#cleft community

[cleftcommunity]

guys, can you whistle? i was always told that it wouldnt be possible for me due to clp but after some practise I succeeded! same thing with blowing a bubble with bubblegum. I'm kinda curious what it's like for other clefties?

[sailorcvnt]

I have a lot of trouble expressing myself verbally and I was reading and apparently it's very common in kids with clefts? Curious if anyone else in the cleftie community experiences this? Not like a speech disorder or impediment but like...difficulty communicating verbally and finishing thoughts? And finding words???

[prosetitute]

Hey cleftie community, how are you guys? I was wondering if anyone could offer me some moral support or guidance before I see my maxillofacial doctor about my bone graft operation for my upper palate. It's the last surgery I need and I've been putting it off for a few years until I wasn't so young and naive-minded. I've attached a lot of my self worth to my smile growing up and I only wanted the surgery when I felt like I didn't /need/ it to be handsome. It's really shitty but depending on (sometimes cosmetic) surgery to feel good about myself has always been a worry, and I've never had the chance to speak to anyone else about how it affected them! But the time has come! I wanted to know how that surgery went for you guys. Any thoughts, musings, warnings, or shared experiences I should be aware of beforehand? If you've had the operation done, please send me a message! I would love to talk with you. Please share & boost if you'd like.

[prosetitute]

@cleftcommunity Well I wouldn't say that I'm content with the surgeries because I'm probably never going to be content with my face. We've been programmed to self-hate so much that it's a lot more complicated than I expected. I was born with a cleft lip on my right side and an open palate and even though there were doctors that visited the country I was born in and stitched me up, the effects of socializing as a young cleftie will mess you up emotionally and mentally. It's an active process becoming a confident person. I was 15 and scared, too. Just like you. And honestly let me tell you right now that a surgery isn't going to make you more confident. Trust me. No matter how many lip revisions, rhinoplasty procedures, jaw stretching, scar minimizing, and even pretty veneers and a prosthetic smile won't erase all the emotional scars of being ostracized and humiliated since birth. What I can tell you, from one cleftie to another, is that the only thing that's going to make you more confident as a person is OWNING your flaws. Your cleft is YOURS, and you have to understand that sense of propriety in many different layers. No one else has power over you. Literally, no one else has power over you. Internalize that. The only reason why people call you out for your maxillofacial issues is because your flaws are loud and unafraid. So weak-minded people (especially when you're younger) will ridicule you for what you can't change because they're disgusting and terribly flawed themselves — and they're taking out their pitiful self-hatred on you. The people who tell you God made you ugly on purpose are much uglier and sadder themselves. You can't absorb their vitriol whatsoever and I know that's hard. But you have to look at your reflection and make peace with who you are. You have to understand that there's a difference between healthy aspirations of feeling good and looking good and then there's that elusive and never-ending quest for symmetry. And all clefties know how we feel about symmetry. Honestly who taught you to hate your scar? Who told you that kids with such a common congenital condition deserve the type of treatment we get? These people are irrelevant and unimportant and jealous that you can sit here and exist with all your beautiful flaws and theirs eat them up inside at night. They're too myopic to realize everyone has their own struggles so they just add more dead weight to yours. Your confidence will get a boost from your procedures, but it's not going to be the source of it. Having a cleft is as mental as it is physical so you're going to have to put in a little work to get back that glow and radiance you have always deserved. And believe me, despite the years of sadness and low self-worth in this grey world, you are radiant. I'm 24 and I still look for the pretty under my skin some days. But, cleftie friend, even in our mess there is beauty. I wish you the best of luck! You're going to love the results, just remember to stay hydrated, drink your meds on time, and tell yourself that you love you every chance you get.