25 days to go. Just less than a month.
And in that 25 days, I plan to do something big.
I’m finishing a set of song lyrics/poems that have been in the works for the past six years, and I’m posting them to my social media. It’s time to complete what should have been done a long time ago.
Six years ago, I broke up with my (then) best friend to be with someone else. It was a stupid mistake and I realized it pretty soon after. We remained friends for three more years, but I always regretted what I did.
I wrote the song lyrics and poems to help me put into words how I felt, with the end result being to publish them and make my “sin’ known to the world. My sins, and his to a degree. Both of us had something to be blamed for.
A couple Sundays ago, we were asked to think about someone who has wronged us. How could we repair the damage that was done, and learn to forgive and be forgiven?
Talking with Florizel and revisiting this old project made me see that I needed to forgive him for the aftermath of my actions. In turn, I just realized, I need to ask forgiveness of him.
I think he has already forgiven me, seeing as we remained friends for awhile after the breakup. But I think I could take it a step beyond that.
I’m already on step 3: take it to the church, only I’m expanding it to the whole of my social friends. This is a penance that I need to share with them, especially with Florizel (who already knows the whole story).
Why do I feel this needs to happen? Why can’t I just be content with writing the pieces and keeping them for me? Because it needs to be shared. It’s a story that very few know about and I believe needs to be told.
In a way, part of me wants to out my former friend for his vile ways, but the focal point of this is forgiveness on both sides.
Once it’s complete, it will reflect an entire story about how we broke up, still stayed friends, tried to convince our SOs that everything was okay, to him disappearing and finally cutting us off for good. A song/poem cycle of sorts.
Once it’s posted, the truth will be out there, and a chapter of my life can finally be closed.
It seems like a small thing, even Florizel didn’t understand at first why I wrote them. It’s a very personal thing, and it will be the last bit of unfinished business that needs to be tended to before I get married.
Another question that may come to mind is “Why worry about a relationship gone sour NOW?” This has been a long journey for me to get over a dear friendship, and now I’m in a stable enough place to finally let that side go. I won’t name names, only post what I have written. It benefits no one but me...and maybe it’s a little late to post these things now.
I have long sought to forgive and be forgiven. Forgiveness has not been easy to give to this person, and now...I feel I can talk about this story and publicly confess a wrong-doing I did long ago. Again, I opened up about this to Florizel and he understands what I want to do.
And to that friend...if you do read it, I hope you can forgive me. The Lord’s Prayer says “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” I’ve forgiven others that have wronged me, and you are the only one I have not done this to.
I hope that my writings give you a perspective to what I went through, and I acknowledge that I have also done wrong. I forgive you. And with these writings, I hope to show the extent of my repentance and penance.
I have my theories as to why you cut me off, but I can respect why you did it. It wasn’t right, but you did what you felt was necessary in the moment. It’s been over three years and it’s time to close that chapter of my life.
”I chose and my world was shaken.
So what?
The choice may have been mistaken,
The choosing was not.”
“No more memories, no more silent tears,
No more gazing across the wasted years.
Help me say goodbye.”
I love you. Take care. Be happy. Goodbye.
