#closed letter

[theultrablog]

A Closed Letter to Martin Shkreli

Dear Martin,

[REDACTED]

----

Sincerely, Adam

[profpain]

Dear mom,

Dear Mother,

      I had a dream about you the other night. I don't know why. You're dead. I'm not grieving. I'm glad you're gone.

      Maybe I miss you.

      I wish I didn't. It's stupid. And pointless.

      The visit was nice.

Love,            Phineas Amundsen

[spencerwhittemore]

Dear Kali, (le private letter thingy idek)

I heard the whole argument at the campfire, and while I can say I sympathize with you, a lot of what you said really triggered something. I didn't want to say anything there because I know what it feels like to have people tearing you down in front of everyone and I didn't want to add to that feeling more, especially since it wasn't really my intent. I know what Carter said was a bit unfair, but she has been through a lot of shit, and I know that your life seems really overwhelming too, but having come from a similar situation as yours, I can tell you it's not as bad as hers. 

And please don't tell me that I don't know what you went through, because trust me I do, and it was equal if not worse than your experience. My father used to beat me and later died when I was seven and everyone in my family blames me for his suicide. I blame myself. My mother hated me since that day and neglected me. I was a straight A student and always did the right thing and it was never enough for her. She ignored me. I used to go to parties to try and fit in and I would end up getting drunk and taken advantage of. And I could never remember any of it. People made fun of me and called me a whore and a slut, and even some of my closet friends talked shit about me behind my back. I've been struggling with depression since I was eight and up until I was 17 my arms and legs were usually in ribbons. I've tried to kill myself multiple times, even while I was here. And I still think I'd be better off dead. 

My mum remarried over the summer and didn't even tell me, and when I confronted her about it she yelled at me and told me to leave her the fuck alone. My best friend died recently and when I went back for the funeral, I moved out of my own house and am technically living with my late best friend's family. I still struggle with cutting and depression and suicide. I know the fear of thinking you're pregnant, and I also know what a broken heart feels like and what it's like to be cheated on. 

My point is we've all gone through a lot of shit at this place, some more than others. But a lot of what people like us went through were caused by ourselves and in sight of what a lot of other people at this camp went through is petty. You shouldn't try and make it a competition. Especially against a thirteen year old whose gone through so much pain and lost so much at so young. 

Please think before you yell out the details of your 'miserable' life at a campfire next time. A lot of people don't want to hear it, and a lot of people can beat you in an argument about whose life sucks more (not to mention it can trigger a lot of people. You of all people should know what that feels like if you went through what you say you did). Just saying.

Sincerely,

Spencer

[andsoshespins]

A Closed Letter

Just a note of all the things I want to say to my mother, but will definitely not voice aloud at the current time for a variety of reasons (or maybe ever).  I may use this as a guide to talk to her seriously one day in the near future, but that's only a vague possibility.

I've figured out that a lot of what has been bothering me lately is related to her, in the sense of my reaction to her, her actions, her words.

Dear Mommy,

I love you very much.  But you're crippling me.  You're crippling my spirit and crushing my motivation.  I know it will be hard for you to understand that because you don't outrightly do or say anything that would put me down or hinder me.  Please understand that you are doing this to me by the way you act, by the way you talk about yourself so poorly, by the way you have lost motivation for your own purpose and success in life.  

When you say things like, "Well, you're doing much better than me at that age.  I never did any of what you are doing," that stings.  That doesn't help build my confidence; it doesn't sound like a compliment.  I know you're trying to show me that I am better or more well-rounded, or whatever, but it really just pains me to hear you talk like that.  And it annoys me, too.

You do nothing for yourself.  You never have.  And that is highly upsetting to me.  You have always been second to someone else, been in the background of someone else's life, been an extra in everyone else's story.  As a child you were the oldest and were in charge of the three younger ones.  When your father died, you were definitely in charge in more and different ways.  You met Daddy and became a part of his world.  I don't think he was ever part of yours because you did not spend enough time developing your own.  Even now, he has a social group and you do not.  You share a separate one together with other couples, but hardly any of it is of your own accord.

I know that for the past two or three years you have been in a slump.  You went to graduate school for your Master's degree, and I give you LOADS of credit for doing that, working full-time, and still cooking and cleaning for us, your family.  I cannot imagine how you did that as I'm only keeping afloat after my first semester.  I am very proud.  At the same time, however, I don't think you ever really did that for yourself.  I know you need a push for certain things, but I do not believe that this decision was yours.  Practically, perhaps the decision was right.  But spiritually, soulfully?  I'm not too sure.

You have debilitatatingly low self-esteem.  And I know it's a cycle.  And I know you are sensitive.  I know that sometimes I am short with you and have little patience with you like many people do.  I know that you deserve more respect, especially from your daughter.  I am sorry that I sometimes hurt you because I know that I am stronger and you are weaker, that you are the recipient of whatever pent-up anger or bother I've been stewing.  It's ugly; I unfairly take out my own frustrations on you sometimes because you'll just sit there.  I'm not proud of this.  

I want to be strong for you, but I can barely be strong for me right now since I've fallen into this odd, stagnant funk.  I want to consider your feelings and treat you with respect, but I cannot.  I cannot because I'm dealing with my own self-doubts and my own motivation issues.  I cannot because it is your job to get out of this hole into which you've dug yourself, emotionally and mentally.

I think the real problem is I am afraid of becoming you.  I do not want to feel sorry for myself for so long without doing anything to correct the situation.  I do not want to feel trapped by my job or my family or anything really.  I dislike myself for saying and feeling and thinking these things because you have given me so much.  But I've also realized the dangers of giving too much, thanks to you.  You've given away so much of yourself, which was shoddily constructed anyway, that your basic structure is collapsing.  

It's going to be hard, letting us go; you're already having trouble and we're still here.  Please do something for yourself.  Spend more time with your willing sisters.  Join something for you.  Use your voice, your love, your spirit.  You keep yourself locked away too much.  I see someone really special inside; it hurts to know that you don't see her or won't let her shine.  

I say this all because I really do love you.  -Your daughter 

[clownfairy]

dear hs:

i am afraid of you. you have so much power over me but you don't even know it. you could destroy something that means an endless amount to me and not even know it. i wish i could tell you what it was and that we could be real friends instead of what we are/are not.

please please please, let this work out in my favour. because it's rare when something does.