocked.
“I want the house because despite it also being your home, I was the one who did most of the decorating and stuff like that because you were on the road. I’m not blaming you for not doing any of it. I just think it’s fairer if you let me keep the house. I’ll buy your half from you and everything. I just want the house.”
Jacob looks at her, so he’s supposed to find a new place to live in now? Should he find a temporary living place, so he doesn’t have to stay with you? “Okay, that’s fine. I guess just give me a date that works for you, and we’ll head to the bank to sort all the stuff out, and I can move my stuff out.”
“I might have destroyed some of it out of anger, but okay.”
Jacob laughs. “Hate me that much?”
“It’s not you that I hate,” she replies calmly but also coldly.
“Who do you hate then?” Jacob asks, confused.
“Really? You don’t know? Maybe I should remind you of the argument we had when you left. Also, where are you staying? I called Elias a while back asking if you need any of your stuff, but he said you were staying somewhere else.”
Jacob doesn’t answer, and instead, he opts to stare at his mug. She takes his silence as a sign as to where Jacob’s staying.
“Oh my goodness, you’re staying with Yn,” she says angrily. “Did you buy her a bigger apartment, or are you staying in her tiny apartment? If you’re staying in her apartment, then that means either you’re sleeping in her bed and she’s on the couch, or you’re sleeping in her bed.”
Jacob doesn’t look up or meet her eyes.
“No, you’re sleeping in her bed. Of course, you are. You ran right to her, didn’t you? Have you slept with her yet? Have you completely forgotten about us? Me? Was I just a placeholder until that bitch finally came clean about what she felt.”
“Hey! Don’t call her that,” Jacob condemns. “Sure, yes, we’re sharing a bed, but I didn’t think I would have to find a new place to live. I thought it was only temporary. And yes, I ran right to her because she’s my best friend. Who else was I supposed to go to when my future wife cheats on me and ends our engagement?”
“Have you slept with her?” she whispers. She doesn’t know if she wants the answer, but she still needs to ask.
“No, I haven’t slept with her.”
“But you want to.”
Jacob snaps his head up. He doesn’t want to sleep with you. That thought has never crossed his mind. “Why would you say that?”
“Because I think that you’ve finally realized that you’ve always loved her. I think that you realized that she loves you and would do anything for you. I think you’ve realized that you wasted your time on me.”
“That’s only partially true. I think I’ve finally realized that I’ve always loved her, and I think I’ve realized that she loves me, too. However, I don’t think I’ve wasted my time with you. Despite it all, I did love you at one point, and I wouldn’t throw away our relationship.”
“Did? When did you stop?”
“When I found out you cheated on me.”
“So, you’ve loved me our entire relationship?” she asks with worry in her eyes.
He nods. “Yeah, and there will always be a part of me that will always love you. Do you still love me?”
Now, it’s her turn not to answer and just stare at her mug. Jacob doesn’t want to pry for any information. “I stopped loving you a while ago. I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
“Why didn’t you break up with me then?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. You’re a great person, so I thought I could fall back in love with you, but then I started noticing the way Yn looked at you and how she acted. I began watching your patterns around her, and I realized that it didn’t matter if I loved you or not. I realized that even if you loved me, you’d always love her more. So, I cheated on you to find a love that I craved.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry you felt the need to go to another place for the love I couldn’t give you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t love you in the way you wanted,” Jacob apologizes.
“I’m sorry for the hurt I put you through. For what it’s worth, though, I wouldn’t undo our relationship. I think that if I were to redo it, we wouldn’t have gotten this far. We wouldn’t have gotten to an engagement. Deep down, I think we both know that our relationship began to fall apart shortly before you proposed.”
Jacob thinks about it for a moment. Yeah, she was right. “Yeah, you’re right. Doesn’t mean, though, that I didn’t love you.”
“Yeah, same here.”
“If I may ask,” Jacob begins. “Are you with him? I mean, the guy you cheated on me with.”
“Um, yeah, we’re together. He’s been staying with me and stuff, but yes, we’re together.”
Jacob nods.
“Are you mad?”
“No, I’m not,” Jacob says. He wasn’t. He’s moved on from her, and now, he just wants her to be happy.
“Look, Jacob, I’m going to be honest with you, okay? Yn? She’s the one for you. Don’t waste your time staying in your head thinking about whether or not Yn feels the same. She’s loved you for too long. She deserves you to be honest with her, okay? Just tell her how you feel.”
“Okay,” he says. They ended up talking for another hour sorting out things and catching up. Despite breaking up, they both knew that the other would be there if needed. Jacob went back to your apartment with the closure he needed to move on. Now, he needed to figure out how to tell you how much he loved you.
. . .
Jacob moved out into a new home two months later. In those two months, you helped Jacob in any way you could. You helped him pack up his house and move into a storage unit. You helped him look for a new place to live and helped him move in. The first night in almost three months you spent alone, it felt weird. It felt weird to eat dinner alone even though there were some nights you ate alone anyway because he was at a game or on the road. It felt weird to go to sleep in an empty bed, and it felt weird to wake up to cold sheets. It was weird, and you hated it. You missed Jacob, and you wanted him to continue living with you. However, you wouldn’t give up the time you had with Jacob. It was some of the best three months of your friendship, and you’d do anything to go back to it.
Despite spending all that time together, you still didn’t know the real reason why Jacob ended his engagement. You wanted to know what was the reason because you could tell it was eating him up. Jacob has cried and gotten emotional a few times, but you knew he wasn’t fully healed. You knew there was still something eating him up, and you wanted nothing more than to know how to fix what was going on.
Six months after the broken engagement, the Flames season came to a saddening end. Jacob opted to have the Year-End Team Barbeque at his new house. When he approached the idea with you, you told him it was a great idea. It was great that he was moving on and continuing on with his life. He told you he wanted you there. You tried interjecting saying that you weren’t part of the team; however, he countered by saying that families were also invited. When you tried to argue you weren’t family, Jacob gave you a look that made your heart beat faster and told you he expected you to be at his house on the date of the barbeque.
You showed up at his doorstep with a plate of lemon squares and a bag full of nervousness. You weren’t sure why you were particularly nervous today. It was Jacob. Jacob. Your best friend. You shouldn’t have any reason to be nervous. None at all. So, why were you suddenly nervous?
You knocked on the door, and Jacob opened it. “You don’t have to knock, you know.”
You smile. “Yeah, sure, whatever. I made lemon squares.”
He takes them out of your hand and ushers you inside. You take off your shoes, and Jacob places the plate on the bench. He wraps you in a giant hug filled with the warmth and love that you missed from him. Despite him not living with you for quite some time, you still missed him and his warmth. You missed going to sleep next to him and waking up next to him. You missed having a cuddle buddy while you were sitting on your couch reading or watching TV. Mostly, though, you missed him. “Hi,” you whisper shyly. You aren’t sure why you’re so shy all of a sudden.
“Hi,” he whispers back just as shy. You both miss the knowing and curious looks Jacob’s teammates give you. How could you? You were both absorbed in each other so much that the entire world slipped away. “Thanks for coming.”
“Of course,” you whisper into his chest. You aren’t sure if your words are audible because they’re muffled by his shirt. “Anywhere you want me to be, I’ll be there.”
Jacob pulls away and looks down at you. You meet his eyes and notice his look. He looks like he’s contemplating something serious. You can tell the inner monologue and gears in his head are spinning like crazy. What was he thinking? You wanted so badly to know what was going on in his head. Jacob must have decided whatever he was thinking was not important or against it because he shakes his head to himself and takes your hand. He leads you into the kitchen where everyone is with one hand in yours and the other holding the plate of lemon squares you made.
“Get yourself a drink and mingle, I’ll be out on the patio grilling. Come to me if you need anything, okay?” Jacob whispers into your ear. It sends shivers down your spine.
“Okay,” you whisper and head to join the other women. You’re going to need some alcohol in you to get through the day if Jacob was going to keep sending your senses into a spiral.
Jacob isn’t sure what he’s doing, but he knows it’s risky. He knows that one wrong, intimate move or action could tell you what he’s been trying to tell you for months now. When Jacob finally moved into his new home, everything clicked in his mind. Despite designing it exactly how he wanted, it didn’t feel like home. That is, it didn’t feel like home unless you were there visiting. You came two or three times a week when Jacob wasn’t on the road for dinner. Sometimes you brought takeout or you both cooked. It didn’t matter what you were both doing, though, because as long as you were next to him in his house, it felt like home.
It took him three days of living on his own for the first time in a long time to realize how he truly feels for you. It took him three days to know you were the one. It took him three days to know he loved you. Loves you. When he finally realized, Jacob stopped what he was doing. He was cooking dinner. He was making your favorite meal that he’s learned to love and to cook while he was staying with you. After him asking many, many times for you to teach him, you relented and taught him. Jacob had to turn off the stove and sit with it for a moment. He loved you? He loved you. He loves you? He loves you. He will always love you? He will always love you. He loves you, and he can’t take you not knowing anymore. He doesn’t want to rush into another relationship right away, but he also wants you by his side forever.
Jacob didn’t bring you to many team events while he was with her. Before her, he brought you to a few events with the Canucks, but you haven’t gone to many events in Calgary. You met the team and the WAGs, and Jacob thinks you’ve made some great friends amongst them all. Now, though, Jacob never wants to go to a team event where you’re not there. He wants to go to a team event, see you dressed so beautifully, and be his date. Jacob just wants you to be part of every aspect of his life.
“What’re you thinking about?” Mark asks Jacob out of nowhere. Jacob was standing at his grill making food; he was watching you play in the backyard with some of the children. Mark looks to where Jacob’s staring and knows instantly. “Ah, I see. So, did you tell her how you feel? Actually, how do you feel? That should be the first questioning.”
“I haven’t told her how I feel, but I love her,” Jacob answers and a giant smile graces his facial features. A smile that reaches his eyes and shows every smile line. A smile that he only got from talking about you.
“When will you tell her?”
“I don’t know.”
“I mean, be careful because the way you greeted her? That screamed, ‘I’m in love with you,’” Mark tells him.
“It did not!”
“It did, but if it makes you feel better, her actions did the same. She loves you, too.”
Jacob nods. “I’ll tell her soon because I don’t think I can go another day as just her friend."
"You've never been just yn's friend," Mark says.
As everyone gathered around the table in Jacob’s backyard for dinner, you were seated right next to him. As the meal went on, Jacob’s chair got closer and closer to yours. After the meal was finished, you insisted on helping to clean up, but some of the other players and WAGs insisted that you and Jacob stay at the table. As the conversation continued, you began to lean closer and closer to Jacob. So close to the point where your shoulder was right up against his chest, and his arm was around your shoulder. You were as close as physically possible without sharing a chair. Jacob began rubbing patterns on your shoulder, and it sent shivers down your spine. Jacob noticed. He whispered into your ear asking if you wanted a sweater. You told him no, but he still insisted on getting you a sweater, so Jacob got up and grabbed a sweater for you as your conversation continued with Elias, Johnny, Noah, and Annica.
“So, you and Jacob are getting close again,” Noah points out suggestively.
“I mean, we’ve always been close, so I’m not sure what you’re trying to get at,” you reply. You think you understood what Noah was pointing at, but you didn’t want to give him that satisfaction.
“Now that he’s single, are you going to make your move?” Elias eggs on.
You stare at them, and the heat drains from your face. “What?”
“I mean, you’re in love with him, and it’s obvious he’s in love with you, too,” Annica replies. “You should tell him how you feel.”
“No, he doesn’t love me like that.”
“Then explain how touchy and lovey he’s been with you. He was never like that with you before,” Johnny points out, and the rest of the group nod in agreement.
“Right, because he had a girlfriend, a fiance.”
“Sure, but he doesn’t have either of those right now, and he’s acting like a madman in love,” Noah says.
“Look, I know your heart has been broken before because of Jacob’s past relationships, so you’re allowed to be scared, but look at this as an opportunity,” Annica says to you sincerely. She leans in closer to you and places a hand comfortingly on yours. “Don’t go too long without telling him because, at the end of the day, Jacob loves you. He does, and he feels the same way. You’re allowed to be scared and nervous, but don’t let that stop you from the great love you can have with him. Don’t let your fears and nervousness stop you from getting the love that you deserve, okay?”
You nod. Out of all the people you’ve talked to, Annica somehow summed it all up perfectly. She seemed to know exactly what was going on in your head and why you were so hesitant to say anything, even now.
“Worse comes to worst, you, me, and Matthew can be a throuple,” Noah jokes, trying to ease the tension. This brings out a giant laugh from the group. It felt good to laugh with your friends again.
Jacob was walking out from his house with a hoodie in tow when he heard your loud laughter in the distance. He looks up to see you laughing along with Noah, Elias, Annica, and Johnny. He smiles at the thought of knowing that you’re happy and in a good mood. That’s all he wants. He wants you to be happy and in a good mood.
His emotion sours though when he sees you giggling along to something Noah says. He knows he’s reading into it too much, but he’s jealous. He’s jealous that Noah is the one who has you giggling. He’s jealous that Noah and Annica and Elias and Johnny get to be on the receiving end of your infectious laugh. He wants to be sitting right there with you and hearing your laugh.
“What are you staring so intently at?” Matthew asks out of nowhere. Where did he come from? Jacob doesn’t answer but continues to watch you interact with his and your friends. “You know Noah isn’t making a move on your girl, right?”
“She’s not my girl,” Jacob scowls. “Yet.”
Jacob wants you to be his girl so bad that he’s reading into a platonic conversation as something more.
“Just tell her. You know, go tell her right now. The entire team will be so happy that you finally figured shit out and are together.”
“I’m going to give her this hoodie, so she’s not cold,” Jacob deflects. He didn’t want to tell you in a public place. He didn’t want you to be pressured into telling him you felt the same. He wanted you to tell him you loved him out of your own free will and not influenced by added stares.
Jacob sits down in the chair next to you and hands you the hoodie without saying anything. He stays in his seat and doesn’t move to hold you close like he was before. You take the hoodie he offered you and put it on. Jacob’s heart begins to beat rapidly as he sees you wearing his clothes. When you put the hoodie on comfortably, you lean over to Jacob and place a soft kiss on his cheek. You whisper a thank you into his ear before sitting back down in your chair. Jacob instantly knows that he has nothing to worry about because you were it for him, and he was it for you. Jacob’s scowl goes away, and he wraps an arm around your shoulder. It didn’t matter who you smiled at or laughed at, as long as you were happy, then Jacob was happy.
You were the last one at Jacob’s that night. You helped him with the final cleaning up and sorting out. You plopped on his couch and let out a giant huff of air dramatically.
“Thank you for inviting me,” you tell Jacob as he sits down next to you.
“Of course,” he responds, but he has a lost look in his eyes.
“Are you okay?”
He looks at you. “Yeah, of course, why?”
“You just have a weird look in your eyes. What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing in particular, just how different my life is right now than I thought it would be,” Jacob answers. He hopes you’ll ask what’s changed because he thinks he’s finally going to tell you. He’s begging you to ask, so he can tell you that who he sees spending the rest of his life with has changed.
“Oh yeah? What’s changed?”
“A bunch of things. Like, my house, who I play for, my relationship status, who I want to spend the rest of my life with,” Jacob answers. You nod. You nodded? You nod! That’s it? Do you not have anything to say to Jacob saying the last part? He needs to emphasize it more, he guesses. “Especially the last part.”
“Oh yeah, how much has it changed?” you ask and turn to face him.
“Well, about a year ago, I thought I’d be spending the rest of my life with her, but now, I want to spend the rest of my life with someone else,” Jacob answers.
Your heartbeat quickens. Was this him telling you he’s found someone else or is this finally the confessions about the feelings you both have for each other? “Who is this someone else?” you whisper ask.
Jacob’s heart is beating so fast that it sounds like the rhythm of a dance song. He’s finally going to tell her. What if she doesn’t feel the same way? Despite everyone’s insistence that you feel the same way, Jacob is still nervous that you don’t feel the same way.
“Tell me about her?” you whisper.
“Gladly,” Jacob says. “She happens to be my best friend for the past eight years.”
You snap your head up when you hear Jacob’s words. “What?”
Oh no, you don’t feel the same way. You’re going to turn him down, and Jacob ruined the most important relationship in his life. You realize that your response was a bit terser than you meant. You were shocked. Despite everyone telling you Jacob felt the same way, it was still shocking to hear. You hoped your response didn’t force him to shut down and not continue what he was saying. Jacob moves closer to you on his couch and puts his forehead on yours. It’s now or never.
Your forehead felt warm against Jacob’s, and it was making him go crazy. “Yn, I’m in love with you. It took me eight long years to realize it, but I’m in love with you. I think I always was, but I’ve realized it over the past few months.” Please, let her feel the same way.
You smile. Jacob loves you? He’s in love with you? You place your hands on his cheeks and bring his face to yours and kiss him. You place a soft kiss on his lips before pulling away slowly. “I’m in love with you, too.”
You love him, too? You love him! “I love you, Yn.”
“I love you, too, Jacob,” you say with a giggle. Jacob grabs you and sets you on his lap. You wrap your arms around him and lean in for another kiss.
When Jacob pulls away, you have a giant smile on your face, and your lips are sensitive from the kisses.
“I’m sorry,” Jacob says to you.
“You have to stop apologizing for things you haven’t done,” you tell him.
“I’m sorry for the heartbreak I caused you. I’m sorry you were there for each step of the other relationship I had. I’m sorry I never realized that I was hurting you,” Jacob says ignoring your comment.
“Oh. I’m not upset at you for any of that.”
“Doesn’t mean I can’t be sorry.”
“How about, moving forward, the past is in the past, okay?” you suggest.
Jacob smiles. “So there’s a future? A moving forward?”
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” you tell him with a kiss. Sure, it took Jacob a while to realize how he felt, but you were able to grow into a person who was ready to spend the rest of your life with this man. It took some time, but it was all worth it now.
. . .
Three Years Later
Jacob twirls you around on the dance floor with a giant smile on his face. It was the last dance of your wedding night. The past three years have been filled with laughter, happiness, and love. There were some difficult moments, but, at the end of the day, the love you both have for each other beat every difficulty faced.
You were dancing the last dance of the night with all your guests making a circle for the two of you on the dance floor. They were using their phones’ flashlights to illuminate you both.
As you both continued to dance to your second first dance song choice, Jacob glances around the room at the guests. Jacob sees your parents holding each other as they watch their daughter dancing with the love of her life. He sees his mother looking at you and Jacob knowing that it was a long time coming but worth it. He sees Elias, Noah, Matthew, and some of his other teammates and friends smiling and giving him a thumbs up. He sees Mark giving him a nod. Without his captain’s help, Jacob isn’t sure you’d be here today. Lastly, before putting his eyes on you, he sees her. He sees the woman he was supposed to marry. She gives him a curt nod and leans her head on her new husband’s shoulder and cradles her swollen, pregnant belly. Jacob isn’t sure what happened between you both, but he knows that you both went to brunch before the wedding and cleared the air. You both talked and cleared up things. Many thought it was weird that Jacob’s ex-fiance was invited to the wedding, but if it weren’t for her, you and Jacob wouldn’t be together. She and Jacob needed that relationship to realize who they truly wanted to be with. They needed the relationship to help them realize the lives they truly wanted to lead.
Jacob, lastly, lays his eyes on you, his new wife, and smiles.
“What are you thinking about so intently?” you ask with your beautiful smile gracing your lips.
“Nothing,” Jacob says and places a kiss on your lips.
“I don’t believe that,” you tease.
“I’m just thinking about how we got here,” Jacob says. The previous relationship Jacob was in was no longer an awkward topic. You were both able to mention it now and then without an awkward silence filling the room. Jacob knew that if he didn’t love her, then he wouldn’t have realized how much he loves you. Without her, Jacob wouldn’t be dancing with his new wife.
“Oh yeah? And what about it?”
Jacob smiles and holds you tighter. “Just how it was you all along.”
Angry, disappointed, betrayed? That is how she felt at that moment, as she stared over at the paperwork she had found stashed in the coffee table drawer. She was snapped out of her thoughts as she heard the apartment door open.
“Maddie, I’m home” he sung out, placing his bag beside the door as he wandered into the kitchen to meet his wife.
But she didn’t respond to him. Instead she turned around to stand at the kitchen counter, expanding the distance between them with her back now facing her husband.
“Where’s Lily?” he asked in confusion when the little girl who would always run into his arms as soon as she heard he was home was no where to be seen, or heard.
Their home eerily quiet.
“I called Josh to take her for the night” she said, emotionless as Chimney looked on at her, confusion mounting.
“What!? Why? What’s wrong?”
“Why didn’t you tell me!?” she cried, tossing the paperwork on the bench before her husband. When he realised what the fuss was about, he knew he needed to give her an answer immediately as he made his way over to her.
“No Maddie, I didn’t...” he trailed off in frustration. “I didn’t tell you because I was only thinking about it. I wasn’t going to make a decision without you. I was just considering my options” he continued, placing his hand on her arm in an attempt to comfort her.
“Your options” she scoffed, “Medical school, in Seattle? Our whole life is here Howie. Buck, work, Mr and Mrs Lee, we have just enrolled Lily in school, what are you thinking?” she cried, ripping her arm from her husband’s hold.
“Wait Maddie, wait...” he begged.
“No Howie, seriously. I am your wife. We need to figure this stuff out together” she felt the betrayal building inside of her. “And I thought we had decided we’d start trying for another baby, but it seems your priorities are elsewhere” she grunted, storming off to their bedroom.
Howie was hot on her heels as he followed after her, knowing that he needed to fix the problem before it got worse if he wanted to have a restful night after his 24 hour shift.
“Maddie” he whispered, standing in their bedroom doorway as his gaze met hers, Maddie’s eyes now brimming with tears as she sat on the edge of the bed.
“You know I wouldn’t make a decision like this without speaking with you, you’re my wife. You and Lily are my priority. My family is my priority now. I just figured with Hen being so successful, I could give it a go too.”
“I would never doubt that Howie, but my life, our life, is here” she croaked. He could see the fear and disappointment in her eyes as he began cautiously moving towards her finally settling down beside her on the bed.
“But, maybe, maybe, we could talk about it. I don’t want to hold you back from your dreams. You would make a brilliant doctor, Howie”, she said, stroking his face.
“Okay, we can talk about it”.
“And no more secrets, please. It isn’t good” she pleaded.
“No more secrets” he smiled, placing a kiss on her lips. “Now about that trying for a baby thing...” he trailed off, seductively.
Summary: Everyone knows the risks of engaging in battle, what can be won, what can lost, it’s part of the job. Kageyama knows this too. He doesn’t give a fuck.
Notes: I saw this art by Cass on twitter ( @craziiwolf ) and inspiration hit me like a truck... so have some angst (I guess?) AND PLEASE LOOK AT CASS WORK CUZ IT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE ARTISTS.
I should add a trigger warning for blood and violence, just in case.
Read on AO3
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The demon beast roars, directing one of its tails toward Kageyama at an incredible speed. He tries to evade it but there’s no use, he gets pushed against a rock with amazing strength.
Kageyama swears he hears Hinata say something, but his head throbs and ears ring. Trying to stand up, he’s barely able to catch glimpses of what’s happening. Hinata cuts the tail trying to attack him again, and at the same time evades another blow from the creature’s hands.
Kageyama’s body gives up, and he stumbles down. He feels something warm sliding over his forehead. Blaming himself for not reacting fast enough, he moves his aching arms below him and pushes himself up.
A scream makes him look up in a hurry. The beast’s claws are covered in red and Hinata is lying on the ground, hands pressing against his bloody middle.
Fear is soon replaced with madness, and all of Kageyama’s pain disappears. He stands despite the weakness he feels, rushing towards the monster and taking the first weapon he sees; Hinata’s sword. Screaming, he pounces toward the beast’s back, slicing skin, muscle, and who knows what else, as it screeches. It falls in front of Kageyama, in a puddle of its own blood.
Kageyama breathes heavily, releasing the sword as it suddenly weighs too much for him to bear.
A weak groan reminds him of Hinata’s state, and fear takes over Kageyama again.
“Hinata!” He yells, kneeling beside him and carefully resting his head on his lap. His abdomen is completely covered in blood, clothes soaked and sticking to his skin. “Shit, shit, shit.”
To his utter surprise, Hinata smiles. “You’re the one that ended up defeating it, eh?”
“Shut up, that’s not important now. I need to take you—“ Words die in his mouth when Hinata’s hand touches his cheek, smearing blood as it caresses the bruise forming there.
Tears start forming in his eyes when he talks. “We won’t make it…”
“No, no. We aren’t that far away.” Kageyama feels his own eyes covered in tears now.
Hinata tries to speak but coughs instead, blood coming out of his mouth and staining his face even more.
“Thank you, Kageyama. It was fun while it lasted.” His smile wavers, but doesn’t disappear. “I’m sorry for not making it to the top with you though…”
Kageyama covers Hinata’s hand with his own as it loses strength. Slowly, Hinata’s eyes close, and his face becomes emotionless for the first time since they’d met.
Holding Hinata’s hand close to his cheek, Kageyama cries. He never thought things would end like this; with Hinata dying in his arms without even knowing how much he meant to him.
He can’t die. Not like this.
Using the last of his force, Kageyama pulls Hinata towards him and stands up. He knows exactly what to do if it’s death he’s dealing with. He’ll bring Hinata back, no matter what.
As he runs, Kageyama feels Hinata’s breath vanishing, traces of a heartbeat disappearing with every second that passes. He presses his lips into a thin line, holding back tears and sobs for later. They still have a chance, if only he could run faster, if they hadn’t left their horses in the inn, if he hadn’t been knocked out, he could be safe.
He trips and loses his balance for a second, almost falling but regaining his stance at the last moment. His leg throbs, and every step feels like a knife is being pressed into his knee, but when the ruins of the demon king’s shrine come into view, nothing else matters.
They had found it years ago, at the beginning of their quest, and now it’s kind of strange coming back so near the end.
His legs give out meters away from a stone wall, the only remaining piece indicating the purpose of this place. Knees and arms hurting, he leaves Hinata on the ground. His face has lost most of its color and his breath is almost non existent. Holding Hinata’s hand, Kageyama looks up to the vanished drawings of a body, lines like waves coming from its sides.
“Oikawa! I want to make a deal!” He shouts, voice echoing in the empty place. Nothing happens. “Asshole, I know you can hear me...! Please...” His voice breaks and eyes get glossy as the hand in his feels cold. “Hinata can’t die yet… please… grand demon king.”
“It was so hard to call me by my title?” A teasing voice Kageyama knows well enough answers. He looks around, searching for him but finding nothing. “Oh my… what you have there? You didn’t take care of your partner, did you?” The voice gets closer, less ominous and more focused in one place.
“I want you to save him!”
There’s a ghostly figure in front of them, slowly taking the form of a semi transparent body. If Kageyama didn’t know that was only a projection of the demon king, he would shoot him with an arrow to try to erase the stupid smirk he’s wearing.
“Hm… what makes you think I can do it?”
“I know you have done it. So, please, save him… I’ll give you anything you want!” Gripping both of Hinata’s now he tries to spread some warmth to them.
“You don’t own anything valuable enough, my poor Tobio… not even your own life is worthy as it is, you’re a dying man too.”
Tobio’s gaze falls on Hinata. “There must be something.”
The silence that follows makes Kageyama think Oikawa left, but when he raises his eyes, the demon king is centimeters away from his face, making him jolt back. His expression shows how funny he thinks this whole thing is.
“You really want to save him, right?”
“Yes,” he says, without hesitation.
“Then, there may be something…”
“Do it!”
“I haven’t told you the details yet--”
“I don’t care what happens to me!”
Oikawa’s smile changes into something more dangerous than the playfulness he addressed him with earlier, scary and intimidating.
“Suit yourself.” He touches Kageyama’s head and Hinata’s heart, a dark smoke coming from both places, and Tobio winces. “Don’t come crying to me when you find out what’s missing.”
Slowly, Tobio starts feeling short of breath; his surroundings become fuzzy, his body feeling weaker. Without noticing, he’s on the ground, vision reducing until there’s nothing left.
Despite being surrounded by darkness there’s a warm feeling within him, and somehow he figures Hinata is doing that. He always knew how to push him so he could be better, knew what to say so they could make a new friend or get a good quest from important people, knew what to do to make Kageyama feel at home. Hinata became Kageyama’s best friend, the best partner he could have wished for, the best person in his life that maybe he didn’t deserve. Hinata makes him feel warm, because he’s what Kageyama loves most in the world, and he regrets not telling him before engaging in battle. It could have changed so many things... but in reality, nothing at the same time.
When he regains control over his body everything feels different. He tries to stand but his arms… aren’t arms anymore.
An ugly squak leaves his mouth the moment he sees a pair of black wings moving where his arms should be. Everything also looks bigger than before, but maybe it’s because he’s smaller too.
A groan makes him look to the side where he sees Hinata moving, face back to his normal colors. Kageyama tries to walk but only manages to waddle awkwardly.
“Hinata!” He says, hopping onto his chest. “How are you?”
Hinata’s clothes are still bloody and torn, but he seems to be breathing normally.
“My head is killing me…” he moves his hand to his temple and covers his eyes.
Relief washes over his body, relaxing at the sight of Hinata alive. If all he’s missing is his human body he can live with that.
“Where am I?” Hinata asks, sitting and letting Tobio fall on his lap. “Woah, are you a crow?”
So that’s what Oikawa turned him into. “We’re in an old shrine, but that’s not important right now.”
“Oh! A talking crow! Are you a familiar?” Hinata asks, so curious and with such a kind smile it looks weird with all the dry blood on him.
“No? I’m Kageyama.”
“What a fitting name for a crow! So, then you are a magical crow? Are you going to guide me or something? ‘Cuz I don’t know how I got here…” He looks around completely confused and rubs his face, which makes him notice the blood. “How did I wound myself?”
“Hinata, don’t play dumb. I’m Kageyama, we have been traveling together for almost 2 years!” Tobio’s heart hammers in his chest.
“Hm? I have only been traveling with friends, and none of them have that name.”
A chill feeling runs down his spine, contrasting with the warmth he felt before, even his heart feels like it’s stopped working. Hinata’s eyes show so much honesty though, and the little frown on his face only adds to the terrifying truth.
“I…”
“Are you sure you aren’t confusing me with someone else?”
What’s missing are Hinata's memories… of him.
“You don’t remember a human archer named Kageyama that you meet in a bazaar? You chose to pick a fight with the wrong guys and he… helped.”
That must make him recall something, anything. It was the beginning of them as partners. It was the start of Kageyama feeling like he could trust someone. It was the best thing that happened to him.
“Uh, I don’t think so? To be honest, I always pick fights with not the best people to pick fights with…”
So it’s true…
Oikawa took his humanity and Hinata’s memories in exchange for bringing him back to life…
“So…” Hinata continues, oblivious to Kageyama’s discovery. “Will you help me find a village? I would like to--” he touches his waist and his eyes turn around, “My sword! No, no, no…!” Standing, he starts looking around, picking up every rock, every branch, turning over the destroyed pillars.
His chest feels heavier as he follows Hinata with his gaze. All the memories they shared together aren’t there for him, Hinata doesn’t even remember the fight that put him here, he’s just a stranger all over again. But he chose that. He doesn’t regret it.
As Hinata becomes more anxious and returns to look over the same places, Kageyama decides to help. Recalling how much it weighed after killing the demon creature, he figures where it is.
“I think it went back to its chamber,” Kageyama says to Hinata, who’s looking behind the same wall for the third time.
Hinata stops, and frowns. “Damn it. Seriously, what happened to me?”
Kageyama sighs and takes short steps, trying to adjust to his body. They don’t come out as shaky as the first ones, so he continues. “Long story. First, let’s meet your friends and then search for your stupid sword.”
“And you know where to find them?” Hinata gets closer and picks him up so both can be at the same eye level.
“Probably… it’ll be an easy quest.”
Hinata’s eyes sparkle and his smile returns, a sight worth the sacrifice.
“Our first quest together!” Hinata puts him on his shoulder and starts walking. “Then, lead the way, Kageyama!”
Despite looking the world with new eyes and feeling like a part of him is broken now that Hinata doesn’t remember him, seeing him alive and happy makes everything worth it. He would sacrifice himself again and again if it meant not losing the warmth that Hinata provides for the world.
Summary: "Each student from the creative writing course will be paired with another student from the art course to work on a collaborative project over the duration of three weeks for a chance to be featured in the Hogwarts University Annual Art Exhibition."
What are the chances that Lily gets paired with the one person she absolutely cannot stand? [Artist!James | Writer!Lily]
So, so, so excited to post something after 6 months of not writing. In fact, I'm positive it's a little sloppy but I'm just happy to get this baby out there ❤️❤️
@all-things-jily @mabeltothknows @missgryffin @the-dream-team this one's for you amazing ladies!
